The Holidays as a Newly Single Person

[*AHIMSA*]

Skylark's thread about going through the Holidays as a part of a Couple inspired this one. :beatnik:

So, for those of you who have been through the holidays times while newly single, what is it like for you when you are used to being part of a couple and sharing these times with entire groups of people you will no longer see?

For those with children, how do you handle it to ease the transition?


For the veteran singletons out there, what do you do to not feel left out or like a "third wheel"?

[*AHIMSA*]

Skylark's thread (http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=95872)

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

I've been "single" through many a holiday, though I always had my kids to keep me busy, so there wasn't a lot of difference really... everything usually centered around kid-type activities...

[*AHIMSA*]

:lol: Well I guess no one relates!

[synergy]

I can kind of relate...

I actually enjoyed being single at the holidays this year. It was so much easier to focus on my family and friends. I didn't have to fit someone else's family into the mix...

This year, I'm not single, but I won't be around my SO during the holidays anyway, and I'm super ok with that. We're gonna have our own holiday the first week in January - so, again- I'm happy I'll be able to just spend time with the family.

[Jon_Veggie]

Although I am now in a long distance relationship, I have *never* spent Christmas with a partner. Something I would love to do is wake up on Christmas morning next to someone and open presents together. That must be amazing.

[*AHIMSA*]

Everyone but me in this thread is partnered and in love!!! :lol: The Gods laugh at my sorrow and misery. :devil:

[karenlovessnow]

Nah, weekends tend to be slow on VB...I think it's an excellent/interesting topic...give it another day or two! :hug:

[bmd0617]

I've always been single during the holiday season, but thats because it was my choice. I vowed I wouldn't date until i was at least 17 and then I ended up breaking up with my first boyfriend a month before Christmas last year because it just wasn't working out.

Holidays have always been family oriented events, but I'm sure I will eventually enjoy sharing the season with a guy. I agree with whomever said it must be nice to wake up next to that special person in your life and open presents together.

[Brandon]

I've spent many a holiday as a single person. There is a bit of the "third wheel" aspect to it, but I spend mine with my family so it's more like a 10th wheel or something. :p
That being said, I just focus on spending time with and enjoying the company of my loved ones.
Hang in there, Ahimsa. You'll be fine. Just focus on the positives and what you do have instead of the opposite.

:)

[fadeaway1289]

My first year being single I spent totally alone. I was far away from all my family and I had friends who invited me over to join their families but I didn't want to feel awkward (especially since they had their SO's with them). So I spent the day making vegan pizza and pumpkin pie, watched some movies I had been wanting to rent but never got around to watching, and put up my christmas tree. I also spent alot of time on the phone with friends that were concerned about me because I was all by myself but honestly it wasn't that bad. Now I live near my family again so I spend my holidays with them.

[cowgirrlup]

My 1st "newly single" holiday season was in the middle of a nasty divorce...the kids were my main concern and I had no money for gifts.

I was getting pretty depressed and some friends of my hubby brought over a huge christmas tree for the kids. My kids still say it was the best tree and the best gift they ever had.

We took the $12.00 I had for gifts and we went to KMart and took angels off of the gift tree and bought the mittens and things those kids needed. It helped my kids alot. They learned a lot that year and they still remember it. So helping others became a holiday tradition for us. It was a good thing that came out of a very bad time for us.

As far as the extended family part of the holidays, my sister, SIL & BIL took me out of the gift exchange as they said I wouldn't have enough money to buy them anything they would like. They were so selfish that it made me forget I was lonesome. :lol:

My parents were fine and were very supportive, and there were no nasty in laws to deal with.

I did get weepy a few times over that first holiday season, but looking back, so much good came out of it that I am truly thankful for it.

Every year now we try to do even more than the previous year. Even if money is a problem, we can always donate our time.

In the years following, I learned to love being single at the holidays! No weird family feuds, just spending time with my kids and helping other people.

