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How am I meant to survive?

1K views 11 replies 11 participants last post by  digsapony 
#1 · (Edited)
I've been crying all day with the head in the toilet from nausea because I had to watch my mother buy a live crab and then boil it alive. I'm so fed up of this sh*t - having to live amongst meat and dairy eaters. I'm literally starting to feel burning hatred towards people who aren't vegan and it's ruining my life. I'm starting university this Saturday and all I can think about is how much I HATE my new "friends" because of what they eat.

I keep seeing videos of animal abuse in milking factories and meat production and I just think why on earth I would want to be remotely involved with anyone that feels okay with what's happening. I seriously think this is going to send me into depression, because I'm slowly pushing everyone and everything away from how disgusting I feel people are for eating animal products.

Can anyone shed some light or some empathy? I hate being a mean person like this. This just isn't like me. I love people.
 
#2 ·
Understand that people evolve at different speeds. You were not born a vegan and until you transitioned were just as complicit as they are. Have a little compassion for the journey they are on, and set a good vegan example.
 
#8 ·
I agree with this. It is really hard to watch and know that this will still go on but I am surprised to see that there are more vegetarians in my community. I notice this even at the super market. More people buying vegan and vegetarian foods. A lot of people buying soy and almond milk. I heard a man tell the meat guy at the market that he is actually going vegetarian but was going to eat meat today (memorial holiday). People trying to transition. Not sure how many are doing it just for health or the animals. I am sure there are other vegans at your school that feel the same.
 
#3 ·
Well, while I agree with River I think that advice (while good) misses the biggest issue.

Your reactions to your own opinions and mental constructs are your own actions. While I entirely sympathize with not wanting to see a crab boiled alive (I wouldnt want to see that), your fury and dismay over being around meat eaters is suffering your heaping on yourself- its not their fault!
It would be great if people hurt animals less, better still if they didnt hurt them at all. You may even be able to influence them. But you cant control them. You can control yourself. Be the peaceful gentle person you want them to be and have at least as much compassion to yourself as you have to crabs and cows and you might even find people are more willing to listen to your opinions.
 
#4 ·
To elaborate on what River said...
Your body, mind and soul has been constructed upon that stuff and that process and we all have a lot of work to do to change that, we can't or shouldn't hate ourselves, we and they are still good people, it is part of natural evolutionary course and we are here for a reason. Compassion is a part of the ideal that we must improve upon. We can only help others by sharing compassion not by hating.
If you change your own body, mind and soul into a better energy then that will bring a better energy to this world. We have only just begun, it's a long, long process.
It happens that some people experience what you are going through and then down the way do something that sets them back and then go back to the old way of eating animal product's (or junk-food or other bad habits etc). We have to be careful.
You aren't much above it. None of us are.
It isn't just animals being mistreated but lots and lots of human suffering is and has always been going on... like still, (now)
So the question is not how sad or angry are you going to keep on being but what can you, and how much are you going to be able to do to help.?
 
#5 ·
Someone awhile back had a discussion called "How not to hate meat-eaters." There were some good comments on that, but one of the most succinct, relevant points was (to paraphrase), "Unless you want to be very, very lonely, you have to find a way to make peace with it." This may sound simplistic, but you can't survive without other people, and you can't survive without meat eaters, like it or not. None of us can. You won't save a single animal by crying all the time or by hating anyone or being combative - in fact you will probably cost more lives because people won't want to be close enough to you to observe your example. As Enthios said, animal cruelty is not the only injustice out there. If you are just starting University, you're going to find many other examples of outrageous things that will leave you dumbstruck with shock. There are a LOT of crappy things going on the world and you are going to have to find a way to live with all of them even though it sucks. You can do small things to help some of these problems (being Veg*n is a great step), but you absolutely cannot fix them all - you can't even impact them all. You really do have to pick the battles that mean the most to you.

You DO need to safeguard your peace of mind. You do not have to watch your mother boil a crab - you can leave the room and save yourself at least a bit of trauma there. You do not need to watch videos of cruelty - you already know it's happening; watching another video will not stop it. As for your mother - I don't know if you tried to argue with her, but if you did, realize that some people, when they know it bothers you, will go to extra trouble to rub it in your face and just hurt you more. I hope she's not that type, but just be aware.
 
#6 · (Edited)
Please don't watch any more videos of animal abuse. From your post, it's clear that you don't need that.

While it's true that most people don't share your protective attitude toward animals at this point, some do. Hang out with them! Veggieboards is good, but is there a group of like-minded people where you live or at the university where you'll be able to meet other veg people in person? Colleges are often hotbeds of personal growth; I wouldn't be surprised if there was one where you'll be going. Of course, some college students are as hostile or uncaring toward animals as anyone else, but if there isn't a pro-animal, vegetarian/vegan group on campus now, perhaps you could start one. You might want to check out one of our local forums for leads.

About feeling hostile towards meat eaters: this is a tough issue. On the one hand, I care about many of the meat eaters in my life- but on the other hand, I care a lot about animals too, and I naturally think more of someone (all other things being equal) if they care about animals. If I didn't think animals were important, I doubt I'd be veg.

