Smacking - it's not for me or mine...

[vegmumma]

Hello!

I am so angry and have to vent... I just saw an ad on the telly for a horrible current affairs show. They are doing a show about smacking children and the line was "Smacking - we all do it. Now governments around the world are going to put a stop to your right to discipline your child." (I THINK I have the second sentence quoted correctly but I could be wrong).

I know this is a sensitive subject - but - just as I am proud to be an ethical vegetarian I am also proud to be a parent who does not smack her children. My blood started to boil when I heard "Smacking - we all do it" - ERRRMMM - NO WE DO NOT! I have to say I was really shocked when I saw a recent poll that said 94% of Australian mums think it's OK to smack their kids.

There are 101 ways to discipline your child without resorting to smacking.

Have I opened Pandora's Box by posting this thread? I'd like to hear what you think...

:love:

[IamJen]

How long will this thread last?

lay your bets now folks....

Really vm, I think it is a good subject, just one that's very personal and generally results in an, um, vigorous debate here. :)

[Jynical]

I don't "smack" or "spank" my child either.
I had corporal punishment used on me as a child...

I don't want my daughter to hit. So how can I justify hitting her, y'know?
I don't ever want my child to be afraid of me. I certainly don't want her "behaving" through her fear.

So...I'm with ya. I'd be disgusted too.


ETA: However, this is what works for OUR family. What works for you and yours may be different.

[evilvegan]

What we think of "smacking" a child? Or spanking? Is this considered as the same thing?
The term "smacking" brings to mind pictures of people being smacked across the face, which is never a good thing, child or not. I am mixed on the spanking issue...I wasn't spanked, and I don't think I'll spank my children. It hinders communication, which is vital for a healthy family.

[vegmumma]

In Australia/NZ/UK - smacking is the same thing as spanking.

I know this is a very very personal issue, but I really think I will get a lot of support from VBers. We love animals, we love our children. It's about compassion, it's about thinking before doing, it's about living with passion, awareness and love.

Am I just an old hippie??? lol maybe...

[Ayrlin]

I dunno about smacking children but I like to try and smack adults who tell me how I should be punishing my child.

[janie]

I think it's wrong for them to generalize and say that all parents do it.

[Pirate Ferret]

94% O_o
woah, that cant be right.
I think theres no excuse for it.
Children become scared of not doing something in case they get hit, rather than not doing it because its wrong. great moral development there!

[ElliottsMom]

<--- non spanker here. I've seen some parents spanking their children (not naming names). the poor kid is now scared out his/her mind, and cries when he/she sees the parent getting angry.

[codemonkey]

I think when kids are very young, a quick spank on the butt or hand is a good teaching tool for when they're too young to understand things like "a hot stove will burn you" and "hanging on the cabinet door is dangerous". It's more for negative reinforcement than punishment.

Once they're older than like, four and they can understand things like that, there are FAR more effective ways to teach kids how to behave (quality time with the mattress has always been the most effective disciplinary tool with my kids.)

[Pirate Ferret]

^ would you say its ok to hit say, a puppy near the stove then?

[eggplant]

I think it's bizarre in this day and age that they would say "we all do it." Cleary, we do not. Of course we've had this debate on VB before, but I'm another one in favor of never hitting a child in any way. There are always better disciplinary alternatives.

[nigel]

I thought all Australians beat their kids. And eat them, too.

[nigel]

That was a joke.

[codemonkey]

Um, yeah probably. Not like a beating, nothing that would hurt for more than a second. Not even like a real smack that would actually hurt.

I'm not okay with actual "spankings" as punishment. Just a very quick tap to keep very small children from hurting themselves.

[Pirate Ferret]

Cant you move the child? or have safety precautions in the first place?

[IamJen]

I thought all Australians beat their kids. And eat them, too.

Silly, that's only dingos. :)

[ElliottsMom]

it's strange how the raising vegetarian children thread is usually dead until someone brings up spanking. I can't say that I won't swat at Elliott's hand if he reaches for the hot stove or runs out into traffic because he's just a baby. I think you have to have experience to know for sure whether or not something warrants a spank (tap on the butt, nothing painful).

[codemonkey]

I have a funny story:

Okay, my daughter has a GREAT (but morbid) sense of humor. We kind of have a family joke about "beatings" because people always compliment us on having such well behaved children so among ourselves, we joke that it must be because of all those beatings and then we all have a good laugh (my kids think it's hilarious that me and my husband both got regular beatings as children and that it was considered completely normal at the time.) Anyway, we were at Target one day and looking at camping gear and my daughter spotted a walking stick and very loudly said, "Look Mom, wouldn't this make a great beating stick?" then she breaks into hysterical laughter while my husband and I are all panicking that everyone in Target thinks we beat our children.

[ElliottsMom]

what about birthday spankings? I hated those as a kid so Elliott won't be getting those.

[codemonkey]

No birthday spankings at my house. We joke about it but that's it.

[vegmumma]

What are birthday spankings?

Love that story at Target! One of my friends was at the grocery store with her 5 year old son and he got a bit bored so yelled out "no mummy please don't hit me" and burst out laughing! My friend didn't know whether to laugh or run out of the shop!

[Elena99]

Birthday spankings are a really annoying tradition where you spank the person who is having a birthday x amount of times, the x being their age. It's not a violent spank, but if you have immature siblings or friends, it can be.

[soilman]

"I think when kids are very young, a quick spank on the butt or hand is a good teaching tool for when they're too young to understand things like "a hot stove will burn you" and "hanging on the cabinet door is dangerous". It's more for negative reinforcement than punishment."

I firmly disagree. All you do is comminicate to child, and instill in the child, your FEAR of the dangerous thing. You generate fear of the dangerous thing when what is needed is respect and control.

The way to handle such situation is to hug the child, to re-assure it that you are trying to spread love and care, and not fear, hugging the child whilst at the same time physically picking up the child and (or dragging it) and moving it away from the dangerous thing, and saying: that is a dangerous thing, you could hurt yourself with that, I don't want anything bad to happen to you. This communicates your reason for doing everything is love and care for the child, rather than fear of the thing. You do not yell. You speak very softly. "You can get hurt if you touch the stove." If the child is old enough you do some training in how to use the device safely.

I remember when my son was about 2.5 or 3 or maybe a bit older he took an interest in my big old chefs knife that I used to cut vegetables for us to eat. One day I saw him trying to cut carrots himself. I went over to him quietly as not to scare him and thus startle him and and cause an injury, then I started explaining to him what was going on, whilst simultaneously taking control of the knife. I just gently told him that you need to learn how to use the knife, or you could end up cutting yourself and that could hurt. I took a carrot and cut it and said "you could easily cut your finger by mistake, unless you know about how the knife can cut your finger if you don't use it the right way; if this happened to your finger, your finger would be really hurt, wouldn't it?"

Then I gave him some knife use education and safety education. I warned him not to use the knife by himself until both you and me are satisfied that you knew how to do it safely." It wasn't long before he was making his own food, with knives that were longer than he was. He learned how to cut properly and safely at a very early age.

[janie]

re: Birthday spankings.. I haven't heard of that. :stinkeye: Sounds scary.


Silly, that's only dingos. :)

:lol: