When mum died though... I don't want to think about it lol. I think it will take me a long, long time to come to terms with.
It's odd. When I was at university, I didn't give my parents a second thought - if my mum phoned me more than once a month it irritated me. Dad more than once every three months: very irritated. Now I've jumped to the other extreme: I feel really unnerved, shaken even, by how old my mum is. It doesn't seem so long ago that she was young, sprightly, taking me to school. Now she's in her fifties. Soon sixties. Soon... I get quite upset about this. I think it will completely ruin me when she goes. Of all the people who have come and gone in my life, my mum's been the only enduring presence, and I know it's stupid to fear her departure, but I can't help the way I feel.
I get what you're saying, but 50s isn't old.
Now that my parents are in their early 60s, I worry a little bit more because some of my friends either have lost or are losing their parents. But, I still have 3 grandparents still alive and so I don't worry too much about my parents' health. I am now the executor of their estate, though, and would prefer to put off that responsibility for as long as possible.
I guess, too, having seen my friends go through losing their parents, I know that it's a very hard, very sad, but also very survivable thing to go through.
On the other hand, when that evil, ****ing b*****d that dares to call himself my "father" dies, I'm going to have a BIG party to celebrate and we're all going to go and dance on his grave.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking since I'll be 56 next month...if they are in good health they could be around for a long time.
I understand the fear of not wanting to let them go. I was 27 when my dad died and 34 when I lost my mom. They were 59 and 66 respectively. I was sad when my dad died but I was very close to my mom...it was devastating for me. The hardest part was having to go through the daily routine (I had three small kids)...I just wanted to go off by myself and grieve for a while. It's probably good that you think about it to some degree, as long as you don't let it overwhelm you...enjoy the time you have with them now.
"Nothing tastes as good as kindness feels" - ~ElaineV~
my father is a raving alcoholic and i worry about his death often - but not because he's old, but because he's an alcoholic which is a serious health issue. what if he falls and bleeds out, that kind of thing.
but not really. my grandmother lived to see her great great grandchildren, she was an alcoholic (but sober by the time i was born), on lithium till the day she died, and smoked until she was 50. she died peacefully in her sleep. with her brain. our family is like one of those families where all the statistics are bucked out the window.
i'm pretty sure both my parents will be around for a long time. hasseling me about crap. asking me for money, you know.
the annoying stuff.
**** the pint, she take blood by the liter.
i'll never leave her, my vicious vixen.
When my mom goes (which won't be fore thirty more years at least!) I think I'll fall apart. I am very close to her, my husband and I bought property with her and will end up living together for... well, the rest of her life (or ours). She is just in such great shape, I know I don't have to worry much yet.
Â Marilyn Monroe
I lost my grandmother tragically when I was in high school and she was pretty much a second mother to me...so I feel that if I can get though that, I can get through anything.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I'll miss them...they're great and all, but death doesn't phase me much. Besides, me and my sister will get their big house all to ourselves.
Wow, if I believed in the concept of Hell in the afterlife, I guess I'd be headed straight there just for that post alone.
"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"
Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
I don't think my dad is likely to pop his clogs anytime soon. He used to be a smoker, but only lightly, and he quit a while ago now. He eats fairly healthily (too much dairy really, but mostly okay) and does plenty of exercise walking and stuff. He only just turned 50. Both his parents are still alive (75 ish I think).
But ... I'm pretty close to him. And I'm his next of kin so when he dies I'm going to be the one to phone people up to tell them he's dead, to organise the funeral, all that awful stuff and in the unlikely event that it happens soon, I guess I would be responsible for my sister too.
I nearly fell apart when my mum died, and 5 years later I'm still one of those boring people who some of the time falls apart about it for no reason (or for it being the time of year she died, or for it being her birthday, etc, etc) even though I should have gotten over it. And I'm just as close to my dad now as I was to her then. So I know I won't find it easy.
I've always had a great relationship with my parents... Twice a week, mom and I will have one of our marathon phone coversations that can last a few hours. Dad...well...he's not much of a chatter... He always picks up the phone, and we chat for...say...30 seconds before he passes the phone to mom.
I visit them once a year...and every time they look different...worse...older...
My father had age-related surgery on his shoulder, and they didn't even tell me about it... This kind of thing has become so commonplace for them, that they don't see it as urgent news anymore.
I've been lucky to have not had to deal with the death of anyone close to me. People die all around me, it seems...my landlord was shot in my yard, my boss's boss is dying of cancer (and he still works!), and every few days I tap on my neighbor's window to make sure she didn't die - she's elderly, and I don't want her cats to starve - but she doesn't know that's the reason for my social calls. ...but my parents' deaths would rip me apart!!!
So, just last week, I told my Mom that I had reached a decision... I had decided that she was going to have to stop growing older, and that she was just going to have to deal with it because I'm not taking 'no' for an answer.
For without it, we would be lost.
I've always been having these fears about the day when my mother is frail and/or dies and they usually happen at night when I'm lying in bed...I just don't know what I'd do without my mother even though she drives me crazy. I feel like I'd be abandoning her if I finish college and leave her to live on her own. (She's a single parent)
It sucks because I'm an only child and the youngest in the whole extended family.
Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope with it?
I almost lost my mom to pancreatic cancer a few years ago too. We were lucky, she made it through and that's very rare.
It's always scared me. The best we can do is to look at the people we love often and cherrish each moment we have w/ them.
this really irritates me
weve never really been close, he lives with me and everything bt we always argue, wen hes nice hes really nice, bt wen hes nasty its horrible..
but like since i found out hes got it, its not upset me likes its upset my mum, im cant get over my annoyance of the fact he brought it on himself.. like how selfish is it that hes not even bothering to try and stop even tho it could increase his life expectancy by a few years...
but i dont know how il feel when he actually dies of course...
My boyfriend has said, "It's probably going to be the last time I see him." He says it with such certainty... It frightens me.
My boyfriend came to terms with death - his own and his loved ones - a long, long time ago. He has been shot at, stabbed, and gotten the brain matter of a friend sprayed across his face from a shooting. Growing up as a Spanish-Italian kid in Brooklyn in the 70's and 80's wasn't easy. He enlisted in the Marines as well. He has been in should-have-been lethal car accidents. He just ACCEPTS death. He cherishes life, but doesn't have a fearful death-grip (pun optional) on it.
But me? I'm not even CLOSE to where he is. I don't handle death well. I don't accept it. I just... I'm not in that place. I don't have the inner peace and compassion and gratitude for what I've been given, I guess, to not be terrified of having things taken away.
**** the pint, she take blood by the liter.
i'll never leave her, my vicious vixen.