Two things. Opinions please. - VeggieBoards

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#1 Old 02-16-2015, 10:20 AM
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Two things. Opinions please.

Hey there's some things I want to get out of my head, share it and read what you guys think.
- One of this days I was with some friends hanging out outside. We were looking for a place to sit down and eat. When we found it there was a bunch of ants in the floor, I stare at them in awe (don't know if that is the correct word). They were amazing but then my friend came and yelled "DIE!!!" step on them like a neanderthal and then laughed....
We thought it was funny but I thought it was hideous. How can he do something like that? JUST STEP ON THEM. I was really pissed off but didn't say anything... am I a bad vegetarian for not saying anything? I just... i don't know.
What would've you done?

The other thing.
After 1 year and 6 months of being a vegetarian (I already gave up chesse ) I finally meet another vegetarian, a woman! (I'm a male) and I was soooo thrilled. Finally someone like me, that understands me! When we (it was a group of friends) asked her why was she a vegetarian she answered: "I'm a newbie but I started because it's healthier, my doctor says so." then she add "Oh no, I don't do it for the animals no, no I'm not vegan those barely eat anything". All the excitement was gone.... I was so disappointed. Even though I'm not vegan, that's my final goal.
Now everytime I see her I remember what she said and well.... I don't really like her now.
How would you guys feel about this? Would you feel the same way?
Btw sorry If I have some grammar mistakes.
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#2 Old 02-16-2015, 10:34 AM
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1. Did you ever read or see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? At the end of the story Neville Longbottom is given "points" for standing up to his friends -- because it truly is more difficult than standing up to your enemies. We want our friends to like us, and we want to like them. It is hard to show dissatisfaction with how friends behave -- particularly for ethical reasons -- than it would be to tell an enemy they are behaving abhorrently. Some people are more comfortable standing up to, or contradicting, their friends than others. I cannot say you were "bad" or "wrong." because that implies there is a "right" or "good" way to act in such a situation, and there just isn't. As time goes by you may become more comfortable asserting your beliefs, but it will come naturally. Not by a bunch of strangers on the internet badgering you to be more assertive. Next time, if you would like to suggest they behave differently, perhaps remind them of the necessary and important function ants have in the health of the ecosystem.

2. Congratulations on no longer eating cheese! I have found that many people distance themselves from veganism or ethical related reasons for going vegetarian or vegan because of societal perceptions. They do not like how the word will make them appear to others. I personally think this is silly nonsense -- why would anyone let societal perceptions prevent them from behaving in the way they think most moral? Anyway, don't be too hard on her. She might think that way now, many people do, but over time she might change her views. Many members on here who began for health reasons were exposed to the ethical side of things and are not ethically motivated. People change and grow at different rates, never lose hope someone may one day come around, and do not judge them poorly if it takes a long long time. We all started some where, and compassion is important.

Also, as a note, I have been a vegan for a long LONG time, and I can tell you, I do not, nor does any vegan I know, eat almost nothing. I eat an abundance of plants.

Quote:
"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
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#3 Old 02-16-2015, 08:42 PM
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Thank you very much River!
I feel so much better now. Nice Harry Potter reference haha
I will give her another chance
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#4 Old 02-16-2015, 08:50 PM
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1. Ants.

Next time, do it different.

That's what I tell myself whenever I catch myself doing or saying something (or more likely not doing or saying something) around my friends, that runs counter to what I want to do. As River says, it's hard to stand up to your friends. So don't feel too bad about dropping the ball. We all do it, none of us get it right. But rest assured, there is always (sadly) a 'next time' for you to educate someone.

2. I'd probably feel the same way you do about this woman.

I can't stand it when someone says "I don't eat meat, but it's not animal rights thing!" like caring about animals is a bad thing to do!

At the same time, I couldn't tell you how many times I've said "I would never go vegetarian" "I'd never give up eggs" "I'd never give up dairy" "I'd never go vegan". Just because people say they'll never do something, doesn't mean they won't eventually do it, so don't feel too disheartened.


One thing I found works, and this is across the board, is when someone says "I could never go vegetarian/vegan because ....they don't eat enough, they're not healthy, where do they get their protein?!" I always try to answer with "Wow, I used to think that too! But then I found out some REALLY interesting stuff, like protein is in everything and on a good, balanced diet, you can be SUPER healthy!".

