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Vegetarian Jokes

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Scorpius pointed me in the direction of this vegetarian joke site, and I thought I'd post a few of the better ones:





Why does vegan cheese taste bad?





















It hasn't been tested on mice.



How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?





















One if nobody's looking.



How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?



















I don't know, but where do you get your protein?



How screws many it take fruitarians does to light a bulb change?























Six thought and again three much disorder for too deficiency zinc.



What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?





















A non-dairy creamer.



How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?





















None, vegans can't change anything. (ooooh, scathing, I know )



Anyone else know any good vegetarian jokes?
post #2 of 22
Hehe, vegans can change things!
post #3 of 22
Ha ha! I love the protein one!
post #4 of 22
Alternate punchline for "vegans changing a lightbulb":



Two, one to cange the lightbulb and another to check for animal ingredients.

"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"


www.animal-adoptions.org

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"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"


www.animal-adoptions.org

Reply
post #5 of 22
speaking of lightbulb jokes



how any psycatrists does it take to change a light bulb









none but the light buld has really got to change!!!!!!!!!





unveg related sorry
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scorpius View Post

Alternate punchline for "vegans changing a lightbulb":



Two, one to cange the lightbulb and another to check for animal ingredients.



Meh, I didn't think that one was that good, so I didn't bother posting it.
post #7 of 22
Well I liked it

"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"


www.animal-adoptions.org

Reply

"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"


www.animal-adoptions.org

Reply
post #8 of 22
i love the jokes !

and i'm sorry i don't have any....

but i still think the funniest vegetarian moment in history was in that old college movie - PCU, when they were throwing raw ground meat at the vegetarians....
post #9 of 22
ohhh i got a joke 2 cows are standing in a field and one says to the other ... are you worried about mad cow disease? No says the other cow ...I am a chicken!
post #10 of 22
haaaaa i dig the jokes. I have none of my own, that qualify of course.
post #11 of 22
LMAO !



here is a russian joke, you might not get it b/c it's russian so just don't worry:

two dead chickens in the freezer:

one of them is just beautiful, she's yellow with a pinkish tint, fat, clean.... the other one is skinny ugly and blue ..

the fat one goes :

"oh look at you, you're so ugly, and so skinny, and i'm so beautiful and everyone adores me, even my insides are all washed and in separate bag"

the skinny one: "so f*ckin what ?! atleast i died my own death" (i died of natural causes)
post #12 of 22
this weekend my b/f's bestfriend asked me if my b/f had "plowed the soy field"



its not really a joke, but it was really funny.
post #13 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by thebelovedtree View Post

this weekend my b/f's bestfriend asked me if my b/f had "plowed the soy field"



its not really a joke, but it was really funny.



Woah, that's hot.
post #14 of 22
Here's a joke that can be adapted to anyone:



What's yellow and red and looks good on Ted Nugent?























Fire.
Check out my webcomic! www.GrammarComic.com
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Check out my webcomic! www.GrammarComic.com
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post #15 of 22

What do you call a vegetarian at the butchers?

Lostsmiley.gif

post #16 of 22
What do you call it when a vegetarian eats beef?

A mis-steak!


Why do vegans eat so many lentils?

It's a natural im-pulse!
If I post anything offensive, it's society's fault, not mine.
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If I post anything offensive, it's society's fault, not mine.
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post #17 of 22

Ha ha ha these are fantastic!!

Formerly Crazy Diamond.

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Formerly Crazy Diamond.

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post #18 of 22

Ahahahahhaa, love these! 

post #19 of 22

Did you hear about the soy cheese factory that caught on fire?

 

 

 

 

The cheese still didn't melt.
 

post #20 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amira23 View Post

Did you hear about the soy cheese factory that caught on fire?

 

 

 

 

The cheese still didn't melt.
 

Now, THAT one really has me cracking up! 

Isabelle, aka La Grenouille
My blog (in French): L’herbivore — http://lherbivore.ca
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Isabelle, aka La Grenouille
My blog (in French): L’herbivore — http://lherbivore.ca
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post #21 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amira23 View Post

Did you hear about the soy cheese factory that caught on fire?




The cheese still didn't melt.

 

Ha! Vegans lived through some dark times before Daiya was invented. laugh.gif

Vegans are basically saying, "Hey, animals shouldn't be needlessly harmed." It's amazing how many people that sentiment freaks out. - Vegan.com

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Vegans are basically saying, "Hey, animals shouldn't be needlessly harmed." It's amazing how many people that sentiment freaks out. - Vegan.com

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post #22 of 22
I bought some vegan cheese in the 90s and left it in a communal kitchen. I came back some time later and someone had used some of it to try to make cheese on toast....and the two sad bits of toast were just sitting there with the cheese having been completely indifferent to the grilling process..grin.gif
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