Get togethers with Meat Eaters Tips please - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-21-2013, 07:51 PM
 
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My husband, 18 yr old daughter, and I were vegetarian. Then my husband and I stopped, but my daughter continued. I have now gone back and plan on staying vegetarian. The issue I'm having is my husband's family gives us a hard time about not eating meat. 2 years ago, I hosted Christmas at my house and made a nice lasagna and lots of traditional side dishes. My mother in law had a fit asking my husband if she could sneak a ham into our house in her purse. She then made faces during dinner at her husband while eating her lasagna. She even made a comment to my mother that if she wanted to have meat for dinner she could come to her house the next day where she was going to cook up a turkey for a "proper" Christmas dinner. Every time she wants to come to our house for dinner she wants to order food because I don't cook, serve, or even store meat in the house. My husband only gets meat if we eat out, at home there is no meat. I have a new baby and am planning on raising him as a vegetarian. She is already giving me a hard time about it and he's not even on solids yet. I don't even like looking at meat carcass and don't like the smell of meat cooking. When I did eat meat, it was usually when I ate out because I have never liked to deal with it raw. How done I handle get togethers at my house with meat eaters? Am I supposed to serve them meat? I understand not everyone is a tofu loving quinoa eating person. That's why I serve things like pasta. Am I being too strict  and not being a good host not catering to other people's meat desires?

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#2 Old 06-21-2013, 08:39 PM
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Your mother-in-law is quite rude, and oversteps the bounds of common courtesy. I'd take the earliest opportunity to take her aside somewhere, look her in the eye, and tell her to behave herself, by not butting in. She sounds like a classic case of, "With 'friends' like that, you don't need enemies."


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#3 Old 06-21-2013, 09:38 PM
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Hi, welcome,

If possible avoid your mother in law. Simply avoid being present while she is there and forbid all persons you have contact with from mentioning her name while you are present. That would work for me, it might not for you. But with some people the more lenient you are the more they push you and a abuse your generousity so best to push them back early.

 

This is a side point. If you have not done so please pick up a vegetarian nutrition book to ensure your baby gets all the nutrients he needs. With meat there are more options which should be replaced with vegetarian ones to ensure healthy and proper growth smiley.gif

Cheers

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#4 Old 06-22-2013, 07:47 AM
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I am sorry this is happening  to you, I think maybe you can nicely  stay to   you mother in law what your views are on eating meat. She need to respect you, and how you raise your kids and if she does not like it then don't come in to your home. I'm sure you can fine tons of books with good veggie things to eat that will provide the vitamins

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#5 Old 06-22-2013, 10:06 AM
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Of course, perhaps your mil actually wants a showdown over your food choices so she can take the high ground? Possible. You may want to avoid that - have avoided it so far, it would seem. Otoh, why disappoint her? If you're lucky she will decide she's not coming to your house again! :)

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#6 Old 06-22-2013, 10:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mizlee View Post
 Am I being too strict  and not being a good host not catering to other people's meat desires?

 

Nope! Meat is offensive to veg*ns. Sentient beings suffer and die for it. 

 

A lack of meat to non veg*ns means...no animals suffer. Is that offensive? 

 

Of course, from people like your MIL's perspective, it IS offensive because meat is normal and indeed necessary and if she doesn't have it you are actively being cruel to her and not respecting her own needs. Damn veg*ns and their cruelty to humans via not offering them the flesh of others. 

 

She sounds like the type of person you're not going to get through to. I don't know how I'd deal with it, I just know you're not doing anything wrong and she sounds very insensitive and mean. I'd have probably phoned her up after the ham thing to tell her it was a brilliant idea for her to shove it in her purse and she was very welcome to eat it outside the house, while you had a nice, relaxing, respectful celebration inside. 

