Can you give this meat eater some advice? (Perhaps double post) - Page 3 - VeggieBoards
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#61 Old 06-15-2004, 05:27 AM
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Enough with the fish references, people. That's not what he came here to ask about.
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#62 Old 06-15-2004, 06:02 AM
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thanks christy!



i think hes here to get a vegetarians perspective so he can be respectful of his wifes beliefs and still live his life the way he chooses..?



i dont think its easy to live with an apathetic meat eater personally. this really affects me and i have a very cool husband who eats a very small amount of meat. but i feel like i nag at him a lot and we do argue about this. when i showed this thread to my man this was the first time he seemed interested in VB at all and really wanted to offer advice to the OP. i still think it would be helpful if he posts specifics of her meat issues and what kind of foods he wants her to prepare or shop for.



a few weeks back i cooked shrimp jumbaliya for logan and i could hardly stand it but i got through it. he wouldnt ask me to cook veal but hypothetically i could NOT deal. he may as well ask me to kill a puppy.



i should add that i have personal reasons for cooking for him-im not exactly mrs. submissive homemaker or anything.

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#63 Old 06-15-2004, 06:08 AM
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Ever since I stopped eating meat in my house, my parents would buy what I requested for food and would leave it up to me to make what I want, unless they were cooking burgers on the grill then they would put a veggie burger on for me. As far as me cooking for them, I'll still do it but they tend not to ask me to cook for them because they know my feelings about it and they know it disgusts me to touch it. So in my opinion, even though you agreed that she would do the cooking and you in turn would work, I think you should respect her opinion and decision and maybe cook your own meat. I know it's difficult to comprehend what the problem is with just cooking it if she's not eating it herself but you have to understand why she doesn't want to even touch it...it may make her feel like she's supporting the killing of the animal if she's cooking it...I know that's what I feel like. I do understand that you work and you just want to come home to a nice cooked meal but you also need to try to understand why she's so against cooking it as well. If you're still in a disagreement over it, maybe make another compromise such as...if she's going to cook a meat-based meal for you then you will have to try a meat alternative meal in turn. And maybe you'll end up liking the meat alternative and will eat less real meat. Just a suggestion. I don't know if you've already tried meat alternatives or not but I had my boyfriend do that when we went to an organic/vegan restaurant the other day and he liked it a lot...he just said he had to get used to the difference in the taste. Well, good luck! )
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#64 Old 06-15-2004, 06:14 AM
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i just thought of someting else. because she is unwilling to keep up her end of the bargain then maybe she should get a job..? and he could cook vegetarian for her

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#65 Old 06-15-2004, 06:14 AM
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For what it's worth, I don't think Oatmeal was harsh at all (good to see you posting, by the way, Oats). Just because he had a different viewpoint doesn't mean it was incorrect or invalid. He has a point. Nobody else can work out this problem except for the two married individuals, and they have to figure out what can work for them, not us.



I agree that the repetition about the wife not being a vegetarian was a bit much, considering almost everyone posted it, even onto the second page.
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#66 Old 06-15-2004, 06:24 AM
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Arrgggh....this thread makes me sad. A nice person came on here asking for advice and everyone felt the need to point the finger.



I don't understand why not be supportive and give advice? He didn't ask anyone to tell him what they thought about his fish eating vegetarian wife. He was honestly, and very politely I might add, asking for some advice about what to do in his current circumstances.





Anyway, other than that, I think I have to agree with the majority here. You're wife, as a 'stay home mother' does plenty of work thank you very much. She doesn't also need to cook two meals at supper. I think she can cook the rest of the supper, and that if you require meat, then you should cook it when you want it. That would also probably take a big weight off her shoulders since she's obviously not comfortable with it. And you would probably feel better because you were doing something that helps both of you out.



Someone, and I don't remember who, said something the other day that made me think.



She said we are all of us on the same path, just at different points.



I hope you haven't been scared away and I wish you luck on yours.



