Can you give this meat eater some advice? (Perhaps double post) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-14-2004, 10:42 AM
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My wife is a vegetarian that eats only fish and some dairy products (like butter). She purchases all the goods for our house and stays organic when she can (although after a move to Houston it is not easy - being the 2nd most unhealthy place on the planet).



Since living and being married to her my meat consumption is very low. I used to perhaps have meat once or twice a day - now it is perhaps 3 or 4 times a week. She is a very loving mother and very consorned person on the whole but we have an issue in the house.



Every since giving birth to our son Lambert she has been a stay at home wife - who does all the cooking. I would like to continue to eat meat three or four times a week but she has reservations about making it. The arrangments have been that I make the money and she takes care of the house. We are very good about negotiating everything in the house (I feel that we are equal partners for the most part) but this has us at an impass.



Her feeling is that it goes against her beliefs and my feeling is that I should be taken into consideration. I am not asking her to feed it to our son - I support her decision to wait until he is old enough to understand what is going on - and I am not asking for a big bronto burger for every meal - I am just asking for some consideration.



Is anyone else in this boat here - can you all give me some advice.



Go easy - I am in the lions den here and I could use some love.



Jason
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#2 Old 06-14-2004, 02:48 PM
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I'm in the same situation, as in my husband eats meat and I do not. I do most of the cooking, and do cook meat for him. (Some nights he cooks his own meal.) If it's something I can just put in a pan or a browning bag, I'm ok. If it involves touching it (making hamburger patties, meatloaf, cutting chicken parts, etc.), he does it. That's just what works for us. Your wife may not be comfortable even doing that. Just try to compromise and take each other's feelings, opinions, and thresholds into consideration.
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#3 Old 06-14-2004, 02:50 PM
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Vegetarians don't eat fish.
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#4 Old 06-14-2004, 02:53 PM
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Well, it doesn't sound like your wife is a vegetarian; she is a pescotarian, but that's besides the point, I suppose.



Anyhow, I think that you should be understanding of her decision to not cook meat. I assume that you knew her position before you both decided that she would stay home and take care of the child and the household. She is contributing just as much as you are and deserves equal consideration. If you would like to eat meat, then go out to a restaurant or cook it yourself.



Have you asked your wife why she doesn't want to cook meat? Perhaps she is repulsed by the smell. Or perhaps she just plain doesn't want to cook a dead animal, although that would make less sense since she consumes sea life. You can't expect someone to want to cook a dead, rotting animal; it's not a requirement to live.



Please be understanding of your wife's feelings.
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#5 Old 06-14-2004, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie View Post

Vegetarians don't eat fish.



*licks Marie*



I wasn't gonna say it!



Sorry, I don't really have anything to contribute. My husband went vegetarian a few months after I did, and it has really strengthened our relationship in many ways, including that we have a great time trying new things together, cooking together etc. I understand that in a relationship both partners have to have consideration for each other, but if your wife is ethically opposed to cooking meat (which I'm not sure if she can be if she eats fish but that's beside the point) then it could be said that you are not showing consideration to her. A lot of vegetarians and vegans find meat disgusting, not only ethically but because of what it is: carcass.



But I think it's great you've reduced your meat consumption and hope you keep your mind open to all of the tasty and wonderful vegetarian and vegan foods that are out there!
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#6 Old 06-14-2004, 03:03 PM
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I'm sure your wife has real consideration for your opinions, but the trouble is non-vegetarians don't understand how veggies feel towards meat.



To you meat may be normal, but to a vegetarian they see it in an entirely different way. How would you feel about serving up dog, cat, or even elephant stake? Would that make you uncomfortable? What if your wife wanted meals containing this a few times per week and you had to cook it?



Vegetarians see a dead cow, pig, sheep etc, in the same way as the above animals which everyone values so much. They are really quite disgusted by it. Delicious meals can be made without having to make your wife uncomfortable... if they taste just as good (normally better), why worry? It's not necessary to eat meat
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#7 Old 06-14-2004, 03:07 PM
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Wow! I think it's actually admirable that you posted here! And shows some sensitivity.



If your wife is a pescetarian for moral issues I think it would be terribly difficult for her to cook a dead animal. You are asking her to go against her sets of beliefs and her own values. I mean imagine having a belief that you were really passionate about and then expecting your partner to ask you to turn a blind eye to those beliefs. You are asking her to respect you a lot more than you are respecting her values by asking her to cook a dead animal 3/4 times a week.



I'm not one to encourage anyone to eat dead animal, but maybe you should go out or order in twice a week (even pizza) so you can get your dead animal fix and she can still maintain her principles.
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#8 Old 06-14-2004, 03:10 PM
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First off, she's not a vegetarian. Fish is meat.



I don't think it's reasonable to ask her to cook meat. It's not like she's saying she won't cook at all, just not meat.
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#9 Old 06-14-2004, 03:12 PM
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Have you tried Morningstar Farms Grillers Prime? You'll never go back to regular hamburger again.
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#10 Old 06-14-2004, 03:23 PM
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I would say if you want to eat meat, then you should prepare it yourself. Just my opinion.

