Do all your family members exchange gifts

[Tori~CL]

Wasn't sure how to title this. I am talking about my husbands side of the family.

So every Christmas Eve we get together. In the past we all bought the kids something and the parents. Then last year my SIL and BIL decided that it was costing too much and hard to do. I couldn't have agreed more. It was so nice to have Christmas with them last year and dinner and not worry about all the gifts, money, and stress. I thought finally!

So I was talking to my SIL on the phone tonight and she tells/volenteers to me that her and her husband got all my kids gifts and all the family. I said what?? 'I thought we agreed that we wasn't doing that anymore?' She even told me what she spent and what she got so far and asked what my son needed.

Why do family members do this? She told me they had some extra money this year and wanted to buy gifts again. Sweet, but why did she have to tell me all that. I told her no and that I felt bad and didn't want them to buy anything for us. She said don't buy my kids nothing and it's okay. She said don't feel bad.

Now I feel bad. Now I feel like I should go buy them all gifts. I am sorta upset because I thought we had an agreement and that was their idea in the first place.

I feel like if I buy them all gifts it's because she told me that. See this is why I dread Christmas every year. It really takes the fun out of it. They also make way way more money than us.

So after I told her please don't a million times......I guess I should be happy with the gifts, right? You would just have to know my family and now I feel like a pickel. :santa:

Thoughts?

[Shifu]

We do buy gifts. I'm 21 and not married, no kids etc. So I go to my parents for Christmas and it is quite an expensive day! For immediate family (siblings, parents) we tend to spend a LOT on eachother... but since I'm a jobless student my parents usually give me a little money before Christmas so I can go shopping (?!).... seems to defeat the point a little bit! But that is just the way it goes.... so much money.... I think I'd prefer a much simpler Christmas with small but meaningful gifts.

I really understand what you mean about feeling bad that theyre spending lots on you. It isn't your fault that you can't afford to return the gesture though - and it sounds like they do understand that. I don't think you have an obligation to get them anything.... although personally I always feel VERY awkward if someone gets me things for Christmas and I have not bought them anything! Generally if I don't have much money then I will always buy or make a card (perhaps your kids could help make some nice cards?) and this year I'm planning to bake a little selection of vegan cakes and cookies for all my friends - because I can't afford to spend a lot, and also I think a homemade gift is more personal anyway :) I'm going to attempt to present it prettily by using leftover wrapping paper to jazz up some cardboard boxes!

So perhaps you could do something similar? Make some cards and bake a few cakes as a nice gesture? Maybe a chocolate cake for each family group.... chocolate cake never fails to please :rockon:

[kat]

I always get my family smallish presents. I think there is 7 people to buy for this year, so it could come to a lot. But I try and get something small but meaningful. I try to not get stuff from chain stores.

We also have my aunties parents coming this year and I feel I should give them a token present, as they've invited us to dinner. And also 2 Chinese girls, who I have never met, and I think it would be nice to make them feel included. But I'd possibly get my mum to sort out something for them, so it could be a gift from the family, not just me.

I think in your situation I would get a couple of presents for the family group. Such as a box of chocolates or a DVD. That way you wont be spending so much on them individually, but at least you got them something they can all enjoy. I also like the idea of the cakes.

[shannon1976]

I know what you mean, I try to give something to everyone but I always seem to forget someone, and it really gets expensive to buy all those people something. You could get creative and make a gift basket of cookies, scones, coffee mix or teas with 2 mugs (you can find vintage ones at the Goodwill for cheap) or make a bath gift basket or even make up a family favorites recipe cookbook. I agree that giving a couple or a family a present as a group is cheaper, also you could buy a movie and give them some chocolates and popcorn. I made homemade soap and that would be a thought also and it was handmade by you, also if you have time and you sew a blanket or knitted scarf/ gloves/ beanie is always a welcome gift and inexpensive. I don't think that you should feel guilty that you cannot spend as much on them that they do on your family, I love buying people things and they are probably the same way and they enjoy doing it, but I understand why you would feel bad that you cannot spend as much. I personally don't care if people buy me something or not, I just like giving.

[rabid_child]

The gesture is very nice from your SIL, but she really should have asked you in advance. Right now I exchange gifts with my parents, my boyfriend's parents (though they just get a big homemade cookie gift basket), my boyfriend, my brother, my brother's gf, my sister, my sister's bf, and my Nana. And my VB secret santa :P I also give small (Less than $20) to the kids of some friends of ours, just because I dig 'em and I like to be able to buy a few toys. I think when it gets to the point where we're all having kids we're going to have to cut it back to just having the kids exchange or something.

Maybe next year you can cut it off at the pass by doing one of those things where you each draw ONE name (kids included) and that's the person you buy for. And no one else. :P As for this year, if you want to do something because you feel like a heel if you don't (and I don't think you should feel bad anyway!), maybe put together a gift basket with some homemade treats and some kids craft things, like some new crayons and markers and paper and things that they can share.

[NZVeggie]

I decided several years ago when I started uni that I couldn't afford presents for my very large family (10+ people to buy for) so I said to everyone, I am not buying presents... don't buy me one. Some people (my parents) still got me something but they didn't expect anything back so it was fine.

This year I was planning on doing the same but my step mum thought of a new game to introduce for the family. So that noone has to buy too many presents what we are all doing is buying one present each. It has to be a pretty generic present that at least 1 person would like. The way it works is everyone puts their mystery gift in a circle and we play a game.... the result is everyone ends up with a gift, that they don't know what it is. Super cheap as we set a $25 price limit and you only have to buy one present.

The only people who are getting extra presents are the only two children. They are 9 and 4 and as they are the youngest by about 15 years they get spoiled every year.

[cheekywhiskers]

My family stopped exchanging gifts for specific occasions when the wish lists included plain cotton underwear. We still give each other stuff, but we don't do it for any special day and we don't worry about it being equal either. We may get one gift for the family and do the giving tree at church.

My boyfriend's family on the other hand all exchanges gifts and I'm caught up into that. Luckily, he and I are doing this together. In all I have six adults and three kids to get/make gifts for.

I think gift giving and exchanging takes away from the season. Every one stresses about getting the perfect gift at the best price and then just ends up disappointed in what they received and worries about exchanging it for something better.

You could at least get something for the whole family, like a movie and snacks, movie tickets, a game, etc.

[LadyFaile]

that's pretty rude of her.
if you feel bad about not getting them all something in return you could get something for the whole family to share, like a couple of good family christmas movies or something


we usually all exchange gifts but my inlaws decided this year to draw names. so we buy for the person we pick and nobody else. except that the parents are still getting a few little things for everyone "from santa".
it's kinda nice not having to worry about what i'm getting for so many people.
but we agreed the young kids (only 2) should be left out of the name swap and we should all still get them something. christmas is really for the kids moreso than the adults so we all agreed it was fair if we still buy for them

[Tori~CL]

I really like the idea when the family gets too big to draw names but I am not sure if it would fly with all of them. It's hard when they seem to have everything. The older kids we always just gave them money in the past, well because they are teens. lol. It's like if you buy for one you have to buy for all it seems. I do enjoy buying gifts for others, I just hate when I get into these weird situations. This year we got slammed with a lot of bills so I even cut back on my own kids.

Thanks for the reply's. I plan to bring some veggie food though because otherwise I would have nothing to eat. They usually like it. I will figure something out. :) Thanks.