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BF Wants to Watch Gyno Exam

post #1 of 84
Thread Starter 
I NEVER go to gynecologists, because I hate it.

But my bf is pretty kinky & he wants me to go & get breast exam & pap smear done WHILE HE WATCHES.

Would any legitimate gynecologist allow this?

I feel weird about it...

Should I do this?

What should I say to the gynecologist?
post #2 of 84
Umm I think the more important question is how do YOU feel about this.

I would beat my husband over the head with a cast iron skillet if he asked for that.
post #3 of 84
Does your BF ever take time off from thinking about you as a sexual object?
post #4 of 84
it's a hoot to do something sexually even if you feel weird or uncomfortable about it. even better if you can involve a innocent third party without their consent and skeeve all over them as well.
post #5 of 84
when i had one done a long time ago they allowed my husband to be there. but thats also my husband not my boyfriend so who knows. and the only reason he came was because it was my first exam after finding out i was pregnant.



i say let him come he will probably be so disturbed after he wont ask again. because come on now there is nothing hot about a gyno visit
post #6 of 84
im generally a pretty open-minded person but the thought of a man turning a health check into a sexual act is majorly disrespectful.



this is one of those things that's maybe ok for a man to fantasize about, but don't say it outloud
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post #7 of 84
If you feel weird enough about it that you're asking advice here, don't do it. It's not worth it. He'll just have to fantasize about it from a distance.
post #8 of 84
If you're uncomfortable with it at all, DON'T let him go with you.



To answer your other question, a doctor would allow anyone to be present during the examination at your request. A lot of women bring along a significant other or even a parent if it makes them more comfortable.
post #9 of 84
Organica,

I enjoy your posts on this board - you sound like an intelligent, good person.



So I have to ask why you haven't kicked this a**hole to the curb. This isn't a question of being sexy or kinky. As others say, this is a question of fundamental lack of respect for your health, and lack of respect for you as a human person with rights and dignity.



A health exam is to focus on you, the patient. The patient should be focusing on what's going on in the exam, and the patient should be asking questions.



The patient should not be thinking about whether her freak of a boyfriend is getting enough of an erection from the experience, and whether he wants a quickie on the exam table after the doc leaves, and if he'll be more in the mood later to screw your brains out, having seen someone poke at your ovaries for all of 10 seconds.



It is appropriate for partners (boyfriends, significant others, spouses, etc.) to go to an exam with you if the are there for the betterment of the health of the patient.



If they are there for their own gratification, and to further humiliate and degrade you (which is really what your boyfriend is doing), and to find new ways and situations in which to make you an object - then they should not be at the exam.



In fact, they should not be in your life.



Organica, time for a reality check. Besides some orgasms, is this person bringing anything positive to your life? Is he making you a better person? Or is he just making you a sex object? Does he respect you? (If you say yes, then how could he dare to ask to come to an exam so he could get off!?!?!)



Think about this one. Yes, I don't know you or your boyfriend, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But I think, perhaps, I do.



I think you and your boyfriend need to have a long talk about this one - and if you both can't talk about it, then I think it's time to end this.



To me, asking to watch an exam is, on some level, similar to if he asked to watch you get raped. It's all about him, not about you. And an OB/GYN exam should be about YOU.
post #10 of 84
wtf?! I'm sorry, but that's extremely twisted, especially considering how much you dread the exam. You deserve better than this.
post #11 of 84
the doctor also deserves better. involving someone else in your escapade against their will is sick.
post #12 of 84
Wow is all I can say.



I would be sickened if my boyfriend asked me to do this. DO NOT DO THIS if you are uncomfortable at all with it. Your boyfriend should respect you and this sounds like there is no respect at all. My boyfriend would never ask me that because he respects me 100% and knows how not fun the appointments are anyway.



I really am speechless here...
post #13 of 84
That is true Purrpelle. I can't imagine any decent doctor would want to be included in organica's bf's sexual fantasies.
post #14 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by meatless View Post

That is true Purrpelle. I can't imagine any decent doctor would want to be included in organica's bf's sexual fantasies.



and hers. she's to blame as well if she agrees to it.
post #15 of 84
yeah, as far as i'm concerned, if you feel weird about it, then don't do it- and don't be pushed into doing it- if your partner cares about you he won't push you to do something which you don't want to do. that goes with anything sexual in my books, only an arsehole will keep pushing you to do something when you've said you feel uncomfortable about it- its really selfish, and seriously inconsiderate of the feelings and happiness of your 'loved one' to push them into stuff.



i mean, what is the best case scenario for you if you did do this? bf gets horny, you feel weird, and you have to have an exam you hate, purely for his gratification, and listen to him go on about how cool it was while feeling slightly sick. or, that perhaps you get off on it too (seems unlikely).



worse case? bf gets horny, you feel weird, you have to have an exam you hate for his gratification, plus..... bf gets obsessed with it, goes online and buys gyno tools from a BDSM site, and declares a desire to 'do it himself' at home as part of your sex life. or even better, he wants to watch you go for gyno appointments at different doctors offices every frikkin week. or your gyno gets severely pissed off at the guy with a stiffy in the room and strikes you from her books.



i think with things like this, often the fantasy is one thing, doing it is another- the whole thing might leave him cold when its 'for real' and the gyno is an sexually unattractive person perfoming a medical proceedure, in a room that smells of disinfectant, and not a porno style act performed by a blonde with big boobies in a tight pvc nurses uniform and 8 inch heels. but i'd not like to find out, if i didn't wanna do it.



oh, and what to tell the doctor.... if the truth (my bf wants to watch please, cos it really turns him on, and i'm here purely for his sexual gratification and don't wanna do this really) is likely gonna make her pissed/uncomfortable/unhappy at the prospect of doing the exams, take that as a clue that its not a geat idea.
post #16 of 84
I so agree with Piratebean.