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#7 Old 06-22-2013, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mizlee View Post

My husband, 18 yr old daughter, and I were vegetarian. Then my husband and I stopped, but my daughter continued. I have now gone back and plan on staying vegetarian. The issue I'm having is my husband's family gives us a hard time about not eating meat. 2 years ago, I hosted Christmas at my house and made a nice lasagna and lots of traditional side dishes. My mother in law had a fit asking my husband if she could sneak a ham into our house in her purse. She then made faces during dinner at her husband while eating her lasagna. She even made a comment to my mother that if she wanted to have meat for dinner she could come to her house the next day where she was going to cook up a turkey for a "proper" Christmas dinner. Every time she wants to come to our house for dinner she wants to order food because I don't cook, serve, or even store meat in the house. My husband only gets meat if we eat out, at home there is no meat. I have a new baby and am planning on raising him as a vegetarian. She is already giving me a hard time about it and he's not even on solids yet. I don't even like looking at meat carcass and don't like the smell of meat cooking. When I did eat meat, it was usually when I ate out because I have never liked to deal with it raw. How done I handle get togethers at my house with meat eaters? Am I supposed to serve them meat? I understand not everyone is a tofu loving quinoa eating person. That's why I serve things like pasta. Am I being too strict  and not being a good host not catering to other people's meat desires?

I think you and I have the same mother-in-law! Or possibly the same darn life. 

 

When I got together with my son's dad (14 years ago) we were both vegetarian. Two years later our son Cedar was born and by then Cedar's dad had started to eat some meat again, but we did raise Cedar vegetarian.

 

OMG the MIL was a nightmare. She's the type who comments on every little thing - she hates Cedar's name, she thinks I'm lame, she thinks we'll all die if we don't eat meat and so on and so on. She was also the type who would complain about our meat-free home on holidays and other days. 

 

Here's what worked: NOTHING. I tried being nice, I tried being snotty. I tried ignoring her. I tried everything in between. 

 

Nothing I personally did helped solve this. What finally happened is her son (Cedar's dad) told her to butt out or she literally would not be allowed to be around us anymore. Which by the way, took oh, about 8 years. And it took a toll on our relationship too. MIL is actually one reason why I'm not with Cedar's dad anymore - Don't freak out! I had other reasons too, but MIL did really hurt our family dynamic. Had Cedar's dad stood up to her sooner it would have helped a lot. 

 

Long story short. In my experience, and with other situations like this I've seen friends go through, you're not going to be able to stop this on your own. Your hubs needs to step in, in a big way and have a long talk with her, or this may get worse. 

 

Sorry I don't have a more cheerful story. If it helps, now MIL is better, especially since I don't have to see her much. Cedar's out with her in Minnesota right now actually. Once she saw Cedar grow and be healthy without meat she did sort of start to accept the no meat deal some.


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#8 Old 06-22-2013, 11:51 AM
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Y'know what, if *anyone* were rude or ****ty (and I don't mean funning/teasing or being inadvertently inappropriate) towards me about the food I cooked them, I wouldn't bother to invite them back again. I don't care who they are or what 'traditions' they may hold sacred. My home, my food. Be nice or don't come round again. Full Stop. 


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#9 Old 06-22-2013, 01:53 PM
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Y'know what, if *anyone* were rude or ****ty (and I don't mean funning/teasing or being inadvertently inappropriate) towards me about the food I cooked them, I wouldn't bother to invite them back again. I don't care who they are or what 'traditions' they may hold sacred. My home, my food. Be nice or don't come round again. Full Stop. 

Oh I have to agree with this! Actually, if anyone is ****ty to me or my dh in our home I don't invite them again either. And I think it is even more appropriate on a) a holiday event b) a family event and c) if one has gone out of the way to make a nice celebratory meal (whatever their taste may be, it's the hostess's choice what to serve after all). Put all three together and . . . .  And if the person is 'family' - then it goes double, I'd say. (Of course, there's always an exception - the time one didn't follow this and then regretted it :( )

 

Very very good advice! 

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#10 Old 08-04-2013, 10:41 AM
 
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Thanks so much for the advice everyone! And yep, Cato, I am making sure my baby gets the right nutrition. He is on solids now and doing well. Since I'm not raising him vegan, but only vegetarian he is getting lots of protein from yogurt and cheese. I'm also feeding him tofu, which he LOVES and will be adding beans and grains very soon too.
 

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#11 Old 08-04-2013, 10:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kath View Post

 

Nope! Meat is offensive to veg*ns. Sentient beings suffer and die for it. 

 

A lack of meat to non veg*ns means...no animals suffer. Is that offensive? 

 

Of course, from people like your MIL's perspective, it IS offensive because meat is normal and indeed necessary and if she doesn't have it you are actively being cruel to her and not respecting her own needs. Damn veg*ns and their cruelty to humans via not offering them the flesh of others. 

