Age Difference - VeggieBoards

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 07-01-2006, 05:53 AM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
Okay, I was just curious what everyone's view on age differences was. Maybe during teenage years and during adult years, it's different for both, maybe if it's love, it's love.



I want to ask this because, reccently I've been thrown by some unknown force into a situation that couldn't be more awkward. There is this person...a guy...a boy...and that's just the problem, that's what he is, a boy! I've fallen for him. I know they say that males mature at a slower rate than females, but in his case, I don't see that as being true. He cooks for his family, he works on his farm, he builds things, drives tractors, and even when you speak to him, you know you're not speaking to an ordinary boy. But one of the most extraordinary things about him is his music. He can improvise on his saxophone for 20 minutes and have you thinking that he is playing an actual score. He can play percussion with his feet while playing the saxophone while improvising. He even knows how to improvise on the piano when he has never had a lesson in his life. He is a child prodigy, I swear.



Anyway, he is considerably younger than me, at least at the stages we are in life. Normally, it hasn't been too excruciating to ignore feelings when they are unrequited. But there's the problem, they aren't unrequited. But I can't bring myself to show any type of movement or encouragement because I don't want him to get hurt badly. I feel it might be inappropriate.



I was just wondering if anyone had any insight on this matter. Thank you for listening to me!
ambiguous smile is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 07-01-2006, 06:13 AM
 
Elena99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 3,473
You've said nothing about actual ages, though, so I'm assuming that you're an adult and he's a teenager?
Elena99 is offline  
#3 Old 07-01-2006, 06:18 AM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
Oh goodness, I apologize. That completely slipped my mind. No, I'm not an adult. I'm only 16 and he happens to be 4 years younger than me.
ambiguous smile is offline  
 
#4 Old 07-01-2006, 09:01 AM
 
Astarte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,780
Ah... well, a 12 year old is a boy. Perhaps an unusually mature and talented one, but a child (as you say) all the same. At your ages, that's one huge difference. He's going to be undergoing so many massive changes in the next few years--puberty and all--he won't stay the same person. Nobody does, really. I couldn't imagine being anywhere near ready to try romantic relationships at that age, no matter how smart/mature/talented/etc. he is. If I were you, I'd tend to leave him alone in that respect. If you're in the same situation 5-6 years down the road, then by all means go for it, but I'd say for now it'd probably be too much for him.
Astarte is offline  
#5 Old 07-01-2006, 09:15 AM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
Yes, that probably is best. And I know it's most practical and reasonable too. It's just hard to accept.
ambiguous smile is offline  
#6 Old 07-01-2006, 09:25 AM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
(Older age / 2) + 7 = Minimum age
GhostUser is offline  
#7 Old 07-01-2006, 12:04 PM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
If you still have feelings for him in a few years, then I say go for it, but not until then.
GhostUser is offline  
#8 Old 07-01-2006, 01:57 PM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
12 is kinda young.
GhostUser is offline  
#9 Old 07-01-2006, 07:38 PM
 
MZCsmpsns's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astarte View Post

Ah... well, a 12 year old is a boy. Perhaps an unusually mature and talented one, but a child (as you say) all the same. At your ages, that's one huge difference. He's going to be undergoing so many massive changes in the next few years--puberty and all--he won't stay the same person. Nobody does, really. I couldn't imagine being anywhere near ready to try romantic relationships at that age, no matter how smart/mature/talented/etc. he is. If I were you, I'd tend to leave him alone in that respect. If you're in the same situation 5-6 years down the road, then by all means go for it, but I'd say for now it'd probably be too much for him.



I agree. 12 is just a child, regardless of anything. Not only will he be going through changes, but you will, too. Give it a few years, then see.
MZCsmpsns is offline  
#10 Old 07-01-2006, 07:54 PM
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
CPS and Child Development specialists typically classify an imablance of power in relation to a sexual encounter (and thus is illegal and sexual assault) even if no force is used when the older person is at least 2 years older than the 12 or 13 year old child they are being sexual with.



Think about it in these terms...in 3 years you will be 19 and he will be 15. An intimate relationship between a minor child and an adult in such a case is usually deemed illegal...and that is in 3 years from now!

