Defensive friends...? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-06-2016, 08:48 PM
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Defensive friends...?

It's been a while since I've posted on here, but I've been having a reoccurring problem of one of my friends becoming defensive whenever I talk about environmental issues.

For example, today we talked about water conservation and I said that large fountains are nice to look at, but are kind of wasteful. Long story short, I'm called an 'unrealistic vegetarian pusher'. Then I'm lectured about how small one human foot print actually is and how we don't actually have any direct effect on other people by our dietary choices. Then they were offended when I gave examples of ways that I give back (diet & not diet related).

We even discussed the less than 2% of real farmer produce (meat) in modern supermarkets. I don't really want to go into that.

Smh, I don't really talk about people becoming vegetarian, I talk about my personal experience. It's really irritating to think that they're so sensitive about my opinions and experiences. Is my friend feeling guilty for not taking the extra step? Or maybe I'm being pushy unaware?
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#2 Old 03-06-2016, 10:54 PM
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Hard to tell what is going on, but it might be easiest to just avoid environmental issues when you are with this friend, or only talk briefly about issues you agree on.
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#3 Old 03-07-2016, 12:41 AM
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I really hate speaking about veganism for this exact reason. I only do it if I have to for example being asked many questions or when I have to stop someone from feeding meat to my child. I find that even stating facts makes them feel defensive because they know they are part of the issue.

There have been times that people ask me questions and I give short general answers but they keep probing so I am honest. After awhile of never ending questioning, I'll tell them that whether it's humane or not, the throat of a living sentient creature is slit open for no reason other than taste buds. They take offense and get angry. Basically almost any counters you offer they became angry. Of course there are the few reasonable ones who will agree and say it makes sense but they just don't care and that's good enough for me.
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#4 Old 03-07-2016, 05:16 AM
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I thought fountains are recycling water all the time.

My usual answer: I have never heard a convincing reason to eat meat.
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#5 Old 03-07-2016, 06:24 AM
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Yeah, if the friendship means a lot to you, you'll probably have to agree to disagree on some issues in order to keep the peace.

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#6 Old 03-07-2016, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by @rno View Post
I thought fountains are recycling water all the time.
I think most of them do
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#7 Old 03-08-2016, 01:52 PM
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The do recycle water, and only replace the evaporated portion periodically. I meant the size and amount of water initially needed.
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#8 Old 03-08-2016, 01:53 PM
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I do value this friendship. I'll have to find mundane things to talk about.
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#9 Old 03-09-2016, 07:40 AM
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Maybe just be plain honest about it next time and say something like "You know we can't agree on this matter, so let's just leave it."

It's probably not the best option, but I guess it solves the problem.
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#10 Old 03-10-2016, 05:02 PM
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Maybe just be plain honest about it next time and say something like "You know we can't agree on this matter, so let's just leave it."

It's probably not the best option, but I guess it solves the problem.

I actually said this to my friend and they said they agreed that 'even though I'm wrong'.
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#11 Old 03-11-2016, 05:15 AM
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Well, at least no fights I guess they'll come around some time. My personal advice would be not to preach too much (sorry if I step on any toes here), just lead by example.

It could be compared to a management class I once attended at university. They said that you could either be a boss or a leader. Bosses are, well, bossy, they order people around and verify every step they take. Leaders are different, they get people to do their jobs because they inspire them by being a living example.

I've had a few jobs these last years; in one place, my superior ordered me to work overtime to get things done; in the other place, my superior didn't (in a similar context), he just stayed in longer himself and told me I did not need to work as much, but it would be great so we could achieve our goals faster. So guess who I respected more
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#12 Old 03-11-2016, 06:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dbrittany View Post

For example, today we talked about water conservation and I said that large fountains are nice to look at, but are kind of wasteful. Long story short, I'm called an 'unrealistic vegetarian pusher'.

Then I'm lectured about how small one human foot print actually is and how we don't actually have any direct effect on other people by our dietary choices. Then they were offended when I gave examples of ways that I give back (diet & not diet related).
On Fountains: It's not that fountains, in and of themselves, are wasteful. A large fountain in Miami, Florida is not the same as an identical fountain in Las Vegas, Nevada. The former is fine, the latter is not.

On the effect of individual dietary choices on other people: Leading up to the revolutionary war in America, colonists were effectively boycotting tea and were drinking coffee instead. In a letter from John Adams to his wife, he stated, “Tea must be universally renounced and I must be weaned, and the sooner the better.” Indeed, tea became known as a "traitor's drink" and coffee became associated with the revolution. This is still the best direct evidence to date why Americans still prefer coffee to this day.

The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it.
- Mark Twain, a Biography
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#13 Old 03-11-2016, 10:57 AM
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People get defensive because they think you are showing them up by acting smarter or more conscientious. The following video talks about how to put people at ease.
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Last edited by terra biped; 03-11-2016 at 10:59 AM.
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#14 Old 03-11-2016, 11:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terra biped View Post
People get defensive because they think you are showing them up by acting smarter or more conscientious. The following video talks about how to put people at ease.
Social Disapproval as a Vegan
Fab video. Thanks for posting.
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#15 Old 03-27-2016, 12:29 AM
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Found time to watch the video. Very informing, thank you for sharing!
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