The Depression Thread.

I don't, personally, but I was married to someone for 12 years who was depressed. When he was trying to not act depressed, it was just an act.

Have you ever tried anti-depressants?

It's also possible that something you're eating, you're allergic to. My mom was allergic to wheat without knowing it and she always felt lethargic afterward, which she mistook for depression.

me me!

i was diagnosed with clinical depression aged 14, in 1994- with atypical features (all of those listed above, especially i suddenly put on a bunch of weight just before i first got diagnosed (thyroid tests always come back ok), i get really weepy, and when i'm really unwell, just horribly numb and detached, i can't think straight, i get really restless legs, have super IBS and allergy issues, i'm generally exhausted much of the time, i can sleep for like 18 hours straight easy peasy, i am wicked sensitive to perceived rejection and used to get very paranoid, i have intrusive thoughts and mental images, i retreat under the duvet and wish i'd vanish from existance for the good of all mankind, can't muster up the motivation to get out of bed and eat/clean my teeth/wash my face, etc) ..... and seeing as it's 2010 now and i'm still pretty flipping loopy when left to my own devices and running on unsupported brain chemistry, its considered major depressive disorder. go me!

in the past 16 years i've been on a bunch of different medications, been through assorted types of therapy, and just as importantly, i've learned a lot- about myself, about my family dynamic and relationships, about the connection between thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, about doing things that scare me/i don't wanna do- because they improve things.... about all sorts of things.

i'm also very lucky to have a very supportive mum and bf, and sort of tollerant (but i think also somewhat bemused and perhaps dubious) dad and brothers. and two wonderful cats who manage to make me laugh when nothing else can, who are super affectionate even when i'm in a foul mood, and who rely on me to keep it together and look after them. those all help hugely.

i also recently got diagnosed with ADHD and medicated for that (i don't feel hyperactive physically- but i have about 7,003 thoughts at a time spinning about in my poor little mind )- and everything seems to be coming together a lot better now than it has before- all i have to do now is get my crap together a bit more (hahahahaha- it looks so easy on the screen- i'll just nip off and do that this afternoon then shall i? ), and then remember to keep taking my medication- even when i've been doing ok for some time and decide that i'm fine- cos whenever i come off it- even very slowly- i start to slip back downhill fast, and unfortunately when i'm heading southward i am not objective, rational or astute enough to see that i'm backsliding at some speed and need to ask for help, nor motivated and coherant enough to do so. it took me 6 years to clue in to that last time. i should maybe get 'keep taking the pills' tattooed backwards on my forehead, just incase.

i think it'd be really good if we could talk about things that have helped us and offer each other support in this thread. it can be quite easy- especially when you're already in a big rut- to focus on your label and find yourself almost embracing it and playing the role of miserable layabout (cos its a comfortable place to be when life is overwhelming- under the duvet with a tub of icecream), instead of working on actively moving forward- wading your way out of the bog and back onto dry land. it always seems like a mirage when you're in there upto your neck, but i feel we could probably benefit a lot from doing our damnedest to remember that a pretty good level of functionality and recovery is possible, and for the most part attainable- its just a case of finding what works and working with it- grabbing hold of whatever help you can, and taking a whole bunch of baby steps forward til we get to more solid ground.

also: for everyone who needs one.

Maybe me...I know I suffer from some sort of depression. i always assumed seasonal since I definitely don't have clinical depression. I have really bad bouts of depression, sometimes lasting an hour, sometimes lasting a few weeks. But I have moments of happiness, then can go back to a bout of depression. It's mostly in the winter for me, which makes me think seasonal but The fact that I can bounce back makes me think atypical. I don't see a therapist, I probably should, but a few years ago I did. I had a terrible dark bout of depression, I couldn't even function, but by the time i saw the therapist i was a lot better, then during the month or so I saw her, I was fine (it was spring too) so she basically told me I was fine. I think I feel like if I see a therapist again, they'll tell me I'm fine when i KNOW I am not. Just last night I spiraled so bad, I just layed on the floor crying for 15 minutes wondering why I even bother, and today I'm fine, but this morning I wasn't. It's very frustrating.

