Gifts for coworkers: a question

[ashlend]

I have three paralegals that do a lot of work for me at work. Two of them are very senior and I've known them a long time (they've actually been paralegals at our firm since *I* was a paralegal, which was before I even went to law school -- and I've been practicing for four years now.) I know them really well and they're always extremely helpful. I always get them a little something at Christmas to show my appreciation.

The third paralegal has only been with us 5 months. Things aren't working out well with her at all, to the point where she's been given warnings about her performance by me and others. I'm not sure she will last if her performance doesn't improve.

The idea of having to give a gift to the third paralegal at all almost angers me, especially if it would be the same type of gift that I would give to the first two. It doesn't seem fair. I give to those two out of appreciation, and out of some degree of camaraderie I feel with them because I've known them a long time. I don't feel either of these things for the third one.

NOW, the first two share an office that is an entire floor away from the third one, and I don't think they talk to her much, so it's quite possible they would never mention to her that they received a gift from me. Should I take the chance and just give to the two I want to give to? Or should I suck it up and buy a gift for the third paralegal as well, on the off chance she might find out I gave gifts to the other two?

I'm really not trying to be stingy, and it's not about the money. I just feel, on principle, that the third paralegal does not deserve a gift of appreciation at all, let alone the same kind of gift I would give the other two. If I gave a gift to her it would be entirely out of a sense of obligation and I hate that fact. AND, I feel like it could send the wrong message to her, because we have been very critical of her performance over the past few months, and it hasn't really improved. I don't want her to think that I think it has.

:help:

[PTree15]

Hmm, that's a tough one. How is that she is still employed there if she is such a poor worker? Does probation last six months? Well, she might understand a lesser gift given that she's only been there a few months, while the others are longtime employees. I'm not sure how much you spend on the others, but if you don't want to risk her finding out, maybe you could get a gift card with a nominal amount of money to say, a coffee shop or something.

[sunshinegal]

I would just pull the two aside that are helpful to you and give them gifts. No need to give the third one a gift and if by some off chance she finds out and confronts you, that would be just rude of her (in my opinion). I am one who tends to speak her mind and give it straight to people so I would end up just telling her why I felt she shouldn't get a gift.

But if you don't want that to happen it may be better just to get the two what you want and to get her a small something. It doesn't have to be expensive, could be like a $10 gift card to blockbuster or something.

[animallover7249]

I wouldn't give her a gift.

[LadyFaile]

i think it would be nice if you gave her a little something like a box of chocolates. she probably senses that people don't like her and she's probably pretty stressed about the warnigs and worries about trying to please everyone and keep her job. maybe if you reached out to her a little instead of focusing on her performance issues she might be able to get a little more confident and comfortable. nobody performs well if they think their boss and/or coworkers don't like them

[ashlend]

i think it would be nice if you gave her a little something like a box of chocolates. she probably senses that people don't like her and she's probably pretty stressed about the warnigs and worries about trying to please everyone and keep her job. maybe if you reached out to her a little instead of focusing on her performance issues she might be able to get a little more confident and comfortable. nobody performs well if they think their boss and/or coworkers don't like them

This is actually a fair point. She probably *is* stressed, and I don't want to make her more so by having her find out that I got gifts for the other paralegals and not for her. Maybe in the spirit of the season I will just give her a little something.

[sunshinegal]

The more I think about what I would do in your situation, the more I think I would just get her a small something. A box of chocolates is a good idea or one of those hot chocolate with a mug sets. I see those at Target and Walmart all the time. :)

[Beachbnny]

I totally agree with LadyFaile. She's probably very stressed and who knows maybe she's trying her hardest. She may not be employed much longer but a small gift would be nice. Focus on the gift of giving and maybe you'll brighten her spirits a little. :)

[karenlovessnow]

i think it would be nice if you gave her a little something like a box of chocolates. she probably senses that people don't like her and she's probably pretty stressed about the warnigs and worries about trying to please everyone and keep her job. maybe if you reached out to her a little instead of focusing on her performance issues she might be able to get a little more confident and comfortable. nobody performs well if they think their boss and/or coworkers don't like them


This is actually a fair point. She probably *is* stressed, and I don't want to make her more so by having her find out that I got gifts for the other paralegals and not for her. Maybe in the spirit of the season I will just give her a little something.


