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How long is too long? (for in-laws to visit)

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
Ok just a hypothetical question here.



How long do you feel is an appropriate amount of time for inlaws to visit? Say you live in different states and typically see each other about twice a year (maybe three).



I'm not giving any details yet because I just want unbiased thoughts.
post #2 of 20
That depends: hwo well do you all get along? :lol



I would say, for me: a week, tops. Per year. Cumulative. *If* you get along.
post #3 of 20
About a week a visit works for me. It would depend on if you were all staying in the same house, or if they were staying in a hotel. Maybe longer if they were in a hotel. Eh, no. A week is a good amount of time.
post #4 of 20
I would say 2 days, tops. :P
post #5 of 20
I got tired of my inlaws after about 24 hours. But they often stayed for a week or more... and yes - I was ready to commit serious criminal acts by the time they left...



My mother-in-law openly hated me... so it was always such a joyous time we shared together....



OK, sorry, end of rant...
post #6 of 20
yeah it depends on how much you like/dislike them



if my wife's parents stayed with us, 1 day would be too long



if my mom and her husband came to stay with us they could probably stay forever because my wife and i love them so much, and the way they live our quality of life would vastly improve because of their presence.
post #7 of 20
I think a week to two weeks is acceptable regardless of whether or not you get along. If the spouse wants his/her parents to visit and wants to see them, then that should be the deciding factor and the other spouse should suck it up. IMHO, however.
Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid...~Albert Einstein~
"Nothing tastes as good as kindness feels" - ~ElaineV~
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Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid...~Albert Einstein~
"Nothing tastes as good as kindness feels" - ~ElaineV~
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post #8 of 20
An hour.





just kidding
post #9 of 20
My future in-laws are evil, rotten SOBs and the mere mention of them is more than I can deal with. No, really. But they are so evil that they don't even really love their son, so no sucking it up for me!



But if I liked them . . . depends why they're visiting. Just to say hi? New baby? Holiday?
post #10 of 20
I think it matters what the situation is. Will they add to the home workload or will they help? Are you and your SO both working? Is the one staying home with them the inlaw or their child? Do you enjoy each other's company? Even if you are not thrilled with them, do all of you have the good manners to get along for a few days? How far did they have to come, not how often can they come would be a determining factor.



I don't enjoy being Mrs. Hospitality, be it family or inlaws. My aunt says,"Company, like fish, begins to smell after about three days." I kind of agree with her.
post #11 of 20
5-10 minutes.
post #12 of 20
i usually manage about a week with any guest. any more is too long.



also, in cases where my parents need to stay near us, they always get a bed and breakfast--for their own comfort and privacy as well as ours. so, we're planning on using this policy when we mvoe across country. they'll get a hotel or b&b when they visit.
post #13 of 20

In-laws especially should just visit once a year for 1 week.  No matter who it is, when someone comes to stay with you, your utility bills increase as does your food bill not to mention the stress of having other people in your house when you have certain routines that get disrupted when visitors arrive.

post #14 of 20

I'm really close to my in-laws and actually enjoy when they visit (they say I'm the daughter they never had, lol). Usually they come and stay with us between 10-14 days in the summer, but they like to help around the house which is nice (they're actually staying a little longer for their visit in May to help us with some project around the house). I think a time-frame like that is pretty good, especially if you don't see each other very often and get along well.

 

My parents are from Brazil, so my dad gets a ton of vacation time every year, almost 2 months. Of that they tend to spend about half of that visiting with us which by then end of it wears me out. Long stays like that are pretty standard in Latin America (or at least where I grew up).   I love my parents and kid brother, but 3-4 weeks with house guests can be trying, especially since I work at home and feel like I need to entertain them AND get my work done, while also keeping the house clean, making meals, etc.

post #15 of 20

My mother in law visits us from overseas twice a year and while she was working she came 2-3 weeks at a time which was manageable. DH and I work and so she would be bored at home but we would let her know that before she visited that we would not be there everyday, all day.