Ad far as what helps me, sometimes just talking about normal things to my loved ones helps. I always thought talking about my depression to my boyfriend was supposed to help me but he struggles to understand it, and it just makes me feel isolated. I've found though when i take a deep breath, and have a regular convo with him it takes my mind off the bad stuff.

i am depressed for all my life..since i can remember. sometimes it gets weird...i can go from despair to happiness in a second and back. i had suicidal thoughts..not anymore. i usually get them when things go really bad.
when i get depressed i clean(helps clear your mind), cook(the same thing), have some comfort food and watch a comedy. it makes it better.

Yah, depression sucks. I have all the "atypical" symptoms, other than the stomach problems and crying (I very rarely cry), plus some additional ones. I had my first major episode in my late teens, and have lived with it ever since. My pattern has been to crash every several years, meds or not. I'm 54 now, so it's been a long, hard slog. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. My responsibility to my animals keeps me going.

to everyone living with this in any form.

I've been depressed for years. I remember as a child always feeling tired and now looking back I must have been depressed. I tried medications and that didn't work out very well. Counseling helped a bit but not really, it just became a place for me to vent, I never really got out of the rut that I was in. The only thing that seemed to help a bit was to be able to walk. I was still depressed but I as able to do a few things. But, the last couple of years I haven't been able to exercise at all because of and undiagnosed health issue. If this problem doesn't get resolved I don't know what I am going to do. Social anxiety has kept me from having friends and a life and the more I stay home the more isolated and depressed I become. I don't even talk to my mom or my sister anymore because I don't want to hear, "How are you doing?"

When I do have to be around people other than my husband, which is rare, I put the mask on too. I pretend everything is fine when really I just want to hide in my misery.

Me!

Far too hyper about that

Anyhoo, I've had severe depression and anxiety disorder (those exact words) on my doctors notes since I was 10 years old. Fun times! Oh and I also have an avoidant personality disorder. My life is so much fun...

I think I have the same as you, Venomous. I was diagnosed just last week with "moderate depression" (although I've had it for years) but I do have happy moments.

I start counselling tomorrow, and Citalopram next week.

i hope you didn't take that bit of my post the wrong way. i do know what its like to feel engulfed by sorrow, and its great that you've got kities, the bf, and a bit of a work thing going on to help you hang in there. fibromyalgia really isn't remotely fun either from what i know of it, and neither is anxiety. i'm also sorry that painkillers haven't helped you- that must be really frustrating. have you looked into borrowing a tens machine and giving it a try? they can be awesomely helpful for all kinds of pain related issues, i know a few people who swear by them. if you can get onto a CBT self-help programme i'd grab a chance at that too- they can be life changing.


well done you! positive step forward in progress!

cool! it might be worth finding out if you can rent one just to give it a go- i know you can in the uk, and they'll obviously help you find the right fit, cos you're giving them your money.

i saw that most of you took pills to help you with your depression and anxiety. i don't know if that's really a good thing. well, i don't know if i have a bad form of depression, but my doctor told me(when i showed up in his waiting room crying hysterically) that it's not a good idea to go to a shrink and take pills and just try to make it go on my own and with help of my loved ones, because taking in consideration my young age(22 then, now 23) it wouldn't be a wise thing to do because i might never be able to give them up.
now i actually feel better, after spending a summer in the mountains and moving from where i was staying(it wasn't so pleasant). before i was kind of messed up- panic attacks, anxiety, a very bad hypocondria( i evrn thought i had AIDS, and not finding a way i could have gotten it, i imagined that i got it from the hospital from when they took blood from me, if i scratched myself i was mortified for 3 days that i might die from tetanos, the same thing happened with canned food and botulism), i used to cry every 2 days, thought about suicide. ...uff

I've had issues with depression in the past but mine almost always seems to coincide with situations where I feel that there is a total or near-total loss of control over my situation or the outcome of the situation, if that makes sense.

Right now I feel I might be a touch depressed because my energy levels are very low and I have no desire to socialize or get out of the house, but I'm not sure that really qualifies as depression. I don't feel hopeful about the future; when I look at doing this for another 30 years I feel very tired. I don't want to die, but living is just kind of....meh....for me.

