Can vegans comfortably date meat-eaters? - VeggieBoards

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#1 Old 09-04-2015, 02:43 PM
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Can vegans comfortably date meat-eaters?

I have been thinking a lot about this and would love to know what you think!

http://www.collatedstyle.com/home/ca...te-meat-eaters

Am I right or wrong?
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#2 Old 09-04-2015, 02:52 PM
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IMO, it is very much an individual matter.
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#3 Old 09-04-2015, 03:24 PM
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I wouldn't mind if someone had tattoos or if they didn't....they are quite nice though.

Although I'm not quite vegan, so it's moot.

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#4 Old 09-04-2015, 06:36 PM
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It depends on the person though.

And also Ive been thinking. You dating a non vegan might help them see your ways (at least cut down meat consumption) rather than if you dated a already vegan. So that's a plus.
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#5 Old 09-04-2015, 06:51 PM
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Really depends on the individuals. My husband is a meat eater, and I was a long-time vegetarian when we met (now a vegan). It's never caused a single issue in 8+ years. We've been in many constructive, intelligent, interesting debates over the years. He's actually cut back a lot on meat consumption and pretty much stopped all dairy since meeting me, though it wasn't overnight and I have never pressured him about it. I doubt he'll ever be vegan, but we work fine.

I was still in high school when I met my husband though. At this point in my life if I were still single and interested in dating, I would probably put a greater importance on dating other vegans than I did back then (though it still wouldn't be a deal breaker if someone was an omni).

Tattoos, I don't care much about but they aren't a 'turn on' for me. My husband has none, I have one very small, very well concealed one. I don't mind them, but I'm not a huge fan of multiple, large, highly-visible ones.
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#6 Old 09-04-2015, 07:38 PM
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i've thought about this - my boyfriend is a meat eater (and he eats quite a lot of it) perhaps he may change to veganism over time, but we'll see. What I think I may find hard in the future, is if he gets to the point where he has the knowledge that I now have and still doesn't go vegan.
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#7 Old 09-05-2015, 06:32 AM
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Exactly, I think when people learn about the reasons why we should be vegans, I would expect someone to make a change. I have quite mainstream views but I find that I talk about veganism so much and even down to the restaurants I go to and I would want to share that important part of my life with them.

I do it mainly for health reasons and I want to protect the people I love, I would hope someone could switch!
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#8 Old 09-05-2015, 07:11 AM
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Here is how it went down for me! I am a 32 yr old man by the way.

Been with my wife for around 10 years, she went vegetarian shortly after our daughter was born, who is 7 now. I was always a big time meat and dairy eater and she never tried to push her way on me or the kids. She even continued to buy the meat/dairy I requested and fix meals for us.

Looking back, it's hard to believe she did, and I mostly wrote off any negative comments she had while cutting up beef steaks etc. I always assumed it was in my daughter's and my best health interests to consume the meat/dairy. She is kind of quiet and reserved so she never really opposed my stance. A few months ago I found the path to veganism on my own and never looked back, hard to believe I was so dense that I didn't see the reality before hand!

Now she is a vegan too, after seeing my research and approach - and my daughter is a vegetarian by her own choices.

Things come around full circle if they are meant to be, I think someone with an open mind and compassion is the best choice because even if they are a meat eater they can ponder the reality of what they are doing and maybe make the change one day when the timing is right.
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#9 Old 09-05-2015, 08:34 AM
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Here is how it went down for me! I am a 32 yr old man by the way.

Been with my wife for around 10 years, she went vegetarian shortly after our daughter was born, who is 7 now. I was always a big time meat and dairy eater and she never tried to push her way on me or the kids. She even continued to buy the meat/dairy I requested and fix meals for us.

Looking back, it's hard to believe she did, and I mostly wrote off any negative comments she had while cutting up beef steaks etc. I always assumed it was in my daughter's and my best health interests to consume the meat/dairy. She is kind of quiet and reserved so she never really opposed my stance. A few months ago I found the path to veganism on my own and never looked back, hard to believe I was so dense that I didn't see the reality before hand!

Now she is a vegan too, after seeing my research and approach - and my daughter is a vegetarian by her own choices.

Things come around full circle if they are meant to be, I think someone with an open mind and compassion is the best choice because even if they are a meat eater they can ponder the reality of what they are doing and maybe make the change one day when the timing is right.
That is nice.

