Frustrated Singleton Post.

[beetle.babe]

This is not a post about finding a veg*n boyfriend.

It's about finding the *right* boyfriend.

I meet great guys all the time. But they're aren't every exactly what it is that I need. My Dad used to tell me that I needed to go out and "kick the world" and I would find the Man perfect for me. I've been all over Canada & Europe, I've done many of things I've wanted to do, and yet, I'm left wanting/needing more. I've got great (jobs), and a great group of friends.

I need someone who is intelligent - someone who reads, or is interested in perpetually learning. Someone who values music, writing, and self-expression. Someone who isn't perfect. Someone who loves all the quirks I have.

I want someone who respects my choices in life. Someone who is passionate, and doesn't hold back.

And on a superficial level, I have a thing for blue eyes and shaggy brown hair. And I love a man who is taller than me.

I can't seem to find anyone meeting most of what I've typed above. And it's frustrating. I'm tired of meeting guys, and finding out too late that they aren't right for me (or me for them). I'm not a fan of getting my heart broken, or being the heart breaker.

There. /rant.

I type this after realizing (again) that someone just wasn't who I thought they were. And I don't think that what I'm looking for is difficult, or that I'm being too picky. If I can't talk to someone/share the deepest things about myself with my partner, then what truly connects us?

[Katt Fink]

I guess i used to feel the same way as you so i can sorta relate. but now i don't really believe there is a "perfect" someone out there for everyone. you said one of the things you're looking for is "someone who isn't perfect"... well that's a good thing, cuz you're never going to find him! what it sounds like is that you're looking for someone who is perfect for YOU... which is also going to be hard to come by if you're not willing to set aside some of your requirements. i'm not saying you should settle for something less than what you deserve, but when it comes to love and healthy relationships, i do believe that there is a certain amount of "settling" or compromising that needs to be done on your part, otherwise you'll NEVER be content with anyone.

basically, guys are like those cheap surprise grab bags you see at dollar stores and stuff. you gotta take the guy as a whole package.. which means you'll probably find one with most or at least SOME the stuff you're looking for, but the trade off is that you also have to take along some crap that you don't necessarily want.

i dunno who said it, but i really love this quote: "True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

i use that as my inspiration and thus far i've found that to be incredibly true for myself with my current relationship. i've noticed that i've fallen in love with even his flaws and little quirks that sometimes used to annoy me. he's far from perfect (as am i) but i really can see myself building a life with him...

good luck in your search.. hope this helps..

/mushy stuff

[greenrunner]

Yeah, I feel the same way. I basically have abandoned hope that I'll find someone any time soon, but I'm cool with that now and really enjoying single life! Maybe it's something about us both being in Alberta? The cattle country can really start to get to us vegheads.
Anyway, it will be cool to meet you if I manage to make it up to the Calgary get-together. Which one are you in your avatar - left or right?

[Kara_Malia]

I can totally relate. I've felt that way forever, and right now I'm in a new relationship with a guy who seems to be all the things I've been looking for...I am crossing my fingers that it works out.

But if it doesn't--I'll be okay. I've found that the key to being happy in my life is to be happy with who I am, and not investing too much of myself into someone that I know isn't worth my time.

Other than that, I have no advice. You should reply to the guy above me :-P

[beetle.babe]

I'm the right chick. I happen to be wearing a "Secret Society of Vegans" shirt.

I don't believe that there's only one right person for me. I just think that all the ones I've met aren't right.

And I don't think what I am asking for (besides the superficial stuff) is too much to ask. I imagine that there will be plenty of things about him I might have to recognize might not be how I pictured him. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with faults, and flaws. I have them in spades. I can't expect something from him that I can't offer myself.

[synergy]

I don't think it's a question of being in Alberta :lol:
There are tons of guys here who have moved from BC or another cool province :p

I honestly think it's all about timing. You'll find someone when it's time, and, unfortunately, not a moment sooner!

[lobsteriffic]

Hey I'm in Sask - not like there's a whole lot of veggies here either!

But I do agree with a lot of what Katt Fink said. If you had asked me 5 years ago who I would be with, I probably wouldn't have described anyone like my fiance. In fact when I was first attracted to him I remember having a conversation on the phone with my friend listing all the reasons why he wasn't right for me - but we started dating anyway and I'm really glad I took that chance.

