Dogs vs Cats Diary

[TONYSTAROLDIES]

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog Food!!... My favorite thing!
9:00 am - A car ride!!... My favorite thing!
10:00 am - A walk in the park!!... My favorite thing!
11:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!!... My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch!!... My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard!!... My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!!... My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones!!... My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball!!... My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - WOW!!... Watched TV with people!... My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the Bed!!... My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headlesss body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates exactly what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! They sicken me.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almsot successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs instead.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards on a regular basis. I am almost certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now.

[MZCsmpsns]

That's cute lol

[WonderRandy]

classic

[Eden]

This is soooo good!

[Amy SF]

/bump

I'm bumping this because I was thinking about it and it's really funny.

[Lynnbug]

I loev this joke--I thought I had posted it once before. But it is well worth reading again!! It is just so true.

[rabid_child]

My doormat says something similar to the cat part, I love it :)

It says something like: The Cat, Day 845: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on a diet of dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape, that, and the satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. I fear I may be going insane...

My cats, however, run the house and are far from captives, nor do they ever try to escape.

[michael2]

:lol:

[leminchyl]

we have 4 cats that run the house, too. i am pretty sure that my male cat hates me now because he is surrounded by 3 females (5 if you count the lizard and myself). strangely, the female cats like my boyfriend more than me and xavier likes me more than he does my boyfriend.

[Washoe]

The fundamental difference between dogs and cats is this: the dog looks at us and thinks “these people feed me, shelter me, and provide for all my needs—they must be gods”. The cat looks at us and thinks “these people feed me, shelter me, and provide for all my needs—I must be a god”.

[chryssiie718]

The fundamental difference between dogs and cats is this: the dog looks at us and thinks “these people feed me, shelter me, and provide for all my needs—they must be gods”. The cat looks at us and thinks “these people feed me, shelter me, and provide for all my needs—I must be a god”.

So true!!!:lol:

[Mrrple]

I am the slave to the cats. I am to be in bed by exactly 10:30pm, or severe consequences will ensue. I must lie on my right side so as to provide a nice sleeping space near my stomach, thus providing warmth for my master.

The dog is just kinda like "Yey. I'm alive!!! 8D!"