Single mom: Tired, lonely, and bored.

[FafaFrappy]

Can I get am "amen" from any single moms?! :dizzy:

It's so hard to find time for myself anymore. I love my daughter, but I need to get out of this place! I would have my mom watch her, but she lives out-of-state! I mean, I have gone places with her and stuff... but it's a hassle sometimes.. and sometimes you want to be free to run around like crazy and do whatever!

I may have some free friends soon.. but I feel guilty having one friend watching her while I go out with others. :lol:

Good thing my mom will be down this weekend. I get to celebrate my birthday! haha..

[Brandon]

I'm certainly not a single mom....:)

But having watched my sister and BIL go through a year and a half of raising my niece (and don't get me wrong, they love her to death and she's a very awesome little girl) my heart and respect goes out to any parent who can do it solo.

You'll hopefully find ways to balance "you" time with the mom time too.
Have a great time this weekend! :)

[karenlovessnow]

I was never a single mom....I have many friends/family members who were/are...I see how hard it is...I don't even want to 'think' about waht it would have been like to raise my kids on my own...I doubt that I would ever have been able to do it...seriously...I mean it...

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

I totally hear you.

I was married while all my kids were young - and I think those years are the most isolating, but even then, I never (or VERy very rarely) went out.
Mostly I was afraid/paranoid/too neurotic to leave my kids with a sitter or relative and it was very hard to find anyone who was available anyway.
The only time I'd leave them was with their Dad and only if it was extremely urgent! ... I should have gotten out more, it probably would have been good for me!

[Music Girl]

Oh, honey, I completely understand.

You are so young and pretty and vibrant - it's so normal to want to be able to have some time to yourself, and not having be "mom" all the time. I lived away from my family while I was raising my daughter (I had her when my daughter was a little one) and sometimes I was about ready to scream from the frustration of not having the time just to be irresponsible and young now and then.

This period of time won't last forever, though. If there's one thing that can be counted on, it's the fact that life is constantly bringing changes. For now, do save up your money for a babysitter now and then. It's important to get out there and remind yourself that you are still alive occasionally. Make "time off" a priority, just like bills and groceries are.

[NowVoyager]

Amen!!!
I know exactly what you're going thru dear! I have been single all 16 years of my daughters life. The first couple years I tried to 'date' and act normal, but didn't have the time or energy to keep it up. I also didn't want to be one of those single moms dragging home a different boyfriend everyweek. You know, the type that can't live without a man in their world? Anyway, eventually I just resigned myself to the fact that it was either her life or my life, and I chose her life. Figured there'd be time for my life later, so invested every minute possible to her, and her only.
Now she is 16......almost driving, has a job, and friends, friends, friends...what have I got??? Me, myself, and I...and the dog. I spent so much time and energy on her, that I never kept friends, never did anything socially on my own, and now I'm alone.......it sucks.

Looking back, now I see how important time away from each other is for mother (father) and child. Just make sure that the time you are away doing your thing, that she is doing something fun for her as well, it will help your relationship in the long run! And know too, that she willnot be lil for long.... you'll turn around one day, and she'll be gone, so enjoy the time you have with her . This is my hard learned wisdom, hope it helps.
Please feel free to pm me if you ever need to vent!
cindi:cool:

[Music Girl]

There's a balance between dating and raising children. You just have to find it. Too much selfishness/casualness with dates and such is bad for the child, but too much dedication to the child is bad for both of you.

I had two serious relationships during my time as a single mom. I lived by a three month rule - if we had dated 3 months and were likely to date 3 months more, they were welcome in our home. Anything less than that and the guy could date me and my daughter outside the house, but not be part of our "home."

[Honeysuckle]

I really feel for you. I'm not a single mum myself, but my mother was. I didn't appreciate at the time how hard it must have been for her.

DON'T feel guilty about having a friend look after your little'un while you go out with others. Any friend would be delighted to help you have a fun night out.... you could repay them by cooking them a lovely dinner. Or chips and dips if you're not a cook.

Also, make sure you have quality you time at home when your child is asleep or playing. Turn off the TV and the computer and read a great book, or slap on a face pack, paint your toenails, treat yourself to a great bottle of wine, or some expensive bath oil (or cheap stuff if your wallet is a little light) - whatever floats your boat.

And above all, remember you can make your child pay for all of this when she's older!!! (just kidding!)

*HUGS*

[Jinga]

While my sister is married, her husband was in Iraq the first year of their daughter's life. She was alone with the baby, away from extended family and friends. She found support through other army wives in her situation, as well as, her daycare. The moms got together for some adult conversations while the kids played. The teachers from the daycare even babysat my niece overnight when my sister had to go on business trips. I think making those key support connections will make sanity a bit easier. Have you looked into single mom support groups in your area? Do you have any trustworthy neighbors you know well or want to get to know well? Finding a good babysitter would give you the opportunity to get way for a few hours of non-baby time.

