college anxiety

[ash_ley]

Hey this is my first post, yay! I just started University and I'm having major anxiety. I live in residence and am an hour and a half or so from my parents and friends. I've been here for two weeks and I find myself crying uncontrolably at certain times. I went home this weekend because I was so unhappy. I'm really busy but whenever I stop, or talk to people from home I just breakdown and cry. I've met some awesome people, Unfortunetly my roomates (I live in a suite style residence) and I haven't really clicked and I get along better with other people on my floor. I have some family here but I feel sorta alone. Also I'm not sure if my program is for me, and I have to keep my average up so that adds more stress. Basically, I just feel weak and like a child for wanting to come home on weekends.
a.

[zoebird]

well, there's nothing wrong with feeling the way that you feel. Perhaps you aren't ready to be away from home yet. There's nothing wrong with that or wanting to come home. NOt everybody is ready when they are 17 or 18.

you can also try out your schools councelling services. many places offer free councelling and perhaps they can help you transition.

And if you're not in the "right" prgram for you, it's no big deal. Do this semester of classes, and then decide if you want to switch to an "undecided" major (or general liberal arts) until you can figure out where you want to be.

i started uni in the biology program, then moved to bio-behavoiral health, and finally ended up in english (writing emphasis). when i graduated, i went to law school, and now i'm a full time yoga teacher opening my own business. So, you never know where life is going to take you. just relax and have fun--get involved in some social organizations that hold your interest, do you work and have a general good time!

Good luck!

[JLRodgers]

That's basically the same thing everyone I knew went through (well other than the fraternity and sorority people and those wanting to escape from home). Many people changed their majors after the first/second year, since it really didn't matter by then. Core classes are normally needed for any major, and those are normally done the first two years.

Not clicking with roomates is probably the hardest part. Most of the college horror stories were about people's roomates, and the stuff they did. Normally with the friends that they had in other rooms.

Two of the girls that were stuck together hated each other at first. They were at each others throats (someone in the room assignment really messed up we thought). After a month or two, they were insepratable friends.

It'll get better. Generally it's also better if you don't go home even though you really want to, it makes it harder to return (I used to drive 2.5hours every weeked for a while back home, until I realized that it made returning harder each time). I'm sure there might be a "getting used to college life 'counseling'" offered.

[CaptainSwab]

I think you need to give it time. When I first started University, I was the same exact way. I cried at least once a day and had lots of doubts. This lasted for about a quarter or so before I started to really settled in.

To help with this, I joined a couple of clubs to get to know people better. The relationships I built with people didn't happen overnight (I have a hard time making friends) but over the course of a few months, I started becoming closer to people.

If you find yourself alone ever, just go to the library and bury yourself in your books. You need to study anyways. This will help you stay busy and will prevent you from thinking about home.

As for the roomate, well, I found that I was hardly ever there. To study I would go to the library, or the University Center and I was always at clubs or class or work. Also, you mentioned that you get along with other girls in your hall, so maybe you can just hang out in the comman room or just spend time in their rooms.

You are not alone with the major thing either. Trust me. Everybody I knew in college ended up changing their major at least once. Most of the time 2 or 3 times. I graduated in 2002 and still wonder if I did the right major. :) As Zoebird said, you never know where life is going to take you. I've even done some reading and they say that some grad schools don't WANT you to do your undergrad in the same major as your grad program. I think related would help, but you don't need the paper that says your degree is in this. Next quarter/semester you should try to take a variety of subjects from all sorts of differnt areas so you can see what peaks your intrest.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. :)

[meatless]

Not to make light of the situation, but firstly, you're very lucky to not be very far from home. I worked in the housing office of my University (Carleton) for two years, and saw a LOT of people who were absolutely forlorn, but came from China, or B.C., or the Maritimes, so had even less of a support system. It's scary and new, but you are actually in a great position because you are far enough from family that you can have your own life, but close enough that you still have the supports right there when you need them.

As for the roommate situation, if this is something you can bring up with them, you may want to suggest a switch with your suite mates. I know that in the Carleton residences we would quite often get very amicable room change requests-- people who didn't "click" but didn't hate each other either, who were able to discuss it and come up with a solution such as two people trading. The people who do the housing jobs understand that compatibility can be tough, especially if you are "different" from others (i.e. vegetarian). As well, you probably have a residence fellow you can get advice from, who can help to facilitate a room change etc.

As for your major, you still have time to drop and add courses if you have an idea of what you're really interested. Otherwise, I'd suggest sticking them out, trying to do well in them, and trying to console yourself with the knowledge that you can get out the next year. There is no point in losing credits simply because you don't love them (as well, you are so early in the year you really can't determine if they are for you or not). Some residences will kick you out if you are not a full time student, so keep that in mind.

