invitation to eat out? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-13-2006, 02:38 PM
 
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this has happened to me many times and as recently as today.



have you ever been invited out for breakfast,lunch or dinner and the person inviting you says "i know that you dont eat anything at this restaurant,but why dont you join us for lunch and have a drink"



i really feel wanted!
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#2 Old 08-13-2006, 03:03 PM
 
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Well, they do want your company...

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#3 Old 08-13-2006, 03:44 PM
 
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i dont feel that way.



i think that when inviting someone for lunch,you should choose a place where everyone can eat and not tell me to have a drink for lunch.



i would have to actually eat lunch before i meet them for lunch.



they dont make any effort .its what they want to eat,take it or leave it.



anyways,its how i feel.
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#4 Old 08-13-2006, 03:53 PM
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Do you think it necessary for them to go out of their way to please your eating habits (you being the minority)?

You should have went.

You presence could have given them something to think about.
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#5 Old 08-13-2006, 04:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Vegan Joe View Post

Do you think it necessary for them to go out of their way to please your eating habits (you being the minority)?

You should have went.

You presence could have given them something to think about.



well,the way i feel is that because they can eat just about anything and there are tons of restuarants in the city,they could have chosen somewhere where we can all go enjoy a meal together,or ask me to suggest a place.



if they say,in the same sentence,come join us for lunch even though there is nothing in this restuarant that you can eat,i personally think that its not very nice on their part.if they wanted me there bad enough,they would have tried to find a place where everyone at the table can eat something.



i dont know how finding a restaurant where i {the minority} is going out of their way when we are in a major city with tons of restaurants.



i dont like to leave out the minority in my everyday life.i like everyone to be included.
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#6 Old 08-13-2006, 05:09 PM
 
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I'm with you, kill_uncle.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan Joe View Post

Do you think it necessary for them to go out of their way to please your eating habits (you being the minority)?



I just don't think it's necessary for kill_uncle to be put in an uncomfortable situation so that people can not have to ever step outside of their omnivorous comfort zone... which doesn't even sound like it would have happened, since all kill_uncle wishes for is for them to go somewhere s/he can find something eat.



Fortunately, my non-veg friends are very happy to eat exclusively at veg restaurants with me, and it has never been an issue.
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#7 Old 08-13-2006, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by kill_uncle View Post

i dont feel that way.



i think that when inviting someone for lunch,you should choose a place where everyone can eat and not tell me to have a drink for lunch.



i would have to actually eat lunch before i meet them for lunch.



they dont make any effort .its what they want to eat,take it or leave it.



anyways,its how i feel.



So ther is NOTHING you can eat there. Heck a BBQ stand even has a baked potato?



I would be happy with the company and find whatever I could on the menu or treat myself to a nice drink whether it be with liquor or virgin
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#8 Old 08-13-2006, 05:17 PM
 
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I see your point, kill_uncle. This has happened to me a few times, but it doesn't bother me for the most part. I'm usually glad to be invited, regardless. Plus, when I go out with a group for a meal, it's almost always up to me to decide where we go because nobody else wants to pick the place and have it be not vegan-friendly.

I get tired of having to choose something that will make the whole group happy when I'm one person. Sometimes it's just easier to pre-eat and go for the company.

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#9 Old 08-13-2006, 05:39 PM
 
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I just put up with it. A friend recently invited me to TGI Fridays with a bunch of other people for her birthday. It's not my place to lecture my friends about their restaurant/food choices if they are the ones doing the inviting. I'm glad to go and have a salad or potato and a drink and just enjoy being with my friends.
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#10 Old 08-13-2006, 05:47 PM
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My opinion is still it's your loss Uncle. When it's your oportunity to envite them to a veggie restaurant why should or would they go? You refused their invite. It only goes to say thay thay would do the same.
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#11 Old 08-13-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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i see everyones point.



i just find it so simple.......so easy to find a restaurant where we can all find something and eat a nice meal together.



they told me straight out that there is nothing for me to eat there. why not say,we were planning to go eat at ..........,but there is nothing there for you to eat,so if you would like to join us we can eat somewhere else.



i would think that this would be such a nice thing for someone to do.



i find this so simple.
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#12 Old 08-13-2006, 05:56 PM
 
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If it doesn't happen all that often I would just allow it. Join them for a drink or make up an excuse that I'm busy. Perhaps they really like this restaurant and want to go.



