Any other LGBTQ VB'ers?

[Kenickie]

I don't discriminate. I like a person for who they are not what they are.

best answer +1

[LuckyDuck]

I don't discriminate. I like a person for who they are not what they are.

Me too, although I think everyone has their preferences!

[kpickell]

I'm a B in an S relationship.

[ai_08]

sorry, i need to rant:

so. i'm not gay. like, i don't like girls. i've never found them attractive, i've never been curious, it's just never happened. i'm not against being gay, and i've never discriminated against people who are. it's just never fazed me. i've just always liked guys and been with guys.
well.
last year, i met this girl in my anthropology class. she's very boyish, and well, to put it bluntly, she likes to rock the gangster look. which isn't really my thing when it comes to guys, let alone girls.
well, we became kind of casual friends. you know, the kind you talk to in class, but for the most part, you never really speak. well flash forward and it's second semester, and we have education together, we talk a little more. i find out she has a girlfriend, and they'd been dating since the beginning of the school year (oh, and just to put this out there, she's white, but prefers black girls. in case you didn't know, i'm white. like, geeky and i'm from a small private school and have never been around black people before i went to college. sad? yes very. but that's just how it worked out.)
so at that point i still wasn't interested, but like i said we talked more and got to know a little bit more about each other.
then one night i get drunk, and she happens to be at the same party. and i proceed to march up to her, grab her face, and proclaim very loudly that i think she's pretty. and then i just sort of hangout (more like on) her the entire night. then i start to sober up, and realize what i'm doing, and we go our separate ways.
flash forward some more to the summer, and we start talking on facebook, and i find out her and her girlfriend have been broken up for a while (the gf cheated on her) and she asks me if i'm into girls.
i didn't know what to say, so i said... well i said i didn't know what to say. so then she asked what i thought about me and her. and i still didn't know what to say, but i was intrigued. so i said i thought it would be nice if we hungout.
but then it dawned on me that she's like, a lesbian. and that "hanging out" with her would be like "hanging out" with a guy. so when school started, i sort of avoided her. she'd call on occasion, but i'd either ignore her or make up an excuse.
well finally, on a whim, i decided to just hangout with her (ok so actually it had been driving me crazy so i just had to do it)
so then we started hanging out on a regular basis. pretty much everyday. and it was great. but she wasn't used to talking to girls like me (white and slow moving and untrusting and awkward and weird), so she thought i didn't like her, but i assured her that i was interested.
so like i said things were going great.
until one night last week when we had a halloween party. i got drunk, and i knew with the way things were going, i'd do something stupid. (ie throw myself at her) so i decided to go home. well when i went outside to tell her i was leaving (she was smoking with her friends) i saw her flirting with another girl. and well, her ex was a black cheerleader, and the girl she was flirting with was a black cheerleader too, so i got very upset and insecure. (not gonna lie. i'm a little self conscious of the fact that i'm white. I feel like, since she prefers black girls, I have a lot to compete against. Especially since I’m not very secure to begin with. I mean, I know I’m attractive, but… I just didn’t feel like I was up to par with her standards.) but anyways, i didn't want to make a scene, cause that would be immature, so i left.
well, i was really upset, so i called my best friend (who is very supportive of the whole thing, despite the fact that she's dating a homophobic guy) and i just started sobbing. well, her idea of helping the situation is to call her and say, "i hope you're happy, you've made her cry."
but i didn't ask her to call her, and i didn't want her to know i'd been crying. so thanks to my meddling friend, she now thinks i'm creepy and possessive and madly in love with her or something.
i mean, she did call me and she was upset and explained that that was just how she was with her friends, and she wanted to make sure i was ok and that we were still going to hangout the next day and all that
but things have been weird since then. she usually calls me everyday, and she always wants to know when i want to hangout. and yea, the day after that happened she called and things were normal and she was super sweet, but other than that... she seems... distant. and it's killing me. i keep thinking, does she think i'm too serious? did i scare her off?
i don't know what to do.
and we have completely different groups of friends. i'm a graphic design/communications major, and i have geeky friends, and I’m white. Like, stereotypical white. And I come from a stereotypical white family. And my dad is racist and sexist and a homophobe.and I’m anal and straight laced and compulsive and a total teacher’s pet. And my upbringing was stiff and narrow minded and it’s so obvious, because I feel like a fish out of water around people different from me and I hate that but I’m working on it. and she's an athlete. And she’s carefree and silly and she loves small animals which I love and she like country music, not just rap and r&b, and she’s gentle and she’s afraid of clowns and if I have a problem she wants to talk about it, and she wears stupid pants that are too big for her, but I think it’s endearing.
i just... i don't know what to do. tomorrow night we're supposed to go to a haunted house (for the hundredth time)with some of my friends (which is another thing i like: she includes me with some of the stuff she does with her friends, and she’s made an effort to befriend some of mine) but idk. we haven't really spoken in a while. I mean, we hung out for freaking, ten minutes last night but my mom made me come home early.
and i just have this sinking feeling that she wants to end this. She’s being distant. and that would just kill me. because, at the risk of sounding sappy, i finally realize just how important she is to me, but i feel like it's just too little too late. i feel like, if i'd been nicer and less of a bitch when she'd first started trying to get to know me, things would be different.

