Hello from Nova Scotia Canada! I need some help!! - VeggieBoards

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#1 Old 06-12-2016, 05:26 AM
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Unhappy Hello from Nova Scotia Canada! I need some help!!

Hello all!
I am from Newfoundland Canada but moved to Nova Scotia Canada a couple years ago (I know a lot might not know where these places are, but that is okay ) I am currently pesco-vegetarian while I transition to vegan.

I need some help!

I have announced to a couple of people (mainly parents) that I would like a vegetarian wedding (I would prefer vegan but that isn't going to happen ). We are making to food (buffet style) because we can't afford catering, however we have been getting some push back because of it.

Such as:
Your forcing your views on your guests
Not every one likes veggies
People will be disappointed not having meat there
(These are to list a couple)

Our responses to date:
Forcing us to serve meat at our wedding is pushing your views on us
- I told my sister she might have to figure out something for her boyfriend because he is so picky... literally he would eat meat, fries, pizza, garlic fingers, and pb&j sandwhiches....
- There are 3 meals a days, 7 days a week, I am sure people can go without meat for one meal (we are allowing fish).

I don't know what to do about the push back. I am thinking about making a small speech on why we went this route because I am transitioning vegan and my fiancee recently decided to go pesco-vegetarian.... so we both don't eat meat now.... I am doing it for health, the animals and the environment and my fiancee started switching after I should him a video on the effects of animal agriculture on the environment. But I am extremely lost in what to do. Any suggestion would be helpful!!
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#2 Old 06-12-2016, 05:38 AM
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This is really so hard because neither you nor your fiance are vegetarian!
A wedding reception is a big deal, whether catered or home made, and while the bride and groom are the ones honored, often much of the expense is on the parents. Guests often travel, change up plans, maybe take vacation.
I've never liked the idea of making that kind deal about marriage, so I am biased, but too often these huge planned events end up with hurt feelings, drama, often the very person supposed to be the stars of show not even having a good time.
Why so adament about a vegetarian spread if you're pescatarian? I could see your parents seeing it as a bit pretentious on your part, even pretty hypocritical. If you were already established as not eating meat it would certainly have a different impact.

What are you wanting to see on the menu? Are you a wonderful cook?
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#3 Old 06-12-2016, 05:50 AM
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For instance, if I were invited to a reception and knew there wouldn't be any food I liked I'd either go out only if I felt obligated and it wasn't inconvenient.
The fact that you're not veg yourselves just doesn't give merit to your argument. It gives me a feel of a couple of partiers wanting no booze at their event because they just found a teetotalling church
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#4 Old 06-12-2016, 06:04 AM
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Pesco-vegetarian is still a form of vegetarianism. The only reason I eat fish is because it is already in my house before I switched. We don't have much money for food so we can't throw it out and buy more stuff to replace it so we are phasing it out. I am transitioning to vegan but I substituting items in my house until they are gone. I don't buy eggs, milk, or even cheese anymore.

We are actually arranging the wedding back home, so there is minimum travel.

I eat fish occasionally because it's in my house, but I do not eat meat such as land animals. I don't buy it anymore and I certainly don't eat it (hence why we are allowing fish, dairy and eggs products at the wedding). I am trying to align my wedding with what I am trying to accomplish. We are making a lot of changes right now and I eat largely plant-based (95%) of the time. I don't want to see dead animals (it's bad enough with fish right now) at my wedding and want to make it cruelty free as possible seeing how I am transitioning to a vegan lifestyle... which I had mentioned in my original comment....

What does having to be a wonderful cook have to do with anything? There are a few of us making dishes for the wedding (It's not a big wedding, we are only expecting half of our guest list; which is about 60). We are planning on having cheese and crackers (which I will be avoiding), veggie and fruit platters, sweets, pastas, salads, stuffed mushrooms, maybe some curry and other delicious foods.

I came here for some advice and no judgement, I am trying to switch to a better, cruelty free lifestyle and needed some advice.