[ash_ley]

thanks guys, ya I know I just have to give it time and I realize I'm lucky to even have the option to come home on weekends. I actually only share a common area with my roomates so I think I;ll be fine, It's not like I have to be best friends with them right? We just have little in common, and yes Im the only veggie. I think I just don't adjust well to change, but I'm going to give it time.

I totally agree with ya meatless that "There is no point in losing credits simply because you don't love them (as well, you are so early in the year you really can't determine if they are for you or not)." I'm not a quitter and plus I don't want my parents to lose the money they shelled out for school and res.

anyways, controlling my emotions has always been a battle. I'm gonna try to stay in residence this weekend (though the party scene is already repetitive) but If I feel really bad on Friday I just might visit my grandparents.

a.

[on roasties]

hey Ash_ley,

I know how you feel. I HATED going to uni at first and felt like quitting. I didn`t particularly like or have much in common with people I was living with. I didn`t like my course. I still felt like a kid and missed my old friends from school and basically wanted to come home. When you are 18 you do not know the ways of the world.

But my advice is to try and be strong and stick with it. It will get better. Stick with your program, you might start liking it ( If someone had said I would be doing a PhD in my subject 4 or 5 years ago I would have thought they were mad!). You will also eventually find your own niche of friends - the people I hung around with in my first few weeks are not the people I am still in touch with now. Good luck!

[The_Gazumper]

I totally know how you feel, ash. When I started at Uni, two years ago, I had absolutely nothing in common with any of my flatmates, and very few of my classmates. I guess I kind of isolated myself from everyone for the first term, and I spent most of my time in my room reading or watching videos, while everyone else was going out and socialising. In retrospect, I don't really regret it. It's pointless forcing yourself to change, just for the sake of making friends.

But in my second year, I did make a point of being a little more sociable and, though it really was difficult, seeing as everyone seemed to have 'buddied up' in the first year, I have made a few good friends - most of whom have very similar interests to me.

I used to go home quite often, too. My parents got kinda sick of me, and wondered why I wasn't spending more time with my 'new friends'!

[Walter]

My first college was also a two hour drive from home, yet when my parents first shut the door of my dorm to go home, I started crying! I just felt really really alone. After a few days I realized that it was just plain silly, because if I honestly needed them that badly I could drive home on any night of the week, have dinner with them, and go back. Once I realized just how close we still were, I didn't think about it much more. Time teaches you independance.

I would suggest toughing it out. It's definitely important to do things that will keep your mind off your family until you don't think about it anymore. Join a club, meet friends to do your homework with, go to the computer lab or library just to be around people, or go for a walk!

Another thing that I noticed in my travels is that it takes me around 6 months before I have good friends, feel comfortable, and start feeling attached to my location. After a couple weeks in a college, you'll fall into your routine, but it'll take months before you have friends that you feel completely comfortable with. By the time a year is over, you'll be looking forward to the next!

BTW, I'm not sure what emotions you have trouble controlling, but in any case Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman is an interesting read. I read it last year in my psych class. Maybe you could go check it out at your library. :)

[strawberry]

Okay, so I was going to give you my words of wisdom but I think a lot has already been said by other people! :) Basically, I deal with a lot of homesickness because I work at a summer camp and I see not only homesick kids but also homesick staff...

Anyway, the best way to avoid that is to MAKE uni your home. This takes some getting used to obviously but the best way is just to be there and do as much as you can to make yourself comfortable. Don't think about home all the time. It sounds silly, but if you do then of course you will feel like you should be there. If you make yourself get used to school, then that is where you'll feel you should be.

I am also in my first year of college this year. :)

[ambi_bambi_woow]

Hey this is my first post, yay! I just started University and I'm having major anxiety. I live in residence and am an hour and a half or so from my parents and friends. I've been here for two weeks and I find myself crying uncontrolably at certain times. I went home this weekend because I was so unhappy. I'm really busy but whenever I stop, or talk to people from home I just breakdown and cry. I've met some awesome people, Unfortunetly my roomates (I live in a suite style residence) and I haven't really clicked and I get along better with other people on my floor. I have some family here but I feel sorta alone. Also I'm not sure if my program is for me, and I have to keep my average up so that adds more stress. Basically, I just feel weak and like a child for wanting to come home on weekends.
a.

hey my name is amber. this is my second semester at a college. I go to a school 8 hrs away from my friends and family. At first i hated it- i called home everycouple of hours crying, begging my mom to come get me. But once i got over the fact that i was away i began to have fun. being away from home sux all your comfort zones are miles away. but u need to learn to make new ones and it helps to understand that sometimes being uncomfortable isnt a bad experience. :kiss: feel free to email if u wanna just chat about college life- amberbaz@popstar.com