Gentle chastisement...(contains weight number)

[piratemoon]

I went to the doctor before the summer because I lost my period, and she said it might be due to weight loss. She told me to see the nutritionist at the hospital. I am booked in, but it is all a bit stupid really. It isn't till December and I don't want to go.

Yesterday, I went to the nurse at the health centre for something completely unrelated, and out of the blue she weighed me and took my bp. The bp was fine, but apparently I'm too light. I'm 42kg, and 5 ft 2.

She told me to eat more and look after myself. She asked me if I'd stopped enjoying food. I kinda have. Mostly I just can't be bothered. I do eat, but often I'll give up halfway through. Hall of Residence food is just dull, and...Oh, I don't know.

But when she said that if she was my mother she'd be really worried about me, I nearly cried. I nearly am right now.

I don't wan't to worry anyone, but I don't want to gain weight. I'm scared. What if I can't stop going either way?

This sounds utterly ridiculous compared to some of the problems that I have seen amazing people here deal with.

Argh. I just needed to type it out. Sorry if you read it, and thank you if you did.

pirate x

[writetheway]

I'm sorry :( I think, if your doctor tells you, you should probably try to gain some weight. I would trust them. And I think, if you gain a bit, you'll stop - you don't have to worry about eating uncontrollably. You'll probably be fine.

Have you been feeling depressed lately? Maybe you could talk to your doctor about that?

I hope everything goes well.

[codemonkey]

If you're underweight enough for people to get worried about you you definitely need to eat more and put on a little weight. Don't worry about gaining too much. If you eat mostly healthy food and don't go overboard on junk, it won't happen.

[Elena99]

You don't need to worry about gaining too much weight. I think you'll be fine if you add a few hundred more calories a day; you really should weigh a little more than that, at least.

Have more fruits, vegetables and whole grains, and try to find more things to eat. Even if it's dull, you need to eat it. Can you spice foods up?

[froggythefrog]

I wouldn't consider seeing a nutritionist to be a bad thing at all. It really might help. You mention being in college, though. I am assuming that's what "residence hall" is referring to -- a dorm situation? Do you have many food choices? If you could find a way to get more food choices, that would be good for both your weight and nutrition.

[taurushead]

pirate honey i know how you feel. and i don't know, if this is the same for you, but ...im eating plenty, more than my recommended amount of calories, i have energy, everythings great and i don't feel like i need to gain weight, but apparently i do? i dont see the problem and i don't want to eat even more..but i also don't want to be constantly chastised.
i think you have to accept the fact that you need to gain weight though. you just have to. i think your BMI is like..16.9. considering im being chastised with a BMI of something like 17.1, i can only imagine what they'd be saying to you. not that bmi is everything, but im starting to respect the system. you might feel great BUT..
the numbers for 'healthy' and 'underweight' aren't just random numbers. somebody researched those and decided thats the healthiest option.
you have no period, either. you need to help your body.
the main thing is though..WHY you're underweight. i think thats more of a problem than being underweight. if you just ...are. maybe its not a drama. but if its because you're too depressed to eat, or because you're restricting, or because you have no interest in food, those are issues to sort out.
does that sorta make sense?

[Dirty Martini]

You sound depressed. Have you seen a counselor?

[piratemoon]

Thanks for replying, and for the support. Today is going to be better I think. I shall eat what I get in Hall (which yes, I guess is like a dorm froggy) - not got another option really. The last couple of days I have been really low calorie-wise, and oddly proud of it. And disturbed by that.

I know what I eat is low cal (because I read the labels and add up in my head - daft, huh?), but I just don't...Oh, I don't know. I run a lot too. I feel good about being thin, but I don't always feel good. Taurus, I know I need to put on weight, but I'm scared both of gaining and of loosing. Dad'll kill me.

But I will be good today - I had a bowl museli, cornflakes and soy with banana for brekkie, felt really full and ill halfway through, was going to stop then thought "No!". I will be good.

Thanks again all.

peace

pirate x

[Libellula]

froggy: a lot of schools are shifting from the idea of the dormitory to residence halls. it sounds more "friendly" (i'm an RA in one.. :P)

as for piratemoon: honey, don't worry about "dad'll kill me." why do you think that? he probably will be worried about you, not mad.. try to eat more. if you need to see a conselor, go. they can help you there..

:hug:

[piratemoon]

Oh, it isn't that he'll kill me as such. It's just that he'll be concerned and a bit cross, probably, and THAT'll kill me. I don't want to see the expression in his eyes. I don't want him to be dissappointed in me.

Thanks for your support.

pirate x

EDIT - and this nurse phoned back today, and said that she had spoken to the doctor and that the doctor wanted to see me. This is all getting so out of proportion...

[Blue Plastic Straw]

The last couple of days I have been really low calorie-wise, and oddly proud of it. And disturbed by that.

I know what I eat is low cal (because I read the labels and add up in my head - daft, huh?), but I just don't...Oh, I don't know. I run a lot too. I feel good about being thin, but I don't always feel good. Taurus, I know I need to put on weight, but I'm scared both of gaining and of loosing. Dad'll kill me.


I don't think it's at all out of proportion. They probably see a lot of girls there with eating disorders and they're reacting accordingly. You may not have a full blown ED, but the above comments are very borderline. Counting calories, restricting and fearing weight gain are all warning signs. You should take the help that is available to you and work with them to get back into a healthy mind-set.

[Libellula]

anything concerning your health cannot be blown out of proportion. that you want to and enjoy restriction is something to be concerned about, dear.

don't worry about disappointment. they're more likely to be proud that you sought help. it isn't disappointment you'll see, it is worry and love.