 

However, since she retired she has started visiting 6 weeks (or sometimes more!) at a time and during her last visit it just got too much. 12 weeks a year is just too much to stay and live with someone. I told DH that next time she visits 6 weeks is just too long and I need a break because visiting us so much is causing me to feel a lot of animosity towards her.

 

I felt like I got along with her fine when she would visit for 2-3 weeks but now that she visits for 6 weeks at a time I'm feeling typical MIL feelings towards her. So, I would say 2-3 weeks maximum.

post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by etoiles View Post

My mother in law visits us from overseas twice a year and while she was working she came 2-3 weeks at a time which was manageable. DH and I work and so she would be bored at home but we would let her know that before she visited that we would not be there everyday, all day.

 

However, since she retired she has started visiting 6 weeks (or sometimes more!) at a time and during her last visit it just got too much. 12 weeks a year is just too much to stay and live with someone. I told DH that next time she visits 6 weeks is just too long and I need a break because visiting us so much is causing me to feel a lot of animosity towards her.

 

I felt like I got along with her fine when she would visit for 2-3 weeks but now that she visits for 6 weeks at a time I'm feeling typical MIL feelings towards her. So, I would say 2-3 weeks maximum.

 

Woo, that's like living with you for three months / 1/4 of the year!

Nooo, 1 month a year max!

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post #17 of 20

My grandpa has a saying that like fish, house guests start to stink after a couple of days

post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by dorianaldyn View Post

My grandpa has a saying that like fish, house guests start to stink after a couple of days

 

This is the rule I've always gone by.  You can take almost anyone for 3 days.  I always wished my mom would stay longer though.  If you are a guest, plan to stay only 3 days.  That way you don't overstay your welcome and they always want you back.

post #19 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amira23 View Post

 

This is the rule I've always gone by.  You can take almost anyone for 3 days.  I always wished my mom would stay longer though.  If you are a guest, plan to stay only 3 days.  That way you don't overstay your welcome and they always want you back.


The more traveling it takes to get there and back, the less often they make the trip, and the more closely related they are to at least one of their hosts, the less the "three day" rule will reasonably apply. And of course, how well everyone gets along. At one extreme is someone who lives within a 2-hour drive. Maybe just a day trip, maybe an occasional overnight. At the other extreme: A friend of mine grew up in China, came to the US to study, and now lives here. Her mother visits her every year from China and stays as long as her visa allows. I forget exactly how long that is, but it sounded like a lot when she told me, a month or more. It gets better. Her mother sleeps in the same room and same bed as my friend while she's visiting, relegating my friend's husband to the guest room for weeks on end. She talks about it as something funny and hopeless, like "what are ya gonna do?" as does her (Western) husband.


Edited by Joan Kennedy - 3/28/13 at 1:50pm
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by 'IckenNoodleSoup View Post

 

Woo, that's like living with you for three months / 1/4 of the year!

Nooo, 1 month a year max!


Thank you for agreeing with my point of view! She has been visiting for 12 week (or more!) a year for several years now and each time it gets more stressful and less fun. She said this last time that she felt like a burden and I had to agree (not out loud but I was definitely thinking that in my head!). She doesn't drive or cook dinner and so those are two things that we always have to do and take her to stores, etc when she is here. This last visit I was pregnant while she was here and got tired quickly so I told her that she had to get all her shopping done at the stores we were planning to visit and that we would not be going to a bunch of extra stores. If she wants so to do shopping she would have to take the senior bus that goes next to our house. She complained that she felt like a 'prisoner' because we would not cart her around to extra stores or do tons of shopping which she loves. That irritated me quite a bit. She does help out with house work so that is nice.

 

We are having our first baby in a few weeks and I'm sure she will want to visit for a nice long time sometime in the summer but I already told DH that her extra long visits are taking its toll and she's going to have to cut them back.

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