[karenlovessnow]

:up:

[cowgirrlup]

:up:

Now that I'm remarried, I made sure that the 1st holidays we spent together when we were dating were spent "adopting" kids and families that needed help. He loved it! Its what we do every year now.

So do something new and different. You might make a new holiday tradition that you can share and pass on to others.

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

...the kids were my main concern and I had no money for gifts.
This is my holiday every year really. Thank goodness for my kids or I'd probably hide in a corner!!
We make most all the gifts we exchange, and of course have some very generous friends and family... it's always a blast and filled with great memories when I look back, but my kids STILL get me through the holidays though.

I guess I missed it *AHIMSA* but I didn't realize you were single now... and I'm sorry... Plan lots of stuff for you and your daughter and keep busy!!

[cowgirrlup]

This is my holiday every year really. Thank goodness for my kids or I'd probably hide in a corner!!
We make most all the gifts we exchange, and of course have some very generous friends and family... it's always a blast and filled with great memories when I look back, but my kids STILL get me through the holidays though.

I guess I missed it *AHIMSA* but I didn't realize you were single now... and I'm sorry... Plan lots of stuff for you and your daughter and keep busy!!

I agree, kids are the best company at the holidays!

We make lots of homemade gifts, too! I am still hearing about the dreaded Christmas scarves I crocheted for everyone a few years ago...I taught myself how to crochet and they looked like I had done them with my feet...:lol:

..but they were all made with love, if not much talent, and its now a warm and wonderful giggle that we share at the holidays.

Make some smiles for the holidays, AHIMSA, the smiles will be returned to you every single year.

[Jon_Veggie]

Christmas is all about kids really, unless you're religious. Other than that I don't see the bid deal about it. I basically just have Christmas Day with my parents and grandparents, enjoy a nice meal and some wine, pull crackers and watch the Queen's speech. Munching chocolate usually fits in there someplace too :)

[Toast]

My 1st "newly single" holiday season was in the middle of a nasty divorce...the kids were my main concern and I had no money for gifts.
I was getting pretty depressed and some friends of my hubby brought over a huge christmas tree for the kids. My kids still say it was the best tree and the best gift they ever had.
We took the $12.00 I had for gifts and we went to KMart and took angels off of the gift tree and bought the mittens and things those kids needed. It helped my kids alot. They learned a lot that year and they still remember it. So helping others became a holiday tradition for us. It was a good thing that came out of a very bad time for us.


Aww that is a lovely story.:smitten::)

[Hamry]

My first year being single I spent totally alone. I was far away from all my family and I had friends who invited me over to join their families but I didn't want to feel awkward (especially since they had their SO's with them). So I spent the day making vegan pizza and pumpkin pie, watched some movies I had been wanting to rent but never got around to watching, and put up my christmas tree. I also spent alot of time on the phone with friends that were concerned about me because I was all by myself but honestly it wasn't that bad. Now I live near my family again so I spend my holidays with them.

I think this Christmas might be my first alone but I'm not so worried about it. I celebrated it with my dad last year and it was too upsetting to go through it just to please my family. I have an invite to go to my uncles with my grandparents but it'll be a sympathy invite on my uncles part and I don't want that. I'm planning on making lots of delicious food whilst watching as much of Sex and the City as I can get through. That got me through New Year last year and I'm sure it'll give me a stress free Christmas. I'm also going to think up something fun for my wee roomie guinea pigs!

AHIMSA - I hope you have a fun Christmas whatever you decide to do :) My advice is to try not to dwell on being single over the holidays, keep positive and plan some cool stuff to do!

[ashlend]

Although I am now in a long distance relationship, I have *never* spent Christmas with a partner. Something I would love to do is wake up on Christmas morning next to someone and open presents together. That must be amazing.

I never did this until I got engaged and then married. It *is* amazing. HOWEVER, I've also enjoyed MANY a single Christmas with my family before that (24 out of the 27 Christmases I've had in my life!) and that is also great. I agree with the poster who said to focus on what you have, and on the people who are around you that you do love.

