I think my roommates don't like me

[CountessKerouac]

I might just be paranoid, but I don't think my 2 roommates (we are all seniors in college..Im graduating in a month) like me anymore. We all used to have fun together and stuff...but for the last couple of months they have been really snotty with me and stuff. Im not even there that often...I see my bf 3 or 4 days/nights a week anyway. I am only there full-time Mon, Tues, and Wed....sometimes all day Thurs. I mean, what gives?

I think I am just very different from them, but it is making me not want to go home. I understand that their lives might be more interesting and plentiful...but I am a simple person with simple needs. I like going online, watching the Travel Channel and other Discovery/TLC shows...I like to play Sims 2 (Which my one roomie actually does to, but more rarely)...I do my work and I get good grades, but I am not constantly engaged in work and when I am, I go to the school to do it since I don't have Microsoft Word on my apt computer. I think they think I am lazy. They never see me doing work. They see me watch tv and go online all night...but I do get all my work done, they just don't see it.

They are also the types that complain about EVERYTHING and take everything sooo seriously. I don't have that much going on in my life right now...just school, work, bf....I like to be peaceful. I don't like constant complaining.

I used to go to the gym with my one roomie every night and that was kind of our bonding time...but I have a knee problem and can't go that much anymore. I think she thinks I am just lazy (even though I was at the gym for 2 hours last night). I also don't want to do what she does at the gym, so I would rather go alone.

They think I am a lazy slob....even though I keep my room way cleaner than my roommate (her side is so messy). I also tend to not talk as much...Im kind of quiet...I think they think I am weird.

Any thoughts? It's to the point where I feel uncomfortable in my own house...like I am an intruder or something. What should I be doing? I do my work, call my bf, watch tv, sometimes work out....they look at me like I am soo different from them just because I don't constantly have something to yap about.

[gillibean]

I'm afraid I don't have much to say in the way of advice but :hug:

[eggplant]

Not being there, I can't tell whether you're paranoid or not, but it seems like you're a little too concerned with what they think of you (ie. that they might think you're lazy). If you're ok with how you live your life, and the way you live your life has no negative impact on them, why does it matter what they think? If their friendships matter to you, and you feel like they're being cold or rude to you and it bothers you, you could mention it to them and ask if they'd like to discuss anything with you. If you just feel that you're not that close to them anymore and that's ok, I'd just let it go and be who you are.

[Brandon]

You're all seniors, and it's getting towards the end of the semester. Do you think the stress of finals, etc. might be a factor here?

[CountessKerouac]

For an example of the snottiness...

Last night, I cooked my own dinner with my own food that I bought. ... yet, my roommate put on our white board (you can write on it with marker)

Kelly, DO NOT EAT MY SORBET. DO NOT EAT MY FOOD. I AM NOT SHARING.

I did not TOUCH her sorbet. Not once. And i didn't eat her effing food.

WTF?

And even if I did (which I did not...I had white beans with tofu...she isn't even veggie and I cannot eat her food regardless)...she told us last year when we all moved in that if something isn't labelled with NAMES...then it is free grabs.

soooo....wtf? In addition, my bf thinks she is mean and scary lol. She isn't. But, that is a little unnecessary to do when no one ate her sorbet.

[vegchica13]

Were you all friends before moving in together or was this an arrangement through an ad or something? I'm 23 now and in my last semester of college also. I've lived with about 6 or 7 of my close friends at different periods and have lived by myself for the last year. I love all my friends dearly and still do but I couldn't stand living with any of them and for different reasons. I probably wasn't the easiest person to live with either. :)

I would say don't worry so much about what they think of you because if they really are being rude and snotty they probably aren't the type of friends you need in your life anyway. After your lease is up see what your other options are and maybe you can get a place with on your own or with your bf. If it's really bothering you, ask them about it and see what they say.

[hoodedclawjen]

sounds weird. maybe they just don't understand that you're private and quiet. its probably made worse cos it they're all chatty, they might have built it up and made a big deal of it (whatever 'it' is) between themselves. i hate how things like that can get way out of hand.

i don't know if i'd say anything to them or not. if you're fiished in a month, and you're only really there a few days a week, about 14 days more aint too bad to just sit it out if you decide to keep quiet. i'd just try and be friendly and smiley and polite and keep my head down, probably.

i understand about not having anything to yap about (you'd not think that from the length of my posts, lol- but pop culture and gossipy girl stuff bores me) but maybe they're misreading that as aloofness- soemtimes its worth tring to take a bit of an interest and joining in with saying a little inane stuff just to keep the wheels of friendship turning a bit- though i get that thats not easy, especially when they're a bit psycho.

if i did say something, i'd try really hard to do it in a very friendly, low key, open, non accusatary manner- so they didn't have an excuse to bite my head off. yeah, hmm... i'd probably not bother, cos i have a feeling they're spoiling for further hostilities, from that note, and i don't know if i'd be bothered to risk going through a screaming row to clear the air, myself.

don't take it personally. even if they did have a valid greivance with you, looks like they're handling it really badly. if they wanna be like that, its sad, but ultimately their loss.

[beetle.babe]

Something a little similar happened to me.

An ex and I had owned a house, and we decided to supplement our mortgage, so we would rent out. But I'm a neat freak & have strange quirks, so I knew living with people I didn't know wouldn't be comfortable for me, so I decided to rent to two of my friends. One of them, my best friend, was awesome to live with. If we had a problem, we brought it up when we were watching TV in my room late at night. We openly communicated, and it was great.