The wedding is not until November and I will likely have eaten everything in my house containing eggs (such as 1 bottle of mayo that cost a lot and chocolate), milk (chocolate and Kraft Dinner) and even fish (which there is not much left in my house now) thus leading a plant-based and vegan lifestyle before the end of the summer because that is what I truly want to do....

Again, I am switching my lifestyle and I want one of the biggest days of my life to align with my changing views, I can't even go near the meat department anymore cause I feel guilty and disgusted not making the switch earlier.

Last edited by MCallen; 06-12-2016 at 06:19 AM.
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#5 Old 06-12-2016, 06:18 AM
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I'm not judging you at all, you're great by transitioning! I do have to point out that saying pesco-veg is like saying Kosher pig roast- vegetarians don't eat any meat. Some people think vegans eat eggs too, that doesn't mean they're right

I said 'wonderful cook' because you know already you have push back, and food is certainly a big factor in a wedding event. It's fairly usual for people to complain anyway, but when you're having a venue that people expect to not like, it just encourages it
There have been other threads about hosting an all veg'n wedding.

I'm not saying you shouldn't insist on it, it is your day, only that you shouldn't expect others to behave!

Look on the right side for 'similar threads'.
this is a good recent one: Newly Vegan Wedding Dilemma - Please Help!
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#6 Old 06-12-2016, 06:42 AM
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My fiancee is a different story. He may or may not go full vegetarian or vegan (he might still eat fish, but he just usually gets what I get now which is vegan foods), but is making a huge switch as well. The hardest thing for him is to give up things such as land animals. While I on the other hand, see animals instead of meat now.... which can be traumatizing to say the least. There are a lot of vegetarian definitions for sure which is really confusing at times. But I am eliminating fish from my diet to. It's just because it's in the house right now and I want to be able to eat at my wedding as well seeing how I don't normally eat eggs and dairy on a regular basis anymore and avoid it as much as possible. Hence why I would prefer a vegan wedding to a pesco one. :/ However, if I eliminated those options then all hell would break loose.

I would like to explain my decision of how I see animals and the impact on the environment that animal agriculture has and the impact of industrial fishing. I know all the impacts it has on our health, the animals and environment it has and debating on giving a small explanation after the meal. I just really need some where to go to chat about my transition besides for YouTube channels....

Feel free to delete this post, I can use the other one. Thanks for the link!
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#7 Old 06-12-2016, 07:39 AM
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Appeal to the fact that it's your wedding, you'll probably only get one so it should be the way you want it. It's a special day for you and your future husband, and it's not for them. I think this would actually be a great opportunity to show your friends and family that food can be delicious without animal products. Even your sister's boyfriend listed vegan foods as his favourites (pizza, garlic fingers, pb&j, fries; they can all be made vegan!) so it can't all be that bad. I think what I would do is ask a few of your guests what types of foods they like then try a vegan version of that food and a buffet would allow them to sample various things. Some people love pasta with bolognese sauce, but if you swapped the mince meat for vegetable grounds they might not even notice, for example.

If they really dislike your vegan foods then they can always pop out and buy their own food or bring their own from the beginning. I'm assuming 7 days, 3 meals means a resort or hotel somewhere?

EDIT: Just wanted to throw this option out there. I'll be rejecting gifts at my future wedding and instead the guests (gift) to me will be to help with the wedding. In that way, they'll be bringing their own dishes. It takes the effort out of me trying to assure that they'll eat what they want. They all know I'm vegan, and they know I don't make exceptions, so if they don't want me to starve on my big day then they know what to cook. lol
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Last edited by BlackBoxed; 06-12-2016 at 07:44 AM.
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#8 Old 06-12-2016, 07:48 AM
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I had to come back to apologize for my harsh tone!
Fish has always been a trigger for me--I never liked fish to begin with, I used to try and like it, and now find fishy stuff is always something people will sneak into what they call 'vegetarian' options. Thai restaurants have become my favorite place to eat out and "ask about fish" I repeat to myself.

