flack for raising my baby to be a veggie

[gratefulheart]

I want to raise my daughter to be a vegetarian and my husband is very skeptical of the idea as he isn't a vegetarian like me. (been veggie for a month now) he has only unenthusiastically agreed.

To me, anything else, would be like teaching her a different
faith. I know in my heart that I can't feed her meat with a clear
conscience.I know this may sound in poor taste but the thought of flesh in my child's body makes me very ill. I am truly trying to be the best mother I can be and not force my ideals on anyone but I feel I have the right to raise my child with the same morals I have or at least expose her to them and she can make her own choice when she is old enough.

That being said, I am literally the only vegetarian in a large
carnivourous family; including in-laws who are very set in their
ways. They are the type who are known to mock, question and not like
their ways challenged. They love meat big time. I know that my 8
month old daughter is not theirs but i still feel highly awkward and
uncomfortable about how to deal with such relatives during meal time.

Or the times I leave her in their care.. how do i properly and
politely tell them not to feed her meat behind my back? I know many
people who think that raising a veggie child is child abuse. :( this
is very frustrating.

any advice on proper veggie etiquette? thanks

[Izzie]

For starters, be sure to show them the American Dietetic Association's essay on how vegetarian diets are suitable for people of all ages.
Then, maybe, you should explain to your husband why this is so important to you. You want your daughter to grow up an individual who cares about animals and knows where her food is coming from. The tricky bit is, your husband obviously doesn't want your daughter judging his food choices. I don't know what to do for that.

You should tell your family that when your girl is old enough to make a responsible decision, she can decide whether to continue in vegetarianism. Until then, they must respect your perfectly valid and beneficial parenting choice and not feed your daughter meat.

If that's her in the picture, she's adorable! :baby:

[Veggily]

bring your own food every time you go see the rellies - even after you know they know you and your daughter are vegetarian. never get stuck with no food for your potentially hungry daughter, so nobody will have an excuse to feed the poor starving girl meat that you've told them is not okay.

having told them in advance that you and your daughter don't eat meat, anytime they offer it to you (or her), smile and say, "we don't eat meat". then, maybe "but don't worry; i brought some stuff just in case." and go get your food.

try not to rise to any bait, don't start any fights, keep a positive attitude. (easier said than done!) just keep not eating meat and bringing non-meat dishes and snacks to their houses until they get used to it.

that's my advice for staying veggie among hard and heavy meat eaters who are not interested in vegetarianism. if you feel you must talk about the whys, try not to do it during mealtimes.

not sure if this is the type of advice you wanted. anyway, good luck with things.

ETA: If you leave her with a possible meat feeding relative, make sure to specify, in a matter-of-fact way along with all the other stuff you have to say, that you don't want her to eat meat. But I think this doesn't always work with everybody. (Remembering how one of my relatives used to show movies I didn't want my kids watching at a young age...) When you decide to leave her with somebody and absolutely don't want her to have meat, it has to be somebody you trust, and then you just have to make the choice to go ahead and trust them.

[Veggily]

oh, and welcome to veggieboards! :)

[veggielove]

My baby's doctor is fine with it, and I'm sure yours will be too!!

And if they are worried, show them this pic - this is my daughter, product of a completely vegetarian pregnancy, and so far, almost 11 months, has been totally vegan!! I plan to start dairy/eggs after a year to avoid food allergies. :-)

This is what a vegan baby looks like!!!

http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/2151/sippycuteih9.jpg

[MRSSHF]

I've been Vegan for five years now. My beautiful boy was conceived while I was Vegan, I was Vegan all through my pregnancy, and both of us are Vegan now. This is my son:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrsshf/sets/72157600373580336/

He will be one year old this week. He is enormous, very tall and very dense, but not at all fat. He has consistently been at the 98th percentile or higher in nearly every growth category, and he has met or exceeded every developmental benchmark. He is very sweet and good tempered and is essentially the perfect child. No one criticizes my decision to raise him veggie anymore.

To ensure that your family members don't sneak undesirable food to your child, you need to do a couple of things.

First, you must maintain your own vegetarian status. If you waffle or "fall off the wagon," your family is less likely to take you seriously, so being steadfast for yourself and your child is very important.