Carmen, depression meds are not addictive, so it sounds to me as though your doctor isn't well informed. Yes, you have to phase into them and likewise phase out of them, rather than stopping cold turkey, but that's not because they have addictive properties.

I'm glad you're feeling so much better. It sounds as though your problems were situational, and it's great that you were able to change your situation.

well...maybe the medication is not addictive, but in my case i think it would have been a case of treating the symptoms and not the real problem. and i think that in some cases it might be possible to get mentally addicted (like with cigarettes), because you are under the impression that everything is better and you are not trying to resolve the real issue.
but i don't know very well, because i don't have medical training, but i still think that medication should be the last solution, and only for the really bad cases.
thanks for you thoughts

***Rhys' note: Just a warning, this post might touch briefly on sensitive subjects in regards to depression.***

Bipolar II (manic depression). The depressive episodes I experience are psychotic and require hospitalization with added antipsychotic medication to my current mood stabilizing regimen when they're full blown. Before I was properly diagnosed as bipolar, docs called it recurrent major depression with psychotic features. The hallucinations were pretty horrible and made me extremely agitated. Family/police often had to intervene and take me to the hospital immediately due to sell harm and very strong urges to kill myself (gun ripped away from me when I was planning to shoot myself, keeping sharp objects/pills/cords/etc. away, caring for wounds). I still struggle quite a bit but I'm glad the episodes aren't quite that intense anymore.

carmen, i think i get where you're coming from- dependance on external factors for a feeling of well being isn't ideal. we do all need to take a strong degree of ownership of and responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, choices, and recovery. but the thing with depression is that there are different types, and different reasons behind it, and different things that work for different people, in different ways, at different times.

situational depression is quite often fixable without medication, and makes sense if you think about it- its normal to feel bad if someone you love just died, you lost your job, your partner beats you, you're the child of someone with addiction problems, you're being bullied at school, etc. a few appropriately prescribed and used pills might help you hold it together enough to work on resolving the underlying issues in cases like that, but all the pills in the world aren't gonna magically make living with a violent drunk who yells at you for not having a job when your mum and your cat both just died into some kinda heavenly ideal. you gotta find a way to haul arse out of that sort of thing- get a job, leave the addict/abuser, learn to think more constructively and do things that effect change.

but depression thats down to dodgy wiring, thats kinda different. you can be a perfect 10 in tip top physical shape, married to the most awesome guy and mum of wonderful kids, gainfully employed in an ideal job that makes a huge difference and pays the perfect wage, very much self aware and balanced emotionally, having had a perfect childhood, chilling out with your best friends lying on the beach in hawaii being served cocktails by a very tasty looking waiter, and feel nothing but this huge overwhelming pit of sorrow dragging you down. it'd be kinda hard to sort that out with happy thoughts and positive lifestyle changes, ya know...?

just like with any illness, you have to find what works for you. just like if you'd just been diagnosed with say... high blood pressure or diabetes, you'd need to work with a professional to look at lifestyle changes, learn new ways of doing things to manage your health better, and look at whether or not medication was required, or needed just at that point. if not, great! it certainly makes sense to have a damned hard go at digging yourself out without meddling with your brain chemistry, if you can do that. but there is no point being a hero if that aint gonna fix things. life is too short. if you get to a point where you realise that you need a bit more dopamine or seratonin to get and stay functional, then thats what you need.

for me, there were some definate situational challenges to overcome. leaving school bullying behind me helped a lot, my dad sobering up and getting therapy around that helped a lot, doing CBT that taught me about thinking patterns, ways of motivating and rewarding myself etc, helped a lot, getting my health back on track (to an extent), finding a voluntary work position that got me out of bed and doing something constructive... also helped a lot.

but i think depression can also be genetic in basis, just like other mental health issues- if you look back through my family tree one side is all addicts and alcoholics, the other depressives. something isn't right there- some of them have been wealthy, healthy, intelligent, seemingly well adjusted people- but for some reason they just got very very sad and couldn't cope without drowning themselves in booze- even those who hadn't had it modelled by parents. a whole bunch of hormonal stuff all went awry for me with a big thud, around puberty, and honestly things weren't that bad in my life when it started to go wrong- a lot of the problems were compounded by depression, as well as compounding it- and then they just all got intertwined (cos miserable fat spotty people make an awesome bullying target, and when you're all snotty and gassy you don't feel particularly chipper, and are gonna be more prone to thinking negatively).

