:cry: i love my friends, i really do. and i dont want to come across as a freak or preach to them, but it breaks my heart that they are so uneducated and dont even care to be about the issues surrounding meat. is this the weight of being veg*n and going against the crowd?

but what do i do? stop talking to the people who have snide comments like "I like my meat" when i tell them i dont eat it? do i just sit back and let people live their lives and not intrude or do i tell them what they are supporting? most people say "i don't want to know" so i dont bother. but i'm so grief stricken and convicted about this, i feel like if i sit back and do nothing i am not truly helping those poor creatures. i seem to be dealing with this both with friends on other mothering message boards as well as IRL. i had to deal with an omni making snide comments at my house when i served veg food and then i had a friend who i really love say she would have been cracking "yummy cow" jokes right along with him.

i think maybe i should not watch any slaughterhouse/cruelty videos for a wile. my emotions are really high right now. the past two days, the videos i have seen have been very graphic and violent. :( but deep down i have a sneaking suspition (sp?) that this is not going to get any better.

I know exactly how you are feeling!! It is very hard to deal with the negative attitudes from people. For some reason, people tend to take your decision not to eat animal products as some kind of threat to their life as they know it.

People handle this kind of situation all different ways. I am not an in your face kind of person, so I make my beliefs now, but I don't argue with people over it. The people who are close to me have come to see how much better I feel and understand why I have made this decision, and have come around. My VERY omni husband has now turned mostly veg.

I would not give up these people if they have been there for you. But I would not necessarily feel as comfortable talking to the ones who have been really hateful. If this people were your friends and cared about you, I believe they would support your decision no matter what their personal views are.

Good luck , I really understand how difficult this is.

You pretty much have to find a happy medium somewhere between getting in their faces about and letting them walk all over you. Everyone picks their own point along that spectrum, but if you choose to be near the "getting in their face" end, be assured you'll probably be finding new friends soon. Consider it kind of like the Axis and Allied troops reaching tacit agreements about where and when the shells would fall so that everyone could sleep easier at night. I'll tell people that I'm veg, and I'll discuss practical aspects of it pretty openly, but I usually don't discuss my motivatiosn unless people really want to know about. but if anyone gives me lip, boy, they will find out how I really feel in a hurry. Very few people give me lip-- they mostly maintain a polite silence on the issue. I think maybe they sense it's best not to antagonize me. If they toss out mid-level annoying comments like, "I like my meat," I'll return an equivalent salvo such as, "So if I like to molest children, that's OK, then?" Toss out a few zingers as needed, but without going into it at length, and I bet they'll shut up quick.

PS: The good (and bad) news is that people for the most part get desensitized to horror quickly, and your nerves will probably stop being so raw about it fairly quickly. Some people watch the videos again from time to time to un-desensitize themselves and remind themselves why they're doing it. It took me a few months to get past the stage where I thought about it all the time, and wanted to cry at random moments, but my sensitivity faded, and I don't get upset now unless someone really wants to talk details. In fact, I had a few days where I almost forgot to ask for no meat on my dinner at restaurants... time to do some un-desensitization!

If it really bothers you, perhaps you could post a message announcing your conversion to veg*anism and all of the great things about feeding your kids more healthfully that the conversion has taught you? This is proactive without attacking, and if they don't return the civility, you have a chance to defend your beliefs.

How about responding to the one who said she'd be cracking the jokes that you're surprised because she always seemed more sensitive and polite (unless she doesn't seem sensitive and polite.) That way you are showing that you think positively of her while pointing out that cracking jokes can be seen as insensitive and impolite.

I think you also need to look at your own opinion of their views. You said "it breaks my heart that they are so uneducated and dont even care to be". Do you know this to be true or are you just guessing it to be true. Isn't it possible that some or all of them are educated, but they come to a different conclusion than you do? Even if you don't agree with their choices it doesn't mean they are ignorant choices.