Second, you must plainly communicate your wishes when it comes to your child's diet and the consequences of not following your wishes. Be nice but film, and be ready and willing to follow through with the consequences you have outlined, even if those consequences are inconvenient for you. For instance, let's say you have told the grandparents not to feed your child meat, and that not following your wishes will result in them not being able to be alone with their grandchild. They feed the child meat, and you find out. You must now not allow them to have the grandchild alone, even if that means paying for a different sitter.

Finally, be ready to forgive. Chances are, someone you care about will violate your wishes at some point. Once they see that you are serious, they are likely to want a second chance. Be willing to give it to them, but make it clear that a second chance is a last chance. It is really important that you don't allow family to play games with you on this issue.

[zoebird]

right, also, it's important to be accurate about things. meat doesn't rot in the body. it's digested and thus doesn't have time to rot. while i know this language is commonly used (and misused IMO), i do not think that it clearly communicates the many reasons why one would adopt a vegetarian diet or provide such a diet for their child.

our family hasn't decided which way we're going to go. i am vegetarian; my husband is omnivorous. i have no ethical problem with omnivorism, but my preference is to move forward with vegetarianism and then, when the child is older, let him/her work with omnivorous dietary choices if he/she wishes.

i'm currently pregnant with my first, so of course the first year will be vegetarian no matter what, and it would be easy enough to take that to year two, at least, without any problem what so ever (my husband and i have done research about it, and he says it just makes sense).

our family doesn't really know about ti yet, though i'm sure they will soon enough. they go through their complaints as we go along. at first, it was because of UC (http://unassistedchildbirth.com); then, it was because of NIH or ECing (http://daiperfreebaby.org); right now, it's because of breastfeeding without using a bottle system or basically exclusively breastfeeding; and they're also moving in on cosleeping too. Oh, and we are still going over baby-wearing as well (instead of getting a large, expensive stroller).

so, there are always confusions and complaints and judgments because they don't really understand or know.

mostly what i do is i stay firm, provide them with information (online and in print), and then if they don't read it or look into it, i tell them that until they do, it's not up for discussion, and even if they do, it doesn't mean that their opinion of it is going to change my mind.

with EC (diaper free) and breastfeeding, there is a lot of pressure to not do either or to do them in a sort of "part time" way--to use diapers part time and to use bottles part time (even with breast milk) so that i can "have time to do things" and what not. the main thing that everyone is concerned about is my sister's wedding, which is 6 months after the baby is due. one of her friends is due just after me, and she'll be "finished breastfeeding" by then, and of course she's doing diapers so she's been making fun of me about EC. they all feel that i should do bottles and diapers part time so that i can participate int he wedding the way that my sister wants me to.

but i've been telling them that the infant's needs come first, and so if we're ECing and breastfeeding, then that's what's going to happen--because everyone else's conveniences really isn't as important to me.

they're not happy, but it's going ok.

so, don't expect this to be the only thing, you might get even 'weirder' if you hang around here long enough! LOL

[IamJen]

Oh my lord...MRSSHF and VL, my teeth hurt from the cuteness in this thread! :smitten:

Babies rock. :)

<<having a bit of a baby fever spell

I mean, really, how can you not love this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrsshf/1408956055/in/set-72157600373580336/

Oh my my my :p

[MRSSHF]

I loved Talk Like a Pirate Day! :D

[barefootchick]

Oh my lord...MRSSHF and VL, my teeth hurt from the cuteness in this thread! :smitten:

Babies rock. :)

<<having a bit of a baby fever spell

I mean, really, how can you not love this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrsshf/1408956055/in/set-72157600373580336/

Oh my my my :p
Baby fever. *nods* I am under the same spell. It doesn't help when three of my friends are having babies and another friend is getting married in the fall. At least my boyfriend didn't run for the hills when I mentioned that I had baby fever. :lol:

MRSSHF and VL: Adorably cute babies. :smitten:

[broccolichick]

I cannot understand why a veg SO would be that callous/not understanding.

I'm so annoyed by the fact that my b/f says the he hopes I won't 'force' our kids to be vegetarians.