I think, with time, that your anger will cool off- but hopefully you'll still have enough inner fire and passion to make a difference for animals in the way you live your life. Regrettably, I've known vegetarians who stopped caring enough and went back to eating animals, but as you say, intense rage isn't what you want either. In this case, the middle way is the best.
 
#7 ·
I've been crying all day with the head in the toilet from nausea because I had to watch my mother buy a live crab and then boil it alive. I'm so fed up of this sh*t - having to live amongst meat and dairy eaters. I'm literally starting to feel burning hatred towards people who aren't vegan and it's ruining my life. I'm starting university this Saturday and all I can think about is how much I HATE my new "friends" because of what they eat.

I keep seeing videos of animal abuse in milking factories and meat production and I just think why on earth I would want to be remotely involved with anyone that feels okay with what's happening. I seriously think this is going to send me into depression, because I'm slowly pushing everyone and everything away from how disgusting I feel people are for eating animal products.

Can anyone shed some light or some empathy? I hate being a mean person like this. This just isn't like me. I love people.
CONGRATS for starting University!!!! :)

I am very sorry for your dilemma. :(

Some thoughts.......

Your Mom & the other meat eaters are just living their lives. Don't hate your friends. Take a few breaths and look at the big picture. I feel the same as you do.....I see a housewife in the store with 3 or 4 gallons of milk, some ground hamburger, etc. in her shopping cart.....I feel really bad inside, but that's her life. She's just buying food for her family......I see animal abuse and genocide. If I was President, everyone would be vegan. (VEGAN DAVE 2016!!!!)

I was watching tv recently, & there was a description about some BBQ event in Chicago. It's a really big deal....many thousands of people attend this event. There are like 100 BBQ "chefs" that are all trying to win the best BBQ prize. The show described the intricate detail of preparation, sauces, etc. I saw the ribs of pigs being doctored up for consumption. I only watched 2 or 3 minutes of this show, before I was totally disgusted. This was a "contest" in eating dead animals. I would shut the whole thing down, if I had the power. The folks involved in this think it's the best thing going.

I got a sub sandwich at SUBWAY today. A veggie sub with no cheese. The subway girl said "Boy, this is a healthy sandwich". She was kind of surprised that someone would actually order that kind of sandwich. No meat, no cheese, etc.

Live your life the way you want to....it's your life. I eat vegan & don't apologize to anyone. If I can influence someone else, great. If not, it's their decision & I let it go. Do what you can do.....and let the other pieces fall where they will. Be content in your choices that you make for yourself, & don't worry about things you can't change. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself nuts.

And remember.....you're a Happy Vegan!!!! :pibo::bobo::vebo:
 
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#9 ·
I've been crying all day with the head in the toilet from nausea because I had to watch my mother buy a live crab and then boil it alive. I'm so fed up of this sh*t - having to live amongst meat and dairy eaters. I'm literally starting to feel burning hatred towards people who aren't vegan and it's ruining my life. I'm starting university this Saturday and all I can think about is how much I HATE my new "friends" because of what they eat.
First world problems...
 
#10 ·
I've been crying all day with the head in the toilet from nausea because I had to watch my mother buy a live crab and then boil it alive. I'm so fed up of this sh*t - having to live amongst meat and dairy eaters. I'm literally starting to feel burning hatred towards people who aren't vegan and it's ruining my life. I'm starting university this Saturday and all I can think about is how much I HATE my new "friends" because of what they eat.

I keep seeing videos of animal abuse in milking factories and meat production and I just think why on earth I would want to be remotely involved with anyone that feels okay with what's happening. I seriously think this is going to send me into depression, because I'm slowly pushing everyone and everything away from how disgusting I feel people are for eating animal products.

Can anyone shed some light or some empathy? I hate being a mean person like this. This just isn't like me. I love people.
You've seen a lot of videos, by the sound of it, which I understand.

But you can stop watching them now because they're no longer opening your eyes to things, now they're just hurting you and you don't deserve to be hurt.

I did a lot of video watching when I first went vegetarian, part of it was wanting to know if it was all really 'true' and another part was out of guilt. But in the end, I had to stop watching videos so I could focus on doing something about what was IN those videos, namely, dealing with all the carnists in my life.

So, I read books on advocacy instead. Still my all time favourite is 'But You Kill Ants' which gives you a good grounding for responding to people about your veganism. Start with that, maybe even 'Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs And Wear Cows' would be good too. The explanations as far as the human cost of eating animals, really helped me be more empathetic to those who were still doing many of the things I couldn't stand.

As for your new friends at University, here's the thing.... It took me knowing a vegetarian, to really question whether I wanted to eat meat. They weren't judgemental, they weren't angry, but they were passionate and they let me know where the line was (because honestly I used to use "but BACON" a lot....). I like to think I'd have gone veg without that vegetarian, but the truth is I may not have, had I never met them. They didn't force me to go veg, but by being there and being a good example of a vegetarian, that was all I needed. I suspect it's all a lot of people need.

So, just try and be a good vegan. Read up on advocacy ('Change of Heart' is a great book) and learn some delicious vegan meals. Show people how happy you are that you've made this choice, not how angry you are that they haven't. You'd be surprised where that could get you....
 
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