The holidays as part of a couple

[Skylark]

It was pretty easy when I was single--I knew I'd be doing Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas with my family. New Year's was for spending with friends.

But now that I'm engaged and getting married in not that long, it's just a bit more complicated. How have you and your SO worked out whose family/friends with whom to spend holidays?

Last Thanksgiving was with my family. Last Christmas Eve was with his friends. (I didn't want to spend it with my extended family due to a history of anti-vegetarianism on Christmas Eve.) Last Christmas was with my family, and last New Year's Eve was with his friends.

This year, he would like to spend Thanksgiving with me visiting other friends. I don't know if I'll have more than one day off work, so I've not committed to anything yet. Christmas Eve.... let's just say I'd consent to spend it with my extended family if I had peace of mind going in that neither of us would get dumped on and left hungry for being vegetarians. As far as I know, the only people he wants to spend Christmas with is my family. We might be honeymooning over New Year's, so that might take care of that.

[smedley]

when we visited our families (dont anymore) we would just switch on and off--one holiday here one there kind of a thing. not a big deal for us. good luck--can be sticky!!

[allyse]

It's been a huge pain in the butt for us, mostly because my MIL wants her son all to herself and I feel it's obvious that DH and I should be together for the holidays, not separated to be with our parents.... DH can't stand up to his mom and so any time he leaves her to spend time with my family she throws a fit, it's ridiculous.
Anyway, this will be our second Christmas married so this time around we've got some new rules lol. We're just going to start a new cycle, Thanksgiving dinner with my family, Christmas morning with his, and New Years Eve with our friends, then flip flop next year and no one had better have any complaints!! lol
Once we have kids, all bets are off and we'll have to come up with a new plan but for now this works.

I hope you and your SO can get through the holidays intact, it can be rough!!! Hang in there and good luck!

[DMZdogs]

This is the first time I've been part of a couple while in the same country as my parents. I think it's going to be very easy.

Thanksgiving: we're vegan, parents aren't. Parents want to eat their turkey in peace and don't expect us to show up. I've never had a vegan Thanksgiving (haven't had a non-vegan one in over 10 years either), so the boyfriend is quite excited to introduce me to Tofurkey.

Christmas: we're atheists, parents aren't. Since I work in a public school system, that is when I have some vacation time. So, I'm going to visit my parents during that time. It's a time of year that is important to them, so they'll be happy I'm there. It's a time of year that means nothing to my boyfriend, so he has no problem being left on his own (not entirely...he'll probably be in charge of the dogs). He has to work, so he can't come, and he'll probably enjoy having the place to himself for a few days.

None of the other holidays have ever had a special meaning for my family, so no worries there either.

We are so lucky~~~~~! :D

[rs11738]

Not an issue for us anymore as we have no family within 1200 miles of us and traveling is neither an affordable nor a vacation time option.

When we used to live in the same area as my parents and my husband's mom, we'd split up the days for Christmas. Christmas Eve at my parents, Christmas at his mom's for a few hours in the afternoon... we'd spend Christmas morning at home with the kids.

For Thanksgiving, I did all the cooking so everyone came to our home - usually about 20 or so folks showed up for about 4-6 hours. It was always a good time.

It has been a big change for us (at least for me) not being able to cook for such a big group. I really enjoy it and miss it a lot.

One thing is that it makes it a lot simpler.

[chryssiie718]

Since we are far from either of our parents, we don't have to worry about that. It has been a little complicated for my grandkids to participate with all the different relatives, however. Usually they end up getting more than one holiday celebration in a day! It can be a bit of a hassle with several sets of grandparents,great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on locally. :D This year will be different as they are in our custody so we just will see what happens....

[cookingVeg]

We've been pretty lucky since his family is not particularly traditional so we usually celebrate Christmas with them a couple days after Christmas.

This year we're not visiting anyone on Christmas day -- I'm tired of driving all over the province. he'll see his family the 21-24th, and we'll see my family the 28th. (I'm out of vacation time so I can't go with him on the 21st to 24th.)