I'm a vegetarian and my partner isn't. I love to cook and will cook for him. If it involves meat, I don't touch or prepare it. He can eat it, he just has to prepare, cook it etc. He understands that, thankfully
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#11 Old 06-14-2004, 03:26 PM
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A lot of times the wife will cook the main dish and then the man will cook his own meat to put into his portion of the dish. That really doesn't take much time or effort.

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#12 Old 06-14-2004, 03:30 PM
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I am a vegetarian and my partner is not. When we moved in together, we both ate meat and he became accustomed to me cooking it. Once I became a vegetarian, I told him that I will continue cooking most of the meals, but if he wants to add meat then he has to cook it. For instance if I make a stirfry and he wants chicken in it, he just has to cook it on the side. Normally, he is lazy, so he just eats what I eat.



I guess our situation is a little different, bc my partner and I are (supposed to) contribute equally to housework and to the bills. (I say supposed to bc I do 75% of housework and pay 60% of the bills- but that is just a tangential rant!)



So - I would advise you to suck it up and just eat the veggies she cooks for you if you truly do not want to have to cook yourself and enjoy meat as an occasional treat when you eat out. Your heart and waistline will thank you!

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#13 Old 06-14-2004, 04:05 PM
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. Your heart and waistline will thank you!



and the animals!
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#14 Old 06-14-2004, 04:12 PM
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My boyfriend eats meat everyday and I am a vegan. We take turns making dinner for each other. I do not cook any kind of meat, he is always responsible for that. He does not cook any kind of tofu/soy/tempeh or any beans, I am responsible for that. But we will take turns making fresh bread, salads, stir-frys, vegan pancakes, veggie spagetti sauce, etc. This division of labor ensures that we both have the food we like and can share the joys of cooking and eating together.



It doesn't say from your post the reasons that you are not cooking the meat you want to eat:

If it's because you are not familiar with cooking, ask a friend or take a cooking class or look online for detailed instructions about stuff.

If it's because you wife cooking all the meals is part of the division of labor, maybe altering it a bit so that she does something else to give you time to cook the meat you want, i.e. if you are doing the grocery shopping or the laundry or the bills, maybe there is part she can do so you can have time to cook what you want.



Although you may already know this, your wife's cooking is very good for your health, if you have any family history of heart disease, it might be useful to consult with a nutritionist about the benefits of keeping the meat consumption at the current level.
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#15 Old 06-14-2004, 04:35 PM
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personally i think it is very rude to ask a vegetarian to cook meat. I'm positive that isn't your intention but as a vegetarian if anyone asks me to do anything with meat im extremely hesitant. i.e. if im going to the grocery store and someone else wants something i'll be happy to get it for them but it must be vegan. so if you really need that meat in your diet (you don't) then you should cook it yourself and then clean the pots and dishes yourself.



Overall i must say it looks like you're trying to understand her reasons for cutting out most meat.
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#16 Old 06-14-2004, 04:45 PM
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Yeah but if she eats fish why won't she cook other types of animals? I would think it wouldn't be a moral issue then?
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#17 Old 06-14-2004, 04:48 PM
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funny the first thing i thought as well was "She's not a vegetarian...".. we all think alike in some ways



Anyway, having to move a hunk of meat my dad has placed into the grocery cart onto the check out belt seriously skeeves me and makes me cringe involuntarily. i generally make him do it but often we're rushing and i'm trying to help. Thats still in packaging and everything. I've not eaten meat in close to 10 yrs. It grosses me out more and more as time passes.



When I lived with my omni bf, he never cooked (part laziness, part ineptitude). I would make my veg meals and invite him to eat them, and he would sometimes. Sometimes I'd toss meat in his portion, but only if he'd bought the precooked kind that is cut and you don't have to touch. The kicker in this one was I knew how to cook meat (being raised omni) and he didn't. He would sometimes want something meat, sloppy joe comes to mind, and i helped him find what meat he needed, and talked him through how to cook it, but wouldn't touch any part of it, and made him clean REALLY WELL afterwards. We did other meat things like this too with instruction providing I didn't have to handle it. The ONLY time I would EVER make meat for him was his birthday. Once a year i'd muddle my way through chicken wings, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob (his favourite meal), cringing and wanting to gag (and wearing gloves) and grossed out the entire time. Fortunately, he was only around for 3 birthdays. Thats what worked for us anyway.



I hope you aren't underestimating the amount of work it takes to raise children and take care of a household. If you're only eating meat 3-4 times a week, why don't you make those times lunch instead of dinner? Buy coldcuts and make sandwiches or buy things when you go out to lunch. That way you'd get your meat fix and she wouldn't have to fix meat.

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#18 Old 06-14-2004, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie View Post

Vegetarians don't eat fish.



agrees.



