Suicide

[Wayne_D]

Has anyone here ever just become so fed-up with things? I know I do. I have to say that I don't have the guts to perform suicide, but a lot of the time I wonder what I'm doing here. This world is such an ugly one. I've seen more than enough to back that up. Also, being a veggie puts you in this strange minority (don't get me wrong, I don't regret my lifestyle one bit), and I begin to feel conflicted towards friends and family.

[isowish]

:hug: :hug:
I know a lot of people feel like this from time to time. You need to be worried if you feel like this all the time though. Do you normally 'get over' this feeling and fell like you have your life back, after a while?

[berrykat]

Please don't kill yourself...if you are thinking about it talk to someone or go see a doc. It is so not worth it. We need all the veggie people we have in this world because we are a minorty. We all wonder what is all about sometimes. please talk to someone here is a link to a number 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Please call and talk to someone. Hang in there I know it can be hard sometimes.

[ginkgo]

Being a veggie is not as rare as being extremely happy in our society of miserable people, but I love it. The more you try to be like others, the more miserable you will be.

Now step back and ask why do we feel unhappy with certain emotions and happy with others. It is to learn. If you think it is a good idea to put your hand in fire, you learn quickly that it is not.

People are supposed to learn from these emotions that what they are doing is not right, but they do not learn. If and only if you want, you can feel perfect peace and limitless happiness. That is your true nature and why you feel so bad when you are not going in that direction. See this very short aticle about this with info from psychologists.

What is Enlightenment (http://www.buzzle.com/articles/what-is-enlightenment-really.html)

[Cassiel]

Hi Wayne. As someone who struggles with suicidal ideation myself (that's this tendency to think to yourself "what's the point" and even fantasize about or even plan suicide), I am here to beg you not to give up. Sometimes it is so hard, I know! Things that help me:
1. Recognize that you are an individual who can't be replaced and who will impoverish the world if removed from it. You have no idea what impact you may have on someone today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now.
2. Look for reasons to keep going. Do you have something to look forward to this week, this month, this year? If you don't have something really positive, make it! Decide to run a marathon, decide to plant a garden, decide to make a painting, decide to start volunteering. Something that will take you planning, investment, and time to produce. Things like this keep me going over the long haul.
3. Look for people to keep going for, or obligations! I have a really good friend who would be devastated if anything happened to me, as well as family who would definitely feel the loss. I've also got a dog, two cats, a rabbit and a tree frog who'd all have to find new homes or - gulp - go to the HS, and that's motivating to think about.
4. As someone else said, you're right - you're part of a minority. That minority won't get bigger if you aren't a part of it, and if you aren't there to help it grow by showing your example to others! You are already a positive force for change by changing yourself (be the change you want to see in the world, remember?). Don't take that away from us!
Finally, if you struggle with these thoughts often, see if you can find a good counselor. Mine has been a lifesaver more than once. If nothing else, I'd hate to disappoint him (he's so nice - I would not want to make him feel as if he'd done a poor job helping me!). PM me any time.

[thelettuceleaf]

Yes the world can be ugly but its full of beauty and good as well, sometimes we forget about it because the news is just full of all the bad stuff. Think about the people that love you. Try and give yourself time to do something you enjoy every day it can be as simple as watching a movie you like or taking a walk in a nice park. Please don't commit suicide, get help. You have no idea how many people are affected by it. A girl in my grade at school's eldest sister who I've never met killed herself about 3 weeks ago. I was in shock when I found out because I know the family, everyone at school is devastated even though most of us don’t know her, we'd heard about her from her sisters and stuff. One of her sisters was the one who found her. I can’t imagine what that’s like. Anyway my point is don’t do it, get help, talk to people, try and make yourself happy even if you don’t feel like it. It gets better. And it’s cool to be vego :)

[Chrysalis]

Wayne, I have been suicidal in the past. I did not have the guts to attempt suicide either. It is difficult living in a world that seems so cruel and hard. When you have suicidal thoughts, what do you normally do to cope?

thelettuceleaf, I know you're trying to be helpful but saying "make yourself happy" is something that is offensive to anyone who is depressed and/or suicidal. At least, to me, it is offensive. It is an oversimplified solution, for a problem that is complex. When someone is depressed/suicidal, "making" yourself happy is not an option. If it were really that simple, like flipping a switch, they would do it already without being told. If only it were that easy I would have been spared years of grief....