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#11 Old 07-01-2006, 09:44 PM
 
troub's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 3,984
When I mey my ex, she was 15 and I was 19. Lasted 5 years.



but 12 seems.... eh.. he's still a baby.
troub is offline  
#12 Old 07-02-2006, 12:15 AM
 
Tempeh-Tantrums's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 676
As a parent of a 12 year old, I'd say stay FAR away from him if you have any feelings at all...



He may totally blow the smallest thing you say or do out of proportion and develop feelings for you that are equally inappropriate.



This 'Mother Hen' gets her feathers ruffled easily...As others have mentioned, Child Protective Services would NOT be understanding of a relationship between these ages at all, and if I (as a parent) felt a 16 year old was inappropriately interested in my 12 year old, that's the first place I would call, believe me.
Tempeh-Tantrums is offline  
#13 Old 07-02-2006, 10:27 AM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
Ah. Now I have my suspicions confirmed. I knew that I probably should stay away from him. But who knows, if the feelings are still there, who is to say that when he is 18 and I'm 22, nothing will happen. Thank you for all of your opinions. Oh, and when I meant that I had feelings for him, I never intended anything sexual to occur (not that it has, by the way).
ambiguous smile is offline  
#14 Old 07-02-2006, 06:27 PM
Banned
 
Life2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,791
Oh, and don't feel badly about these feelings. There is something very exciting about seeing that kind of tallent in a person that age.



I know others have said this, but just because he is a musical genius, doesn't mean he is emotionally more than 10 years old. We just can't tell. What we think we see, maybe what we want to see, and we may not be seeing the actual facts at all. Besides, brilliant people may have a very brilliant act. Be careful for your own heart's sake.



And remember, in my state, he is not of legal age for any messing aroung until he is 16, so don't let your heart out think your head. We wouldn't want you to be writing us from women's prison, now would we, Hun?



Mom
Life2k is offline  
#15 Old 07-02-2006, 09:26 PM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
17 here and I was thinking the same thing.
GhostUser is offline  
#16 Old 07-02-2006, 09:54 PM
 
Moechalatte's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Azygous View Post

(Older age / 2) + 7 = Minimum age



So when I'm 80 I can date a 47-year-old? Yeaaa!
Moechalatte is offline  
#17 Old 07-03-2006, 04:51 AM
Beginner
 
banana_popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 156
yeah i agree...wait. he is too young now. my bf is 6 years older....but i am 22 so its not as much of a difference
banana_popsicle is offline  
#18 Old 07-03-2006, 05:47 AM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
a friend of mine who is in her 30's is dating a guy in his early twenties... she says she gets a lot of strange looks when they go out.



she says she is attracted to the fact he's got no emotional baggage and hasn't learned to hate women yet.
GhostUser is offline  
#19 Old 07-03-2006, 09:09 AM
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
Once he hits puberty, he won't be interested in playing his sax anymore, so he won't be that interesting to you.
GhostUser is offline  
#20 Old 07-03-2006, 02:53 PM
 
Trueveggie14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,112
^^^ My ex-husband used to play his sax for me over dinner. It was very romantic. Not all guys lose interest in their hobbies / talents just because their hormones are going crazy.



You may have attration to people of various ages, but as others have said stay away from what is outright illegal.



For myself: I am usually not attracted to any guy under the age of 26. They are too immature, still live with momma or lots of friends, and they are just not in the same "place" of their lives as me. Anyone more than 15 yrs older seems "creepy" to me cause they are old enough to be my father.

26 - 41 for me as a general rule, but that's not to say I wouldn't ever consider someone outside that range - as long as it's legal.
Trueveggie14 is offline  
#21 Old 07-03-2006, 06:30 PM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
I don't even know how I let myself fall for someone that young! It's pretty terrible really. I don't know what I can really do about it except ignore it. I figure as long as I do that, I won't be doing much harm really.
ambiguous smile is offline  
#22 Old 07-03-2006, 07:55 PM
 
Trueveggie14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,112
How did you even meet him? Will you still "have to" have interaction with him? I hope you find a way through this.
Trueveggie14 is offline  
#23 Old 07-04-2006, 04:53 PM
 
ambiguous smile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 19
Well, I pretty much have to have interaction with him. Along with being one of my close friends, he is also the son of my employer at the farm. So unless I don't want a job, I'm going to be seeing him a lot.
ambiguous smile is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off