B
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#67 Old 06-15-2004, 06:34 AM
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I wouldn't necessarily suggest the husband eating meat "alternatives" or soy foods, presumably. I find that the best vegan food comes from meals made solely from rice, whole grains, vegetables, legumes, nuts, and fruit.
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#68 Old 06-15-2004, 06:41 AM
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i know i cant get my man to eat fake meat. he tries every time and just cant do it. i feel so bad about it because he almost turns green nibbling on the seitan or whatever but tries really hard to so ill get off his back. im into the fake meats stuff but ive been veg for 10 years and i guess i dont really remember exactly what meat was like anymore.

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#69 Old 06-15-2004, 06:51 AM
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i just thought of someting else. because she is unwilling to keep up her end of the bargain then maybe she should get a job..? and he could cook vegetarian for her



Taking care of a baby is a "job" .. it's not like she's sitting around twiddling her thumbs all day. He should be helping her cook the evening meal.
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#70 Old 06-15-2004, 06:57 AM
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I said it once and I'll say it again... I think it is hard to understand her moral problems with cooking meat when she cooks and consumes other meat (fish). That is directly relevant when trying to answer the question at hand. I don't think anybody was attacking his wife, or attacking him. You guys are right that he must be a decent guy if he doesn't mind his wife feeding their kid a veggie diet, and if he comes here genuinely looking for help. But I would also think that if his wife truly has a similar mentality to many of the vegetarians on here our reactions (the fish part aside) should HELP him to understand where she's coming from. I mean, we aren't going to all pat him on the back and say "Good boy, you're right, your wife should be cooking all you can eat meat." Anything OTHER than a response like that could be taken as an attack to him, since from the sound of his post that may have been the response he was looking for.



I think there was some good advice offered here, all in all.
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#71 Old 06-15-2004, 07:11 AM
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Taking care of a baby is a "job" .. it's not like she's sitting around twiddling her thumbs all day. He should be helping her cook the evening meal.



oh i didnt mean to say being a stay at home mom is not a job. i was saying mybe they could try role reversal. is was just a stray thought.



also i dont think their agreement was that he would be cooking but that is probably going to have to change.

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#72 Old 06-15-2004, 07:20 AM
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I said it once and I'll say it again... I think it is hard to understand her moral problems with cooking meat when she cooks and consumes other meat (fish). That is directly relevant when trying to answer the question at hand.



The point being that she DOES have moral problems with cooking meat other than fish, she obviously just doesn't give a damn about fish or hasn't taken her vegetarianism that far yet, that's her choice for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean she has to be ok with cooking cows, pigs, chickens, lambs etc. So the question at hand is simple, what does an omnivore guy do when his pesco-vegetarian wife won't cook him burgers or a beef roast for moral reasons? and, yes, obviously they'll have to work it out for themselves, but opinions and stories about how other people have overcome this problem will help.
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#73 Old 06-15-2004, 07:23 AM
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I don't think anyone is attacking him/his wife. It's the posters on here saying you can eat fish and still be vegetarian that irk me, because they should know better.



I have no advice to offer, as I wouldn't cook meat for anyone either. Of course, if fish doesn't bother her, I don't know why meat should, but that's her business. I do think it's cool he doesn't mind the baby being raised almost-vegetarian. That's the main reason I won't date omni men anymore, so to unregistered,
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#74 Old 06-15-2004, 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted by *Star*Lass* View Post

The point being that she DOES have moral problems with cooking meat other than fish, she obviously just doesn't give a damn about fish or hasn't taken her vegetarianism that far yet, that's her choice for whatever reason.



Of course it is her choice. But it doesn't mean it isn't confusing to some of us.





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Originally Posted by *Star*Lass* View Post

But that doesn't mean she has to be ok with cooking cows, pigs, chickens, lambs etc.



No it doesn't.



Quote:
Originally Posted by *Star*Lass* View Post

So the question at hand is simple, what does an omnivore guy do when his pesco-vegetarian wife won't cook him burgers or a beef roast for moral reasons? and, yes, obviously they'll have to work it out for themselves, but opinions and stories about how other people have overcome this problem will help.



