Do you feel guilty when buying meat for your omni-partner or family? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 04-17-2010, 07:45 AM
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Hi

I became vegetarian very recently, mainly for ethical reasons as I´m against killing animals, but I know that after having been omnivore for all my life, I can´t force my boyfriend into it now and I have to keep buying meat for him. He actually reduced the amount of meat from his diet when I went veggie (which is really nice from him) but at the moment he keeps eating some.



The thing is that every week I do the food shopping and I feel very guilty buying meat for him because I know that even if it´s not for me, I´m "supporting" the meat business in some way, which goes against my morals. I do the shopping online, which is not as bad as having to go to the shop and pick up the meat myself, but anyway, I feel quite guilty.



I guess it´s the same when friends come over for dinner, especially if they like meat a lot. Should I buy meat for them? What do you do when you have friends/family for dinner and you know they like (OR EXPECT) meat in their dishes?



I was wondering if this happens to you. What do you do if you live with an omni partner or when your family/friends come for dinner?



Thanks!
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#2 Old 04-17-2010, 08:28 AM
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I was about to say "No", but then thought really hard and can't remember the last time that I personally purchased meat. I'm the primary shopper in our house, but my husband does buy meat when he and the kids want it. When omnis come for dinner, either I make a great vegetarian meal for all of us to enjoy, or my husband uses the grill and I make an alternative for myself.

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#3 Old 04-17-2010, 08:41 AM
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Yes I have felt the guilt and disgust. I don't even like walking through the meat section, it is just so depressing seeing all those little bodies lined up. Meat even smells different to me now
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#4 Old 04-17-2010, 08:45 AM
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Yeah, I do. The most I'll do, though, is buy something that isn't just raw meat that I don't have to prepare, like a pie, for when my boyfriend comes to visit. When my brother came to visit he bought his own meat and cooked it himself. Doesn't stop me feeling guilty, but I can't exactly force vegetarianism on anyone.


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#5 Old 04-17-2010, 09:03 AM
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Me & hubby really got into it at the same time, that helped. He still ate a little meat in the beginning but only while we were out at a restaurant or at someones house for dinner. We decided to keep meat out of our house. And then after doing some research he slowly realized he didn't need meat and now he's 100% veg. for health AND ethical reasons. I would not buy meat, if he wanted it - he could buy it, cook it, eat it... I wouldn't have a hand in it. And if guests come over, they all know we're vegetarian so they shouldn't expect meat. If we have a BBQ or something it will be BYOM and we'll supply a bunch of veggie-dogs, burgers and other vegan options. I don't think its pushy or judgy to not supply meat for guests to your house & they shouldn't expect you to compromise your ethics to feed them.
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#6 Old 04-17-2010, 10:42 AM
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I suppose it depends on what kind of arrangement you have... From my perspective, I know my boyfriend (or family members) are going to eat the meat anyway. I can either uphold my part of the chores in the household, and just purchase it myself, OR I can wreck the environment a little by sending the meat-eater off on a separate trip to the store. Either way, the animal dies. Period. In HIS home, someone can choose what to eat. My ethics are not anyone else's. And so long as he's holding up his end of our bargins in terms of living together - I'll hold up mine.



As far as guests go? I honestly don't think people EXPECT meat to the point where you HAVE to serve it. I know men in my life - family, BF, who looooooove meat. But they're more than happy to sit down to a big bowl of pasta with chunky red sauce, sides of veggies, and sinfully yummy garlic bread. Vegan chili is VERY hard to tell from chili with meat - with all the beans and spices and tomatoes, it tastes amazing. A bowl of that with cornbread? They won't KNOW they're missing meat!



I guess what I'm saying is if you served a plate of veggies and tempeh, your guests will look at you funny. But if you serve naturally veg*n meals that don't require many (if any) substitutions and are just yummy and veg*n on their own, your guests won't think twice.
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#7 Old 04-17-2010, 01:12 PM
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I don't buy or cook meat for anyone. My boyfriend is an omni and I don't criticize his choice, but he knows anything I buy or cook is veg. Most of the time he is happy to eat whatever I prepare but he knows that he can bring meat into my house as long as he does everything with it. I don't buy it, cook it or clean it up.



As far as other people are concerned I look at it like this - I don't expect other people to have soymilk at their houses, they shouldn't expect me to have meat at my house.
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#8 Old 04-17-2010, 01:34 PM
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I go shopping for my nan when she's in too much pain to do it, and I feel absolutely horrible buying animal products. I have to hold my breath going down the cheese aisle because the vomit smell is so overpowering, ugh. I hate it. I always get organic milk and eggs which makes her angry with me for spending the extra, and it's a pretty useless gesture anyway for the poor animals, but I just can't hand over money for battery caged eggs even if it isn't MY money.