I basically just treat their comments as if it's a question because sometimes, it might be, but they just don't know how to ask without sounding uninformed.
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#5 Old 02-16-2015, 09:06 PM
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1. I sure will! Thank you Tiger Lily
2. Yeah I remember the first time I tried to be vegetarian, I failed. At least the second time worked haha
I never thought of that, I always get pissed when one of my friends tells me "Where do you get your protein? you need meat! you're so skinny" next time I will inform him about all the plants that have protein ^^
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#6 Old 02-17-2015, 04:24 AM
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1) Ants issue - I can understand that you were surprised by your friend doing this and so probably couldn't have stopped them as it was a random unpredictable act. I would have a word with them at some point and ask them why they did it. Maybe tell them about how amazing ants are in their behavioural interactions and societies that they set up. That way hopefully they will be less likely to do it again.

2) Girl issue - I agree it does sound disappointing, you thought you had found a like-minded person but then she said that which makes her sound self-centred. However, she may have been just saying those things out of fear of ridicule from her peers so I would talk to her about it when she is on her own to learn how she really feels.
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#7 Old 02-17-2015, 12:09 PM
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Ants issue - in future say you find it cooler to watch them than kill them like some savage entertaining his dumb self, draw an analogy between us stepping on ants and the US shouting "yee-ha" as they bomb those less technologically advanced. Don't let it get to you but criticise your friends mistreatment of creatures and reinforce positive actions.

Woman issue - just because she's vegetarian doesn't mean you have to like her, wouldn't it be odd if the "one" for you was the first one you met?! Loneliness can be .....well ....lonely, but it doesn't mean you have to like everyone, further to this you barely know anything about her and you've cast her into the "dislike" bin, it could be good instinct, it could also be an unfair wrong on your part. Perhaps getting to know her better would highlight the realities of her character, perhaps she's just ignorant of veganism as she's never encountered it, perhaps the society of where you are from has conditioned her to view things a certain way that us of other countries are more privileged to cast off more-readily?! We all get it wrong and change from time to time, perhaps she will with a little friendly help/encouragement? Whatever you decide to do, don't be disheartened, everyone thinks they'll never meet someone until they do.
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Last edited by RiggerBoots; 02-17-2015 at 05:03 PM.
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#8 Old 02-17-2015, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Go Vegan View Post
However, she may have been just saying those things out of fear of ridicule from her peers so I would talk to her about it when she is on her own to learn how she really feels.
I don't know why I didn't think of this, you're right! Thank you
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#9 Old 02-17-2015, 09:24 PM
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Originally Posted by RiggerBoots View Post

Woman issue - just because she's vegetarian doesn't mean you have to like her, wouldn't it be odd if the "one" for you was the first one you met?! Loneliness can be .....well ....lonely, but it doesn't mean you have to like everyone, further to this you barely know anything about her and you've cast her into the "dislike" bin, it could be good instinct, it could also be an unfair wrong on your part. Perhaps getting to know her better would highlight the realities of her character, perhaps she's just ignorant of veganism as she's never encountered it, perhaps the society of where you are from has conditioned her to view things a certain way that us of other countries are more privileged to cast off more-readily?! We all get it wrong and change from time to time, perhaps she will with a little friendly help/encouragement? Whatever you decide to do, don't be disheartened, everyone thinks they'll never meet someone until they do.
Yeah I guess I judge her too quickly and without knowing much about her. It's just that my mind kept repeating those words again and again in my head. Thanks for the advice boots
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#10 Old 02-23-2015, 03:26 AM
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Originally Posted by RiggerBoots View Post
Ants issue - in future say you find it cooler to watch them than kill them like some savage entertaining his dumb self, draw an analogy between us stepping on ants and the US shouting "yee-ha" as they bomb those less technologically advanced. Don't let it get to you but criticise your friends mistreatment of creatures and reinforce positive actions.

