Dr. Power's virtual couch. (Save yourself $.05)

[Max Power]

Welcome to the first installment of Dr. Power's virtual couch. C'mon in and have a rest on the couch, tell me about your problems, and let me laugh at... I mean help you. Or, you can thinly disguise your issues as a "friend's issues" *wink wink nudge nudge*.

My first patient, one Mark Arthur X. I will protect his last name for his own privacy. Tell me, Mark A. X. what is on your mind?

Well Doc...

Umm... One second, let me clear up something up, I'm not actually a doctor. Just so you know.

Okay, Mr. Power...

Ummm.... Please call me Dr. Power. Thanks.

Right. Anyway, here's my problem, Mr. Doctor Power: I have a friend...

CUT TO THE CHASE!

No really, it's my friend... He's so freaking vain. I've never met a guy ask me to tell him what I think of his outfits or his hair or his freaking shoes so goddam much. He seem completely heterosexual other than this, so I don't suspect he's queer...

Ummm... I believe the P.C. term is "queer".

That's what I said.

Of course it is (note: patient may be delusional). Continue...

Well, I just want him to shut up already. I like to look good for the ladies just as much as the next guy, but he's too much. He's one of my best friends, but I feel so queer when I'm hanging out with him.

You mean gay?

No, you said queer is the P.C. term.

Hey, this isn't about me, okay? Listen, tell your friend that you don't really care what he looks like. In fact, tell him he looks like he just stepped out of a bad 1984 fashion show. Even if he DOESN'T ask. He'll get the message. If he doesn't, tell him you don't swing that way and find a real man-friend.

Gee thanks Dr. Power. That really helped.

Don't patronize me. That'll be $150. Cash.

I thought you said...

NEXT!!!

[buddadragon]

doc,can ya help me....im best friends with people ive never meet.
id rather spend time on the pewter then watching sports on tv. what should i do doc....u take bc/bs dont ya

[Max Power]

Originally posted by buddadragon
id rather spend time on the pewter then watching sports on tv. what should i do doc....u take bc/bs dont ya
I don't know what a bc or a bs is (I certainly don't know what B.S. is, as I certainly don't have one of those) but I think I can help.

First of all, any friend is better than no friend. No friends is the sign of being a lame-o, nazi, or a left-wing republican. as for your problems with not wanting to watch sports... well... it's baseball season, so this is not a big deal. If you still have this problem come second week in september please take two NFL football doubleheaders and perhaps a dose of monday night football and make another appointment if you're still feeling like a lame-o.

NEXT!!!

[buddadragon]

bc/bs....blue cross/blue shield....but i think im getin better...fri nite fights are on the duce and im watching while type'n

[carnelian]

Dr. Power, my "friend" is a single, forty-something, fairly hip woman who is interested in this guy who might be a little younger than she is. He's super-nice and has shown some interest in her. However, my "friend" heard through the grapevine that he has a girlfriend. First, what do you think about the older woman/younger man combo? Second, how easy do you think it would be for my "friend" to "arrange" for the girlfriend to be put on a plane with a one-way ticket to a place far, far away? Being the professional that you are, do you know anyone who could assist with the "arrangements?"

[Max Power]

Originally posted by carnelian
Dr. Power, my "friend" is a single, forty-something, fairly hip woman who is interested in this guy who might be a little younger than she is. He's super-nice and has shown some interest in her. However, my "friend" heard through the grapevine that he has a girlfriend. First, what do you think about the older woman/younger man combo?
Are you asking me out?


Originally posted by carnelian
Second, how easy do you think it would be for my "friend" to "arrange" for the girlfriend to be put on a plane with a one-way ticket to a place far, far away? Being the professional that you are, do you know anyone who could assist with the "arrangements?"
Oh, so you're only asking me out because you want a favor. Fine. How far is "far, far away"? Omaha? Wyoming? Jersey City, NJ?

However, as for your "friend"... Dr. Mr. Power has two friends that come to mind. Both with girlfriends. Except one met his girl last week. The other 4 years ago. They both still have girlfriends. See, there's a degree to having girlfriends, and like the leeches they are, the less time they have spent sucking the life-blood from a guy, the easier it is to burn them off. So, I suggest that "your friend" find out just how long the guy has had this leech... er... girlfriend... And if it hasn't been a significantly long time, I recomend the boyfriend-bogart. If it has been a long time... Well, bogart anyways.

Best of luck to youuuuuuuuuure friend.

(Disclaimer: mileage may vary. I'm not a doctor, although I play one on VB.)

NEXT!!!

[carnelian]

Thanks, Dr. Power, I feel better already! FYI: While you're a good-looking, smart, cool guy and all, I wouldn't ask you out. Nothing personal. It's just that you already have a harem at your disposal here. :D

[carnelian]

... on the boards.

[stonecrest]

Dr. Power, in the past week i have been experiencing a burning sensation when i urinate. at first i thought it was because my dog was chewing on my leg at the same time that i was peeing but it turns out that this pain is simply in addition to my other pain. can you please help? :confused:

[Max Power]

Originally posted by stonecrest
Dr. Power, in the past week i have been experiencing a burning sensation when i urinate.