BlackBoxed is so right! Turn the situation around, veg'ns having to bring bags of nuts to go with (hopefully) a garden salad!
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#9 Old 06-12-2016, 07:53 AM
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First congrats on your wedding! Weddings can be super stressful and truthfully no matter what you pick you're going to offend someone so I wouldn't be too concerned. If the food is good enough people won't care that it's vegetarian. That said if the food is good enough that people don't care if it's vegetarian it's probably going to cost you a fair amount of money. You could consider going the route where you just do desserts and then small appetizers like cheese and crackers. This way you wouldn't really have to have meat. That said your presentation is not going to be nearly as high so if you think you're doing this to save money you may not be saving as much as you think.

Second the reason that people are kind of on your case is because there is no such thing as a pesco vegetarian. Vegetarians do not eat meat. That would be like me saying I'm a vegan I only eat eggs. People who don't eat meat but eat fish are called pescetarian. So you are a pescetarian. Nothing wrong with that still a great step just a different term.
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#10 Old 06-12-2016, 07:56 AM
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BlackBoxed, No, not a resort. I mean in their daily life they can get whatever they want for 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. We can't afford a resort. :P Our wedding budget is only $3500. My fiancee got a call last night from his mother "concerned" about how everyone would be disappointed their will be no meat, that we are forcing our views onto our guests (which would be the same if they complained that we didn't provide meat). If it was catering, I would probably have an option for everyone, even if I didn't like it, but that is not possible cause catering would cost over $3000. I am transitioning vegan and my fiancee is transitioning into vegetarian so we would like the meals to be more aligned with what we want to accomplish. Where it is us, my mom, my fiancees mom, my dad cooking it is getting complicated on what to do. I am looking up recipes and trying them the summer and then maybe see who can cook what, but it's really disheartening to have so many complaints so far. My mom and dad are okay with it once I explained it's not all rabbit food, but my sister kicked up a fuss, and now my fiancees parents. My sister was like, if it was my wedding there would be options for everyone. But if I let people just bring whatever the whole potluck would be mainly meat! I want to eat at my wedding. lol. I am getting frustrated with it all. I have no where to turn with these concerns because I don't have friends or family who are veg'ns.

We figured we would go back to adding fish (along with eggs and dairy) however, I am not 100% sure on what to do anymore. If they don't want to show up because of something simple as meat, then maybe it's better off not coming? :P I forgot to mention in the invitations that it would be a vegetarian (possibly pescatarian) wedding, so most people might not know. But should I even bother mentioning it?

Also, I am planning the wedding in a different area, and I am not sure what kind of meat substitutes I will be able to get. Where I am now there are plenty of options, but back home there is not much of a market for it, so it can be hard to find.

jocelyn3113, Actually we did some numbers and it would work out cheaper than buying meat (and much safer if we don't have time to heat stuff up we can make stuff that can be served cold); it is going to be a buffet/pot luck type deal. We are planning on doing stuff like stuffed mushrooms, sandwhiches, cheese and crackers, bruchetta, fruits and veggie platters, salads (garden, bean, pasta), actual pastas potentially (like lasanga) some desserts, and we even have access to a couple slow cookers so we could do chili, soup, and/or some other items.

I can make 3 loaves worth of sandwiches for around the cost of a rotisserie chicken. Most of it would probably be finger foods.
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Last edited by MCallen; 06-12-2016 at 08:04 AM.
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#11 Old 06-12-2016, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by silva View Post
I had to come back to apologize for my harsh tone!
Fish has always been a trigger for me--I never liked fish to begin with, I used to try and like it, and now find fishy stuff is always something people will sneak into what they call 'vegetarian' options. Thai restaurants have become my favorite place to eat out and "ask about fish" I repeat to myself.

