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  Topic Review (Newest First)
11-26-2009 11:45 AM
Chrysalis He's using the cat as an excuse to maintain contact with you and now he's worried that when he gives the cat back, you won't talk to him again. That's my guess, anyway.



I agree that you should find proof of your ownership and then have the police help you, or small claims court if necessary.
11-24-2009 01:48 PM
Nishani If this was me and I'd already been separated from the cat for nearly a year anyway, I'd let him keep the cat. That would side-step all the drama and remove his reason to keep on seeing me.
11-24-2009 01:14 PM
VeganTigress I agree with the people who has said that if you have any documentation of being the owner to have the police come with you to collect her.



If that is not possible you may need to go to small claims court but you will still need to prove she is your cat. Does she have a spay tattoo, microchip, vet bill, city licence, etc?



Kindest Regards,



VeganTigress
11-24-2009 12:16 PM
Kellye Personally, if it was me (after he pulled that "I changed my mind" stunt) I would tell him, "Well, I'll see you in court then."



Usually the bluff alone is enough to throw things your way.
11-24-2009 12:05 PM
paisleyjane Thanks for your replies everybody, I am really busy so I haven't had time to respond... I will hopefully get back on tonight to read your advice and respond to your comments!!



Thanks!!
11-23-2009 05:44 PM
fadeaway1289 How about some sort of custody/visitation arrangement? Tell him you'll take the cat because he doesn't have enough time to give her 24 hr care that she needs but he could visit her on weekends or whenever he is free and wants to come over to visit? Do you think he would be cool with that? More importantly would you be cool with that? It would mean he would still be in your life and you would see him on a somewhat frequent basis but eventually he might possibly just give up and let the cat go.
11-23-2009 01:06 PM
River Before I would go to small claims, I'd find proof she was mine, and then ask the police to escort you and the cat out of the house.
11-23-2009 01:04 PM
RedLotus I second the idea of getting legal documents that prove your ownership. Also, is there anything else that you guys will need to decide ownership of that you could barter with? For example - if you both paid for the flat screen TV and you know he wants it, could you make and agreement in writing that he can keep the whole TV in return for letting you take the cat?
11-23-2009 12:56 PM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by InstantKarma View Post

It's an outdoor cat. I'd steal her back without a second thought.



if you think you could steal the cat back without him getting him angry or stressing him out cuz he thinks it mightve gotten run over or something, fair enough, but it doesnt seem like a likely scenario to me. i guess we all have our own methods of handling relationship conflict tho
11-23-2009 11:34 AM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by kali View Post

i dont think stealing the cat back is a productive or mature way to deal with an issue like that to be honest. dirty tricks just end up antagonising the ex & making future communication even more difficult. also, she hasnt lived with him since january so if thats not where she lives anymore its going to involve illegal entry to get the cat.



Sorry, but I'm a bit more familiar with the situation than you are.



It's an outdoor cat. I'd steal her back without a second thought.
11-23-2009 11:04 AM
jeneticallymodified ... and if you steal the cat, and then he steals it back, its just gonna get stupid and be hard to sort out if you do try and involve the cops later.
11-23-2009 10:43 AM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

do you have any proof that she's your cat? vet bills in your name, an adoption form, etc? if so, call your local police, and request that someone accompany you to the house to collect the 'property' () that he's witholding from you.



that would be my 1st choice of action. failing that, id seek legal advice to get the cat back.



Quote:
Originally Posted by InstantKarma View Post

Why the hell not?



i dont think stealing the cat back is a productive or mature way to deal with an issue like that to be honest. dirty tricks just end up antagonising the ex & making future communication even more difficult. also, she hasnt lived with him since january so if thats not where she lives anymore its going to involve illegal entry to get the cat.
11-23-2009 10:41 AM
stanie
Quote:
Originally Posted by LyricGaia View Post

Maybe he's not just doing it to hurt you, maybe he really did grow attached. If you think he's capable of giving her a good home and taking care of her, then you might have to let it go.



Maybe ,but why in a phone conversation say "yes, come and get him/her", to then, i imagine hours later say no?

Hes messing with you. Id steal the cat back.



*Actually, i take that back about stealing the cat.

Be honest with yourself, where would the cat be better off?
11-23-2009 10:36 AM
Alicia Avocado Good idea.



