Intimacy and Long Term Relationships

[megbot]

My radio station had someone on yesterday that's recently engaged and determined to ensure her and her partner continue to have sex everyday. Everyday! The radio guys assured her it would go down to at least once a week.

Once a week!

Do I just have a crappy sex life or is 1-2 times a month normal? I've been with my fella for almost 2 years now, and we've very happy. We're not very kinky, I'm a bit old fashioned I guess you could say, and he doesn't complain or anything, I've asked and had talks about it and he thinks we're good. He's not very kinky either apparently (thank god lol)

So ladies, I'm just curious, is this is a bad thing? How often does it occur in your relationships? Is there anything we should be careful with to ensure our love life stays healthy?

[IamJen]

If you're happy, then why worry about what's "normal"?

[Toast]

What is "normal" anyway? If you're both happy with your sex life then why worry. :)

I used to have sex everyday when we first met but now it's more like 2 or 3 times a week but everyone is different. He probably would prefer it everyday but I'm not always in the mood.

[mazikeen]

^^ Ditto.

Each couple set their own standards for what they prefer and enjoy, according their own needs. There is no "normal" per se. Relax, and don't take radio shows so seriously. :)

[karenlovessnow]

:yes: to everything said here. :) Many times you will find that during different periods in the relationship, the frequency changes. Some people may have sex every day for a week and then not have any for 2-3 weeks after that...it may run in that cycle for a while. If two people are happy and content with the way things are going, then you don't have to worry about what everyone else may/may not be doing.

[megbot]

teehee, normal was the bad word :)

Just concerned we're not going to lose our intimacy? False alarm, see, you guys are so awesome. Stupid radio making me double think myself.

[dormouse]

Definitely better to only do it when you want to, instead of half-assing it and not enjoying it.

Also, I agree with what everyone said. My boyfriend and I are very sporadic. Some weeks we do it almost every day, but this past week we haven't done it once. It just happens I guess.

[SuicideBlonde]

Life sometimes gets in the way. I think as long as you are happy and there is no resentment then its great.

[IamJen]

Definitely better to only do it when you want to, instead of half-assing it and not enjoying it.

Well, I think you can enjoy it when it's not all fireworks and "I saw God" too. There are times maybe when one person's not in the mood, but not really objecting either. They will probably get more interested as things go along, but still may not enjoy it as much as their partner. I think this is okay. I don't see it as so very different than watching a movie that you're not as keen on as your partner, or letting him choose the restaurant, etc. Well, it's not exactly the same, but I hope you get the idea.

The thing I hear often spouted (in girly mags, Oprah, and the like) is that the more you have sex, the more you want to keep on having it. Dry spells are normal, but maybe sometimes it's good to "just do it". :p

[*AHIMSA*]

For the first three years of my last relationship, we had sex every day, often many times a day. Then, things shifted and with travel, sickness, stress, life...we did so less frequently. That being said, it was always good.

[RockabillyVegan]

I can't really speak from experience :o but I would think having sex scheduled in everyday would get kind of dull after a while

[kazyeeqen]

If you are both happy with how often you are having sex you are quite lucky indeed, no matter how often that is. It is not always easy to find a partner who has those same needs, and it isn't always something that comes out right away in a relationship. You kind realize that sort of thing after you've already gotten pretty involved and then if you have wildly different opinions on how often you should do it... It can get a little tense. So congrats, good for you both. :)

[zoebird]

i;ve been with my DH for 11 years and while frequency changes, our emotional connection and intimacy has only gotten deeper and more profound over time. sex is only a small part of this equation, honestly.

now that we have a baby, it's been a long time. we have a great deal of interest, but since we're nearly always holding the baby and he prefers to sleep ON me, it's hard to ahve sex around that. . .not to mention that if we both have to choose between sleep and sex, we're choosing sleep! LOL

but, it's still a great, joyous, intimate relationship, we're both happy with the current frequency, and we know that this time with our babe being a babe is temporary. plenty of time in the future to have sex. :)

[lirpa1]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 and a half yrs, and we still do it everyday.. and if for some reason I do not want sex (ie period or something) I usually end up just doing a bj b/c he likes that. he's very active in sexually, and loves it when he gets his bj's ha ha

During a week, I'd say minimum nine times we'r sexually active... and most weeks its more. It's been that way since we moved in with each other just over two yrs ago

[Guinevere]

I agree with what's already been said about whatever feels right for you.

For me and my other half it's about 3 times a week (we don't live together either).