I need help (getting married, long story)

[pogo0685]

Ok first, my boyfriend proposed to me at the beginning of this month. :smitten: I was so happy, so I tell my mom who I know was not happy but she told me she was and then not even 2 days later she told a co-worker of mine the my dad and my brother didn't want me getting married and they told her to stop it. So co-worker came to me and told me this, I called my dad and my brother and asked them what they thought my brother told me he is really happy for me and he is glad Chris is making a commitment to me and he will help in anyway he can. So then I talked to my Dad, he told me that I am almost 23 years old and he knows I can make my own choices and if I'm happy thats all that matters. And he would be there for me anytime we need. So then I asked my mom what she thought and she acted like she was all happy for me and whatnot even though I KNOW its not true! (Did I forget to mention my mom is mental) So I told her fine now that I know Dad, David and you are happy with it then no more negative things need to be said.
So then we get to the wedding plans, I want to get married in August, by a judge, in a SMALL ceremony, I want my wedding to be black and green I want my "dress" to be a black corset with a black or green skirt and I plan on wearing vegan combat boots, this is who I am. She got so pissed told me I will wear a wedding dress (hers to be exact) and I cant do black and green I need to do something different. So we are already fighting about this, then she says we can do steaks, burgers and hotdogs! HELL NO I told her this will be a vegan wedding, there will be no cruelty involved I WILL NOT have meat at my wedding and she tells me "well some of these people wont eat vegan" So I told her well then they wont eat at MY wedding! And then I asked her exactly who were the "people" who wont eat meat? She starts telling me I have to invite people I don't even know! I want no more than 100 people there and just "her" guest list is 80 people! :wall: I am so lost as to what to do, I was so happy about getting married, and now I am already uptight and tense about it. I will have the wedding I want, I want SMALL, VEGAN, HAPPY I will not invite people I don't know, I will not invite people I don't like. If I don't get what I want I am just going to go to the courthouse and get a judge to marry us without a ceremony.

So my question is does anyone have advice? Has anyone else been though this?

[LetoTheTyrant]

Ok first, my boyfriend proposed to meat the beginning of this month.

i hope he proposed to me (you) instead of meat, cause that would be pretty gross. freudian slip?


I am so lost as to what to do, I was so happy about getting married, and now I am already uptight and tense about it. I will have the wedding I want, I want SMALL, VEGAN, HAPPY I will not invite people I don't know, I will not invite people I don't like. If I don't get what I want I am just going to go to the courthouse and get a judge to marry us without a ceremony.

So my question is does anyone have advice? Has anyone else been though this?

I think you should tell your mother this. Let her know that if she isn't going to follow the wishes of *YOUR* wedding then *SHE* shouldn't come. I know it would be sad if she really were to not come, but I think telling her this may help her realize just exactly how strong your convictions about this are. If she still won't lay off, I suggest you tell your mother that no matter how much you love her, she's making the planning and subsequently the wedding dreadful, so you would appreciate it if she would let you take care of it on your own.

Why does you mom not want you to get married? is it this guy she doesn't like? why?

[hoodedclawjen]

just keep reminding yourself that its YOUR wedding.

i think you might have to work very hard to be polite, but firm. its not your mums day, she probably had a wedding already... if she wants a big day to be how she wants it, maybe she should have her own wedding (or renewal ceremony, or whatever).

this is one of the many reasons that i'm not getting married, hehehe. if i was you, i'd probably feel inclined to skip town and get married secretly in vegas or gretna green or somewhere, and deal with the backlash once i got back- but then, i don't know how well that'd go down with your lot.

[pogo0685]

Why does you mom not want you to get married? is it this guy she doesn't like? why?

In my moms eyes he is not good enough for me, he has to many tattoos he is older than me, really any reason she can think of she will use. And she is mad its not going to be in her church by her pastor. Chris has pentagrams tattooed on his wrists, we don't want a white dress, church style wedding, we are not religious at all and she hates that, I believe in Karma and thats it, I don't believe in heaven and hell just karma.