I'm like, look, I'm not going to cook meat for them, why should I????

[broccolichick]

http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/2151/sippycuteih9.jpg

Beautiful baby! So energetic and vibrant and healthy in appearance as well!!!:hamster:

[gratefulheart]

My baby's doctor is fine with it, and I'm sure yours will be too!!

And if they are worried, show them this pic - this is my daughter, product of a completely vegetarian pregnancy, and so far, almost 11 months, has been totally vegan!! I plan to start dairy/eggs after a year to avoid food allergies. :-)

This is what a vegan baby looks like!!!

http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/2151/sippycuteih9.jpg


your veggie baby is adorable! thanks so much for your support. It is good to know that I am not the only mommy who wants to raise her baby veggie. :sunny: she looks very vibrant thanks to her mommy

[Poppy]

I had to google on EC.

wow. I'm very impressed. :up:

[gratefulheart]

bring your own food every time you go see the rellies - even after you know they know you and your daughter are vegetarian. never get stuck with no food for your potentially hungry daughter, so nobody will have an excuse to feed the poor starving girl meat that you've told them is not okay.

having told them in advance that you and your daughter don't eat meat, anytime they offer it to you (or her), smile and say, "we don't eat meat". then, maybe "but don't worry; i brought some stuff just in case." and go get your food.

try not to rise to any bait, don't start any fights, keep a positive attitude. (easier said than done!) just keep not eating meat and bringing non-meat dishes and snacks to their houses until they get used to it.

that's my advice for staying veggie among hard and heavy meat eaters who are not interested in vegetarianism. if you feel you must talk about the whys, try not to do it during mealtimes.

not sure if this is the type of advice you wanted. anyway, good luck with things.

ETA: If you leave her with a possible meat feeding relative, make sure to specify, in a matter-of-fact way along with all the other stuff you have to say, that you don't want her to eat meat. But I think this doesn't always work with everybody. (Remembering how one of my relatives used to show movies I didn't want my kids watching at a young age...) When you decide to leave her with somebody and absolutely don't want her to have meat, it has to be somebody you trust, and then you just have to make the choice to go ahead and trust them.


your advice (and others as well. :) ) is really appreciated and greatly helpful. thanks so much! I will take all of these things everyone has mentioned and learn from them.

[zoebird]

EC is really cool. i'm lucky, too, that there's a local club that meets each month--it's a group of women/families who EC their children.

a lot of people think it's impossible, or just darn strange, or--as my MIL says--you'll have poop all over the house! but it's actually one of the most common practices world-wide, and it appears to be a fairly simple process overall. :D i'm excited to try it (among other things!).

[rabid_child]

I cannot understand why a veg SO would be that callous/not understanding.

I'm so annoyed by the fact that my b/f says the he hopes I won't 'force' our kids to be vegetarians.

I'm like, look, I'm not going to cook meat for them, why should I????

I hate the attitude that raising a child veg would be "forcing" your beliefs on them or whatever. As if feeding them meat isn't? Eating meat is as much of a choice as eating veg is. You have to make every choice for your young child, and just because you don't make the same choices as the majority doesn't make them wrong. I doubt any veg parent is disillusioned to believe that their child will never "experiment" with meat either, but in my house? We don't have it. (And heck if that's the worst thing my kids ever do I'll have done a GREAT job!) [Of course at this point, this kids are all hypothetical, but you get my point]

[growfly]

You have to make every choice for your young child, and just because you don't make the same choices as the majority doesn't make them wrong.

I agree with rabid_child. As a parent, it's our responsibility to make choice for our children until they are old enough to make their own choices. My son (almost 2 years) is too young to understand the ethical moral concepts behind being a vegetarian, but when he is old enough that choice becomes his.

I have made my wishes clear to my family and in laws, and so far have had a lot of support. My son isn't even interested in my husband's food. I'm sure this is one of the issues that becomes more difficult as children spend more time with meat-eating friends and family. Communicate your wishes in advance, and make sure you offer to bring food, and tell them what you and your child will eat. That way everyone is prepared and your family knows how to support you.