[TigerLover]

It's been a very, very, very long time since I've been a couple with someone at Xmas. I do not have kids and have never been married. But, i think the thing I miss most about not have a sweetie at the holidays is that quiet alone time, that you share with someone like that late on Christmas Eve or Day, and the New Year's kiss and mistletoe. New Year's Eve is for lovers, in my book. It's good to go out and celebrate with friends, but what do you do when every one is kissing someone at midnight and there you stand alone? Well, kissing strangers is not up my alley.

I do not celebrate Christmas from a religious perspective, just a commercial one. It's fun. But, the entire season is wonderful. I am a pagan, actually, and would love to find someone who believes in or would also celebrate Yule with me too. That would be awesome! Alas, he has not come into my life and the rest of my family is too wrapped up in Xmas to care about my feelings for Yule.

The Xmas Eve of 2006 found me so lonely, and there was a person in my life who was in the hospital dying at the holiday season, I was at a loss with no one to take comfort with. As I sat alone Xmas Eve, and as the Midnight hour approached I got so depressed and sad, I thought, where could i go at this hour to be with people besides a bar or club - the last places I wanted to be? I headed out in the cold and foot of snow, & went a few blocks away to the Catholic church at midnight mass, just so I didn't have to be alone.

It's hard being single sometimes, but the holidays seem to go as quickly as they came. I try to make the best of it, and keep the spirit of the season. I'm like a kid, i love to decorate and stuff and buy gifts for the kids.

I have been unemployed, last Christmas was aweful and now here I am still job hunting, and another holiday season is upon us. :-/ There's still time, and no matter what, if I am upset I try hard to not reflect it to put a damper on the spirit of the people i love. :hug:

Ok, sorry I bummed you all out. :baby:

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

no matter what, if I am upset I try hard to not reflect it to put a damper on the spirit of the people i love. :hug:

Ok, sorry I bummed you all out.

Uh, yeah, you did. :hug:

NOT feeling sorry for yourself, NOT dwelling on the negative and instead, surrounding yourself with people, staying busy, helping others, all of those will make a huge difference in your attitude and feelings about the Holidays.

"Fake it 'till you make it". Seriously, even if you have to FAKE a positive attitude for a while, it catches on and you actually begin feeling better. Proven over and over again...

Seriously, I have never thought of either Christmas OR New Years as a time just for couples. It's about sharing and family and friends and, because I'm religious, (yes, I know Christmas originally has pagan roots, bla-bla-bla) but celebrating, attending and sharing activities sponsored by my church. Even if I didn't have any family or friends, that connection would be very fulfilling.

When I was married, my husband chose to work the holidays because he liked the double-overtime. I didn't like it when he missed the kids Christmas morning and all, but have always managed to keep enough going on in my house/life/Holiday season involving sharing and friends and community that the holidays never got me down.

Other times of year? Sometimes, yes; but no one wants another person's miserable mood to dampen their Holiday, I figure even if all I do is stay "up" and attempt to be cheerful, it's helping other people enjoy the season more.:pibo:

[SmilinGreen]

focus on the family, thats what it is all about. You could also do something by yourself for others such as working at a soup kitchen or donate some yummy vegan food to a food drive.

[PTree15]

I can't agree more with everyone suggesting staying as positive as possible. Also, giving of your time to help others is a great way to lift your spirits. I bake a ton of cookies every year and give them as gifts. People really look forward to them, and it makes me happy to make them happy.

I haven't been attached at the holidays for a very long time, and honestly, the only time it really bothered me was the first holiday season after my divorce. I have a great family and wonderful friends who made that first season quite bearable and almost enjoyable.

Another thing I learned is that you can't depend on others for your happiness. As cliche as it sounds, it has to come from within. If I waited around for someone else to define me or my happiness, I would have missed out some awesome adventures in this thing called life. You can do it, Ahimsa :)

[cowgirrlup]

:



"Fake it 'till you make it". Seriously, even if you have to FAKE a positive attitude for a while, it catches on and you actually begin feeling better. Proven over and over again...



I like that!! Excellent advice. :up: