Yesterday was my birthday, & although my dad & bf gave me gifts & took me out earlier in the week, they weren't able to be around on the official date.
My other "friends" either forgot or ignored my birthday.
But I had a good day, because I had money: I bought a book on crystals, groceries, pet supplies & a bag of secondhand clothing.

It occurred to me that *money made me happy*.
Isn't that supposed to be a lie?

People are such a letdown usually, & I'm tired of reaching out & doing my best.
I think I am just going to focus on getting more & more money & ignoring people who then befriend me when I am affluent (-if it happens).

Maybe I'm too mental to have friendships, or relationships with 99% of my family.
Money doesn't care how mental you are.

One "friend" of mine says he doesn't need a gf because he gets love from his chinchillas & sex from masturbating to internet porn.
Maybe I don't need friends if money can put me in a genuinely good mood yesterday despite no human contact?

What are your thoughts on whether money can replace people in one's life, as a provider of happiness?

No, true happiness comes from making others jealous of the money you have, and you need other people for that.

Actually that kind of indirect pleasure from humans is probably a part of enjoying money, but it wasn't my pleasure-inducing factor in my enjoyment of money yesterday.

Money never lets you down.

I was being facetious, I don't think money can replace human relationships, since we are social animals and so relationships are such a basic need for us.

But for people who are incapable of making/keeping friends, could money possibly be the key to feeling good?

I'm serious. I think I have discovered that this is true.

It is unrewarding & painful to pursue personal relationships when one doesn't have the skills/personality to win affection.

Maybe money can replace relationships that aren't very good to begin with. :-/

Meatless, I was going to say that..since I dont think money would replace a good relationship with someone, and maybe its worth to keep looking for friends worth your time. I know alot about not being able to keep friends, trust me.

People are either happy or they're not. They can have a fun day spending money, riding roller coasters, going for nature walks.. etc.. but none of that can make a miserable person happy forever.

It occurred to me that *money made me happy*.


Well, this seems to be a common theme for you... that you're depressed if you don't have the best goods, the best food, the best transportation, the best material items. So, for someone like that, money is their source of happiness. It's kind of a screwy view to have in my opinion.

People are either happy or they're not. They can have a fun day spending money, riding roller coasters, going for nature walks.. etc.. but none of that can make a miserable person happy forever.
Exactly!

I think being materialistic and thinking having the best of everything, and having a "good time with out human contact" doing so is just you doing something to take your mind off them; trying to cover up the fact that they make you upset when they forget/ignore you..

What's wrong with finding happiness in material goods/money if it has never been forthcoming in personal relationships?

Are all human beings bound to find happiness with other humans?
There must be others than me who just seem to fund unhappiness with others....

What's wrong with finding happiness in material goods/money if it has never been forthcoming in personal relationships?

Are all human beings bound to find happiness with other humans?
There must be others than me who just seem to fund unhappiness with others....


Material things are never guaranteed. Granted, nothing is ever guaranteed, but material things are less so. Money doesn't always mean money. It kinda sounds like the only reason it makes you happy is because you can control the outcome. You mentioned a lot that people let you down, and that money doesn't. So, you can't control what other people do, but you can control what you spend the money on, and maybe that's what really makes you happy. Money may just be the only way you feel like you have control over something.

And no, not all people are bound to happiness in any way. That's too general of a statement. You have to really take a look at yourself and stop comparing your life to others, because that's where you find unhappiness. If you make the goal/focus of your life to be blissfully happy 24/7, you're bound to be let down because that's unattainable to anyone.

Material things are never guaranteed. Granted, nothing is ever guaranteed, but material things are less so. Money doesn't always mean money. It kinda sounds like the only reason it makes you happy is because you can control the outcome. You mentioned a lot that people let you down, and that money doesn't. So, you can't control what other people do, but you can control what you spend the money on, and maybe that's what really makes you happy. Money may just be the only way you feel like you have control over something.

And no, not all people are bound to happiness in any way. That's too general of a statement. You have to really take a look at yourself and stop comparing your life to others, because that's where you find unhappiness. If you make the goal/focus of your life to be blissfully happy 24/7, you're bound to be let down because that's unattainable to anyone.
**claps** (we REALLY need a clapping smiliey lol)
but this one will do..
:up:

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes things easier.

My family never visits on my birthday nor do my friends. But that is most likely because I really don't put much stock in celebrating my birthday. Every year I tell them not to get me any "thing" but they still do. And I really don't want more "stuff". But everyone is different I suppose. Anyway, Happy Birthday again.

Maybe I don't need friends if money can put me in a genuinely good mood yesterday despite no human contact?

You filled an emotional void with money for ONE day. If you were to do that day after day, I'm pretty sure you would feel quite differently.

You filled an emotional void with money for ONE day. If you were to do that day after day, I'm pretty sure you would feel quite differently.


i agree...a day of shopping is fun sometimes and is a diversion from your feelings and worries...if you put all of yourself into work and making money, it can become a diversion, too, but eventually you'll have to deal with your issue with relationships...

There's nothing "wrong" with trying to find happiness in money, it just won't work.

I know a lot of very rich people, and the only ones that I know are actually happy are definitely not happy because of their money. I know way too many hollow rich people to think that you can build a life out of money.