I did refuse to buy her rat poison, that felt like a step too far for me.
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#9 Old 04-17-2010, 02:04 PM
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Moreso disgusted than anything. I've purchased meat for my omni boyfriend three or four times in the past year, and each time it gets harder to tolerate. It's the whole "I'm holding a hunk of shrink-wrapped flesh" feeling :/
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#10 Old 04-17-2010, 02:06 PM
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^That's the exception to my rule. I bought and cooked meat for my dad when he was dying of lung cancer. There's a difference between extreme sickness and being too lazy to go to the store.
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#11 Old 04-17-2010, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Earthling View Post

I go shopping for my nan when she's in too much pain to do it, and I feel absolutely horrible buying animal products. I have to hold my breath going down the cheese aisle because the vomit smell is so overpowering, ugh. I hate it. I always get organic milk and eggs which makes her angry with me for spending the extra, and it's a pretty useless gesture anyway for the poor animals, but I just can't hand over money for battery caged eggs even if it isn't MY money.



I did refuse to buy her rat poison, that felt like a step too far for me.



That's the exception to my rule. I bought and prepared meat for my dad when he was dying of lung cancer. There's a difference between extreme sickness and being too lazy to go to the store.
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#12 Old 04-17-2010, 08:22 PM
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I dont buy or cook meat.....I did once years ago when my Mom had three surgeries in a year and she asked me beforehand to help out my Dad and Baby Bro and I did....I wasnt happy about that but I am sure she did a few things for me she wasnt happy about and didnt want to do either....otherwise NO I dont do it at all.



peace
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#13 Old 04-17-2010, 08:30 PM
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I would feel guilty, so I dont buy animal products, besides in pet food, for anyone, ever.
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#14 Old 04-17-2010, 08:48 PM
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I should mention, since it's the actual question... I DO feel guilty buying meat.



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But you know... I will also buy medication for people, will pick up and Rx at the store... And if someone says "Hey, hand me that blanket please?" I will hand them their blanket, even if it's wool and means I'm facilitating the use of an animal product and could just say "Get it yourself." I guess I have the same mentality when I go to the store. Sure, I could say 'Get it yourself' but what's the point? If they go shopping on their own, they will buy TONS more animal products than I will if I'm shopping for the family, and burn a bunch more gas. I just don't see the upside.



And I buy pet food.



Dead animals, all around, no matter how "justified" any of it is.



I don't consume any of these products (well, except for medications when absolutely necessary)... I encourage people I live with to use less of them, and the meals I'm in charge of are vegan meals... And I got my cat a decade ago... But it sounds like perhaps I should stop calling myself a vegan, hey?
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#15 Old 04-18-2010, 03:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspireToInspire View Post

Yes I have felt the guilt and disgust. I don't even like walking through the meat section, it is just so depressing seeing all those little bodies lined up. Meat even smells different to me now



Smells different to me too! Red meat has such a weird smell...
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#16 Old 04-18-2010, 05:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amhappy1 View Post

- I don't expect other people to have soymilk at their houses, they shouldn't expect me to have meat at my house.



I liked this, you´re right!



Well, I guess that if we have friends around for dinner my boyfriend could cook anything he wants for them (with meat if he wants to) and I´ll definitely make sure there is a veggie option on the table. I´ll definitely won´t cook any meat for anyone, that would be too much for me..

I still have a problem at work though, I look after a child 3 days a week and her mother asks me to cook meals for her, including chicken, beef, fish, etc. It´s against my morals but there´s nothing I can do, it´s my job! Her mother wants to make sure that there´s some meat in every meal, so I guess that part of my job is to make her happy too!
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#17 Old 04-18-2010, 12:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amhappy1 View Post

As far as other people are concerned I look at it like this - I don't expect other people to have soymilk at their houses, they shouldn't expect me to have meat at my house.




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#18 Old 04-18-2010, 01:10 PM
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My family and friends know not to ask me! I always do separate shopping trips for myself. They might ask for me to pick up a gallon of milk, but they would never ask me to get meat. If I'm having friends over, it's BYOM. I'll provide plenty of yummy vegan options, but I'm not buying the stuff and then have to find someone to take the leftovers back with them. They understand, plus they know I wouldn't have a clue about how to cook the stuff!