No matter what name you put on it, its not vegetarian when consuming animal corpse.
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#19 Old 06-14-2004, 04:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfiedog View Post




If your wife is a pescetarian for moral issues I think it would be terribly difficult for her to cook a dead animal. You are asking her to go against her sets of beliefs and her own values. I mean imagine having a belief that you were really passionate about and then expecting your partner to ask you to turn a blind eye to those beliefs. You are asking her to respect you a lot more than you are respecting her values by asking her to cook a dead animal 3/4 times a week.



is the fish not dead when she eats it?
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#20 Old 06-14-2004, 05:15 PM
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As someone said before, I think it's very admirable that you've come here for advice. It's probably hard for you to appreciate exactly how us veggies feel about meat... for me it would be like serving up a beloved family pet, smelling as bad as sh*t, and I would imagine your wife's aversion to cooking it stems from a similar place in her. If ever I get into a shacking up/marriage situation with an omni , I will say from the outset that I will not cook meat under any circumstances. He wants it, he can cook it himself. Anyone who wanted to live with me would have to know that, but I have the idea that maybe you didn't know it would turn out this way at the outset.



That said, I'm biased. If you think you can convince her, by all means. Just know she'll probably be disgusted with it, and that sort of thing could build some resentment. Of course, her not cooking it could build some resentment on your end. Is it worse for her to cook it than it is for you to go without(or cook it yourself)? If it is, then I suggest you resign yourself to the fact that it'll be an occasional thing. If it isn't, then maybe you can make an arrangement.



And fish is meat. *runs away*
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#21 Old 06-14-2004, 05:21 PM
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Just go vegetarian, and tell your wife to give up the fish. This should solve any issues you have.
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#22 Old 06-14-2004, 05:37 PM
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im married to a meat eater and i think i could help you with this. but first i have to know why your wife does not want to cook meat for you. im confused because she eats fish. is it the blood factor because its gross? if you could give some more specifics that would be really great, thanks!

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#23 Old 06-14-2004, 05:43 PM
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I will occasionally bake a frozen pizza or fish sticks for my kids, but I won't cook anything from the butcher's section of the grocery store. I can't stand the smell or the sight of bloody animal (which is also why I don't have as big of a problem w/seafood - no red blood).



If this is something your wife feels as strongly about as I do, you shouldn't pressure her. Since you do work outside the home, you have the opportunity to eat foods she won't cook elsewhere. And if you can open your mind, there are meat substitutes/analogues that are rather tasty, imo.



Best of luck (and see, no judging!)



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#24 Old 06-14-2004, 05:44 PM
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hey everyone here sounds like.......... oh no your not a vegetarian because you eat fish, just like oh you cant call your self a vegan you have leather car seats, ick i hate it when i hear vegans or veggs say that. most vegetarians give up fish last not every1 does it cold turkey and most people vegetarians (whole point is limiting animal suffering) often see no reason to give up fish until they found out that fish have feelings and see the suffering they endure.



i think your vegetarian wife has every right not to want to cook meat but at the same time i can understand how you feel, i think there are a lot of good compromises that have been suggested just be thoughtful and understanding.



i know i'm gonna get a grilling



ps many of my vegetarian friends eat fish, if they want to call themselves vegetarians i dont care whats in name
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#25 Old 06-14-2004, 05:47 PM
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The point is the fish is a meat and vegetarians don't eat meat.
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#26 Old 06-14-2004, 05:51 PM
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No, you're not the right type of cartoon animal to grill; Pooh is of a better quality I hear



Reading this thread is very similar to when I was home visiting my parents and a number of people would say (about others), "If you do ______, then you're not really a Christian." Kinda funny how humans need to seperate and label beliefs and actions.



Try cooking your own meat; something that would go along w/ what she is making. For example, if she made salads, then you could grill chicken w/ it. That way, you are making something to go w/ the meal, not replace the meal. Or, eat meat out when you are at work. Also, you can buy meat that doesn't require cooking, such as canned meats or deli slices.
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#27 Old 06-14-2004, 05:59 PM
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It's difficult for a veg*n to willingly cook meat. I do cook meat for my husband, but it's a situation where it's minimal handling. I use rubber gloves to handle the meat and then it either goes on the George Foreman grill or in the oven. Or it's something already cooked that just needs to be reheated. Then the windows, ceiling fan, and vent get opened and turned on to suck out the smell.



It's good to see that you care about her feelings. Being a mom and a housewife is hard work, so having to cook something else to go with your meal after a long day of baby crying, crawling/running all over the house, making messes, house chores, and errands may seem like too much to do. Poor girl is probably exhausted.
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#28 Old 06-14-2004, 06:23 PM
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I am single but I have a vegan friend whose husband has not yet figured out that he isn't being served any animal food. Or perhaps he just feels no need to say anything. He devours everything he is served. I've been there at meal times and heard him praise her cooking, saying "she is the best little... in the world and also the best cook in the world."
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#29 Old 06-14-2004, 06:28 PM
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Well I think it is relevant to the thread that the wife eats fish (and hence is not vegetarian) because it throws into question the reasons why she does not want to cook him meat. It makes offering advice somewhat difficult since apparently some meat is ok to her.
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#30 Old 06-14-2004, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristadb View Post

Reading this thread is very similar to when I was home visiting my parents and a number of people would say (about others), "If you do ______, then you're not really a Christian." Kinda funny how humans need to seperate and label beliefs and actions.



Except vegetarians don't eat meat.
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