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Ever been video taped during sex without knowing?

post #1 of 76
Thread Starter 
I was just wondering if anyone else has had their boyfriend secretly video tape them during sex and what they would do? Should I still be mad at him or should I leave it? The night that it happened I was very mad at him but after talking about it for a while he kissed some ass and I KIND OF forgave him. I can't stop thinking that he might try to do it again. What should I do about this?
post #2 of 76
Assuming I'm not being naive and this is a real question, I don't know how the younger generation feels about this, but it's a little disturbing to me. You agreeing to it would be another story but I don't like the idea that he did it without your knowledge.
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post #3 of 76
Frankly I'd castrate him for that. Relationships are based on trust, no? Why stay with someone you can't trust? I can't think of anything worse than clicking a wrong link on the 'net only to be confronted with footage of yourself bonking an ex's brains out.
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post #4 of 76
Taping it secretly sure doesn't sound like it's for personal fun and sharing to me. If it was to share together surely you'd let the participant know.
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post #5 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by karenlovessnow View Post

Assuming I'm not being naive and this is a real question, I don't know how the younger generation feels about this, but it's a little disturbing to me. You agreeing to it would be another story but I don't like the idea that he did it without your knowledge.

I don't think it's a generation thing, Karen. It's disturbing to me too.



to the OP: this is a HUGE invasion of privacy. What did he intend to do with the tape? It seems to me that if it's something you would agree to, he should have asked you, and if it's something you wouldn't, it's a huge betrayal of trust to do this.
post #6 of 76
Thread Starter 
After we were done having sex he walked over to his computer desk and turned the cam away, It was then that I noticed the red light was on. Then he picked it up and said he was going to put it away. I said babe what was that? Did you just record us? and he didn't know what to say so I got dressed as quick as i could and walk out of his room. He followed me and was telling me that he was about to put it on for us and be like "look baby we're porn stars". He broke the disk right in front of me so I know it won't be seen but the fact that he did that really bothers me.
post #7 of 76
And all the other times you didn't catch him? What has happened to those disks? There's nothing wrong with him wanting to tape you two doing it, it's just the not asking first bit that rings alarm bells.
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post #8 of 76
Thread Starter 
well he just got the video cam so i know there are no other ones but i'm a little nervous that he might try it again. he treats me good other then what he did I just don't know how to deal with this cause as far as he's concerned I'm over it but I'm not. When I think about having sex in his room again it gives me the willies cause he might find a better place to hide it.
post #9 of 76
If you can't trust him to be honest with you all of the time, then you probably should stop sleeping with him. Just my $0.02.
post #10 of 76
Thread Starter 
should I believe that he was going to put it on for us. I WISH I WOULD HAVE WAITED A COUPLE MORE MINUTES to see what he was really going to do with it. I'm kicking myself in the ass right now.
post #11 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by CASSIE View Post

He broke the disk right in front of me so I know it won't be seen but the fact that he did that really bothers me.



I could be wrong but I doubt it would record right from the webcam to a disc. It probably went on the hard drive and breaking "the disk" was just for show.



*runs to google and does a search for "cassie sex"*
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post #12 of 76
Thread Starter 
no his video camera uses a disk to record instead of a cassette. It wasn't hooked up to the computer at all.

Your a guy what do you think he would have done with it?
post #13 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by CASSIE View Post

no his video camera uses a disk to record instead of a cassette. It wasn't hooked up to the computer at all.

Your a guy what do you think he would have done with it?



Oh, you said cam so I thought you meant webcam.



Strange first post.
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post #14 of 76
Thread Starter 
sorry that was my bad!
post #15 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by CASSIE View Post

Your a guy what do you think he would have done with it?



Because all men are exactly the same, and would therefore take the same course of action.
post #16 of 76
Thread Starter 
hey sarah, I know I have to deal with it but how do I do that? How do I bring it up with him again to try to get over this?
post #17 of 76
Thread Starter 
I'm not saying that all men would do the same thing I know that everyone is different. I just thought a man would have more of an insight to what might have been his course of action! I'm not saying anything bad about MEN. Sorry if you took it that way!