 

She sounds like the type of person you're not going to get through to. I don't know how I'd deal with it, I just know you're not doing anything wrong and she sounds very insensitive and mean. I'd have probably phoned her up after the ham thing to tell her it was a brilliant idea for her to shove it in her purse and she was very welcome to eat it outside the house, while you had a nice, relaxing, respectful celebration inside. 


Ok this one mad me LMAO!!! Thanks

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#12 Old 08-04-2013, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Kath View Post

 

 

She sounds like the type of person you're not going to get through to. I don't know how I'd deal with it, I just know you're not doing anything wrong and she sounds very insensitive and mean. I'd have probably phoned her up after the ham thing to tell her it was a brilliant idea for her to shove it in her purse and she was very welcome to eat it outside the house, while you had a nice, relaxing, respectful celebration inside. 

This is about a very rude and obnoxious person. If she doesn't come around I wouldn't allow her to care for your son unsupervised. 
I would make it known it's about her borderline sociopathic behavior and not diet.


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#13 Old 08-05-2013, 02:36 PM
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Your house so your rules BUT what was your husband doing through all this? You should not have to deal with your MIL, your husband should!

 

Now I'm going to be the odd one out here but at our house, during parties, we usually serve meat. My wife and kids are omnis so we never have all vegetarian parties however we usually don't make the meat the main attraction. If you have a meat free house then this is probably not feasible but don't forget that you were once omni too and it took time and experience for you to get there - don't expect anyone else to understand, let alone agree with, your life choice.

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#14 Old 08-05-2013, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by mizlee View Post

My husband, 18 yr old daughter, and I were vegetarian. Then my husband and I stopped, but my daughter continued. I have now gone back and plan on staying vegetarian. The issue I'm having is my husband's family gives us a hard time about not eating meat. 2 years ago, I hosted Christmas at my house and made a nice lasagna and lots of traditional side dishes. My mother in law had a fit asking my husband if she could sneak a ham into our house in her purse. She then made faces during dinner at her husband while eating her lasagna. She even made a comment to my mother that if she wanted to have meat for dinner she could come to her house the next day where she was going to cook up a turkey for a "proper" Christmas dinner. Every time she wants to come to our house for dinner she wants to order food because I don't cook, serve, or even store meat in the house. My husband only gets meat if we eat out, at home there is no meat. I have a new baby and am planning on raising him as a vegetarian. She is already giving me a hard time about it and he's not even on solids yet. I don't even like looking at meat carcass and don't like the smell of meat cooking. When I did eat meat, it was usually when I ate out because I have never liked to deal with it raw. How done I handle get togethers at my house with meat eaters? Am I supposed to serve them meat? I understand not everyone is a tofu loving quinoa eating person. That's why I serve things like pasta. Am I being too strict  and not being a good host not catering to other people's meat desires?

 

mizlee -

 

Sometimes people act that way out of 1) insecurity,  or 2) have a controlling personality. 

 

Respect is a 2 way street & your rights need to be respected. YOUR house is YOUR house.  PERIOD.  Don't compromise YOUR values to appease anyone.  Would you let someone smoke in your house if you had a non-smoking household? When we host dinners, everyone knows we're veg*n, & there's NO MEAT.  We just had some visitors for 4 days, who eat meat.  We had no meat for the 4 days, and they actually survived.  They are overweight & eat tons of  processed food.  The last day, they actually went through our cabinets & fridge.....so they could get better meal ideas.  They are actually making an attempt at the veg*n lifestyle.  Time will tell.

 

Have patience, take it slow, and stand up for what you believe in.  Others stand up for what they believe in, right?

 

Raising your child veg*n is OUTSTANDING!!!  That's one of the best gifts you could give your child.  notworthy.gif


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#15 Old 08-06-2013, 08:56 PM
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She might be too unreasonable to listen but maybe you could show her the nutrition labels to tell her how much protein is in your meals. She is being extremely rude since you are feeding her for free but she will most likely be a part of your life for a long time and I think that being overly rude to your MIL will put unwanted strain on your marriage. I agree with previous commenters that you should seek help from your husband. If that doesn't work maybe just having a one on one conversation explaining that no matter how absurd it is to her, the meat free thing is very important to you. Plead for her sympathy and point out that she is only missing one meal of meat. She can have all meat for breakfast and lunch and then she is only missing one meal of meat. I do not think that you should buy or prepare meat for her because compromising your morals so that people like you is always bad. Maybe you could let her bring her own meat though?
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