Acting out in your own privacy(home) playing the doctor/patient is okay, but not when you're having a real gyno exam.



This exam is about you, not your bf.
post #17 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by organica View Post

I NEVER go to gynecologists, because I hate it.

But my bf is pretty kinky & he wants me to go & get breast exam & pap smear done WHILE HE WATCHES.

Would any legitimate gynecologist allow this?

I feel weird about it...

Should I do this?

What should I say to the gynecologist?



I think you answered your own question.
post #18 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by organica View Post

I NEVER go to gynecologists, because I hate it.

But my bf is pretty kinky & he wants me to go & get breast exam & pap smear done WHILE HE WATCHES.

Would any legitimate gynecologist allow this?

I feel weird about it...

Should I do this?

What should I say to the gynecologist?



I think you answered your own question.
post #19 of 84
there is nothing sexual about a visit to the GYN. The fact that your BF is wanting to watch your exam for his own kinky purposes should be a serious red flag. You should really think about what kind of person would find an uncomfortable (in more than one way) exam a turn-on. By even suggesting this, he is showing you serious disrespect. Please re-evaluate your relationship with this guy - it doesn't sound healthy at all!
post #20 of 84
That's pretty disgusting.
post #21 of 84
Just to play devil's advocate for a minute...you say you "never" go to the gyno because you hate it. Could this be your bf's albeit misguided attempt to get you to a doctor, even if he has to pretend it's for your sex life? A pap and breast exam are pretty important.



I have no idea if this could really be the case, not knowing you or the guy. Just throwing the option out there.
post #22 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medesha View Post

Just to play devil's advocate for a minute...you say you "never" go to the gyno because you hate it. Could this be your bf's albeit misguided attempt to get you to a doctor, even if he has to pretend it's for your sex life? A pap and breast exam are pretty important.



I have no idea if this could really be the case, not knowing you or the guy. Just throwing the option out there.



Based on Organica's previous posts about her relationship, I'd say this is highly unlikely.



Organica, I think you already know the answer to your question. Get rid of this guy already. You'll only attract guys who don't respect you if you don't respect yourself.
post #23 of 84
Oops, forget that theory, then. I always pegged Organica for a pretty smart cookie, and so assumed her guy might be decent. If he's that much of a jerk, I agree with everyone else, DTMFA. And then go to the gyno for yourself!
post #24 of 84
Having a BF in the room while my doctor does a pap smear on me??? I wouldn't even let my MOTHER in the room for that kind of thing! IMO a gyno checkup is a very personal thing and I'd prefer it just be me and the doctor in the room, going over my health, thankyouverymuch.



Organica, I can only reiterate what everybody else has posted. Your BF looks like a selfish pervert who needs to hit the road. And YOU need to work up the courage to go to the gyno for your HEALTH.
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post #25 of 84
Wow . . . I was speechless when I saw the title of this thread. Your boyfriend sounds very selfish, inconsiderate and tactless, among other things. You deserve much better than this . . . and I think you already know the answer to your question.
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post #26 of 84
I don't know your situation. I haven't read any other posts about him to form an opinion.



When I was about 18 or 19, my boyfriend of around 2 years went with me and was in the room with me. It wasn't a big deal. Of course he was fascinated, but it wasn't anything remotely sexual. He just sat in the chair and watched everything wide-eyed.



That's a totally different situation than what you describe, though. I think everyone else here has said it well enough.
post #27 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by purrpelle View Post

it's a hoot to do something sexually even if you feel weird or uncomfortable about it. even better if you can involve a innocent third party without their consent and skeeve all over them as well.



But, since when is a gyno exam something sexual. I'm all for experimentation, but a speculum doesn't exactly make me say "ooh baby".



Agreed with those saying that your choice to ask about it here signals (imo) that you are not comfortable with this, and therefore should not comply with his request.
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The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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post #28 of 84
From what I've read of this guy,it seems like he's always pushing you into a sexual situation that you feel uncomfortable with-that,to me,is a red flag to get rid of him. ASAP.
post #29 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by IamJen View Post

But, since when is a gyno exam something sexual. I'm all for experimentation, but a speculum doesn't exactly make me say "ooh baby".



Purrpelle's statement was intended to be ironic. All other concerns aside, involving an unwitting person in your sexual play is effed up.
post #30 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by IamJen View Post

But, since when is a gyno exam something sexual. I'm all for experimentation, but a speculum doesn't exactly make me say "ooh baby".



.



Just think of the speculum as a shoe-horn for the vagina.





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