The Grave, Dig Me Out I'm Dying, infernal ranting blackness thread !

[TreeManEarthSteward]

Originally got the idea for this thread, mere moments ago in the HALOWEEN STYLE thread !!
This is what I posted which got ME started and fighting for my LIFE !!!!

http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showpost.php?p=1741626&postcount=29


heeeeey heeeeeeey heeeeeeey Strewth,, are you gonna let me the hell out of here, this is not the antiques roadshow, you cannot put a price on my head, not when I am dead and dying... Trust me, I will NOT be worth more when I am dead, so get me the hell out of this hole, and starting unearthing me.... what do you think I am, a terracota soldier, bring it on, :moonpie: the Army of Darkness!....

:hamster: There's really not much room to move eeeeeeeeerrrrrrhh, about in here, get a move on, don't just stand there, stop planting flowers, I will call my solicitor, I have my mobile.... ok its not working, but just please, pleeeeaaaaseee dear sods, realize that for every man lost at the mercy of idle hands, thats one more ghost that will stay haunting you forever, and that person will be me, so start touching wood, ooooooowwwww, doh, stop hammering, don't you have any finer instrument, ok ok you've started digging.... Strewth, come on, at this rate, I could be digging my own way out, and divebombing other graves in this underbelly of darkness, are you happy now, and all you can do is poke around like you're dancing on my grave and putting spaghetti thru its pokey hole manifestation, like you're cooking with gordon ramsey, well why don't you chuffin well stick a guy fawk on me then and then after toss him and put a pipe in it, light a BBQ, and I'll just be on hand ready for when you need the next fall guy with a fork up his ass, hmmm ?

Cheers.
:devil:


So that was my only hope, and it seems I rather needn't have bothered :D I'll do better next time to succeed in having people dig me out.... :evil:

USE YOUR WIT and DEMAND ACTION IS TAKEN TO PREVENT YOUR UNTIMELY DEATH..... See how you get on and get posting your rant/raving, straining voice, and generally going berserk in a virtuoso fit of madness WITH SHEER CRIPPLING verbal death defying excitement AND FEARFUL RAGE, before you become a post mortem!.... and get VBers opinion of whether you convinced them to save you, EVEN IF YOU THINK YOURSELF YOU GOT LUCKY... hit it, START BEING ALL COVERED UP WITH DIRT, YOU AT LEAST 6 FEET UNDER REMEMBER.... Raise hell and **BE NICE to your Saviours**, only don't suck too much, or I'll kill you myself... (so WHOMEVER they maybe these people, ABOVE GROUND, maybe there are your worst darn enemy, well you know what, tough, you STILL need to convince whilst you're UNDER GROUND ~ they ~ and THEM ALONE, should SAVE YOU!!!! as they're the only hope you have, You can have up to 5 characters, possibly 5 all trying to save your sorry ass) :D You may even have friends and enemies, some wanting you to stay buried and others fighting against time, and each of them kicking each others ass, over the feud, eating up precious time upon which your VERY LIFE may depend.... soooo VBers, you really have to lose it some to qualify in this thread MY FIENDS!!! ;-)

YOU ARE THE VICTIM, NOW YOU BE THE DRAMA (be as dramatic as possible)) Live it up a little ;-) You really don't have much choice, muahahaha !!!!

[Vegan Joe]

There is ten million dollars in U,S. currency buried beneath me. George Bush and his Cronies are on their way to dig it up. But if you huury and get to the cash first, it can be your. But hurry, because if GW find you here you will no doubt be jailed and never heard from again. Don't let Bush and his Cronies get the money. come on dig me out and I can help you dig the rest. The money is all yours. I don't want it or to end up in GW disapperance list. So dig your liberal arses off.

[TreeManEarthSteward]

*bump*

tap tap.....

*swirls of mist*

tap tap.......

*humid pungency of the air*

tap tap.........

[michael2]

Damn japanese fighting rabbits, they're eating my brains! MY BRAINS! You see, I was digging for rare purple tinted mushrooms up on the ol' hill. The hill they have simply named "ooh ****".

Let me explain, my name is Toptiwottt Bojkolgwert. I had just finished writing my daily memoirs, and...BEHOLD, MY SON came the voice. I looked up...it was, it was...it was my dad. "what do you want?" i asked.

he leaned over me, the stench of desparation awash, and said "you must find it, you must". I sat up, startled! Find WHAT I thought. He must have read my mind. "my son, you must find the purple tinted mushroom, you must..."

OH FATE YOU DEALT ME THE CARDS OF MISFORTUNE AGAIN! At that moment he died, he died...