BlackBoxed is so right! Turn the situation around, veg'ns having to bring bags of nuts to go with (hopefully) a garden salad!
Fish culture in the Maritimes is a big deal. While other countries were growing and thriving on grains, Atlantic coast was eating dominantly fish. It's a cultural thing. Half of the get-togethers between my boyfriend (in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia's neighbor Provence) and his family revolve around fish. I don't have a personal point of view in regards to shellfish, and I'm always asked about it. I don't eat it only because it's not considered vegan, but that as an argument doesn't really hold up when someone wants a genuine reason. If I'm honest I've nearly gone back to shellfish several times, because I'm hard pressed for a reason not to other than "it's an animal cell and it might feel pain". So, I mean I get it. It's one of my biggest struggles.
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#12 Old 06-12-2016, 08:09 AM
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Silva, it's okay.... I was concerned about joining a vegetarian/vegan forum because I didn't want to get judged and heard a lot of things about these types of groups, so I also might have been a bit defensive. I admit I was foggy on the definition, thank you for clearing that up, but I started a journey two and a half months ago to better my health, the animals and the planet... I just don't have that big of a support system except for my fiancee.

BlackBoxed, that is so true. I am from Newfoundland and I think that is the most fish cultured place out of the maritimes. :P I think the order is Newfoundland, PEI, Nova Scotia and then New Brunswick. lol. Everyone in my family practically fish, I even did as well so for the longest while I justified it as I can catch and kill and gut it myself so it's okay to eat. But I could never kill a chicken, cow, pig, sheep or other animals.

Last edited by MCallen; 06-12-2016 at 08:15 AM.
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#13 Old 06-12-2016, 08:15 AM
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You're right about the safety and I would have no problem using that to Leverage your meal choice.
I fully believe if the food is good enough they will not care if it's vegetarian. I went vegetarian about 9 months ago. I love cooking for big groups the vegetarian thing has not changed that. I was a good cook then and I'm a good cook now and all my omnivore friends and family still love to come over for dinner. Some of them are even making vegetarian meals on their own now.
The recipe below I found on Pinterest. It's a great recipe and it's super cheap and you can make a good and spicy.
http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/bl...hilada-bake/?m
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#14 Old 06-12-2016, 08:20 AM
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jocelyn3113, I never though about Enchilada! taquitos would be great as well! I am trying to find recipes that are simple and fast to make because I only have 2 days before the wedding to cook food. I am allocating meals to other groups, but I think I will be making a lot more meals than our parents.
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#15 Old 06-12-2016, 08:20 AM
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It sounds to me that no one in your family really understands what it means to eat meat free. From what I've read from your complaints, they seem to equate vegan with kale and a bit of lettuce. Maybe when you taste test some of your recipes you could introduce a few of your 'problem people'. I wouldn't even say that it's vegetarian/vegan. I would just invite them over and ask their opinion. Go from there.
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#16 Old 06-12-2016, 08:24 AM
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BlackBoxed, I wish it was that simple. We live in Halifax, his parents live in central Newfoundland and my parents live in East Coast Newfoundland. lol. And yes, when I mention it, it usually ends up asking me if it is all going to be rabbit food. -_-'
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#17 Old 06-12-2016, 08:32 AM
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jocelyn3113, I never though about Enchilada! taquitos would be great as well! I am trying to find recipes that are simple and fast to make because I only have 2 days before the wedding to cook food. I am allocating meals to other groups, but I think I will be making a lot more meals than our parents.
Tacos are super cheap too. If I was you I would make the taco filling in the slow cooker. Then people can just scoop it out and put it on shells.

My other suggestion is to avoid the meat substitutes. That is the one thing I typically don't cook with when cooking for others. As good as they can be they are just not the same. Especially not for people use to eating the real thing. Also they are way more expensive.

Another pro tip buy your beans, refried beans and salsa in the ethnic section, way cheaper and way tastier. Superstore has an awesome ethnic section.