[Honeysuckle]

Jinga, I love your signature... I'm going to put it in my special book of sayings that might come in useful one day.

Well, actually I don't have such a book, but I'm going to start one and that's going on page one.

[NotYet]

As the child of a single parent I just wanted to tell you that it is okay for you to go out, you NEED to! My mom only dated a couple of times when I was little (under 5). She NEVER dated after that. She had a few close friends but she ALWAYS took me with her when she did go out (to eat, Avon/Tupperware parties, dinner parties with friends/etc.). Always bugged me and her friends. She needed and craved a social life. I ended up being hindered because as I got older and wanted to be with my friends I felt bad for leaving her at home. She has been married for almost a year now and recently pregnant (at 43!) and happy as a damn lark.

You deserve to be a person in additon to a mama. If you give ALL your energy to baby you won't have much energy as time goes on. If you have enough money try to find a babysitter your trust. Even if it's only a 1 hour coffee date with a friend! It's okay to let one friend watch baby when you go out with other friends. They won't mind! They've probably offered before, right? Or can you invite a couple of (quiet!) girl-friends over for a glass of wine and a late dinner after baby goes to bed? Do you have a lunch hour at work you can meet and have lunch with a SAHM friend?

And happy birthday!!

[TreeManEarthSteward]

re: Single mom: Tired, lonely, and bored.

:hug: :hug: :hug: *:rockon:*

[goettling]

Can I get am "amen" from any single moms?! :dizzy:

It's so hard to find time for myself anymore. I love my daughter, but I need to get out of this place! I would have my mom watch her, but she lives out-of-state! I mean, I have gone places with her and stuff... but it's a hassle sometimes.. and sometimes you want to be free to run around like crazy and do whatever!

I may have some free friends soon.. but I feel guilty having one friend watching her while I go out with others. :lol:

Good thing my mom will be down this weekend. I get to celebrate my birthday! haha..

I don't know your age but I was a single mom at age 22. I married for the first when she was 2 and a half. And let me tell ya I understand what you are saying. And being married does not mean all roses either.. You are a "mom'" I think I have been lucky because I can never ever complain about the dads. Yes plural.:angel: So I am wondering, (you don't have to answer) where is the father?

And it is really healthy to get a break and.... I can not express this enough!! You will be a better mom when you get time for yourself and patience.

And.. you really need to stop that *guilty* feeling. Guilt is a big emotion that will control a persons life and send them into major depression when you do not take control of it. It will do you wonders if you can nip it in the butt now

Oh, and happy birthday! :bobo:

[WonderRandy]

goettling!!!

[goettling]

goettling!!!

Gosh darn!!! I thought you all hated me!!! :dunce::juggle:

Because I with stupid. lol

[FafaFrappy]

Thanks everyone! I do need some reassurance! :D

To answer any questions.. I am freshly 21, with a 6 month old baby! So you can imagine how I haven't exactly had the social life I thought I would at this age. :p

The father.. Oy, it's a long story, but I will give you the short version:

We were together for 2 years. In these two years he used me, and abused me. I held my jobs, he had 8 during the time we were together.. I worked overtime while pregnant, he sat on his ass and played video games. Multiple times I tried breaking up with him because of how emotionally abusive he was, but he would wear me down and sit and lock us both in our bedroom until he wore me so thin I gave in. And I kept living like that. He was never physical with me until I actually WAS pregnant. I endured a few choking incidents, and being pushed off the bed, dragged by my pants, etc.. There was a point where he eventually punched me, and pushed me to the ground on the side of the road. He gave me a huuuuge bruise. Luckily, some people pulled over to my aid and he got arrested. And yes he was convicted. The forking judge almost let him off apparently, but she couldn't because apparently he stole a pair of pants when he was 18.. I can't believe that was the only thing that made him get convicted. Especially considering the fact that there were witnesses!! <_< The point is he was convicted and he is going to counseling and domestic violence classes as the court mandated. He is living somewhere in Mesa, AZ and is right now trying to get visitation because I put an order of protection against him for me AND Isabel, and I have full/sole custody.

He actually didn't let me come here for the time we were together. He thought it was "unhealthy" :rolleyes: That is why I disappeared.

[NowVoyager]

Wow, FFF,
Sounds like you two are definately best off without the beast. It's hard, especially at such a young age. Try and find a balance of time with her, and time without her, let her know she's loved, and all should be well. Hope the beast stays away until he's had some serious help.
take care!:rockon:

[bethanie]

Yeah, it is hard. The single Mom thing. I dated for a while a few years back, but often the dates weren't really...well, very good, and I wound up feeling I'd rather have stayed at home. LOL. I have found friends and community here though. This summer my daughter went to a sleep away camp (she's nearly 10), and we both found that a very liberating experience. I really try to take advantage of times when we can be away from each other....and I also really try and be present when we are having together time. It is a difficult balancing act. I do think it's so important to take care of yourself, and not just your child.

B