[raddish]

I was in dorms over the summer, and I found that having such a restricted choice of what and when to eat reeeeally triggered me, so I started eating out or in my room a lot more- not as sociable, but it helped my ED.

[Libellula]

i eat in the dining halls a lot and it can be hard sometimes cos at home you can say "i want this for lunch" and what ever "this" is, can most likely be found.. whereas in the dh, it prolly can't be..

[piratemoon]

BPS - I know I need to work back into sensibleness. Weirdly hard, and I don't know why. So frustrating.

Radish - You're probably right. Dorms are hard.

Thanks all for replying, this is all so ludicrous now.

[piratemoon]

My Mom phoned this morning, in a panic, because she had one of those 'mumsey' moments, where she as convinced I was ill, or unhappy. She doesn't know about any of this, and, moreover, has never done this before.

I'm freaked out.

[echowarrior]

mother's intuition?

keep us posted. :hug:

[piratemoon]

I went to the doctor's yesterday, and she asked me questions like 'How do you feel about food/ your body', to which I responded 'Yeah, ok, I guess'. I do, sometimes. And I do today! I had lost a kilogram since the last time I went, and she now wants me to add snacks in between Hall food, which I am trying to do. I have to see her again in two weeks, and she wants me to have put on some weight (scarey, but do-able, I think), or at least not lost any more.

So, I went out and brought brazil and cashew nuts for snacks, and some fruit and seed bars to have as supper. I hope something happens.

The thing that worries me is, if I gain weight, how do I stop when I reach where I want to be?

echowarrior - thanks for the post. :)

peace,

pirate x

[taurushead]

pirate moon, i know what you mean, that makes me nervous too. but it won't happen. you have control over YOU. i HIGHLY doubt you're just going to eat yourself into weight oblivion, y'know??
plus..
this isn't LIVING. id much rather weigh more. life is really great, eating what i want. well ALMOST what i want, a few 'health' decisions kick me in the sides now and then. its weird how they jump out when you don't expect them and other times are nowhere to be found?! something to blame i guess. "it would be easy to be at a recovered weight/gain weight if i could eat cheese and white bread etc." ..which is true. but i COULD. even just for a short period of time . which is what im doing. sigh.
but i saw this girl on the train the other day, a good...ten kilos heavier than me. looked a lot like how i used to look, same body type etc. and she was literally GLOWING. and looked SO happy. and gorgeous, too. defininetely one of those inspiring moments.

[piratemoon]

Wow. I've tried today. I had a plan for eating today based on the DH menu, but it got a bit screwed up. I hate that. Still ok though, I think...will post in the I ate today thread, anyway. :)

[piratemoon]

Went back to the doctors today. She said my white blood count was low and my bilirubin? was high. Only a little though, not to be concerned with.

I was a kilo heavier than last time (now 42kg), and I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how reliable it is.

Argh. I'm eating when I'm not hungry, almost just for something to do. I'm so tempted to not right now. I feel so guilty when I do, and I don't know why. It is just so pathetic and stupid.

When I do eat (which I do), it feels like I shouldn't be going to the doctor's and things. I don't know how many calories I should be eating - she says that 1500 is the bare minimum for a woman. I also don't think I trust fitday.

Argh. This is all so embarassing and confusing.

[codemonkey]

Congratulations on the weight gain! (I just did the math and 42 kg is only about 92.5 pounds so KEEP IT UP!) Don't ever feel guilty about eating. (Even if you were overweight, I'd tell you that.) Seriously, at your weight, you can't eat too much so feel good about chowing down.

[codemonkey]

Oh, and when you're trying to gain weight, you should be eating when you're not hungry because you have to consume more calories than you burn.

[taurushead]

piratemoon, i know how you feel i really do. especially about confusion re: fitday etc. some counters i dont trust because they tell me far more than i need. some i now don't trust because they tell me less (Yes, i can see htat now. 1100 is apparently what i need for a day...but i feel sick on that little now!). its all a strange process and you should be proud with how you're handling it. as codemonkey said, well done on the gain.
im afraid of eating when im not hungry because i feel like it means i can't stop. is it the same for you too??
i eat larger portions now , i eat when im not hungry, i eat scarier things, and it all makes me nervous because im less 'in control'. i think its the everyone feels when they're gaining or changing habits the way we both seem to be. i think its ok though, piratemoon, because you're still very underweight and the IDEA is that you gain weight. its hard to fathom with all the weightloss press etc, i know, but keep in mind that IS the goal and you're doing well.

[piratemoon]

I think the problem is is that I know that I should be and I want to but I don't. Does that make sense? It is this whole thing of control. You should have seen me the other day, dithering by the salad bar over what I wanted. THE SALAD BAR! It is utterly ludicrous, and there is the rational part of me that says eat, you need to eat, and then there is the astetic controlling bit that says - think how much it would say about you if you could control yourself to not eat, or to only eat this today.

I'm frightened that I find excuses not to eat appealing, and yet feel like a total hypocrite because I'm taking my academic family out to dinner on Friday night.

This is such a weird place to be in right now. And I was ok over the summer.

I think it is a control thing you know, taurus, I really do.

And codemonkey, thank you for the support. I still don't know if I am pleased about putting weight on, but that is my problem, huh? :)

I feel so...indescribable, actually. Oh well...

And the stupid thing is, is that I love food. Sometimes. I love cooking it and getting new recipies, and feeding people.

pirate x