I'm a 19yo male vegetarian, and I will be vegetarian for four years in May. I do it for moral reasons, and I also attempt to avoid leather for the same reasons. I never crave meat, and when it ends up in my food somehow I feel geniunely sick. I try not to hurt anything that is sentient or can suffer, and I feel that I do a pretty good job of it.
I have a foot and shoe fetish, I love erotic humiliation, BDSM, and I also have a giantess and trampling fetish (the former fantasizing about giant women crushing me underfoot, the latter being about normal women walking on me). None of these are wrong and I quite enjoy them, although they can be quite awkward to bring up to a girlfriend.
The dilemma is that I also have what's known as a crush fetish; the desire to see women crush things under their feet. I get heavily aroused seeing women step on small bugs, especially snails. I've purchased dozens of videos of women stomping on and crushing dozens of snails. If watching women crush snails and hearing them crunch underfoot doesn't surpass any other sexual feeling I've had, it is surely up there. I've never told anyone about this fetish (other than the internet).
I have obviously had some reservations, seeing as I am a moral vegetarian. However, as my moral reason for becoming vegetarian rests on not causing harm to anything that can suffer, feel fear, or is sentient, I feel that any organism that lacks all of those qualities can be harmed without being immoral. As kittens, puppies, mice, and even goldfish, crawdads and lobsters (the last three both legal to crush) have at least one of the aforementioned qualities, I will never buy a video with them or ask a girl to crush one. However, as snails are non-sentient and do not feel fear or suffer, I feel that I can buy videos of women crushing them, or ask women to crush them without bending my morals.
As an additional point, unlike some theories that say I will end up killing kittens, I am not sadistic; in fact I am masochistic. The crush fetish goes with my giantess fetish, and when watching a crush video I fantasize about being crushed like one of the snails. I myself do not even kill bugs, and I am described as being incredibly kind. I have three cats and a dog back at home, and I love them all.
So, here's my jumble of questions: Does this logic make sense to you, forum viewers? Does this seem as if I am trying to excuse something I know is wrong, or does it appear perfectly acceptable morally, based on my line of logic? What would you do if you were in my position? Any other feedback or comment?
I'm sorry for posting what has to be one of the weirdest damn things ever, especially on a vegetarian forum, and especially as a first post, but I wanted to get a second opinion from other vegetarians (and vegans).