If ten times they've accommodated me, I wouldn't be hurt. If it's a pattern of continuous disrespect, then there's a problem - your "friends" are insensitive.





Are they good friends that you go out with often? Casual acquaintences?
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#13 Old 08-13-2006, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tweety View Post

If it doesn't happen all that often I would just allow it. Join them for a drink or make up an excuse that I'm busy. Perhaps they really like this restaurant and want to go.



If ten times they've accommodated me, I wouldn't be hurt. If it's a pattern of continuous disrespect, then there's a problem - your "friends" are insensitive.





Are they good friends that you go out with often? Casual acquaintences?



in this case it was family.



my friends always accomodate me.
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#14 Old 08-13-2006, 06:01 PM
 
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It wouldn't bother me. I'd go and have drinks. Except that yoru friends probably don't realize that nearly every single restaurant always has something vegetarian or vegan, so odds are you'd find something. Prove to them that you don't have to go to strange special restaurants to eat out and be social as a veg*n.
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#15 Old 08-13-2006, 06:06 PM
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Maybe one, some, or the majority had there heart set on eating at that place.

Who knows maybe it was the waitress at the place, who was the best dish. (or what ever gender). Don't read to much into it.

Maybe they were realy sinsere about you not enjoying yourself at that place.



(95% of all the things you ever worry about never happen.)
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#16 Old 08-13-2006, 06:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan Joe View Post

Maybe one, some, or the majority had there heart set on eating at that place.

Who knows maybe it was the waitress at the place, who was the best dish. (or what ever gender). Don't read to much into it.

Maybe they were realy sinsere about you not enjoying yourself at that place.



(95% of all the things you ever worry about never happen.)



i know.



i am not mad.i just shake my head at all this because i find the a solution to this so simple.



i am not holding a grudge because its not the first time and wont be the last.
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#17 Old 08-13-2006, 11:14 PM
 
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Luckily, I don't have friends who pull things like that. They ask me for suggestions, and we go somewhere we can agree on. Since you say it's family... yeah, sometimes family members pull annoying crap on you. That's what families do best. But you know, they're family. It only happens to me a couple times a year at major family gatherings such as my grandpa's birthday, and if he wants seafood on his birthday, then by god I'll have a baked potato and a sad salad and I won't complain.



If it happens all the time and you really want it to stop, why not take the initiative from time to time and and invite them out... to a place where you can eat?



Y'know, it just occurred to me that this suggestion raises the related ettiquette issue of who pays, and makes me wonder if part of what they're doing is being cheap and avoiding paying for a meal for you. Is that something they would do? Without getting too deeply into that issue, since we already have another thread going on it, it occurs to me that it would be a pretty raw deal financially if they always invite you to places where there's nothing but a sad salad for you to eat, but you invite them to places where you have to pay for full meals for them.
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#18 Old 08-13-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Y'know, it just occurred to me that this suggestion raises the related ettiquette issue of who pays, and makes me wonder if part of what they're doing is being cheap and avoiding paying for a meal for you. Is that something they would do? Without getting too deeply into that issue, since we already have another thread going on it, it occurs to me that it would be a pretty raw deal financially if they always invite you to places where there's nothing but a sad salad for you to eat, but you invite them to places where you have to pay for full meals for them.

It didn't sound like that to me at all. It sounded more like they wanted to go to this restaurant, and were inviting him along. Nothing more, nothing less. I sincerely doubt they were going to pay for everyone's meal!