[Nickle00]

This will be our first year doing the holiday thing together. I hope it goes well.

[GinaKina]

Well this year will be simple because my husband is overseas.

Usually, we go on vacation over Thanksgiving. For Christmas we are usually near our families. His mom's side makes things SUPER convenient by having their Christmas get-together the weekend before Christmas. We go to my dad's mom for Christmas Eve (very Italian, lots of seafood, yuck). So far we've switched yearly who we go to for Christmas.

I'm not sure what we are going to do when he gets back because he'll be done with the military and we'll be living near his family. So...who knows.

[Jennifer N]

We also peaced out and moved away from the fam. So now we can ignoree the holidays by ourselves. We refuse to visit during holiday season, too much stress and fuss and annoying nieces whining. Plus, who wants to visit New Jersey in November and December? Or ever, for that matter?

[Pixelle]

This year, it's our turn to visit my partner's dad and his new girlfriend neither of whom we really get on with that well.

For many reasons that are a total head -**** we don't enjoy going, so this year we just lied and said we were both working over xmas. That way we can go to a party back in our own city, which will be much more fun and more about the christmas spirit. :rockon: Ize a bad girl. :shifty:

[ashlend]

My husband and I switch off Thanksgiving and Christmas between our two families. So for example, this year, his family has us for Thanksgiving, and my family has us for Christmas. Next year, it will be the other way around.

That's the simple version anyway. The complicated version includes the fact that my parents are divorced. So when my family has Christmas, we split it between my dad and mom just like I used to when I was younger; we spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning with my dad, then go to my Mom's house for Christmas dinner.

When my family has Thanksgiving, I simply have to alternate between my parents as there really is no way to split that holiday up. Last year, we did Thanksgiving with my dad, and this year it's my husband's family's turn. So next year when I get Thanksgiving again, it will be with my mom.

What sucks about this is that for each of the years I have Thanksgiving, one of my parents has to get completely screwed, since I can't see them both on Thanksgiving and my husband's family has Christmas those years. Next year, it will be my dad who gets screwed out of seeing us, since we're doing Thanksgiving with my mom and Christmas will be with my husband's family. But this is the best I can do to make everything fair.

[derwenna]

We have three sets of parents (OH's parents are divorced) who all expect to see us over Christmas (unless they're away themselves), fortunately they all live within a couple of hours' drive of each other so we just visit them in turn, taking it in turns where we go for Christmas dinner on Christmas day. Last year we went to my parents' for Christmas Eve, his Dad's for Christmas Day, my uncle and aunty's the day after, his mum's the day after... and then I was back at work the day after that for a rest!

Fortunately this year his dad is away and his mum (I think) would rather spend Christmas Day just with her partner, so looks like we'll be going to my parents' for actual Christmas and see his parents sometime after. Part of me would like to spend Christmas Day with friends or just the two of us, but I think if we weren't visiting anyone we'd just spend it like any other day and not do anything special.

[Poppy]

My husband's family is in Buffalo, NY. We visit there in the summer and stay in Virginia for the winter holidays! Since my parents live 7 minutes from me, when DH's famly is in town, we all get together and it's wonderful.

[jenni-anti-fur]

We do a Christmas with his (our Family) where we have a bigg meal and exchange gifts and then we do one with mine (our family) sometimes if all of our schedules can be coordinated we do a bigg dinner on Christmas Eve with everyone and its a great time...Christmas is quiet we sleep late...exchange gifts and then have pizza for dinner:)

[irie]

I plan to go to my parents on the 22 or the 23 and stay there till the 24. my boyfriends family have no tradisions in the morning so then I want to be there with my family. we'll have the dinner at his parents. and on the 25 we'll go back to my parents since it's my sisters birthday :) this is the first year I won't spend with my parents, hope everything go well. better have a huge breakfast on the 24, just incase his mother didn't make anything I can eat too.

