Do you believe in 'smacking' kids?

[Jon_Veggie]

There has just been a ruling in the UK that smacking will not be totally outlawed.

Do you believe parents should have the right to discipline their kids in this way?

I personally don't like the idea of adults hitting children, but am not a parent.

[IamJen]

I predict this will not end well:
http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=54704&highlight=spanking
http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=54894&highlight=spanking

Let's all try and get along, yeah?

[Jon_Veggie]

Oh, didn't realise this had been discussed already on VB!

Play nice as they say.

[IamJen]

Tis okay, it's been well over a year. And..it is a hot topic here in the UK as of late.

[Jon_Veggie]

Someone was just on the radio saying 'bring back corporal punishment in schools'. I have worked in schools and know how badly behaved children can be, but I don't think hitting them is the answer.

[Pescas]

Of course not. It is illegal for a reason.

[Serenstar]

Of course not. It is illegal for a reason.

It isn't illegal in the UK...

As I had a very abusive father, I am against smacking as a punishment. However, if a child is reaching towards a hotplate, for example, I agree with smacking their hand to tell them not to touch it. Well, not really smacking, more like tapping.
Does that make sense?

[*AHIMSA*]

I don't think hitting children teaches them anything positive.

[Pescas]

Okay, but it is illegal in Norway.

[IamJen]

It's illegal in schools in the UK (at least state schools).

[MissG]

I don't believe in smacking your kids.

My Mother was quite strict with me as the eldest child (although not with my siblings). Me and my brother(3yrs younger) used to always bicker and mess about. She always used to get very angry with me (being the eldest I should know better) and smack me very hard. It used to leave visible red hand prints. I can't really say why she was so harsh with me and not my brother and sister.

I think once you say it is okay for parents to smack their kids how do you judge what is acceptable? I think that 95% of the time my mother went too far.

We should educate parents about none physical punishments. It didn't make a difference if I was smacked for doing something naughty. Yes it damn hurt, but i still had all my toys around me, and I could still do all my favourite things. I don't think I was a naughty child, I think it was just that me and my Mother never bonded.

I don't know about other people who were smacked as children. Maybe my mother wasn't that bad. All I know is that being smacked through-out my childhood and often during adolesnece has mentaly scarred me in some way. I am always scared of upsetting someone. I don't like making a fuss and I don't like to ask for things incase I get shouted at.
I'm 20 now and I live with my boyfriend in our beautiful flat. I see my mother for about an everage of an hour a week and I still feel uncomfortable around her. Whether this is down to smacking or its just me, I don't know.

[*AHIMSA*]

I'm sorry your mother felt the need to abuse you :hug: and it makes perfect sense that she still makes you uncomfortable, I mean she used to hit you a lot, right? How could that possibly make you feel safe or loved? :(

[vigilant20]

Yes. I went to a school that asked parents to come in and perform corporal punishment, if necessary (and still practices this). I was also spanked as a child, and it worked much better than any other punishment my parents tried with me and my brothers.

The children I know who are not spanked are very badly behaved. There are plenty of other ways to discipline children, but honestly most parents just aren't going to put forth the effort to make sure a favorite toy isn't played with or television isn't watched, etc.

[*AHIMSA*]

Interesting that you'd choose to make this your first post. :think:


Yes. I went to a school that asked parents to come in and perform corporal punishment, if necessary (and still practices this). I was also spanked as a child, and it worked much better than any other punishment my parents tried with me and my brothers.

The children I know who are not spanked are very badly behaved. There are plenty of other ways to discipline children, but honestly most parents just aren't going to put forth the effort to make sure a favorite toy isn't played with or television isn't watched, etc.
What kind of school is this? I have never heard of such a thing, a school asking a parent to come to school and hit their child? Creepy.

So, you think that a child playing with a toy or watching television is reason to hit them? :confused:

[vigilant20]

LOL It was the first thread I came to :) It is a smaller private school. And I was talking about alternate punishment methods...they are usually very time consuming. My experience was with 2 working parents, and it just isn't always possible to enforce other types of punishments.


Interesting that you'd choose to make this your first post. :think:

What kind of school is this? I have never heard of such a thing, a school asking a parent to come to school and hit their child? Creepy.

So, you think that a child playing with a toy or watching television is reason to hit them? :confused:

[*AHIMSA*]

And I was talking about alternate punishment methods...they are usually very time consuming. My experience was with 2 working parents, and it just isn't always possible to enforce other types of punishments.

I agree that they are time consuming, but I maintain that it is always possible to do something other than hit or otherwise mistreat a child. I don't believe in "punishment" but I do believe in discipline.

[nookle]

LOL It was the first thread I came to :) It is a smaller private school. And I was talking about alternate punishment methods...they are usually very time consuming. My experience was with 2 working parents, and it just isn't always possible to enforce other types of punishments.

I don't think parenting is supposed to be about not being time consuming.

[Wolfie]

I don't think parenting is supposed to about not being time consuming.

Exactly. If people don't want to take the time for their children, they shouldn't have them.

That's one of the 502 reasons I didn't have kids. :p

[Brandon]

Exactly. If people don't want to take the time for their children, they shouldn't have them.