Or worse: what if it was just the thrill of the chase? What if this was just some big game? Like “oh, let’s see if I can get the straight book worm girl to like me” god. I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone use me again. It happened once last year, and that hurt. I told her I wasn’t trusting. And she asked me what she had to do to earn my trust. So I thought she was sincere. Or maybe she was, and she isn’t trying to be mean, but she’s just changed her mind.

Just my luck, when I realize how much I care for her.
anyways, thanks for listening to my huge and stupid rant haha. Sorry, it’s stream of consciousness so it probably doesn’t flow very well. Anyways, any advise would be much appreciated… I suck at this stuff

[ai_08]

holy **** i am so sorry that is so long. D:

[LuckyDuck]

Holy cr*p, honey.

Ok, let me ask you this: how would you react if this was a straight relationship? I feel like it's being complicated unnecessarily because she's female (could be wrong, feel free to correct me!). It sounds like this relationship is really important to you, so how would you salvage this if she was a he?

Otherwise, you have my sympathy. It can be really tough, having a stereotype imposed on you by society... and by yourself. Other people will give you enough labels and rules... try not to give yourself any more, ok?

*big hugs*

Best of luck!

[ai_08]

i'm not sure... i guess you're right, i probably wouldn't be freaking out if she was a guy. it makes things really difficult since i decided to live at home this semester, and having to hide a big chunk of my life from my parents is kind of taking its toll.

i know i just need to man up and talk to her about this, otherwise i have no room to complain.

thanks for taking the time to read that though! it felt good to get that off my chest haha

[RedLotus]

ai_08:

Woah, that's a lot to process. It can be really scary and complicated and confusing to try to figure out where you fall on the Kinsey scale of sexual orientation! I think the best thing to do is to try to talk to this girl one-on-one (not when you're hanging out with friends) and just be totally honest about how you're feeling.

Just to give you something to consider, it can be equally nerve-wracking for someone who's gay to fall for someone who may or may not be straight. It's not uncommon for lesbians to get burned by girls who are "curious," but then end up deciding that they're totally straight (NOT saying this is you! But it happens!). So it can be hard to let yourself get too invested with someone who is on the fence about being in a same sex relationship because of the very real possibility that they'll decide it isn't for them.

Without knowing this girl I obviously can't say for certain, but I've NEVER known any gay person who has tried to seduce a straight person for a thrill etc. I know for myself (and many of my gay friends) I'm very self conscious about NOT coming on to (or even appearing to come on to) straight girls because I know they don't want that and I've been faced with knee-jerk homophobic reactions to simple friendly behavior (i.e. "OMG, that lesbian just smiled at me - she's hitting on me!!!).

As for the white/black thing, I would try to let that go. Easier said than done, I know, but if she likes you then she likes YOU. I know so many people who have a preference (race, body type, etc) and end up very happily dating/married to someone who does NOT fit that profile. One of my good friends only EVER dated big, muscley black guys. She's engaged now to a skinny, pale, red-headed white guy. I mean, you said yourself that you have only ever been interested in guys, and yet here you are, considering a relationship with a girl. So try not to get hung up on past preferences.

Really, just talk to her. It sounds like there are a lot of crossed signals here. Good luck!

[ai_08]

i don't know... she's still being distant. i called her the other day but she was with friends at the time and she never asked when i wanted to hangout. she seemed upset so i emailed her later and said that if she ever needed to talk i was always there to listen. she emailed back and said she'd "keep that in mind" but i didn't hear from her at all today, and i ran into her twice but she pretended that i didn't exist. i feel like the roles have be reversed, because she's behaving how i used to. and if she's going to act like that, well, i'm not gonna lie, i'm hurt. but i'm not going to wait around for her. and i guess i deserve it.
i really hope we can work things out, but i'm thinking this is just one of those things where, for whatever reason, she's just changed her mind. so i'm just going to try to let it go and respect that.
i really wish things had worked out differently. ah well.
here's to hoping things will change!

[Purp]

Sorry to hear that, ai_08. You will find the right person at the right time. In the meantime, enjoy life, enjoy your friends, and enjoy everything about you and around you.