Woman issue - just because she's vegetarian doesn't mean you have to like her, wouldn't it be odd if the "one" for you was the first one you met?! Loneliness can be .....well ....lonely, but it doesn't mean you have to like everyone, further to this you barely know anything about her and you've cast her into the "dislike" bin, it could be good instinct, it could also be an unfair wrong on your part. Perhaps getting to know her better would highlight the realities of her character, perhaps she's just ignorant of veganism as she's never encountered it, perhaps the society of where you are from has conditioned her to view things a certain way that us of other countries are more privileged to cast off more-readily?! We all get it wrong and change from time to time, perhaps she will with a little friendly help/encouragement? Whatever you decide to do, don't be disheartened, everyone thinks they'll never meet someone until they do.
The bolded section is a bit puzzling.
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#11 Old 02-23-2015, 05:08 AM
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With te ants: I would've told this friends "hey, let's not hurt them."
Because I already do that anyway whenever bugs or mice or whoever find their way into classrooms. There was a cute little lady bug and my jerk classmate killed her.
Me: you just hurt her WHY?

As for the vegan thing:give it time, she'll come to the light side eventually.
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#12 Old 03-30-2015, 06:35 PM
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OMG I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE KILL INSECTS IT DRIVES ME SO F******* INSANE!
Anyway I don't know what I would have done then. Probably been really coolheaded about it like "hey play nice" or something (Idk I'm an aspie I'm not good at this stuff *throws hands up in air*)

If you don't like her anymore... well you don't like her anymore. End of story. But I'm sure you could find someone to date here on this forum? Idk is there private messaging? Anyway, maybe look for some vegan/animal rights conferences and see if you can find some girls there.
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#13 Old 03-30-2015, 06:55 PM
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What's an "aspie"?
Yeah there's PM-Ing.
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#14 Old 03-30-2015, 06:59 PM
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What's an "aspie"?
Yeah there's PM-Ing.
An endearing NON PEJORATIVE term for someone with Aspergers.
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#15 Old 03-30-2015, 07:15 PM
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If you don't like her anymore... well you don't like her anymore. End of story. But I'm sure you could find someone to date here on this forum? Idk is there private messaging? Anyway, maybe look for some vegan/animal rights conferences and see if you can find some girls there.
I tried looking for someone in here but everyone lives really far away from me x) and I don't believe in long distance relationships.

There's no vegan/animal rights conferences around here. We barely have a law that charge people $150 bucks if they hurt an animal. And that's it.
I volunteered for an animal rescue center thinking "This is great because of 2 things. 1) I will be helping beautiful creatures. 2) I will probably meet a nice veg*n woman." I was wrong with the second point.
NONE of the volunteers was even vegetarian. They even mock plant based foods.
I was like "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! You try to rescue animals and then eat them?!"
That was one of the main reasons why I left that organization. Whenever we went out to rescue an animal or something they ate enchiladas or tacos or something like that. I always ate fries because everything else had meat or chesse.
Then I tried looking for a new organization but my time became more limited. I heard about another organization that helps animals and their leaders are vegans so I think I will go with them this time.
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#16 Old 03-30-2015, 07:46 PM
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I tried looking for someone in here but everyone lives really far away from me x) and I don't believe in long distance relationships.



There's no vegan/animal rights conferences around here. We barely have a law that charge people $150 bucks if they hurt an animal. And that's it.

I volunteered for an animal rescue center thinking "This is great because of 2 things. 1) I will be helping beautiful creatures. 2) I will probably meet a nice veg*n woman." I was wrong with the second point.

NONE of the volunteers was even vegetarian. They even mock plant based foods.

I was like "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! You try to rescue animals and then eat them?!"

That was one of the main reasons why I left that organization. Whenever we went out to rescue an animal or something they ate enchiladas or tacos or something like that. I always ate fries because everything else had meat or chesse.

Then I tried looking for a new organization but my time became more limited. I heard about another organization that helps animals and their leaders are vegans so I think I will go with them this time.

Try big ones like PETA or FARM or CoK their main focuses are on veganism. Therefore should follow that most volunteers in them are veg.
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#17 Old 03-31-2015, 08:04 AM
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One thing I found works, and this is across the board, is when someone says "I could never go vegetarian/vegan because ....they don't eat enough, they're not healthy, where do they get their protein?!" I always try to answer with "Wow, I used to think that too! But then I found out some REALLY interesting stuff, like protein is in everything and on a good, balanced diet, you can be SUPER healthy!".
I absolutely love your use of "I used to think that too." How have I never said that before? It highlights that you are not something entirely different from them, but rather that you have learned something and progressed further then them. It also shows that you understand their viewpoint, so they need not really harp on it too much.
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