I'm horrible about remembering birthdays...happy birthday! :hi:

I don't think money can make up for a lack of relationships, but being poor can certainly make an unhappy life worse.....

best place to find happiness is within--from yourself.

and then from there, the materials that you have neither make you happy or unhappy--they're what you like and need and you could also live without them (like when stolen, as happens to me occassionally). and the relationships that you have are healthy and vibrant, and they bring happiness. They are not without problems or things that come up that cause disquiet, but overall, they are rewarding.

but inner independence is the first key.

and as you know, i have very few friends, a number of acquaintances, and one really great relationship with my husband. my familial relationships are decent. could be better--could be much worse--and so i work to make them better within my ability.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes things easier.

I tend to agree with what SeaSiren wrote. Having money makes most everything easier.

I hadn't thought about it before, but I suppose some people could replace relationships with money, but I tend to think there aren't that many who could do that.

That said there are relationships that I've had that could never be replaced with money, now matter how much I could have. Connecting with someone at a core level and having a shared spiritual experience is something I don't think that any amount of money can reproduce. Also, even when I have money and I'm able to do the things I want to do without thinking about them, I often wish that I was sharing the experiences with someone.

Humans are social animals. I concede that there may be some people who don't get the social wiring, but I think that's rare. We are meant to connect and interact, it's one of our strengths as animals.

I tend to think that people who are able to replace relationships with money might not have had good relationships or haven't learned how to have them. But that's a very self-centered opinion because I can't imagine any money based experience coming anywhere close to the myriad of relationship experiences I have enjoyed.

I do hope that you find sustained peace, joy and happiness whatever the source is. I also hope that you remain open to the possibility of relationship experiences eclipsing your money related experiences. Not so much in terms of looking for more than you currently have, but being able to be surprised if it happens.

Whenever I get depressed I spend gobs of money on stuff I don't need.

I'm not an emotional eater or an emotional drinking. I'm an emotional spender. I know when I'm spending I shouldn't be doing it and I faintly feel like stopping myself, dropping everything in the store out of my cart, and running home. But I can't. And then afterwards I feel crappy and depressed because I know I shouldn't have spent the money.

I don't need anymore stuff. I'm running out of room to put my stuff..I have stuff still in boxes I haven't used. This has caused me to be at one point over $30,000 in debt. I've been working to pay it off and pay cash now for everything. I've got about 5 more years before I'm debt free (with the exception of a mortgage). Paying cash for stuff has almost stopped the spending sprees. I still spend on stuff I don't need though when I'm depressed.

One day I was doing some research as to why I do this so that I can fix it. I found that it's one of the symptoms of being bipolar. I actually have quite a few symptoms now and have at one point had all the symptoms. I probably should be medicated. *shrugs*

Anyhow, be careful of the feeling that spending money gives you. It's short lived and will cause bigger problems down the road. I know..I'm a spendaholic.

I'd rather be rich and lonely, then poor and lonely.

Interesting topic!

A friend of mine once said, Whoever said "money can't by happiness" has never been poor!

I agree with what most others are saying. There are lots of things that can make me happier at any given moment - shopping, cooking, masturbation, a good book, working in the garden...But I would say that over the long haul, most of us need a balance of material comforts, interpersonal relationships, intellectual stimulation, and goals to achieve. The balance is not exactly the same for each person, of course.

One thing struck me about your post and some of your follow-ups: you seem to be blaming yourself for your relationships not working well, and you seem rather fatalistic about it - as though it was something you were just born with, like blue eyes or freckles. I would say you should give yourself more credit for your potential. I used to write myself off as a hopeless introvert who would just never have a happy social life. But I eventually discovered that there was a very sociable person inside me, that I had just been unwilling to acknowledge.

Stay open to the possibility that as life goes on, happiness in relationships may become more accessible to you.

Blessings, Tom

I think having enough money to meet your needs makes it easier to be happy, provided you have a realistic idea of what your needs are. For instance, I'm a lot less stressed knowing that I have enough money to pay my mortgage, utilities and food costs. And I am lucky enough to have some luxuries as well, like deluxe cable, a newish car and the extra power costs involved in having a hot tub. But I know that I could sell the car, get rid of the deluxe cable and drain and unplug the spa if I needed to and still be happy.

I think my husband has a greater tendancy than I to attach his happiness and judge his success by the number of luxury objects we can afford. But ultimately, he takes a much greater pleasure in providing ME with luxury objects, and I take a much greater pleasure in providing HIM with luxury objects. Our perceived needs would be lower if we were each living alone, but neither one of us would be very happy.

I know that my husband and I basically replaced our relationship with money over the winter when he chose to accept a high paying job out-of-state. We paid for two vacations and paid off some bills. But although I'm feeling less stress now because there are fewer bills, I still wasn't happy being separated from him, and he is accepting a job that pays less money but is permanent and local so we can be happier.

Thanks for the views.
Esp. Seusomon (Tom).

I felt bad on Sunday because I had felt happy shopping Saturday instead of socializing.
I hope Tom's suggestion that I may someday become as able to befriend people as alienate/infuriate them comes true.