You said you went vegan on your own, but I suspect that your 7-year vegetarian wife had a bit to do with it.
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#10 Old 09-05-2015, 10:00 AM
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Vegans can date whoever they choose. If you don't want to date nonvegans, there's no reason you have to. On the other hand, there are plenty of vegans with nonvegan partners who live happy and fulfilled lives, whether or not their partner ever becomes vegan.
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#11 Old 09-05-2015, 10:45 AM
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I've been married for 41 years. The last 11 of them I have been meat, egg and dairy free. My spouse is not. It can work.

If I were doing it again and was single, I think I would try and seek out someone who was vegetarian or vegan. Life must be awesome when you are sharing something so important with someone you love.


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#12 Old 09-05-2015, 11:21 AM
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What is comfortable or comfort? we are all different.
Naturally the feelings that I have love for in vegan consumption extends to thinking concerning the act that leads to child propagation... The thought of having a child that is fed meat is alike to a horror film sequence. Even the thought of a child I have spawned coming into this world through a body sustained by meat is a frightening prospect. ...And it seems that sexual love and bonding naturally springs forth procreative directives. A person would have to be pretty special to allow a transcending feeling to override such thoughts. It could happen, maybe, never has.
Dating can be a serious quest for a potential soul-mate or it can be a game to play.
(But vegan relationships and even friendships don't really stand out that far apart from anyone else).
There is no right or wrong just personal choices.

Caring about our health is caring about our very state of being and future which is a very good thing to be seriously concerned about making the most of.

 

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#13 Old 09-05-2015, 11:35 AM
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What is comfortable or comfort? we are all different.
Naturally the feelings that I have love for in vegan consumption extends to thinking concerning the act that leads to child propagation... The thought of having a child that is fed meat is alike to a horror film sequence. Even the thought of a child I have spawned coming into this world through a body sustained by meat is a frightening prospect. ...And it seems that sexual love and bonding naturally springs forth procreative directives. A person would have to be pretty special to allow a transcending feeling to override such thoughts. It could happen, maybe, never has.
Dating can be a serious quest for a potential soul-mate or it can be a game to play.
(But vegan relationships and even friendships don't really stand out that far apart from anyone else).
There is no right or wrong just personal choices.
My omni husband is actually ok with raising our children vegan until they of an age to make their own choices. He understands where I'm coming from that I wish I had been given the option to have never consumed flesh. It's always simple enough for a kid to grow up and start eating animal products, but you can never take back having consumed it unknowingly before an age of reason and growing up to be morally opposed to it.

Even if we were both vegan, children do eventually reach an age they could choose to eat dairy, eggs or flesh and at that point, that would be THEIR choice. I would *hope* any child of mine remained vegan throughout life, but I also hope more to raise children who become adults who can think for themselves (even if they may hold views in the future that do not align with my own).
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#14 Old 09-05-2015, 12:14 PM
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"It's always simple enough for a kid to grow up and start eating animal products, but you can never take back having consumed it unknowingly before an age of reason and growing up to be morally opposed to it."

Your husband understands this? or you have the dominant say so in the matter?

Caring about our health is caring about our very state of being and future which is a very good thing to be seriously concerned about making the most of.

 

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#15 Old 09-05-2015, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by LedBoots View Post
That is nice.

You said you went vegan on your own, but I suspect that your 7-year vegetarian wife had a bit to do with it.
Ok ok, maybe just a little She is much better at "practicing what you preach" than I in most cases.
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#16 Old 09-05-2015, 01:21 PM
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"It's always simple enough for a kid to grow up and start eating animal products, but you can never take back having consumed it unknowingly before an age of reason and growing up to be morally opposed to it."

Your husband understands this? or you have the dominant say so in the matter?
He understands it enough to agree that it's the right thing to do. Plus he is definitely not the type who takes anyone bossing him around and brow beating him into agreeing to things he doesn't agree with, even me. He has certainly overruled my opinion about other things we don't see eye to eye on. But my husband is intelligent and when posed with an intelligent POV that has no negatives, what reason would he have to object? Child who grows up and wants to remain vegan can feel comforted in the fact they never consumed animals, child who grows up and wants to consume animal products can. Theres no downside. He wouldn't have probably thought to do that on his own or with a wife who ate meat, so I guess I came up with the idea based on my own life experiences/values/desires, but he still agreed it was a good idea of his own free will.
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#17 Old 09-05-2015, 02:46 PM
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He understands it enough to agree that it's the right thing to do. Plus he is definitely not the type who takes anyone bossing him around and brow beating him into agreeing to things he doesn't agree with, even me. He has certainly overruled my opinion about other things we don't see eye to eye on. But my husband is intelligent and when posed with an intelligent POV that has no negatives, what reason would he have to object? Child who grows up and wants to remain vegan can feel comforted in the fact they never consumed animals, child who grows up and wants to consume animal products can. Theres no downside. He wouldn't have probably thought to do that on his own or with a wife who ate meat, so I guess I came up with the idea based on my own life experiences/values/desires, but he still agreed it was a good idea of his own free will.
"What reason would he have to object?"...Which would mean he is not a person who believes that meat and/or dairy is essentially good or necessary for growth development... a typical common problem.