Small claims court would be the place to go (I am unsure of what country you reside in, but I'm sure there would be an equivalent.)



If you can go to the local vet and get a print out of all medical care, payments, and your address and name on it (as they usually do on invoices) that would go a long way.



Another thing, is if you know some people who are impartial to the situation (neighbours etc.) who would perhaps vouch that they have seen you with the cat for the majority, if not all of the time, and that he is frequently not home that would also help. Just a written, dated, and signed letter would probably do.



Just the threat of this may make him move a bit more on the issue as 'getting out what he needs to say' would become a labour-intensive procedure for him.
11-23-2009 09:45 AM
GhostUser
Quote:
Originally Posted by paisleyjane View Post

I don't know what to do. I can't just steal her...





Why the hell not?
11-23-2009 09:43 AM
SlobberChops I'm sorry to hear about this PJ.

Hope it works out for you in the end.
11-23-2009 09:33 AM
jeneticallymodified do you have any proof that she's your cat? vet bills in your name, an adoption form, etc? if so, call your local police, and request that someone accompany you to the house to collect the 'property' () that he's witholding from you.
11-23-2009 09:15 AM
Amy SF PJ I'm sorry this has happened to you.



You may have to take him to small claims court to get the cat back.
11-23-2009 09:06 AM
paisleyjane Honestly, I am the better caretaker and he admits that. He doesn't change her litter until it's overflowing, and he works 40+ hours a week and then goes away on the weekends. She's alone a lot. On the phone earlier in the day when he said "Yes, of course!" He ALSO added "I think that would be best, I'm not home very much." I was saying this to him when he changed his mind... that it was HIS own words that it's best I take her... but he just kept saying "Well I've changed my mind."



I can tell just by her meow or the look of her fur or walk if she's feeling off, I give her fresh clean water every day. He smokes in the house and leaves food laying around for her to get into, like chickenbones etc... and like I said, avoids the litter until it's impossible to avoid.



I believe he doesn't want to let her go because he genuinely loves her and has grown attached to her, but he has never waivered in his agreement that she's my cat and that when I'm ready I could have her back... and I was pretty freakin attached to her when I left. I used to cry myself to sleep at night because I missed my cat, and I still have dreams about her and stuff. I don't think it's entirely out of spite, and I don't think HE thinks it's out of spite, but some of the things he said made me feel that way, for sure.



Alicia - I think you're right to a degree. I think he took the opportunity to say some things that he's been wanting to say. For example, "You left ME. I LOVE you. I wanted you here." What does that have to do with anything? It's just guilting me, there is no place for that in our discussion about who gets the cat...



BLAH!! I don't know what to do
11-23-2009 03:18 AM
Alicia Avocado It sounds to me like he's holding on to the cat just to lure you back (judging by the behaviour and changing his mind when you arrived.)



If he was being logical and kind he would understand that the cat has the bond with you, and it was 'your' pet just as it was when the relationship was alive.
11-23-2009 01:39 AM
River Maybe he's not just doing it to hurt you, maybe he really did grow attached. If you think he's capable of giving her a good home and taking care of her, then you might have to let it go.
11-22-2009 11:10 PM
paisleyjane I left my husband in January. When we broke up I went to stay with some friends. I wasn't able to bring my cat because it was a pet free building, as well my friend was allergic. My ex was really nice and had agreed that as soon as I found myself in a place where I could have pets - I could take the cat. We both know that she's my cat - her and I have the bond. I would have taken her when I left but I couldn't. Now, it's November, and I've finally found myself in a situation where I can take her back. I called him this afternoon and he said "Yes, of course!" This evening, when I went to get her - he wouldn't give her to me. He said he'd changed his mind; he's grown close with the cat since I've been gone and doesn't want to give her up.

We fought for hours tonight. I just don't even know what to do. Have an of you ever split with a spouse and basically had to fight over pets?? It has always been the agreement that she's mine, and I get to take her when I can. He even admits this, and says he's grown emotionally attached to her and that he didn't ever expect me to actually come back for her - so he changed his mind.



I don't know what to do. I can't just steal her... when we talk about it he starts guilting me like "YOU left US, we wanted you here, YOU left." He's clearly angry... but he's keeping my cat from me because he knows it will hurt me!!



What do I do?

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