I am going to write down what I want in a book and thats what I will have and I will make sure she gets a copy of it. If she don't like it thats not my problem.

[LetoTheTyrant]

I am going to write down what I want in a book and thats what I will have and I will make sure she gets a copy of it. If she don't like it thats not my problem.

Just remember this. The day is about you two vowing your lives to each other, not throwing a party your mother will enjoy. As previous poster said, maybe your mother should have a ceremony of her own?!?! if she didn't get to have it her way back when she did it.

You could always tell your mother if she doesn't want you to get married, you'll just live a life of sin and she can have bastard step children :) Doubt she would enjoy that idea

[hoodedclawjen]

i'd like to add that its a little easier to do what you want if you're funding it yourself. although money to pay for your wedding from your parents should in my books seen as a gift- i'd expect them to want more input if they're shelling out. be prepared to pay your own way if you want your own way.

[IamJen]

So my question is does anyone have advice?
Go to Vegas. :)

[SupersonicSheep]

It is YOUR wedding and you have every right to do it the way YOU want to! You need to say that to your mother from the get go so there's no confusion later on. Is there any chance of getting your Dad onside to talk some sense into her? Weddings are stressful enough to organise without having an unsupporting pushy mother on your case as well!

[pogo0685]

It is YOUR wedding and you have every right to do it the way YOU want to! You need to say that to your mother from the get go so there's no confusion later on. Is there any chance of getting your Dad onside to talk some sense into her? Weddings are stressful enough to organise without having an unsupporting pushy mother on your case as well!

I am planning on paying for it myself, dad isn't the type to tell her shes wrong, if she tells him the sky is pink well then he says its pink. But Chris and his parents all want what I want cuz its MY day they say so I am happy they realize that.

[Beachbnny]

Well if you are paying for it I would politely state that this is something that you feel strongly about and aren't going to change your mind. Tell her you want her to be a part of your very special day and that you hope she can appreciate the fact that this is a reflection of your love and commitment to Chris.

After that, if she didn't cut it out, I'd send her an invitation and plan the entire thing myself. We got married here, our way, and entertained the families in a beach house for a week afterwards. Then we went to Vegas for 9 days and had a blast, so that's not a bad idea :)

Good Luck and Congratulations!!!!

[Hang~Ten~Honey]

I don't really see what the problem is? You are an adult, you want to get married, you are paying for said marriage, and your mother doesn't get a say. If she were paying for the wedding, then there would be issues but it seems like you can go full steam ahead with your plans if you and your fiance are responsible for all of the money. Don't let her bully you ... instead, let her know that if she's complaining or trying to bully you, you will not be giving her your attention and you will gladly speak to her and hear her when she is able to treat you as the adult you are. As an adult, you don't have to put up with your mother's behavior and the sooner you let her know that, the better it's going to be for you and your husband-to-be. After all, once the wedding is over, the "when are you going to have a baby" talk begins and you need to cut that crap off at the knees! :p

[pogo0685]

Well if you are paying for it I would politely state that this is something that you feel strongly about and aren't going to change your mind. Tell her you want her to be a part of your very special day and that you hope she can appreciate the fact that this is a reflection of your love and commitment to Chris.

After that, if she didn't cut it out, I'd send her an invitation and plan the entire thing myself. We got married here, our way, and entertained the families in a beach house for a week afterwards. Then we went to Vegas for 9 days and had a blast, so that's not a bad idea :)

Good Luck and Congratulations!!!!

She said she was paying I told her that we were planning on paying because its going to what WE want. But we don't have a ton of money cuz we are also trying to buy a house, the wedding will be about a week before I start school, and once we are married we want to have a child. So I we will have to be very creative but this is why I want it small. So who knows. Our wedding rings are just going to be plain stainless steel bands, and we are going to get tattooed rings also, so I am going to plan it myself with my best friend Nicole and its what I will have. Then I want to go to New Mexico for a few days as our "Honeymoon" small and simple, but thank you everyone for your encouragement! I knew this was the place to ask my questions and talk about my problems!