I personally find that the laid-back approach works best for me. I don't preach vegetarianism, but if someone asks about it, I have some good information I can share with them. If someone tells me that they like their meat, I tell them I used to feel the same way but I don't go into details unless they ask me for follow up information. After people I'm around over prolonged periods of time see that I'm very healthy and happy, they start to be more interested in what makes me that way. I can tell them from experience that my health has gotten better since I cut meat out of my diet. Those who are interested in changing educate themselves, those who don't stay blisfully ignorant. I'm not going to try to change that.

Best of luck with your friends. I hope that you're able to find peace with your views and theirs.

I think honesty about how you're feeling and what you've seen would be good. You might make a post about how grief-stricken you are after having your eyes become opened to the plight of animals used for food, and that it has become painful for you to read callous remarks about these animals and how casually they are used and made to suffer. I think you should invite people to look at some sites like
http://www.meetyourmeat.com
http://www.whyvegan.com
http://www.factoryfarming.org

In time some of your feeling will fade. What is unfortunate about this is that most people who at one time saw the real horror of what these animals are made to endure and who had a burning passion to end that suffering fade into neutrality in which everyone's choice is equally valid (it just becomes a dietary preference rather than a pressing ethical concern), and they don't want to tell anyone about what animals go through because someone might get offended, etc. etc. All of the sense of urgency that you now feel is gone.

The thing that I've found is that you can't make someone care about something. It's just not possible.
That being true, I focus most on making myself a better person. Being an example (well TRYING to be haha). What is most important is that you are doing what you feel is right.
Don't preach- it doesn't work.. I just take things in good humor (she probably meant it as a joke). I am the ONLY vegetarian in my whole family (and my family has farmers in it). I don't argue with them, I joke with them. It's much more effective.
For example, I once had someone tell me that not eating meat makes you retarded (literally- he said he read it in an article somewhere). I it was so crazy it made me crack up..
ohh man you gotta see the humor in it. : )

good luck!

-
funwithyourfood

Wow, some really good advice and insightful thoughts.

One thing I like to focus on is that I'm not violence-free either. I used to get so mad when people would be cooking meat (especially if they were really enjoying it -- it reminded me of someone beating a dog and really enjoying it). Then I started to focus on other aspects of life like sweatshops and how I still contribute to that (even though I've cut that way down now) -- when I reflect that it is my ignorance that causes me to create suffering then I realize that those who needlessly eat meat are simply doing the same. Most people support the SPCA because they do love animals and they don't want to see them being tortured.

Then I move to the next step and wonder how I'd like to be approached about sweatshops -- would I want someone in my face saying that I'm torturing people or would I want someone to gently explain the facts and offer me suggestions of alternatives. It's hard with meat-eating because it's such a hot issue and people can quickly feel like they are being judged.

I like Keelin's advice about being proactive -- if you post something explaining why you went veg*n and maybe ask if anyone has advice for you about this (even if you don't need advice). Maybe you can get a conversation going on it. Stick to explaining your own feelings like: "I just felt that I didn't want to contribute to needless cruelty to animals" instead of "don't you feel like a hypocrite when you eat meat but treat your dog so nicely?".

It is a tough balancing act. I'm reading through Dominion (see Recommended Reading list in "Vegetarian and Vegan" forum) right now and, wow, it's astounding how many animals are being brutally tortured right this very moment. But if you focus too much on the suffering of the world you can become immobilized and then you won't be able to help the animals at all. In the same way, if you were to watch sweatshop videos all the time or videos of desperately poor people or videos of extreme environmental destruction you would probably end up in the same dark place (mentally). I would suggest you leave the AR material for now and come back to it at a later date. It's good to stay informed but not to be overwhelmed.

Hey, think about it this way. If you find a gentle way of getting though to even one person on the mommy board you will be responsible for saving I think like 40 animals per year. Focussing on the positive can keep you going in the right direction.

Good luck to you. :)

I like this too:

How about responding to the one who said she'd be cracking the jokes that you're surprised because she always seemed more sensitive and polite (unless she doesn't seem sensitive and polite.) That way you are showing that you think positively of her while pointing out that cracking jokes can be seen as insensitive and impolite.

Being polite and mature about it will (hopefully) bring them up to that level instead of you stooping to their level. Although for some people a good zinger, like Tesseract suggested, is the way to go -- but that might be best for a PM if that have that option on that board.