How strong can a persons vegan convictions grow when in a binding relationship with an omni?

Caring about our health is caring about our very state of being and future which is a very good thing to be seriously concerned about making the most of.

 

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#18 Old 09-05-2015, 02:48 PM
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How strong can a persons vegan convictions grow when in a binding relationship with an omni?
What does that mean? I don't know about you, but my "vegan convictions" are solid and don't need growing.
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#19 Old 09-05-2015, 03:15 PM
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It would be tough on some vegans to go to say, a slaughterhouse protest and then come home to a partner that is eating meat.
Convictions can and often do grow from a slight caring in the beginning to a real extreme offense. The more knowledge attained the more obscene it becomes... or is capable of becoming if observing the reality in clarity.

Caring about our health is caring about our very state of being and future which is a very good thing to be seriously concerned about making the most of.

 

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#20 Old 09-05-2015, 03:23 PM
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How strong can a persons vegan convictions grow when in a binding relationship with an omni?
I don't understand. I am my own person, I make decisions regarding my own body. I read and learn for my own benefit. I went vegetarian in the most unsupportive environment possible (my own family), I have never faltered and in fact grew into veganism. I did not and still do not need the approval of anyone to decide what my own beliefs are regarding right from wrong nor to grow on a personal level. My husband doesn't restrict me from choosing what to put in my mouth (nor do I him), and I wouldn't have married someone who felt that was his place.

Quote:
Which would mean he is not a person who believes that meat and/or dairy is essentially good or necessary for growth development... a typical common problem.
He has become more informed and realizes it is not essential. He has changed where he sources meat, rarely eats it these days and cut out virtually all dairy after becoming more informed. I think many omnis, if they don't feel attacked or pressured or guilted, are open to learning and possibly even changing their views and habits (even if it's not to 100% vegan ideals). Then there are people like my family who are just... hopeless You don't get to choose who your related to, but you can choose not to have a partner who has a mind that is closed, locked and the key was thrown away long time ago. Not all omni's are confrontational vegan haters who think meat is the be all and end all of food and I think some omnis/vegan relationships will function just fine and being an omni is not a reason to immediately rule getting to know someone better out.
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#21 Old 09-05-2015, 03:24 PM
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It would be tough on some vegans to go to say, a slaughterhouse protest and then come home to a partner that is eating meat.
Convictions can and often do grow from a slight caring in the beginning to a real extreme offense. The more knowledge attained the more obscene it becomes... or is capable of becoming if observing the reality in clarity.
I haven't been to a protest since I was a kid, so that exact scenario isn't likely to happen to me personally. My husband knows how I feel about animals and knows that I'm never going to change. Because of me, he's cut down on his consumption of animal products by a lot, and he's willing to let me raise our son on a vegan diet until he's old enough to choose for himself. As important as veganism is to me, my relationship with the omnis in my life (my husband, my mother, my in-laws) are even more important. I have to be willing to overlook their eating habits at least enough not to get upset about it. That doesn't weaken my own moral convictions.
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#22 Old 09-05-2015, 04:14 PM
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It would be tough on some vegans to go to say, a slaughterhouse protest and then come home to a partner that is eating meat.
Convictions can and often do grow from a slight caring in the beginning to a real extreme offense. The more knowledge attained the more obscene it becomes... or is capable of becoming if observing the reality in clarity.
I would never be at a slaughterhouse protest, locked in a chicken coop outside of KFC, throwing paint on people wearing fur ect... 16 years of experience tell me this is not an effective form of changing peoples views, and if anything, just cements their negative perceptions of vegetarianism/veganism. I also don't have any desire to argue with close minded people for the sake of arguing. I'd rather focus on leading by example and having productive discussions with people who are more open minded about small changes they can make and gently guide them into reducing consumption and embracing plant based.

While it does bother me to see people consuming meat, I try not to fret about their choices. I am not responsible for the decisions other people make, I am only responsible for my own.
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#23 Old 09-05-2015, 04:59 PM
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@Kiwibird08 and @no whey jose , that is so great that you have come to an agreement with your husband that will allow the child to be raised vegan.