I stated right upfront that I have a vegetarian husband, so I can't offer that kind of advice. But I did offer my feelings on cooking meat, in an effort to help him understand where his wife is coming from. There has been quite a bit of advice from people with omni spouses. Whether it's what he wants to hear or not, we can only guess.
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#75 Old 06-15-2004, 07:30 AM
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I don't think anyone is attacking him/his wife. It's the posters on here saying you can eat fish and still be vegetarian that irk me, because they should know better.



I can't be bothered to read all 4 pages again, but I don't remember anyone blatantly agreeing that veggies eat fish. There are practically no people on here who would agree with that.



The fact is though that the question wasn't anything to do with whether veggies eat fish. Maybe Unregistered should have written 'my non-meat eating wife', but it's really quite irrelevant to his question (aside from when it comes to Meatless' point about why Mrs Unregistered would cook one but not the other).
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#76 Old 06-15-2004, 07:44 AM
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And it just occurred to me, maybe he's confused about why she doesn't mind cooking some meats, and not others?



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#77 Old 06-15-2004, 07:45 AM
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i think your vegetarian wife has every right not to want to cook meat but at the same time i can understand how you feel, i think there are a lot of good compromises that have been suggested just be thoughtful and understanding.





Quote:
Reading this thread is very similar to when I was home visiting my parents and a number of people would say (about others), "If you do ______, then you're not really a Christian." Kinda funny how humans need to seperate and label beliefs and actions.





IMO some are saying it's okay for her to label herself vegetarian even though she eats fish. It's that mentality that causes us real vegetarians to get served fish (or chicken) in a restaurant or by well-meaning omni friends who think it's vegetarian.
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#78 Old 06-15-2004, 07:53 AM
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IMO some are saying it's okay for her to label herself vegetarian even though she eats fish. It's that mentality that causes us real vegetarians to get served fish (or chicken) in a restaurant or by well-meaning omni friends who think it's vegetarian.





OK, I looked through again. ONE person suggested that she was ok calling herself a vegetarian although she ate fish. No-one else agreed.



BUT once that comment's been made, where's the point in wasting another 4 pages discussing it when it has nothing to do with the OP's question?



Look - now I'm wasting space too!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrr
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#79 Old 06-15-2004, 08:30 AM
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Page four...and I for one am not surprised he hasn't come back and made another comment... T.
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#80 Old 06-15-2004, 08:44 AM
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Ok Mr Unregistered it seems u have a few choices here:



1. Only eat meat outside of the family home

2. Make your own godamn meat

3. Demand to know why your wife will cook her lovely lean piece of fish and not go near your blood drippin' hunk of beef!

4. Tie your wife to the cooker and MAKE her cook your carcasses!

5. Find a new wife.



or, if you're lucky, she might come to some sort of compromise with u.
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#81 Old 06-15-2004, 08:54 AM
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Star Lass - RIGHT ON! I honestly don't understand why some ppl can't keep their feelings to themselves if it's not going to be beneficial to the problem. What ever happened to empathy?? He probably was attempting to understand her views better.



Anyway, some of the responses (harsh as they were) can be justifiably expected since he did come on a veg*n/vegetarian board. Unfortunately, he may have not been aware of the deeply strong views behind it (obviously most may reasonably view it like a serial killer coming to the victim's family for sympathy and understanding). So, I don't condone, but I don't condemn either (just my 2 cents).
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#82 Old 06-15-2004, 09:58 AM
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I know the reason I as well as others commented was not to attack him/her or anything, but just because we're unsure of the situation. She feels too uncomfortable to cook some animals but not others, so it's just hard to know what type of advice to offer. Usually people who eat just fish do it for health reasons, so that would have different advice then someone doing it for moral reasons. It's just kinda confusing, which he seems to think it's confusing too.
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#83 Old 06-15-2004, 10:12 AM
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I don't see why it's so hard for some people to understand how someone could be morally opposed to eating cows but not morally opposed to eating fish and plants.