Oh man, I can identify with you SO MUCH on this one. I've heard this phenomenon described as "activist burnout". :) I've always been interested in activism (human rights) but after Hurricane Katrina I decided to devote my life to it full time. Since then, I unleashed all this wonderful ambition, clarity, potential, happiness inside myself, but things have gotten a lot harder all around me. When you care about something, it's hard to breathe, it's hard to live, it's hard to talk. It's true that caring is a burden.

But it's also true that caring is a gift.

You can put this into animal rights terms- I know that there are two handicapped women in East Texas right now who would be dead if I had not evacuated their nursing home in Louisiana and carried them to safety. All the snide comments about how I need to get a "real job", all the extremely ignorant remarks about it's been 9 months and it's still not "cleaned up" down there...NONE of that bs can take away the fact that there are two human lives in the world that would not exist anymore if I had not gone against the grain and devoted my life to this path.

There are living creatures alive today because of you. There is that much less world hunger, soil depletion, global warming. There are a few less dollars that have gone into an industry that kills and destroys. Let that be your comfort when you feel very alone.

And as far as what to do about your forum...I talk on another forum too and though I love those women to death like your mom forum, sometimes they drive me up the wall. They will make literally 20 posts about Britney Spears and her latest baby controversy, but when I make a post about the massacres and rapings and child soldiers in Uganda, I get like 2 replies. I remember this one woman talking about how roadkill and she mentioned her husband liked to run over inanimate objects in the road, but to clarify she didn't mean he ran over animals, she added, "Oh don't worry, he was raised to always be respectful to people AND animals" Respectful? So it's DISrespectful to run over them with your car but it's totally respectful to keep them in horrifying conditions for many months before slaughtering them unnecessarily? She didn't even realize what she had said, or that killing an animal ANY way is disrespectful to it.

Sometimes I want to slap them in the face and tell them to wake up. Like your friends, they're uneducated and don't care to be. In my opinion, this is one of the saddest factors of the American cultural downslide. Willful ignorance. As long as cruel corporations and incompetent governments control the media, veg*nism is going to be on the mainstream's backburner.

But I advise you to try your best to keep being present and kind to them. If you grow away from them, it's sad but it's okay. I'm pretty sure I won't be talking on my forum either for much longer. As your views change, your life and your friends change, and it's hard but it's always for the better. In the meantime, just respect their "views" and do your best to lead by example. You're probably affecting them a lot more than you think you are.

I think it's closer to 100 animals per year that the "average" US omnivore supposedly eats...

Great advice. I had actually done a lot of it though. I wanted so bad to send some links about cruelty to her, but I withheld. Hopefully a couple of them will watch the videos and ask me about it. We'll see....

I will say, it is soooo nice to come here and be able to post with people who share my views. I don't have any Veg*n friends in real life. I really wish I did. It would be great to have soemone to call about a new recipe or to have lunch with or discuss some of the stuff I have been learning. That is why this board rocks!!! :D

I will say, it is soooo nice to come here and be able to post with people who share my views. I don't have any Veg*n friends in real life. I really wish I did. It would be great to have soemone to call about a new recipe or to have lunch with or discuss some of the stuff I have been learning. That is why this board rocks!!! :D

I understand what you mean. I don't have any veg friends IRL either, and I sometimes find a great new vegan recipe, and I wanna share my excitement with someone, but no one I know in real life cares..lol I do have a 'special' :love: online friend who is vegan, and we talk on the phone often, but he is about 2500 miles away. So it's still not the same as having someone to maybe have lunch with, like you said.

We're all here for you Eekamax!! :hi:

-
Funwithyourfood

Sometimes when you change your outlook you lose friends. Friends come and go all the time. Friendships begin and end. It sounds like you simply moved on and now feel other things. They certainly will not change to suit your perspective or intrests-- although it is good that you are trying to educate them, that is probably not what the board is for-- I think you ought to just take a vacation, and come back later in a few months, say hi, and see if you still belong there.

http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=55062 This is a link to anything thread on this topic, where the OP says her problem is mostly solved. Just thought people might like to see it.