The one exception is I do sometimes go grocery shopping for my grandfather who is very sick and can't drive. I actually had to ask someone in the grocery store where the "hamburger" was because I didn't know that "ground beef" meant hamburger! I've been veggie since I was a kid, so I've never bought the stuff for myself. I used lots of hand sanitizer after touching it! Ugh it made me feel so disgusting being in the aisle, but I'm not going to force my morals on someone else. If I didn't do it, someone else would have had to drive the 40 minutes to his house and do it, and sometimes in a family you have to do your part, even if it kills you!
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#19 Old 04-18-2010, 08:43 PM
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I feel gross when buying, but I still do it. For the hubby, he eats chicken, hot dogs and during the summer hamburgers.. If we have people over I find making dishes that are already veggie such as eggplant parm.. I'm with everybody else though, that if someone is coming to my house to eat, I'm not going to feed them something I don't eat. The only time is for cookouts really, I have my veggie options and meat options that hubby can make. If I go to others houses I don't expect to have a veggie option, it's nice, but I don't expect it. I bring what I can or suggest things. Such as tonight we went to my cousin's house. They made hot dogs, but they also ended up grilling some zucchini, had regular salad, potato salad and I brought veggie baked beans. I was all set!



I also agree about sick family.. there's a balance to everything. I take care of my family even if it means buying something or making something I don't like. I won't partake of it, and I'll find myself a veggie option
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#20 Old 04-19-2010, 02:08 AM
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Being a lifelong vegetarian, the meat department is trespassing for me.

My usual answer: I have never heard a convincing reason to eat meat.
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#21 Old 04-19-2010, 04:44 PM
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No, I don't feel guilty. I don't eat meat, but my cat has no choice, so meat is what he gets.
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#22 Old 04-19-2010, 06:57 PM
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Hmm I can't remember that I have purchased meat for anyone and I really don't expect that they'd ask me to. Maybe my extended family members who don't know my motives and beliefs as well as my immediate family, but then I'd just explain that I don't feel comfortable buying meat and won't purchase it.
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#23 Old 04-19-2010, 08:03 PM
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Before my husband and I got married (he was still eating meat then) I told him up front that I would not buy or prepare meat for him. If he wanted it, he would be the one to get it. (we could be on the same shopping trip, but I wouldn't touch it and it wouldn't go in my bag)



He never expected me to do it nor did he whine about it. He grew to like vegetarian food and now he's given up meat.



If I had a sick family member who wanted me to buy meat for them, I wouldn't. I would want them to feel healthier, not sicker.
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#24 Old 04-22-2010, 11:33 AM
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My hubby is an omni and we do our shopping together. He has cut back on his meat consumption a lot since I went veggie, but does still eat it. So, if he wants to buy meat at the grocery store, he goes to the meat department on his own (it feels weird even standing in that section) while I hit the health food aisle to get my Amy's soups. When he does choose to add meat to his portion of a dish we're having (stir fry, pasta sauce, etc.), he cooks it himself.



Whenever we have friends or family over, I just whip up something like pasta primavera - never a complaint of "Where's the Beef?"
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#25 Old 04-22-2010, 12:16 PM
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My man loves meat...a few weeks ago I actually picked him out a steak... It was gross, but he's been working a lot and I know he loves steak so I wanted to surprise him. I had to have help picking one out because I was clueless. I wasn't the one paying for it, so that made it easier. I live with 2 meat eaters who work a lot, so often I do the grocery shopping and have gotten used to it. As long as I'm not paying for it or preparing it I can deal w/it.
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#26 Old 04-24-2010, 03:08 PM
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Don't buy, don't prepare it. Except for my cat's food of course.



I always feel very uncomfortable if I have to walk by the meat section in a store in order to get to something I want.



I occaisionally have to take my mother (who can't drive) shopping, but she chooses it she puts it in the cart and she pays for it. Fortunatly, she has never asked me to go and get it for her.
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#27 Old 04-24-2010, 03:21 PM
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I don't buy it. I cook so what I say goes. I wouldn't make a food I was allergic to so... If they want it they can buy it and make it.
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#28 Old 04-24-2010, 06:58 PM
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I don't. Then again, I left my omni boyfriend of two years over it.

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#29 Old 04-25-2010, 10:17 AM
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I don't buy it. I cook so what I say goes. I wouldn't make a food I was allergic to so... If they want it they can buy it and make it.



it makes sense, well done! I don´t cook anything that contains meat (I let my boyfriend do it, otherwise there is not meat at all), but still feeling a bit guilty for buying that meat online..
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#30 Old 04-29-2010, 10:41 AM
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i once had to get meat. I thought it was disgusting to touch it
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