That's like saying because someone eats chicken, they should have no "ethical" problem frying up their pet dog because they're all the same. People don't think like that.
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#84 Old 06-15-2004, 10:42 AM
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I think you're absolutely right, kpickell. Now just for another take on this whole thing...believe it or not I cook the same variety of meats for my family of 5 that I did during the many years before I decided to try and live my long buried/denied/frustrated beliefs and stop eating chicken/beef/pork/fish, etc. How can I do this? Do I feel comfortable purchasing and handling dead flesh?



Well, no... but thinking about it, I guess that I have managed to sort of distance myself from it, while I am shopping, touching it and cooking/serving. Am I a hypocrite? Maybe some of you might think so. But I feel comfortable with my life. I have always been very much in favor of tolerance, where-ever possible.



I won't say that I haven't, in my way, tried to educate and inform my family, and others I come into contact with, about all the reasons to refrain from eating meat, but I have accepted the fact that there are some things I can't change. Despite our differences, I love my family, have been happily married for over 25 years. I do what I can to make this world a better place for all living things through volunteering, communication, education, trying to set a good example, etc. I am far from perfect, but I live my life in the best way I can, and try to do better, day by day. What can I say? I am a hopeful optimist and still believe in all the wonderful things life has to offer.



Yes, I freely admit that I do not do all I could to live up to my ideals, but by the same token, I try in many ways, each and every day, to help people I come into contact with and (O.K., I know this sounds corny) spread happiness & good feelings. There is so much anger, sarcasm, selfishness and nastiness -- sometimes I am amazed at the surprised reactions I get when I take the time to smile at people that I meet. I know this probably sounds hopelessly old-fashioned or corney, but I wish that besides spreading their philosophies, that more people would share the warmth of human kindness with one another. Sorry for the rather long ramble...



Shalom,

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#85 Old 06-15-2004, 10:42 AM
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LOL wolfie, well if we're talking about what irks us, I am irked that we feel compelled to bring up the fish debate YET AGAIN, though clearly this is a support forum, and clearly this person has just ask for advice in dealing with a very real problem, which he expressed quite eloquently I might add.



Okay? We all get that fish are animals. But again, no matter how many times we want to say it's relavent....I'm just unclear as to how bringing up the fish thing is relevent to this conversation. It doesn't matter why she's opposed, just that she is. I think we're not trying to 'understand' his problem better...just to make sure he's put in his place about his wife being a 'faketarian' as someone coined the phrase the other day. And to me that's just wrong.



Kpickel has a good point in saying that most human beings are walking contradictions.



Amen to that. Okay, going elsewhere now.



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#86 Old 06-15-2004, 10:46 AM
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oh i didnt mean to say being a stay at home mom is not a job. i was saying mybe they could try role reversal. is was just a stray thought.



also i dont think their agreement was that he would be cooking but that is probably going to have to change.



ahh.. I see.



Hard and fast agreements are a bad idea anyway. Maybe they look good on paper, but they're hard to stick to in the end.
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#87 Old 06-15-2004, 11:00 AM
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It doesn't matter why she's opposed, just that she is. I think we're not trying to 'understand' his problem better...just to make sure he's put in his place about his wife being a 'faketarian' as someone coined the phrase the other day. And to me that's just wrong.



Well I am glad you know and understand my motivations (and others') so much better than I do.



Yes, it's irking when someone calls themselves vegetarian and they're not, and yes, some feel compelled to point it out because it IS relevant to us. Just as you may not find it relevant, some people do.
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#88 Old 06-15-2004, 11:21 AM
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Okay, this thread has veered far off-topic, and the side debate isn't really going anywhere, so I suggest either getting back on topic, starting a new thread for the debate going on here, or just dropping it and letting this thread sink.



I'm trying to avoid actually closing the thread, if only because that's what you expect me to do.
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#89 Old 06-15-2004, 01:57 PM
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a christian probably wouldnt be that comfortable burning a cross



So a "vegetarian" probably wont be the comfortable cooking meat
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#90 Old 06-15-2004, 04:06 PM
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Okay, this thread has veered far off-topic, and the side debate isn't really going anywhere, so I suggest either getting back on topic, starting a new thread for the debate going on here, or just dropping it and letting this thread sink.



I'm trying to avoid actually closing the thread, if only because that's what you expect me to do.



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