[Dieselsmom]

Just as a reinforcement for your decison to not give your kidlet milk, here is a list of articles on the effects of dairy consumption. I've read through a bunch of them and I am so glad that I gave it up ages ago.

http://www.notmilk.com/

Maybe even your husband should give it a peek. He might be a little more comfortable with your decison and who knows, in time could even be an allie in the battle with the relatives.

[Coney]

The thought of feeding meat to a baby is really disgusting to me. It seems like poison food, and evil...

Seems like a little one should have to be 2 or 3 years old before they get meat, if at all.

Just read a lot about nutrition, and make sure your husband knows a good deal about veggie-ism too, even if he's not veg. It'll help your discussions about what to feed your daughter.

[CaptainSwab]

Honestly family members get easier to deal with as time goes on. It may be rough at first but they'll get over it. Dh comes from a hunting type family. They probably thought I was weird at first but now don't even bat an eyelash at the fact that I don't eat that stuff. In fact MIL has started going out of her way to start experimenting with tofu dishes.

I think she even semi knew that I wouldn't be feeding out daughter meat. If you are afraid they are going to do something behind your back I woudln't leave your child(ren) with them.

[Amieveggie]

One question I have constantly had when I hear about people being accused of "forcing" their beliefs of vegetarianism on their kids is what about religion? I am NOT in any way bashing religion, but isn't that what nearly every religious parent does? Take their kid to whichever service they use so the kid(s) will grow up in that religion and understand that it is right? To try(in most religions) to save their child from the bad things that come from not being religious, just like a vegetarian/vegan parent is trying to save their child from any of the diseases that are more prevalent when someone eats meat. Why is one teaching your child how to behave like proper people, and the other forcing your beliefs on them?

I'm interested in this too though. Not ever planning to have kids(unless the boyfriend wants them) but if we DO ever, then I get to deal with his family who doesn't have a problem with formula bottles and cereal for the 5 month old(state daycare regulations say that a child that age MUST be fed cereal if he'll accept it -_-) and whose 2 year old loves regular old grease fried potato chips. And whose family(and him) are all omnis and don't see problems with it.

[veggiebruce]

This is a great discussion! We live in the South and I was raised on fried chicken, rice and gravy and plenty of pie- very healthy food, right?- yet somehow my choice to give my child homemade, organic vegetarian food is the wrong one? Hmmm. When you live at home, you eat what gets made at home. When I became vegetarian 13 years ago my mother's first reaction was "well, what will I cook when you come home?" Very genuine and thoughtful, but it just shows how people get stuck in their meat and potatoes paradigm and can't get out!

[Byzantea]

right, also, it's important to be accurate about things. meat doesn't rot in the body. it's digested and thus doesn't have time to rot.

I agree with this. (Well, except for the bit about flesh beginning to rot the minute the animal is dead)


i am vegetarian; my husband is omnivorous. i have no ethical problem with omnivorism,

This is one of the weirdest things I've heard. You have no ethical qualms with confining and murdering living beings for their bodies, even though plants can provide the same nutrients?

[Byzantea]

People use words like 'coerce' and 'force' when they want to slam your agenda, be you an Muslim, a native American shaman or a vegetarian.

I can't recall too many baptists or methodists taking their children to jewish, buddhist and islamic learning centers as they grew up.


One question I have constantly had when I hear about people being accused of "forcing" their beliefs of vegetarianism on their kids is what about religion? I am NOT in any way bashing religion, but isn't that what nearly every religious parent does? Take their kid to whichever service they use so the kid(s) will grow up in that religion and understand that it is right? To try(in most religions) to save their child from the bad things that come from not being religious, just like a vegetarian/vegan parent is trying to save their child from any of the diseases that are more prevalent when someone eats meat. Why is one teaching your child how to behave like proper people, and the other forcing your beliefs on them?

I'm interested in this too though. Not ever planning to have kids(unless the boyfriend wants them) but if we DO ever, then I get to deal with his family who doesn't have a problem with formula bottles and cereal for the 5 month old(state daycare regulations say that a child that age MUST be fed cereal if he'll accept it -_-) and whose 2 year old loves regular old grease fried potato chips. And whose family(and him) are all omnis and don't see problems with it.