whats right for you, right now, is what counts. i do hope that your doctor helped you set up some coping strategies, and got you booked in for councelling. paranoia, anxiety, and irrational thinking isn't to be sniffed at or taken lightly. your family and friends do need to know how to best support you, and when to yell for the help of the peeps in white coats- cos its easy for a little wobble to turn into a big slide if you're not keeping an eye on it.

All I can say is that right now I am shattered. I know it's my depression rearing it's ugly head, because little bumps in life are making me feel absolutely and utterly wretched.

Kiz and to everyone else suffering from depression.

I've been dealing with depression and many other mental illnesses/disorders since I was young (around 11-12yrs old). I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I really appreciate everyone here who has opened themselves up and shared their experiences. It does help a lot to read everyone's stories/struggles and successes. I can relate to every post and find them really informative and helpful.

I'm currently 17 and have been struggling with depression since I was 11. I am now on anti-depressants and see a counselor a few times a month. It's helped a LOT. My dad and sister really support me and are trying their best to help with all they can, so I'm really lucky about that. =]

Hugs to everybody who has depression. Hope for the best, try your hardest, and never, ever, EVER, give in. It'll be better in the end. <3

+1.

Depression is a horrible illness, I have Major Depression with Borderline Personality Disorder and my moods swing from up and down, but mostly down.

jeneticallymodified, i think you are right. there are so many people who struggle with depression and other forms of mental illness, and all of them should get help, taking in regard their state, their personalities..well..everything. pills are made to help us, i'm still glad i didn't use any, but some people do need them. actually i was prescribed sleeping pills, but i didn't take them(insomnia caused by anxiety and stress).
the bad part of it all is that some people aren't even to blame for what happens to them. some of them ruin their lives by their own actions , but some get depressed for reasons that are beyond their power. genetic factors, society, accidents...it's quite sad. these people need help and if i could change the world i'd make everyone happy(now i sound like a miss world contestant ) ).
i wish you all good health

everyone needs help- regardless of whether or not they screwed up by themselves- no man is an island, and we all share responsibility for helping people screw themselves and each other up. my dad drank himself into a pickle but he did so because bad things happened to him and he didn't know how to cope... and those things happened to him because his parents, loved ones, and friends didn't know how to cope themselves, and were hurting inside themselves. the cycle just goes on and on and gets very tangled.

i'm very cautious of sleeping pills myself. if you can look at fixing whats behind the anxiety thats keeping you awake, that'd be preferable. i worked through a programme very similar to this one below (actually incorporating a lot of these worksheets) when i was in group therapy recently- its a fair bit of work in total, but i really recommend them- reading just one a week and thinking about it, filling in one sheet a week... you'd be suprised what you can acheive by way of change.

quite often with depression/worry comes more negative thinking, which makes us feel even more miserable and worried, and we're so caught up in things that we really don't realise how we're accidently feeding our problems like like feeding garden weeds, and how with practice we can break the patterns that make our worry and unhappiness worse, by changing the way we think and react to perceived problems/concerns- squirting them with weedkiller and growing lots of nice flowers to crowd them out instead.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?Info_ID=46

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?Info_ID=40

I'm currently in depression-denial. I'm depressed but don't want to admit it to myself.

Since early October I've been holed up in my house, not answering the phone or the door or walking outside. I can't really explain why, there is no real cause and effect here except that this happens to me periodically and I can't come out again until I'm "ready" (which can take a long time). When I'm out I'm really happy and so normal that no one even remembers that I wasn't around for so long...it's what they don't see behind my closed door I suppose.

I get that way too...I am currently in the throes of an "I vant to be alone" phase where I don't feel like doing much of anything. I'm not sad and I don't hate myself, I just don't have much enthusiasm for anything and I lack the energy to go out. If someone wanted to come over, fine; but nobody ever does.