The more I think about what I would do in your situation, the more I think I would just get her a small something. A box of chocolates is a good idea or one of those hot chocolate with a mug sets. I see those at Target and Walmart all the time. :)


I totally agree with LadyFaile. She's probably very stressed and who knows maybe she's trying her hardest. She may not be employed much longer but a small gift would be nice. Focus on the gift of giving and maybe you'll brighten her spirits a little. :)


:yes:, :yes:, :yes: and :yes:

[Saishoku]

If you can find something like a small box of vegan chocolates, it would be nice, as suggested above. I would be concerned that if she already knows she is on shaky ground with her employment, she could claim discrimination or hostile work environment if she got fired. So, if she is still around during gift giving time, something small. I would also ask the other paralegals to be discrete about what they received. I assume they know her performance is sub-par?

[rabid_child]

Something small would be appropriate without you having to spend a lot of money. I don't think that she'd be upset at the gift discrepancy even if she knew the other two paralegals got something different since they've been there longer. In jobs I've had, people who had worked there longer have gotten larger Christmas bonuses. It's the same kind of thing. A small gift card or some sort of neutral gift (like chocolates like people suggested) would make it so she isn't left out, but you don't feel like you put out a lot of effort.

[sallyomally]

Yeah, I would give her a little something. We never really know what's going on in the lives of those we associate with every day. After all, it is Christmas, and we were given a gift that we really didn't deserve some two thousand years ago.:)

[ashlend]

You guys are right. I'm going to get her a little something. Thanks. :)

[TigerLover]

If you consider yourself more of a "friend" to the 2 senior staff members, then give them gifts. You have the right to give gifts to whomever you wish. If the other paralegal is still there next christmas and she's improved, then you might consider giving her something.

I would not feel bad about not giving a gift to someone you barely know, it's your choice as to whom you appreciate. However, if you feel it may hurt her feelings, and that bothers you, then get her a little something, even a box of candy or a gift card. I agree with Sally... maybe something's up with her outside of work, or maybe she is under pressure to perform well and it's making her do worse. Maybe, showing her a little appreciation might make her perk up a bit.

[Poppy]

Since this is work relationships and not personal ones, I would treat all three equally. I would get them all a gift certificate to a nearby restaurant for lunch or something similar, and that's it. There are other times during the year that you can express your appreciation in less equal ways - by taking the two you value more to lunch or with afternoons off or with special recognition cards, etc.... At the holidays, it's not the time to make anyone feel bad or underappreciated, so I'd go with very similar gifts. Besides, it will reflect well on you if you are not perceived as playing favorites.

[LadyFaile]

Besides, it will reflect well on you if you are not perceived as playing favorites.

also true

[karenlovessnow]

There are other times during the year that you can express your appreciation in less equal ways - by taking the two you value more to lunch or with afternoons off or with special recognition cards, etc.... At the holidays, it's not the time to make anyone feel bad or underappreciated, so I'd go with very similar gifts.

I asked my daughter since she also has employees that she buys holiday gifts for, and this is pretty much exactly what she said. :)

[ashlend]

Thanks guys for your responses.

Well, conveniently, and happily for all involved, the employee in question has stepped up her performance A LOT lately. :) I had bought a gift for her that is in line with what I'm giving to the other girls, and I don't have any qualms about giving it to her now.

Happy holidays to all. :)

Ash

[LadyFaile]

that's great news. maybe she was going through some personal problem that she didn't feel comfortable sharing with you, and now the problem has blown over and she's able to focus on her work. i would make extra effort to get to know her and make her feel like part of the team so that in the future she can come to you if she's having personal or work related issues.
i've seen it happen before, a coworker really started slacking off and seemed to not care about the job much anymore, she started calling in sick on days she had tried to book off and wasn't approved, showing up late, taking extra long lunches, and making really stupid mistakes. it wasn't like her at all and everyone was so upset with her attitude and performance that nobody stopped to think that it was so unlike her that something must be wrong. finally she broke down crying at work and told us about a really bad situation at home. we were then able to give her support and advice and be more lenient if she needed some time to herself etc and she perked back up and stopped letting her work suffer. she admitted she's just the type of person that if something is going on in her personal life it's all she thinks about until it's resolved and totally takes over her life. she's just very sensitive.
maybe your staff member is like this as well?