I got up out of bed, I MUST find the mushroom I promised myself. The next day I set off. But I cannot tell you the rest of my journey, you see, on the way I met King Arthur, who as it turns out is GOD HIMSELF! He told me, BEHOLD, MY SON, you must find the mushroom, for without it the Mushroom Ravioli of Redemption cannot be eaten by the Giant Frog, and, yea, my son, you can know no more.

So I set off, DETERMINED TO FIND THE MUSHROOM! ....I would not fail. I packed only the bare essentials: water, a map given to me by GOD HIMSELF, and a packet of balsamic vinegar and tangy onion flavour curly wurlies.

And now here I am, oh fate! Oh NEMESIS! The hill crumbled before my very feet, and I am now TRAPPED in this pit of despair. Unable to escape....circled by carnivorous, cold blooded yet cute furry rabbits, blood and entricles dangling from their molars. I am running low on food. The curly wurlies, nutricious and delicious though they are, will not last long. If you are reading this...YOU are my ONLY hope. You MUST SAVE ME! The fate of the world depends on it!

[TreeManEarthSteward]

Well how the F you've been able to posting on VB, before I just dug you up is beyond expectation of the despair's revelation before time itself could sanctify the onset of your time reborn ..... yet I fetter not your reincarnation of further embodiment..... For no matter how houdinified this may seem, it is the mushrooms power that gave you strength.... you cheated death even after death's door arrest, and by finding the mushroom, it meant you found out gaia can be a bitch sometimes as well as your saviour.... because you also found the world lays bare cold blooded the foolish plight .....however....having fought fighting rabbits, creatures ripping into your flesh and hedging your bets, like doging hail in a thunder storm!!!!!!! ..... mercifully for you it has become sanctified peace once more on pastures green and bloody, melded to make blue, a seamless perfection of illusionary enternal darkness, scant and bereft, that surrounded you when all layed black, bare, nude and as a newborn, sinister as curtains, as insidious as time...... Embalming and Embuing your body with raw-ness that sets deep into the bone, and which below drank your soul until stayed and molten seizure of frost meets lava flow !!!
but wot came to your rescue is the seed from you as the farmer boy that you once were and so grew the roots became your ladder of twisted arrogance, be it that of merciful gain! that you meet once again with earth, meet your master, for even as King, the God you worship is as sodden as the earth.... yet the earth needs rain !! and your soul breathes fire and the air your breath is the wind to pleather up the wilted brave and each mortal your mortal coil your mortal friend, each and everyone of you dirted by soil to bond with earth that combines and absorbs definantly the incredulous tide of INCESTUOUS man! (whether in destruction or in relent AND PEACE THE WINNER, whatever he creates is his own bed and so too his GRAVE oneday this or oneday that, the curse that shadows your every move, in blurry defamation)

meanwhile upon the hill that ran you ragged with ruin, as you scavanged the earth for insanely rare alchemy ingredient, thereat you befell your call of nature, to the nature you be called.....Gone with the dogs, & out of animals the shock reigned in you, the power of might of earth swallowing what you thought would bring death, to you who dares be on peasants paradise hill up to the point of no return and back to see once more the falling leaves, each one momentarily fading with the light at light speed, even then you can see the stills of your imagination grow earnest as the leaves consumate WITH the Earth !!!!

Strewn very seldomly are mushrooms laced with poison, as if the architects of time would allow such a thing, beholden to new technologies of the sky!! & SONIC BOOM !!! could this be natures DOOM ?? or just a cynical man, mimicking nature for his own SELFISH IMPETUOUS GAIN and upon his head likewise makes his GREEDY SELF DEMISE....

There lyes the choice,, whilst chancers still have a choice, where there be in some mushrooms a guilded pride and medicinal procurement....

Maybe next time death knocks will be an event of a holocaust of NATURE itself,, So when death alerts you my friend, gather seed no more, harvest only joy and bury it demons!!! and let nature gafor and be merry with it.... just flourish with the nature's benign and ailing master, to renew and shed sorrow for a wreath of a world beneath you, is now buried and you are KING !!! but daredevils still haunt the night with ghostly recounter of dark industrious warriors of recondite incarnation (those that survive the deity of nature's warpath) and all that reconvenes the might of a sullied world, bullied by nothing other than its own thick cloak dagger of delusion that the enemy is anything more than paralleled reflection of the self as to compare the universe in parallel with other galaxies...

Entities of natures' dark seizure of power forever remains.... Untouched by man is it not, just as man is not untouched by nature....Yes wars may reign and the land maybe shot to pieces, but ancient settlements will stand its ground, as will the land on which we realize WE OURSELVES are our WORST FEARS.