[paisleyjane]

We usually spend the night on Christmas Eve at my mother-in-laws house. Then on Christmas morning after breakfast and gifts, we drive to my parents house. (1hr away)
We try to be there by noon so that they don't wait around for us too long. We spend the day there and usually the night...

So in short:

Christmas Eve/Christmas Day with his family
Christmas Day/Boxing Day with my family

As for Thanksgiving, Easter, that kinda stuff... we usually just organize around who picks a day first... so if his mom says "Dinner is Monday" then my mom will make hers Sunday so we can attend, or visa versa.

We've been pretty lucky on not having to choose, but instead just accomodating seeing both families. (And our families work around our schedule, since they know we have to work both families in)

[LadyFaile]

well on my side it's just my mom and brother and myself. our relatives are not nearby and we're not close enough to any of them to visit or have them visit us for holidays. my husband's family is huge and very close. they all live closeby for the most part and all get together for holidays. so my mom arranges her stuff around my inlaws' cause it's easier for 3 of us to adjust our traditions than for me to miss out on stuff and hear about it for weeks, and we really can't ask them to change their plans for us, there's so many of them and some of the kids are out of town now and come home for the holidays etc so everything is scheduled way in advance and is pretty much the same every year.

so it works out ok, my mom sometimes resents that i spend more time with the inlaws over the holidays but there are just so many things going on and so many people to visit. so i just try to make up for it and spend as much time with her as i can which sometimes means a lot of running around between 'things'

[Koehnae]

R and I come from pretty traditional, religious families... although we identify as agnostic and pagan respectively. My sister and I both are involved with guys who have the whole step-family thing going on... so we are constantly trying to find ways to divide our time on Christmas Eve. Luckily, on R's side of the family, they prefer to work out a schedule with all of us and find a day that works best for all. My family isn't quite as flexible, but they don't throw a fit when I choose to spend a day with R's family instead.

This year we are celebrating Christmas my mom on the 24th, his dad on the 25th, and his mom in early January. His grandma also does a Christmas thing most years in mid-December. Thanksgiving will be with my side on the 27th and his dad on the 28th. His mom doesn't do the Thanksgiving thing.

My sister isn't so lucky. My mom and her (now ex) mom-in-law both insist on having their families with them on Christmas Eve. My mom and my sister's ex-mom-in-law would actually get in yelling matches when they'd end up at parties that included both families. The divorce has just made the ex-mom-in-law more volatile.

Any tips I can pass on to my sister? She has been stressing so much over this. The ex-mom-in-law is even threatening to sue for custody (claiming my sister keeps the kids from her) if she doesn't have my nieces there on Thanksgiving day and Christmas Eve. It's ridiculous!

[Pinkmama]

We'll do Christmas eve with my Dad...they're both veggie which makes it easier, I'll be cooking then...Christmas day is always with my Mum as it's more fun than with DH's parents and she's happy for me to bring a turkey alternative and our own dessert...she'll do a vegan starter. Boxing day we spend with DH's parents...I take my knitting and am ignored...we only go for the afternoon though so we just don't eat there!

Clarexxx

[stupidhumanzz]

My boyfriend and I tend to take full advantage of the 24 hours in that one Thanksgiving day.

An early lunch is spent with close friends of mine, we nibble on side dishes
Around noon we head to his parents home, we eat appetizers
around 5pm we head to my parents home, we eat a sit down meal
around 8 we head back over to his friend's for desserts

and let's not forget the morning after: Black Friday!!! last year was with both of our mothers


Christmas is a similar story but that is mercifully a two-day event. Latinos open their presents at midnight on Christmas Eve instead of having to wait till Christmas morning. Its kind of another New Year's Eve, with all the counting down till 12 am. So Christmas is a marathon 48-hour event of pre-event dinners, gift-giving, and post-event brunches and luncheons split between two sets of families and friends. =)