[Hang~Ten~Honey]

Hugs Wayne. I may in the minority (or at least for those who are willing to admit it) but I am someone who has attempted many times to kill myself and have been hospitalized and medicated for it. I've struggled with obsessive suicidal thoughts since I was a child and now at 26, I still can't go more than a few hours without having thoughts of death. I never thought I would make it past 18 because I never thought I was supposed to be here at all and 18 was kind of my own cut off point. And I honestly don't know why I am still here...something always happens and I am still here. And all I can do now is try to find something in this life of mine to hold onto.

So I do understand just how utterly exhausting it can be to feel like "what's the point?" all the time -- especially when you feel so alone in the world. I wish I had something of great value to tell you. Something that could take all of your pain away. But I don't and I can't. And I won't insult you with cliches because I know better. The only thing I can do is listen. So anytime you feel alone or like "What's the point?" tyhen please don't hesitate to call on me. I can give you my yahoo id and email address if you want. I've found that talking out your thoughts with someone who understands and won't judge can ease some of the pent up frustratons and make that moment just a little less lonely. It's one of the few ways that I have coped over the years.

:hug: I hope you are getting some sleep now.

[thelettuceleaf]

Starblossom I’m sorry if I sound offensive I really didn’t mean it. I have been depressed in the past I just didn’t’ really want to go into that. I know that it’s not something that’s easy. What I meant was do activities that you used to enjoy even if you don’t feel like it. That’s what the advice I was given was and it helped. Iknow its not that simple, sorry if it came out like that.

[Wayne_D]

Thank you all for your feedback, I know you all mean well. :)

My girlfriend recently split up with me (although maybe it was for the best), my mother is an alcoholic (she'll never change, trust me), I have no job, no real prospects, I'm in a country that's developed an awful culture... gah.. And earlier I was watching the Dolphin massacres from Earthlings (yeah, I must be a masochist).. I just don't understand how people can do that. To exploit and brutalize such beauty and innocence.. Why do I want to be interested in such a world?

Call the emo police? :tired:

[Eclipse]

I hope this doesn't come across as condesdending. I seriously don't understand suicide.
Maybe if your health is taken forcably away by an illness you have no control over and you have to fight for your life, killing yourself will lose it's appeal.

[Life2k]

I too have felt suicidal without ever attempting it, so I am not being a sideliner here. Keep in mind these feelings are usually in cycles. Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary feeling or situation that usually passes. Get your mind and hands and body occupied with something that will take your total concentration, making sure it is either a neutral or positive thought based activity. "Watch what you put in your head, Fred." Don't add to the garbage pile of depression by watching the wrong kind of TV.

No girl, no body is worth suiciding for, nobody--not as long as I am fat, 50+ and green eyed!

[Life2k]

I hope this doesn't come across as condesdending. I seriously don't understand suicide.
Maybe if your health is taken forcably away by an illness you have no control over and you have to fight for your life, killing yourself will lose it's appeal.

Suicide feelings with me were when life had gotten totally overwhelming, with no hope of change, and I felt helpless to do anything about it. I felt like an animal trapped in a cage of life that was getting smaller every day, with people and situations proding me through the cage. At the time it looks as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel.. BUT this too changes.

Depression Suicide can be a chemical embalance with the same feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, being trapped, with no hope of change. Your life can have nothing wrong and have these feelings. This should be medicated by a psy. Does wonders.

[honeyfugle]

Thank you all for your feedback, I know you all mean well. :)

My girlfriend recently split up with me (although maybe it was for the best), my mother is an alcoholic (she'll never change, trust me), I have no job, no real prospects, I'm in a country that's developed an awful culture... gah.. And earlier I was watching the Dolphin massacres from Earthlings (yeah, I must be a masochist).. I just don't understand how people can do that. To exploit and brutalize such beauty and innocence.. Why do I want to be interested in such a world?

Call the emo police? :tired:

Firstly, please don't try and carry the world's problems on your shoulders. Its too much for anyone to bear. Animal cruelty, crimes against humanity and cruelty to the environment... yes they all happen and its terrible. But its worse for your mind if you dwell on them. Not to be rude, but I've been there and it makes it all a lot harder.

As per your mother, the above is true for that. I know she is your mother and you love her dearly, but if her alcoholism is depressing you, mabye you should take a step back. You mentioned she will not change so I assume you have tried to make her give up alcohol before. Be a strong presence in her life, but don't try and carry her problems on your own shoulders.


What I did to help myself out of my own depression was writing a list of all the good things and all the bad things in my life. The list of good things at the time was quite small and the bad things were many. This was a very emotional experience but it worked.

Then I worked through the list of bad points and tried to change them for the better, or for some I just had to leave because I couldnt do anything about.
I went through the good points and reminded myself about them. I gave time for friends and family. I also kept the thought in my head that things will get better. And they did.