The rest of the world will be more difficult:

1. In-laws, some pediatricians. If your child is thin/chubby/short/walks late/late teether/bald/sleeps poorly/sleeps a lot/------all directly related the lack of meat. You just have to laugh and hold your ground gracefully.

As far as the pedi goes, look at your and your husband's genetics. If your families are not tall, your child being in the 25th percentile in height is not because he doesn't eat chicken.

2. Other kids' birthday parties, playdates with friends--social stuff. A vegan friend of mine with little kids doesn't object to the non-vegan birthday cake (her boy, like most, takes a couple bites), but brings tofu hot dogs/veg burgers or vegan pizza if those carny items are to be served at the party. She always brings a bunch of stuff for all the kids, like little fruit salad cups, and actively helps with the kitchen and the kids, so they are probably glad to have her.

Anyway, when are you having this babby, nowhey? You've been pregnant forever!
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#24 Old 09-06-2015, 08:49 AM
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For me the biggest factor is whether or not they have an open mind, if they dismiss or laugh at veganism then they're obviously not a nice person so why would you be with them anyway.
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#25 Old 09-06-2015, 11:42 AM
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@Kiwibird08 and @no whey jose , that is so great that you have come to an agreement with your husband that will allow the child to be raised vegan.

The rest of the world will be more difficult:

1. In-laws, some pediatricians. If your child is thin/chubby/short/walks late/late teether/bald/sleeps poorly/sleeps a lot/------all directly related the lack of meat. You just have to laugh and hold your ground gracefully.

As far as the pedi goes, look at your and your husband's genetics. If your families are not tall, your child being in the 25th percentile in height is not because he doesn't eat chicken.

2. Other kids' birthday parties, playdates with friends--social stuff. A vegan friend of mine with little kids doesn't object to the non-vegan birthday cake (her boy, like most, takes a couple bites), but brings tofu hot dogs/veg burgers or vegan pizza if those carny items are to be served at the party. She always brings a bunch of stuff for all the kids, like little fruit salad cups, and actively helps with the kitchen and the kids, so they are probably glad to have her.

Anyway, when are you having this babby, nowhey? You've been pregnant forever!
I think your friend has the right idea regarding birthday parties. Happily, none of my midwives or health visitors have taken issue with my veganism yet. Let's hope nobody gives me too much of a hard time with my son's diet.

I don't knoooowww when he's coming! I'm full term now, so it could be any minute but nothing is happening. The anticipation is driving me crazy!
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#26 Old 09-06-2015, 12:40 PM
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This is something I plan to bring up in my blog at some point. But as of right now, the meat-eater would have to be compassionate and understanding. Otherwise it wont work. https://venusvegan.wordpress.com/201...egan-in-aruba/
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#27 Old 09-06-2015, 01:51 PM
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as a male, i can find vegan women easier than if i were female looking for vegan men.

if i were female, i don't think i could have anything to do with a meat-eating man. i simply despise meat culture that much.

have a good day!
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#28 Old 09-06-2015, 09:41 PM
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I'm vegan but my boyfriend is a butcher and omnivore. I wish he would be vegan, but he at least stopped drinking milk which counts for something. It doesn't really cause problems between us because when we were first together, I was omni.


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#29 Old 09-07-2015, 03:41 AM
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I'm vegan but my boyfriend is a butcher and omnivore. I wish he would be vegan, but he at least stopped drinking milk which counts for something. It doesn't really cause problems between us because when we were first together, I was omni.
Wow, a butcher! That would be difficult even for me. I'm guessing you just don't talk about it much?
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#30 Old 11-12-2015, 08:34 PM
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I'm actually glad I'm divorced and have no children, because my ex used to say crazy things like River Phoenix died because he was skinny vegan...never mind that John Belushi, and Chris Farley, were both obese meat eaters who also died from drugs.

I'm not knocking vegans or vegetarians who are in long term marriages with omni partners, I'm just glad I can now choose not to deal with that. ..I put up with a lot of things in my twenties that I would not in my thirties. I attribute that not only to youth, but to my own individual issues.

I wouldn't mind a pescetarian, but ideally no I would not be looking to be committed to an omni. ..especially since I also have views about television, advertising, large corporations, and the framework of society that would be very trying unless I had a supportive partner and vice versa. I think the 7th Day Adventist, or Liberal Quaker churches might be good for me...or liberal vegetarian Catholics who admire Pope Francis as much as I do. I'm not fit for everyone, and that's ok...I feel like I was untangled for my programming for a very good reason, and the traditional set up was never my goal anyway.

I like tattoos though.
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