I'm just trying to sort this out in my head.
post #18 of 76
It just came across that way. Thank you for qualifying your meaning.

post #19 of 76
Ok, so obviously you have to talk to him about it. You asked how to bring it up again. Just tell him you need to talk to him because something's been bothering you, sit him down and launch right in. Just explain that he really needs to talk to you about anything like that before he does it. Maybe you'll agree, maybe not but he has to talk to you first. It could be the case that he thought that he could surprise you with it and you wouldn't feel violated, sometimes guys are just stupid.

However if you have any concern that that wasn't the case then you're going to have to take more serious action. You're not going to be able to enjoy sex with this dude if you're constantly checking that you're not being recorded.

Before I did anything else with him I would be doing a quick search of the internet because there is the possibility that he's done this before and you haven't noticed the camera, then I would demand that he puts the camera away, or only do it in your bedroom, not his.

Don't have sex with him again until you're sure you can trust him.
post #20 of 76
What might he do with it? Keep it for himself to watch. Or if he's really vindictive, post the video or stills on the internet or show to his friends if you have an ugly break-up - sorry to say, it's been done before...

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post #21 of 76
Thread Starter 
Thank-you gas4

I appreciate everyones help with this.
post #22 of 76
ummm..that's a deeply disturbing thought really...if i had a boyfriend and found out he was doing that, he wouldn't have a girlfriend any longer and i would take the tape. It's also against the law for him to do that anyways.
post #23 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by CASSIE View Post

Your a guy what do you think he would have done with it?

Save it for the times when you're not around and he's feeling horny. What better porn than one that stars the girl you love? Maybe he felt that if you knew he was taping it beforehand that you'd be less comfortable and not be yourself during sex. There's just a big difference in quality between secretly taped sex and openly taped sex, you can tell the people are acting differently to show off for the tape. It didn't sound like he was being very decietful if he walked right over to the camera and put it away while you were watching. If he had vindictive plans in mind, he'd have hidden the camera under a towel and covered up the red light.



So, I don't think I'd jump to conclusions personally, but you definetely need to have a talk and let him know that video taping of any kind is unacceptable to you.
post #24 of 76
Hi Cassie, I read all of your posts on this so far and here's what I think:



I more or less agree with what sarahjayn said in her last post.



I would sit down with him and talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know if you were hurt, felt betrayed, or weary of trusting him - every feeling needs to be expressed. If you think watching the videotape of you two would be something you'd be interested in doing in the future, let him know that. Make it clear though that it's a personal act that you do not want shared with the public, because it's special and personal to you. (If that is the way you feel, which is what I gather.)



Ask him what his true motives were. Let him know it's important to you that you know the truth behind him videotaping the two of you, and see what he has to say and how he says it.



Ultimately, you will have to figure out if he's telling you the truth. I wish you the best of luck with this, and if things don't turn out for the better for you two, we are here for you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
post #25 of 76
i'm sorry to hear this.



this is definitely a blow to your trust.



he is lucky you are still with him at this point.
post #26 of 76
okay, i would have all kinds of issues with that!

but - you have gotten some great advice in this thread!
post #27 of 76
Man, I'd be way too worried he'd keep a secret copy and use it to blackmail you if you ever broke up with him... find the secret copy, destroy it, then dump his ass on the side of the road



That is just a really creepy thing for him to do... I'm sorry...
post #28 of 76
Ok, if that happened to me I would be horrified. I don't know what I would do, but I agree that you shouldn't sleep with him again until/if you feel that you can trust him again. And if he doesn't understand why it was wrong to do that, I would be extra disturbed . . .
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post #29 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

It didn't sound like he was being very decietful if he walked right over to the camera and put it away while you were watching. If he had vindictive plans in mind, he'd have hidden the camera under a towel and covered up the red light.



Although you have a point there, it's still incredibly presumptuous to do that to a sexual partner without discussing it first. It's really disrespectful and a total violation of trust.



If this was my partner, he'd be soooo gone right now. I'd never trust him ever again.
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post #30 of 76
huge violation of trust. he hardly treats you nice if he does things like this.
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