In the "stupid things omnivores say" thread it's been brought up several times how stupid omnivores are for thinking vegetarians require special treatment, but then when they don't get that special treatment they get upset and feel left out. So either vegetarians do require special treatment and special restaurants, or they don't. (ETA: I'm not directing this at the OP of this thread, just ranting about that horrible "Stupid Things Omnivores Say" thread, which is full of so many ignorant comments)
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#19 Old 08-14-2006, 12:26 AM
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You could always try "Oh.. sounds lovely, but why don't we try XXX's! It's new and I've heard it's fabulous". (XXX's of course having veggie options) I'm also with the people who are surprised that this place has nothing for you to eat. If it was me, and if it was already firmly booked in at that restaurant I'd either call ahead and arrange something or suck it up. Then next time you do the dinner arrangements. Hell, for all you know they are complaining that you always leave it up to them to choose the venue.

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#20 Old 08-14-2006, 01:03 AM
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Ring the restaurant yourself and ask if they have anything suitable for you, if they say no, ask them if they can make you something. If they say they can't, just eat before you go.
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#21 Old 08-14-2006, 02:52 AM
 
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I think it's great that they invited you. They obviously want your company. Sometimes omni's don't get the whole 'vegan thing' so they don't always approach a situation in an appropriate way. I am beginning to notice more and more that my friends at work, while they respect my decision to be vegan, don't always know how to handle it when they are all going to have lunch somewhere that turns out to be not so vegan friendly...I get the, 'we're going to Kelly's for lunch, I don't know what they have that you can eat, but you can come if you want.' They are the majority and it's only natural that they would want to go somewhere to eat that they enjoy and not have to necessarily accomodate me. I can see that they are becoming more and more reluctant to ask me because they are afraid there will be nothing there for me to eat. Plus I can see it makes them feel bad if everyone is pigging out and I'm there eating some plain salad. That is why I make sure I make the effort to go regardless of my meal options. I want to continue to be included so I will make the best of a bad situation so I can be with and enjoy my friends. I think it is a great idea to call ahead and try to see if they can't make something that will be acceptable to your needs.

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#22 Old 08-14-2006, 06:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan Joe View Post

My opinion is still it's your loss Uncle. When it's your oportunity to envite them to a veggie restaurant why should or would they go? You refused their invite. It only goes to say thay thay would do the same.



your comparison has no validity, considering the omnivores have no ethical or environmental aversion to eating a vegetarian meal, and in case you have forgotten, omnivores do eat vegetarian meals, but vegetarians do not eat omnivorous.



but then again, you call a person a 'dish,' so whatever. keep watching the media and going along with the exploitations.
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#23 Old 08-14-2006, 07:46 AM
 
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your comparison has no validity, considering the omnivores have no ethical or environmental aversion to eating a vegetarian meal, and in case you have forgotten, omnivores do eat vegetarian meals, but vegetarians do not eat omnivorous.

That doesn't matter. The point is if you're turning down an invitation, you're going to be seen as reclusive and they will be less likely to respond favorably to any invitations that you may offer in the future.
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#24 Old 08-14-2006, 08:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

In the "stupid things omnivores say" thread it's been brought up several times how stupid omnivores are for thinking vegetarians require special treatment, but then when they don't get that special treatment they get upset and feel left out. So either vegetarians do require special treatment and special restaurants, or they don't. (ETA: I'm not directing this at the OP of this thread, just ranting about that horrible "Stupid Things Omnivores Say" thread, which is full of so many ignorant comments)

But I think there's a pretty big difference between asking your omni friends to go the all vegan Chinese place that's full of omni-intimidating faux meat options, and asking that they NOT select the steakhouse or the seafood shack. There are plenty of middle-ground restaurants where everyone can be happy. You named some in your Top 5 restaurants post.
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#25 Old 08-14-2006, 08:25 AM
 
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Nobody is trying to be insensitive. These people are planning to eat together at a restaurant they like, as people tend to do. They are extending an invitation to you because they think you would like the invitation. Is it the case that if people are going to eat at non vegetarian friendly restaurants that you don't want them to invite you at all? If the answer is yes, tell them that. People can't read your mind.
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#26 Old 08-14-2006, 08:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kill_uncle View Post

this has happened to me many times and as recently as today.



have you ever been invited out for breakfast,lunch or dinner and the person inviting you says "i know that you dont eat anything at this restaurant,but why dont you join us for lunch and have a drink"



i really feel wanted!