[m4rk0]

I am having similar issues but since me and my girlfriend are ultimately paying for the wedding, we have the last say. People will live if they have one meal without meat and dairy. They will have 364 more opportunities in the year to have an all meat and dairy dinner so do what makes you happy.

[m4rk0]

You can also check out these vegan weddings listed on Veg News and get ideas of creative vegan wedding menus.

http://www.vegnews.com/vegan_weddings_07.html

[pogo0685]

offbeatbride.com has a lot of good thoughts for things such as this, this is where I am getting a lot of my ideas as far as dress, and food, and decorations and stuff.

[chryssiie718]

I agree with previous posters in that you should stand up to your Mom and tell her it is YOUR wedding and do exactly what you plan. Congratulations!! :D

[codemonkey]

If it were me, this is what I would do:

Do the small vegan wedding your way, invite your closest friends and do it exactly how you want. Then let your parents throw you another reception. They can invite whoever they want and serve whatever food they want. They can just tell you where to go, what to wear and where to stand. If they'll pay for it, you'll promise to show up.

That way you get the wedding you want, your parents get what they want and you get lots of awesome presents from all those people you don't know.

[pogo0685]

If it were me, this is what I would do:

Do the small vegan wedding your way, invite your closest friends and do it exactly how you want. Then let your parents throw you another reception. They can invite whoever they want and serve whatever food they want. They can just tell you where to go, what to wear and where to stand. If they'll pay for it, you'll promise to show up.

That way you get the wedding you want, your parents get what they want and you get lots of awesome presents from all those people you don't know.

This is the best idea ever! Thanks! I am beginning to regain faith that it will all b ok after all!

[chryssiie718]

If it were me, this is what I would do:

Do the small vegan wedding your way, invite your closest friends and do it exactly how you want. Then let your parents throw you another reception. They can invite whoever they want and serve whatever food they want. They can just tell you where to go, what to wear and where to stand. If they'll pay for it, you'll promise to show up.

That way you get the wedding you want, your parents get what they want and you get lots of awesome presents from all those people you don't know.

That is an awesome idea!! :up:

[codemonkey]

Just remember, the getting married is the important part. 10 years from now, the party your parents throw for you won't matter. Heck, it'll probably be a great story to laugh at over the years.

When I got married, my husband and I threatened to elope because we didn't care about the big party. We didn't want to do the work and thought it would just be a big headache. All we cared about was getting married. So we told my parents to plan the whole thing and tell us when to be there. We didn't plan the food or flowers or anything. The food was frozen hors douvres from costco, the cake was gross (it had raspberry filling, everyone knows I don't like raspberries) and we only knew about a third of the people who were there but we we had a great time. And when it was over, we were married and we got to open a giant pile of presents.

[pogo0685]

Just remember, the getting married is the important part. 10 years from now, the party your parents throw for you won't matter. Heck, it'll probably be a great story to laugh at over the years.

When I got married, my husband and I threatened to elope because we didn't care about the big party. We didn't want to do the work and thought it would just be a big headache. All we cared about was getting married. So we told my parents to plan the whole thing and tell us when to be there. We didn't plan the food or flowers or anything. The food was frozen hors douvres from costco, the cake was gross (it had raspberry filling, everyone knows I don't like raspberries) and we only knew about a third of the people who were there but we we had a great time. And when it was over, we were married and we got to open a giant pile of presents.

I am so very happy with you and your suggestions, I am not into the presents but new cookware would be great right now as I cant afford it! Thank you thank you and again THANK YOU!

[codemonkey]

Your welcome! Let us know how it all works out.

[pogo0685]

How would I write that on the invitation? Would i put the wedding or wedding reception on August 16, 2008?

[codemonkey]

I would put wedding reception

[Nickle00]

Go to Vegas!!! J/K Do what makes YOU happy, it's YOUR wedding!! Peace & Love!!