Stop drinking that piss-water beer for starters...


Originally posted by stonecrest
at first i thought it was because my dog was chewing on my leg at the same time that i was peeing

Are you sure it was your leg he was chewing on? Are you sure it was your dog??


Originally posted by stonecrest
but it turns out that this pain is simply in addition to my other pain. can you please help? :confused:

Your best option is just stop urinating. Eventually, you'll have to go so bad, you could be pissing radioactive acid with razor blades and it'll still feel good.

[Max Power]

Originally posted by carnelian
It's just that you already have a harem at your disposal here. :D
Hey, I didn't spend 6 months attending Hollywood Upstairs Medical College for nuthin' :beer:

[Max Power]

Mr. Dr. Power, Esq. is closing office hours for the night. He has to pick up a bottle of wine before the store closes - there's a nurse intern coming over for some dressage practice. I don't know what dressage is, but I will likely be suggesting we undressage instead. Whatever that means.

[FafaFrappy]

My friend is constantly bothered by a guy she knows to bake him a pie. She's really annoyed, and all she wants to do is b*tchslap him. He's such a prick! He'll just randomly ask her, and each time she refuses. She wouldn't do it if her life depended on it! Can you help me- I mean, my friend?

[Marie]

I also have a friend with a problem. She knows a guy who always talks about everything in a sexual way... fruit, guitars, etc.

What should she do??

[dk_art]

Wow ...there are some real wierdos in the world ... ! I think you should send him more feet pics!

[Marie]

Yes.. maybe I should. ;)

But what if you... *cough* .. I mean he starts talking about my feet in a sexual way?

[dk_art]

wel if that happens , just walk away from the situation! (walking would be good ... oh yeah!)

[Marie]

But what if I like it? Is that bad?

[dk_art]

Well just walk back then (ooo! ... more feet walking ... :-) )

[Tame]

Originally posted by FafaFrappy
My friend is constantly bothered by a guy she knows to bake him a pie. She's really annoyed, and all she wants to do is b*tchslap him. He's such a prick! He'll just randomly ask her, and each time she refuses. She wouldn't do it if her life depended on it! Can you help me- I mean, my friend?

Dr. Tame will answer.

The answer is simple. Bake the pie. There. All better. :D

[Michael]

I was going to post this in Slut For Power but decided to seek the advice of a professional...

Let's say there was this guy. And he really loved peanut butter cups. And in just the other room there are some creamy peanut butter cups. He's hungry, he wants them. But those peanut butter cups belong to someone else. Only thing is, the person that owns them sits on the other side of the building. And I think he's neglecting those delicious peanut butter cups! He takes them for granted! So this guy, he wants to go eat them. Only thing is he's scared that once he does the peanut butter cups will have an adverse reaction and he'll end up feeling terrible. He knows he will. You see, even though the peanut butter cups were meant to be eaten and taste delicious, the chocolate does not agree with him. :(

[Tame]

Dr. Tame all up in the hizzy!

Eat the peanut butter cups, take some Mylanta, and blame the disappearance of said peanut butter cups on the cleaning staff. :D

[Max Power]

Originally posted by FafaFrappy
My friend is constantly bothered by a guy she knows to bake him a pie. She's really annoyed, and all she wants to do is b*tchslap him. He's such a prick! He'll just randomly ask her, and each time she refuses. She wouldn't do it if her life depended on it! Can you help me- I mean, my friend?
Well young man, I suggest your friend contemplates the consequences of their actions. What sort of harm is being done, directly or indirectly, to the person wishing to recieve this pie? How much joy could the pie bring? This person clearly wants some pie (in a non-euphemistic sense... er... so I hear).

Remember Mr. Dr. Power's theory of freedom? Of course you don't. "We are free from everything but the consequences of our actions."

I suggest your friend thinks for 30-45 minutes about the consequences of their actions. That is also, btw, just enough time to...

BAKE ME A PIE!!!!

[Max Power]

Originally posted by Marie
But what if you... *cough* .. I mean he starts talking about my feet in a sexual way?
There's non-sexual way to talk about feet??? I think not...

If the pictures of the feet do not quence this lunatic's fetish, you have one and only one option: Chop off your feet and send them to him. Include a sarcastic-sounding note such as "Here you go, you clearly need them more for getting off than I do for walking."

NEXT!!!

[Max Power]

Originally posted by Tame
Dr. Tame all up in the hizzy!
Tryin' to bogart my practice? We knew it would come to this! Here's a little med-school rhmye I learned from John Sena:

what's with the reverend, he's stepping on ya game
with his wack diagnosis, he prescriptions lookin lame

step into the office, power's name is on the door
i'm the docta of excitement, you're the reverend of bore

people come to me because they sick
suckas go to you to get some ....

The doc is in town, and Max-P's down
There ain't no charge, and I don't clown around
Ya wanna act tough, wanna play it cool?
Take yo' ass back to Hollywood Upstairs Medical School.

[chorus a la "Lodi Dodi"]
Docta Docta Docta can't you see?
Somehow your words just hypnotize me.
And I just love your Power ways.
Docta Max my love is here to stay.

Word life :beer: