This Is Not Easy - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 04-12-2010, 09:56 PM
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What do feel about a man who has been vegetarian for about six months. He's married and his wife is not a vegetarian. They have two young children and he wants the whole family to beome vegetarian, but his wife is not there yet - although she may well beome a vegetarian. He cooks for himself, but his wife works at a demanding job, and so he is the primary preparer of meals for her and the children. He tries (and usually does) come up with creative vegetarian dishes that they all enjoy, but his wife says that he should not impose his convictions on the whole family all the time. So sometimes he will cook chicken or another non-veggie meal for them. He's not happy about this, but thinks this is a temporary thing and they will come round.

I'm a newbie posting with this dilemma. Don't know if I even have the right be here and to call myself a veggie since I sometimes cook meat. Of course the best outcome is that my wife comes to agree with me, but if not, I see tricky times ahead. Has anyone else been though this? What have you done?
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#2 Old 04-12-2010, 10:00 PM
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Well I think you are doing the best you can, and I hope you stay strong. Contrary to what your wife thinks, you are not pushing anything on anyone. You're just trying to be consistent with your beliefs.
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#3 Old 04-12-2010, 10:00 PM
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I am not married. Nor do I have a partner. But in cases like these I am under the current impression that I wouldn't compromise beyond allowing them to cook their own meals. They impose their convictions on you just as much as you impose yours on them, I think (someone might prove me wrong! I'm waiting!).

EDIT: In simple terms, I see it like this:

Man: I don't want to eat or cook meat.

Woman: I want you to eat or cook meat.

Woman: By not eating or cooking meat you are imposing on us.

Man: By wanting me to eat or cook meat you are imposing on me.

Woman: Cook us meat.
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#4 Old 04-13-2010, 10:42 AM
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My So, she believes in my lifestlye choices, and she understands my views on animal rights, and on some level, I know she wan't to be vegan too, it is just that she dosen't have the inner strenght right now to do it. she has the same problem with cigs. I cook both our meals, she is a school teacher, and works ten hour days, I work at a health co-op and have a bliss-ful 8 hour day, so I took upon myself the cooking and the housework, she also goes to college too. I do the cooking, because I want her to eat healthy which she would not do if she had to cook too. I cook meat, and I put my personal feelings aside for her because she is my best friend and I love her, I would not do this for anyone else. We have been together for over 7 years, so it can work. sometimes, if you can do it, you take care of someone elses needs, and find your slef through it all.

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#5 Old 04-13-2010, 11:43 AM
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I am the vegan in our house. It is a recent change. But I refused, in as gentle a way as I could, to continue to cook meat for the rest of them. I did say however, that if they want it, they can buy and cook it, and of course what they do outside the house is beyond my control. They love most things I cook, and we are now a meat free house. My partner became veggie a week after me, and the kids eat about 95% vegetarian food, and have asked for veggie options when out. There really is nothing wrong with vegetarian food, and there are plenty of recipes online if you start to run out of ideas.

Of course, marriage vows do say "in sickness and in health..." I would say that being veggie improves health (if done right), definitely is good for your mental health and conscience, and you should be supported in that.

Good luck! xxx
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#6 Old 04-13-2010, 04:26 PM
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I would recommend letting her know how you feel, firmly, but also in a way that isn't too harsh. Let her know you aren't comfortable cooking meat anymore. Maybe it's an annoying change, but she's an adult and capable of cooking for herself. She's also not incapable of eating vegetarian food. It's not like she's being denied the right to eat.

You're gonna make me puke my pants.
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#7 Old 04-13-2010, 04:37 PM
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I have to say my take is: she should be appreciative that you cook for her (as should anyone when someone cooks for them even if it is every day). If she wants meat, then she should buy and cook it for herself.
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#8 Old 04-13-2010, 04:51 PM
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I would have a proper chat with your wife and try to find out why she feels this way, what's holding her back, why does she want you to not 'impose your views' etc. Then come up with some sort of decision or compromise hopefully and move forward together, as a team.

My boyfriend is very supportive, but I'm sure he felt similarly at some point. He's completely fine now and is trying his best to only eat meat on rare occasions (I'm vegan, so he eats mostly vegetarian now) and it's happened because I would talk A LOT about why I wanted to be vegan, I'd get him involved in animal rights things but showing him information, asking him if he'd be willing to sign petitions, if I could put a poster in the window, little things. Over time he's come round because he now knows lots about the industry etc and it's influenced him to make some sort of a difference.

I do not cook meat for him. I've said I would at a push help him (like if he was doing a bbq and needed me to keep an eye on it and possibly flip a burger or too, that's fine. Aslong as I havn't paid for the meat.) But some people aren't ok with that. If you're not, then say so. Tell her to cook her own meat.
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#9 Old 04-13-2010, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by SomebodyElse View Post

Well I think you are doing the best you can, and I hope you stay strong. Contrary to what your wife thinks, you are not pushing anything on anyone. You're just trying to be consistent with your beliefs.


Vegetarian since February 12, 2007
Vegan since October 7, 2008

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