i do not know what state you live in, but sometimes divorce proceedings work according to the law, and not according to the wishes of the individuals involved.
i know many people who get divorced amicably and respectfully, but the one who came to the marriage with less leaves with half of the total assets because that's the way that the law outlines it--not necessarily the way that she wants it.
do you see what i mean?
if you lived in a state that had 'common property' then everything that he brings goes into the pot. everything that you bring goes into the pot. So what that he's 2/3 and you're 1/3 right? But if you get divorced the next day, you get to take 1/2 and he takes 1/2--no matter what. It may not be that you're out for the money--in fact i completely believe you that you are of your perspective, because that was the structure of the prenup that i wanted for my husband and i. see?
if you want that sort of structure should you, ___ forbid, get a divorce, then a prenup is actually for you. you're saying--marital and divorce laws be damned, this is how i'm going to conduct myself should anything happen. I'm circumventing what the state thinks is best for me, for us, and doing it my way!
this is also important to recognize so that you can take ownership of the prenuptual agreement. If you want a dissolution that works for you--that is that fits the things that you outlined--then you're going to have to outline that first, because if you don't, then the law applies, and you may not like the way that it applies.
anthony gave his great experience. i do not know his divorce situation particularly, but lets say his ex-wife held your position. she would stand before a judge and say "judge, i don't want half of his property. rather, i want to just leave with what i came with." and the judge would say 'i'm sorry, but the law is the law, and it will be enacted as the law." and there you have it--she walks away with a lot of stuff that she didn't come in with because she doesn't have a choice, that's the way the law works.
with a prenuptual agreement, you have a choice. that's a great thing. you can say--this is what i want. And the judge says "yes, that makes sense--that's what you get."
the prenup, though, should have multiple parts:
1. it should outline your perspective--you want what you came in with.
2. it should outline your future property/monitary interest--you want a share of what you create together. If you buy a second home together, for instance, you have an interest in that. If you buy other property or have combined investments, you'll want a share of that too.
3. it should outline your perspective of your future children's needs--you'll want to outline how you would proceed should you have children to support. you can even determine custody and other potential situations at this point. things also to consider are what to do with frozen embryos, should you have them. there was a case relatively recently in which the husband and wife divorced, but neither one claimed the embryos. when the husband's new wife was infertile, they wanted to use 'his' frozen embryos. A court battle ensued of course over custody and right to use of those embryos. So, consider these sorts of things as well.
4. it could contain a 'how we will divorce' statement: ultimately, all divorces have to 'go to court' but everything can be worked out before hand in an amicable fashion with a mediator. so, you could say that instead of expensive court proceedings, the unresolved issues of 2 and 3 can be determined through a mediation process (for example, you don't know if you'll have a boat, but you'll likely have an interest in that boat if you do, so if you don't get the boat--if he wants it--what do you get that equals that interest?--so those things would need to be hammered out).
Honestly, a prenup is like a will. if you die without a will, you might want your mom to get your teddy bear collection, but the state may decide that your mom only gets a portion of your teddy bear collection. If you want to make sure that your mom gets the whole teddy bear collection, you'd better write a will--because the law doesn't care how you feel or what you think. it will apply 'by the books' and that's it.
so, you want a prenup so that you know and can understand that you are acting in your best interests in the way that you want to behave and in a way that you think is fair and appropriate. the way the law falls may not work out in *your* interests and processes. so, this is as much for you as it is for him, really.
right? you want to behave in a certain way, you have to set it up so that you can!
no need to have hurt feelings!
btw, marriage councelling is a great thing--i think it's great that you're both going. also, congrats about going back to school. do you know what you're going to study?