I love talking recipes, and I love cooking for big groups, and I am Canadian too! I would have so many suggestions for you! I just don`t want to take over your whole thread
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#18 Old 06-12-2016, 08:42 AM
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BlackBoxed, I wish it was that simple. We live in Halifax, his parents live in central Newfoundland and my parents live in East Coast Newfoundland. lol. And yes, when I mention it, it usually ends up asking me if it is all going to be rabbit food. -_-'
Yeah, that definitely makes it more difficult.

You mentioned earlier that you weren't sure what brands of vegan foods you can get. I can probably recommend a few. Blue menu makes a vegetarian chicken that's actually vegan. It's made by gardein only much, much cheaper. You can get it at Atlantic Superstore where the boxed meats are, just look until you see the vegetarian box. I highly recommend it! It was omni approved.

If you do that then you could probably tell your family you have some chicken recipes you're going to try. Maybe just not tell them it's going to be vegan chicken? I mean it's kind of lying but maybe it'll even fool them when the day comes.

There's also Tofutti, I've only ever seen it in sobey's. It's the replacement for cream, sour cream, and yogurt. Yves mince ground does really well with replacing mince meat. Daiya slice cheese is 'okay' but their smoked gouda in the block form is very passable. You might need to shop around but you can get replacements for most of the non-vegan items and from what I remember there are quite a few grocery stores to choose from in Halifax.
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#19 Old 06-12-2016, 08:49 AM
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BlackBoxed, I know of all of those and use them on a semi-regular basis. I am not sure what is available in Newfoundland as I never looked there before. There are about 4 or 5 places in Halifax where I can get different veg'n options and each place has different stock. When I go home for a couple weeks at the end of August I will be taking a peek to see if there is anything.

jocelyn3113, I have a blog you can use for contact if you like. Recipes that I really enjoy I will be posting on it.

Here is the link: https://chanterelledesign.wordpress.com/
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#20 Old 06-12-2016, 01:53 PM
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On our wedding, more than 30 years ago, we served a vegetarian lunch for about 50 people.
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My usual answer: I have never heard a convincing reason to eat meat.
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#21 Old 06-12-2016, 04:03 PM
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Full stop. Your guests are being super rude--their only job is to eat what you provide and be gracious about it.

It's good etiquette to try and provide things your guests like, but it is really not your responsibility to bend over backwards. Just provide a variety of popular dishes and they either will or will not be polite about it.

I would stop discussing this altogether, and when they bring it up, "A variety of popular dishes will be served," and then change the subject. Look puzzled when they interrogate you about it and say you had no idea guests were supposed to question the menu. Be a "broken record" as needed.

There are many popular dishes that are naturally vegetarian, eaten by omnis. Just pick those and they may not even notice the "missing" meat.
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#22 Old 06-12-2016, 07:31 PM
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My fiancee is a different story. He may or may not go full vegetarian or vegan (he might still eat fish, but he just usually gets what I get now which is vegan foods), but is making a huge switch as well. The hardest thing for him is to give up things such as land animals. While I on the other hand, see animals instead of meat now.... which can be traumatizing to say the least. There are a lot of vegetarian definitions for sure which is really confusing at times. But I am eliminating fish from my diet to. It's just because it's in the house right now and I want to be able to eat at my wedding as well seeing how I don't normally eat eggs and dairy on a regular basis anymore and avoid it as much as possible. Hence why I would prefer a vegan wedding to a pesco one. :/ However, if I eliminated those options then all hell would break loose.

I would like to explain my decision of how I see animals and the impact on the environment that animal agriculture has and the impact of industrial fishing. I know all the impacts it has on our health, the animals and environment it has and debating on giving a small explanation after the meal. I just really need some where to go to chat about my transition besides for YouTube channels....

Feel free to delete this post, I can use the other one. Thanks for the link!
Hi and welcome. I would absolutely advise very strongly against giving a speech about why you are stopping eating meat. People will take it as a lecture, that you "think you are better and more ethical" because you are a vegetarian. They will be dicks to you.