[Bof]

I thought this thread was going to be about someone from Singleton (http://www.singleton.nsw.gov.au/templates/singleton_splash.aspx?pageID=335). :(

[raefactor]

I thought it was about people who aren't multiple.... i.e. most people except for me, lol. Singleton is a term sometimes used in the DID community. :D

[gillibean]

I thought it was about people who aren't multiple.... i.e. most people except for me, lol. Singleton is a term sometimes used in the DID community. :D

:lol:

[synergy]

I thought it was about people who aren't multiple.... i.e. most people except for me, lol. Singleton is a term sometimes used in the DID community. :D

It's also used for multiples, like when twins, triplets and quads talk about single birth people.

[SuicideBlonde]

Well right now i am enjoying meeting people, just to find their flaws and get bored with them. i am being darn picky about who I will actually be in a relationship with. And honestly I am not anywhere near where I want to be in life for something steady.

[melancholy024]

Sounds to me like you just described the most perfect human being on the planet. I'd like to meet him myself so I can sit at their feet and learn. Anyways, I don't believe anyone is all those things, but if you can find a majority of those things, or the right combination, you'll be all set

[beetle.babe]

Yeah, most, or some is kind of what I'm looking for. But I seem to fall for the guys that I have one or two things in common with, and then the rest of our interests are foreign to eachother.

Not that I want to have EVERYTHING in common with someone, because that would be boring. I want to be able to introduce eachother to new & exciting things.

But I do believe that having some solid things in common is a good foundation.

[Skylark]

I thought it was about people who aren't multiple.... i.e. most people except for me, lol. Singleton is a term sometimes used in the DID community. :D


It's also used for multiples, like when twins, triplets and quads talk about single birth people.

Synergy, I had the same thought. I forgot about the DID angle.

[Chrysalis]

I feel the same way. I feel that my expectations or wants are perfectly realistic and not too picky but I can't seem to ever find a guy that fits them. Or if I do, the guy is already taken. Right now I just deal with it by enjoying being single to the best of my ability, and working on myself....as in, working on my issues, meeting new people and friends, taking good care of myself and enjoying life as best I can.

Coincidentally, those are the same qualities that my potential boyfriend would find attractive (or at least, I find that sort of thing attractive in other people!). I tell myself that if I am happy and well-adjusted, I can be happy being single PLUS I'll attract the right sort of guys for me. Ever notice how unhappy people attract the wrong people? Just a random observation I find interesting, I'm not implying anyone here has issues or whatever but I most certainly attract jerks if I'm going through a rough time or feel very lonely. There are guys who pick up on that sort of thing and try to take advantage of it :down:

[beetle.babe]

I've never been unhappy being single. But it's really awesome to have someone to do all the things you both enjoy with...and kissing is fun. Hahaha.

If someone came along who was NONE of the things I posted, but I had a great connection with him, then that's great. I might be completely off on what I'm looking for. But if we can't talk about things that interest me, if we can't understand most of the things that matter, then I don't really know how it could work out. That would be like a relationship based entirely on great sex, or good looks, or something that matters, but in the long run doesn't matter most.

[Natural_Jan]

I honestly think it's all about timing. You'll find someone when it's time, and, unfortunately, not a moment sooner!

:yes:

[sybaritik]

I've heard plenty of women say meeting the right guy is all about fate and timing etc, but it doesn't mean that much to me.

It's like saying that there's this magical relationship force or spirit out there that's sitting back and waiting until it believes you are ready to be hit with it. :no: That's too much emotion and not enough logic for me.

Finding a good relationship can happen to you at any time. You just have to know what you want in a guy and be prepared to go out and get it. :)

[starling]

I am of the camp that says it's all about timing. Only when you love yourself will you be able to find someone else to love that same self. I hope that makes sense.

After a huge breakup, I tried dating right away and ended up with a heap of failed relationships. Only until I took a few months to fully get over the big breakup and learn about myself and my real needs in a relationship did I happen upon someone great.

I always thought I had a "type", and when things didn't work out with a person who fit that profile, I'd move on to someone completely opposite. I have come to the conclusion that "types" are a load of bollocks that only come in handy when ogling movie stars (Christian Bale :drool:). When you connect with someone, it's magic. You might not have everything in common and they may not be what you thought you wanted, but you'll know if it's right. Cupid strikes when we least expect it!

[cftwo]

It sounds to me like you have a reasonable ideal - but one that you're quite willing to be flexible about. That sounds pretty healthy to me. It's also understandalbe that you're frustrated. All I can say is enjoy where you are and what you're doing.