That's one of the 502 reasons I didn't have kids. :p

Same here.

My sister and BIL don't smack/spank my niece. She's really starting to learn "no-no" and will stop 99% of the time if you tell her that.
She's a boisterous little thing, and will be very outspoken but she's already learning boundaries w/o physical reprimands.

I think it rocks.

FTR, I was spanked as a child. My father once left bruises on my ass from spanking. (I have no memory of that but I was told so by my mom).
I always feared my father as a child.

[Kiz]

I was spanked as a kid and have no ill-will towards my parents or any lasting psychological disorders arising from it. I don't believe the government should legislate against things like this - how to bring up children should, to a large degree, be a parent's choice. As I've said in many threads on this subject, different courses for different horses. If you don't believe in spanking your own kids, fine, but if it's working in other families and not causing any damage why not leave well enough alone?

[Fona]

I think its ok up to a certain age as long as it isn't abuse. As in just tapping little kids to tell them that what they're doing is naughty/dangerous when they don't really understand what they're being told.
I think once it becomes a way for parents to let out their anger on a child then it isn't good. I was smacked in that way and I didn't think it was a good way of punishing me, it only made me hate my dad.
In the UK it is considered child abuse if it leaves any kind of mark, i don't know what the laws are anywhere else.

[vigilant20]

What I am saying is that because other methods are time consuming, it is not always possible.

For example, growing up I had 2 bothers. Both my parents had to work to make ends meet. My mother had mandatory overtime based on the market. My father had to work overtime seasonally. It was not unusual for one or the other parent not to make it home until after we went to bed. Which meant one parent was taking care of 3 kids, running a household, making dinner, cleaning up, preparing lunches...etc.

They did not have time to micromanage us and ensure other methods of punishment were enforced. I think they made the right decision in going the spanking route instead. Not being able to enforce a different sort of punishment would have only taught us that there were no consequences for our actions.


I don't think parenting is supposed to about not being time consuming.

[Just_Kris]

It was a free-for-all with my mother...everything from being smacked in the face while wearing a mouth full of metal braces to grabbing hold of our hair and shaking us just short of a concussion. As we got older, the physical stuff really had no effect in terms of altering our behavior. My father, on the other hand, never laid a hand on me. All he had to do was give me "the look" and say, "I'm so disappointed in you." And I was absolutely crushed! I have always been a "people pleaser" and not always in a good way. That was the worst punishment anyone could deliver to me.

[nookle]

...., but if it's working in other families and not causing any damage why not leave well enough alone?


I think it's arguable whether or not it leaves lasting damage. Perhaps not in every case, but my thought is that those cases would be the exceptions.


What I am saying is that because other methods are time consuming, it is not always possible.

For example, growing up I had 2 bothers. Both my parents had to work to make ends meet. My mother had mandatory overtime based on the market. My father had to work overtime seasonally. It was not unusual for one or the other parent not to make it home until after we went to bed. Which meant one parent was taking care of 3 kids, running a household, making dinner, cleaning up, preparing lunches...etc.

They did not have time to micromanage us and ensure other methods of punishment were enforced. I think they made the right decision in going the spanking route instead. Not being able to enforce a different sort of punishment would have only taught us that there were no consequences for our actions.

I think it needs to be something that people think about beforehand. And then not put themselves, and their children into a situation like you described (which sounds a bit like my family growing up, btw.) where there is no time for better techniques. If you can't handle 4 kids, don't have 4 kids. If 4 kids means that you aren't going to be able to invest the time in them that you should, then have 1.

As far as spanking showing the consequences to kid's actions, all it shows them is that the action is fine, as long as no one knows. They don't learn real world consequences, they only learn that whatever they did is something someone else doesn't like. They don't learn how to make proper judgments, and I think this might be one of the places where the lasting effect is debatable. There's a parenting book I read recently, and the author talks about teaching your kids how to think, not what to think. My impression is that spanking teaches kids what to think, and to base their actions on the potential reactions of others, as opposed to the merits and possible real consequences of the action itself.

And I completely understand that it's a hell of a lot easier to say than do. I have a 13 month old now, and it's very arguable how much of what I tell her she understands. But - for example. If every time she went to put her hand on the oven door (which gets uncomfortably hot, but not hot enough to burn her) I smacked her hand away, all she would learn is that I don't want her doing that. Which leaves a lot of room for the probability that as soon as I'm not there, she's going to go straight for it, because the only consequence she'll know is coming from me. But, if instead, I watch her while she's there, and every time she touches it, I say 'hot'.... she looks at me, she takes her hand off, she puts it on again, I say it again..... At some point she'll understand that the word hot corresponds to this uncomfortable feeling, and she'll have learned it herself, through real world consequences.

[nookle]

.... I have always been a "people pleaser" and not always in a good way. That was the worst punishment anyone could deliver to me.


I think being a 'people pleaser' is one of the lasting effects of living with a dominating parent. My mom was very dominating, and yeah, I still fight the urge to 'people please' constantly.

Kind of reinforces my thought about basing your actions not on the merit of the action itself, but on other people's reactions. :(