A big memory I have of this time was when I was closer to suicide then I had ever been. But then I suddenly changed my mind. A thought came in my head... "Things will get better".

You are in my thoughts. Best wishes. :bow:

[Brandon]

Nice post, honeyfugle. :up:

[newveggirl82]

I have no job, no real prospects

I can sure understand your frustration here. When you are having trouble finding a job and a way to make a living it can really make life stressful. Please try to keep your head up though!


And earlier I was watching the Dolphin massacres from Earthlings (yeah, I must be a masochist).. I just don't understand how people can do that. To exploit and brutalize such beauty and innocence..

I saw this too! My husband and I were watching it and he just couldn't believe what he was seeing. I off-handedly said "I just don't see how people don't make the connection between this and killing cows for food." He agreed.

Anyway, I have experienced depression also, and what helped me was to find something that I enjoyed doing and do it whenever I felt down. For me, I love reading and gardening. Whenever I'm having a bad day I go to the nursery in town and buy some new flowers. Hahaha, my yard is beautiful~ :rolleyes:

Keep your chin up!

[Tom]

I can't say I've ever considered suicide, but I have had one person (who should have known better) tell me that I wished I was dead. And there have been times when I wasn't happy, I'll admit. I would be upset enough to bite myself on my hand or knuckle- (not hard enough to draw blood, but still...)

What works for me?...

Good friends. Treasure them- they're hard to find.

Knowing that bad times pass, and good times will happen again.

And please don't take this the wrong way... but life doesn't last that long. I'm almost 55... do you remember when you were in grade school, and summer seemed to last for a year, and each school year was practically an eternity, and 5 years was forever? Well, it's true what they say: time goes faster when you get older. Five and a half decades doesn't seem long at all when you've lived that long. WHERE did my life go??!!

You can care about dolphins and other animals. Give yourself some of the love you feel toward them, because you deserve it.

I really don't mean any of my post to sound condescending or like a lecture, and I'm sorry if it does.

[Cassiel]

I can't say I've ever considered suicide, but I have had one person (who should have known better) tell me that I wished I was dead. And there have been times when I wasn't happy, I'll admit. I would be upset enough to bite myself on my hand or knuckle- (not hard enough to draw blood, but still...)

What works for me?...

Good friends. Treasure them- they're hard to find.

Knowing that bad times pass, and good times will happen again.

And please don't take this the wrong way... but life doesn't last that long. I'm almost 55... do you remember when you were in grade school, and summer seemed to last for a year, and each school year was practically an eternity, and 5 years was forever? Well, it's true what they say: time goes faster when you get older. Five and a half decades doesn't seem long at all when you've lived that long. WHERE did my life go??!!

You can care about dolphins and other animals. Give yourself some of the love you feel toward them, because you deserve it.

I really don't mean any of my post to sound condescending or like a lecture, and I'm sorry if it does.

1.
I didn't notice how old you are Wayne, but when I started experiencing suicidal feelings I was still in grade school. I am now 26, and ironically while life seems to get harder (new responsibilities, sometimes fewer supports, frequently more at stake with choices) I actually feel better about it the older I get. I don't know if it's a matter of "I've survived this long; maybe that bodes well" or if it's just getting used to the world (not in the sense of complacency but in the sense that nothing surprises me anymore). Maybe it's a matter of working my way into myself, getting ok with my weaknesses and recognizing my strengths, which seems to happen more and more as I age. I think, too, that the actual increasing difficulty of life is helpful: currently, I'm helping take care of my mother who has terminal cancer, and to be perfectly frank I don't have time to think about how I feel about things very much. One reaches a point where pragmatism is the only philosophy that works, at least for certain situations.
I suppose the take home message here is to have faith even when faith seems kind of silly or even too painful to imagine. Keep truckin' - get yourself involved with other people if you can, by volunteering or by joining a group. Sometimes all I've needed, myself, is a series of short-term distractions to get me through the rough spots. Faith is easier to have when you are busy, I find.

[*AJ*]

Just wanted to check in with you Wayne and see how you're doing. Things seem any better?

[Wayne_D]

Thanks for checking up on me, AJ, and a big thank you to everyone who has replied so far. Sorry I haven't been more personal with the replies, but there's quite a bit to reply to, and I've been a little distracted. No excuse, I know.

I'm feeling a little better, thanks. Something Tom said in particular, about time going by so fast, stood out to me. It is something too short to waste in unhappiness. And although I can't promise I'll have a spring in my step from now on, I know it's not worth resigning yourself to despair.

However, I keep being compelled to watch that Dolphin video and I don't know why. Why would I want to see that horror again when it's already stinging inside my heart?