People know deep down that breeding, raising, slaughtering, chopping up, and eating creatures is disgusting and wrong--but most will never admit it to their conscious mind. They know that a puppy is a piglet is a calf is a lamb is a duck is a chicken is a shrimp. But they eat all those except the pup. Why not her? She is plump and juicy too!

I think your menu sounds fine for any guest, except maybe ironically the vegans, lol. You could easily not eat fish at your wedding and not keel over from lack of protein. For yourself, have the pasta dish and fruit and bread and dessert and etc.

Now about the animal products you have remaining from before your transition: no point in throwing them away. As you finish them up, you just don't buy them anymore.

We do tend to get pissy here at VB about fish-eating vegetarians, because it makes it confusing for those of us who are veg. Restaurants will think vegetarians eat fish, so will not mention the fish sauce, friends will say "But I made the tuna just for you!" Etc etc etc.

While you are still eating fish, the clearest term is Pescetarian. When you stop the fish, you will be a vegetarian (lacto vegetarian if you eat dairy, ovo vegetarian for eggs).
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#23 Old 06-13-2016, 04:07 PM
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Don't forget the olives!
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#24 Old 06-14-2016, 01:56 PM
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Now about the animal products you have remaining from before your transition: no point in throwing them away. As you finish them up, you just don't buy them anymore.

We do tend to get pissy here at VB about fish-eating vegetarians, because it makes it confusing for those of us who are veg. Restaurants will think vegetarians eat fish, so will not mention the fish sauce, friends will say "But I made the tuna just for you!" Etc etc etc..
That's why I eat fish occasionally - I am phasing it out of my house and buying veg stuff to replace it (which is most likely going to be by the end of the summer). Growing up the Pescaterian is same as vegetarian so I thought it was just another form (because that's what a lot of sites say as well). I don't buy fish, eggs or dairy (or products containing these) for myself anymore, as for my fiancee, he is transitioning to Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian where it's a bit harder for him to go vegan like myself.
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#25 Old 06-14-2016, 02:05 PM
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Full stop. Your guests are being super rude--their only job is to eat what you provide and be gracious about it.

It's good etiquette to try and provide things your guests like, but it is really not your responsibility to bend over backwards. Just provide a variety of popular dishes and they either will or will not be polite about it.

I would stop discussing this altogether, and when they bring it up, "A variety of popular dishes will be served," and then change the subject. Look puzzled when they interrogate you about it and say you had no idea guests were supposed to question the menu. Be a "broken record" as needed.

There are many popular dishes that are naturally vegetarian, eaten by omnis. Just pick those and they may not even notice the "missing" meat.
Thanks for the advice. The major issue right now is his mom. Our parents are helping with the cooking for the buffet and what she said to my fiancee the weekend pissed me off a lot. Once I explained to my mom and dad why I want a vegetarian wedding and the kinds of food we would have (not just rabbit food... ) They were okay with it, and my mom is even cool with experimenting and making substitutions for it. But his mom is a different story and I have a feeling more people are going to be pissed off. Before I started transitioning we traveled home for Christmas and his family ate meat literally for every meal... it was disgusting and I felt terrible. So might end up getting a lot of push back from his side which is what I am afraid of.
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#26 Old 06-15-2016, 09:28 AM
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Having just gotten married myself last year, I can sympathize with what you're going through. My husband is Australian, and as soon as we became engaged, the wars began. Where were we going to have the wedding, Canada or Aus? Who was invited, etc? Blah blah blah. Hubby and I were constantly having arguments about what this person or that person said, it was ridiculous. Finally I said, enough is enough. Let's do what WE want to do, and if it offends them then too bad. WE are the ones paying for the wedding; if they want us to do something else, let them fork over for the bill.

We ended up having a very small ceremony on the beach in October. It was a beautiful, windy, wonderful morning. There were less than 20 people in attendance, and we all went out for brunch afterwards, where everyone ordered what they wanted and we paid the bill. No arguments, everyone was happy, problem solved ^_^
LedBoots, jocelyn3113 and MCallen like this.
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