Dude. You are wanted. If you weren't you would have been excluded entirely.





The real issue is that you are sore that your friends and family won't accommodate you, and in the case of your family, with a screen name like that, I think they're extremely brave to invite you at all.





[analogy]



You get invited to see Little Man. It's a movie you don't like or want to see because it is from the Wayan brothers and clearly therefore will be lousy.



But your friends/family have already decided that that this is the movie they want to see, and they like you enough to think maybe you can tag along for the social aspect.



Oh, sure. There are plenty of movies playing you would rather see — ones that in all likelihood they would also enjoy— but the choice of movies has already been made.



So you can either suck it up and join them or respectfully decline.



Or I guess you could make them change the movie which, I think, would show a certain lack of decorum.



[/analogy]





I know the analogy isn't the perfect as one deals with unimaginable cruelty and horror and the other is a dietary preference. But I doubt there are many omnis who would see if differently.



And if you need to, I'm pretty you could scrape together something vegan in most restaurants.



Granted it'll be a plain baked potato and a crummy salad, and yes they could fair better at a place where there are more options for you and them. But that's not where they want to go.







Only because you asked...



I would say this happens to me, on average, around about all the ****ing time. Recently someone invited me to the Outback Steakhouse with a similar "I know you can't eat anything" proviso. Uh, yeah, no.



I just thank people very much for the offer, find out if they have plans afterwards, and join them for that.



In fact, after years of going out and trying not to let it bother me and compartmentalizing the fact that someone was eating something dead at the same table as me I've pretty much chosen to put my ethical priorities ahead of my need to socialize.



So when a friend is throwing a barbecue, I join them afterwards for some beers.



I no longer eat out with friends who I know will order meat. Much as I would like them to choose non-animal based meals, some of my friends are great about going for Indian and Ethiopian or even game to try vegetarian restaurants, whereas some of my friends suck and don't.



Sure, there are times, like this past weekend at a wedding (which I wrote about in the stupid things omnivores say thread) where I have to put my friends ahead of my ethics and sit between two chicken eaters and bear witness to hundreds of pieces of raw chicken in a kitchen.



But such is life.



By which I mean death.



Cheers!

TJ
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#27 Old 08-14-2006, 08:50 AM
 
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I know the analogy isn't the perfect as one deals with unimaginable cruelty and horror and the other is a dietary preference.



love your posts.
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#28 Old 08-14-2006, 10:59 AM
 
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I get that "I know you can't eat anything" thing too. Usually when I'm at my parent's house (ahh, family... gotta lurve them ). I usually take it with a grain of salt and dismiss it as their way of warning me about the food because believe me, if you knew the kind of crap places they love to dine at, you'd see it's uncharacteristically most sensitive of them to warn me off the food.



Seriously. I've known these people to eat at places that roaches wouldn't step foot into.



In general, the way I see it is this: most omnis are so meat-blind that they truely think 1) veg*ns can't eat anything and 2) there's *no* restaurant on the planet that has anything a veg*n can even remotely eat. So they mentally panic and verbally throw out the "I know you can't eat anything" blurb, not realising that there ARE veg*ns who can find anything, anywhere and have no problem doing so.



But then again, I'm one of those freaks who would rather enjoy the company of the group in question rather than getting out of sorts because no one's thinking of the poor widdle vegetarian when they picked the restaurant to go to.
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