But communication with my other friend wasn't so easy. All of my laundry detergent was used, she never bought soap for the dishwasher, and her boyfriend was staying over EVERY night, showering at the house, and watching TV every night in MY livingroom (I had given her use of the one downstairs).

Let's just say that our arrangement didn't end very well. And I've since decided that I can't really live with people. I'm too shy to say anything, until I'm really mad, and then it doesn't come out right.

I would say you need to have a discussion with your housemates. Sometimes airing all grievances in the open can help, especially if you agree beforehand that you won't be walking away angry - that this is for the greater good, and you all need to be diplomatic. Don't worry so much about what they think, unless it's justified. My ex's roommate hated me, to the point that he openly insulted my French heritage in front of me. And I had never done anything to him - he complained that I showered there too often, and was eating all of their food - when really, I was buying a quarter of the food coming into the house, and I was going home and showering in the morning if I had stayed the night. He was just a selfish prick.

Regarding the food - just ignore it. She's probably pissed about something else. I would have written back on the whiteboard "I didn't touch your sorbet, don't assume it was me".

[Marie]

Hehe.. you're complaining about other people complaining. :p

[CountessKerouac]

^^^To clarify, I am not complaining ABOUT their complaining. That would be dumb on my part lol.

I am complaining that they needlessly seem to not like me when they once have liked me because it makes me feel uncomfortable....especially since I know I haven't done anything wrong. They are both moody and grouchy and always seem to act like there is something serious going on when there isn't. And if something is going on with them that is serious, they do not have to take their frustrations out on others.

To another poster, it was arranged by the school. We are not friends really. They are closer with one another than to me, however.

I am very friendly and I smile and laugh whenever they talk, etc. but, they seems annoyed by that as well. I don't get how they want me to act.

[CountessKerouac]

One more thing --- they always look at me funny, as though I am very different from them. And they treat me differently than they treat one another.

For example, whenever I sleep on the couch in the living room (which is not often) my one roommate will complain.

However, when my other roommate slept on the couch in the living room for 2 WEEKS straight, there was no complaining.

Also, whenever they leave dishes in the sink (which is also often), no one complains. If I leave 1 dish, I hear complaining (not directly, just implied).

What is up with that?

Whenever my roomie has her bf over for the weekend when I am not there they TRASH THE PLACE, yet no one complains. If I ever DARED do that, I would get it.

WTF

[raefactor]

On the whiteboard, underneath her snotty comment I would have written:

"wtf? okay, whatever. =P" and later maybe made light of it. "Hey, what was the whiteboard message all about?! Did you have a dream I ate your food or something?" insert friendly laughter, lol, "Well, I've never eaten your food and don't plan on it, so you can sleep easy." If she continues to be weird about it, just ignore her. you can live for two more weeks!

[CountessKerouac]

i know...but I feel like I do not want to go home. they want to have a house meeting tonight supposedly about cancelling the cable, but I am afraid that they will say something bad about me and that makes me not want to go. i sent them all an email saying that I dont have an opinion on the cable really and that if they wish to cancel it before the semester is up, that is fine with me.

[Diana]

You know, even if your living together will soon be over (as you're all graduating), I would advise that you still try and find out what is going on. Like I would tell them you want to discuss something with them all, and then share with them what is on your heart and what is troubling you (remaining focused on YOUR emotions and feelings and input). I would do this, because it could be that your roommates are just immature and weird, but who knows, they may have a couple of valid things to tell you which will help you in the future when it comes to relationships and having to live/work with people.

I don't think it's a good idea to leave in a few weeks time not knowing what happened.

[CountessKerouac]

My one roommate has an anger problem and is on various anger meds and the other is practically anorexic and has depression....I don't have any of those mentioned...how could their input possibly help me? They are the ones who are judgmental, not me. I am ALWAYS pleasant and helpful to them. Always. I have never said one negative thing or have done ANYTHING to them. Just because I sound a bit rash doesn't mean I am that way with them in any way.

[karenlovessnow]

For me, I would just be really curious as to why they have suddenly done an about face, especially since you say there wasn't a problem before. I think it would be driving me crazy wondering. I'm not sure, but I didn't take Diana's post to imply that you are necessarily at fault, but rather by talking to them, you may gain some insight into what is going on with them and it will be a good experience for later on when having to deal with difficult people. Of course, it's up to you to decide whether or not you are comfortable enough to talk to them about it or if it is better for you to just tough it out and wait till you are done with school. I do sympathize with your situation and hope it all works out.

[Blobbenstein]

maybe it is something you said, that is an opinion on something, that you announced, perhaps about politics or religion, or something.

then it doesn't matter how nice you are.


can you remember anything that was said, that they might have taken against?

[eggplant]

For me, I would just be really curious as to why they have suddenly done an about face, especially since you say there wasn't a problem before. I think it would be driving me crazy wondering. I'm not sure, but I didn't take Diana's post to imply that you are necessarily at fault, but rather by talking to them, you may gain some insight into what is going on with them and it will be a good experience for later on when having to deal with difficult people. Of course, it's up to you to decide whether or not you are comfortable enough to talk to them about it or if it is better for you to just tough it out and wait till you are done with school. I do sympathize with your situation and hope it all works out.

Ditto. And if you do end up asking them what the problem is and they tell you, let us know since now I'm really curious about what's going on!

[CountessKerouac]

I think are both just really stressed....we've been getting along well this week. I know my one roommate is stressed b/c she is moving to a different apt with her boyfriend. Maybe I was being paranoid. :dizzy::dizzy: