I had to write a humourous piece for my english class, so I choose a satire on veg*nism. I know it needs some work (ah who am I kidding, it sucks so far) but I wanted to run the basic idea by someone to make sure my attempts to mock the ignorant haven't backfired on me. I also I'm not too sure if omnivores would get it. Anyways any feedback would be much appreciated!! If you read it I will
you! BTW, the fish tree was inspired by everyone on this board, hehe
oh and uh I can't figure out how to do the little attachment thing, so I'll just post the whole thing here.
A SPECIAL DOCUMENTARY ON: VEGETARIANS
\tTheres been a lot of fascinating talk lately about vegetarians: what they eat, what they dont eat and the reasons for why they eat what they do. This reporter decided to see for herself what really goes down in Hippy-town and find out why these dirty weirdoes think theyre so much better than everyone else.
\tI first visited a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of mine who happens to know one of these intriguing creatures, and arrange an interview. When I get to the front door of her brick house, I knock cautiously. A pale, starved woman with blond stringy hair answers. Squirrels are perched on her shoulders. Come in, make yourself at home, she says. Youll have to excuse me for a minute; I was just about to take my daily vitamins. I seat myself on a wooden chair and watch her hobble into the kitchen, pour a glass of water and wash down a handful of colourful pills. Rather taken aback, I asked what the pills were for. Oh, she replied, those are my vitamins. Vegetarians miss out on a lot of nutrients because as you know, meat normally forms the basis of a diet. So I take my vitamin A, Bs, C, D, E and K. I also need to take protein, carbohydrate, fiber, iron and calcium pills since I dont eat a lot of dairy anymore. Well, isnt that the truth!
\tIts time to get to the questions. So, Kate, I begin. A lot of people are baffled by vegetarians and their refusal to eat meat. Could you explain what you do eat? She stares hazily at the wall for a minute then replies, well, there isnt really anything else in the grocery store for me to eat, so I mostly just munch of carrots and lettuce. You know? My vitamins take care of the rest. Oh, and I love water.
\tSo basically you just eat plants, I summarize. Oh yes, yes plants. I dont eat any animals, she affirms. Why then, I ask, do you not eat fish? Everyone knows they arent animals. Whoops, I can tell I hit a sore spot. She glares at me and exclaims that fish are indeed animals. Ive never quite understood that viewpoint; everyone knows that fish grow on trees. In fact, I just picked a bucket of them this morning and set them aside to bake a good old fashioned fish-pie.
However, Id run out of time and had to cut the interview short. Before I left she asked if I want to know about her reasons for being vegetarian: not this reporter! I exclaim proudly and let her door slam shut behind me. Damn vegetarians and their moral superiority. So todays lesson? Eat meat!