Hey,

I was wondering if anyone can help give me any advice on how to help my mom. She has high blood pressure problems and for some reason her feet and legs keep swelling up really bad like a balloon. I am really worried about her having a heart attack or something. Besides taking her medication and eating oat bran and soy milk for breakfast and changing her diet a little, she hasnt done anything to help the matter. She does nothing but sit ALL day playing pogo and watching TV. The only exercise she gets is grocery shopping once every 2 weeks! I wish she would get a membership to a gym or something to help her matter.

I seen she has been a lot more depressed and keeps talking about how atleast she outlived her parents. Or blames it on stress and that me and my bro and sis cause her stress. For one example all i did was sit down and it happened to be "her chair" at dinner and she blew up and started crying over it ! I just came back from college and we never had assigned seats than. I even moved! And so 3 hours later she was STILL crying and bitching about it ! I dont know what is wrong with her but i think its her blood pressure. I wish she would just DO something about it but no matter how much I tell her she won't even get off her butt and take the dog for a walk at the park and she still eats her burger and fries. At this point I am about to give up on trying to make her listen and come to the gym with me. What can I do ?!!!!

:no: :cry:

Does she eat a lot of salty foods? That's one of the first things doctors tell you to give up when you have high blood pressure. It would also partially explain the swollen feet and legs. That is also a sign of diabetes. If she's depressed, she may need medication to get her out of her slump. She might not be in any shape to hear the "Mom, I'd really like you to be around for a long time, so can you please take care of yourself?" lecture at this point if she's so depressed. I think she needs to go back to the doctor first.

Is she pre menopausal?

well she eats pretzels a lot but other than that she eats normally. And my mom is 44 yrs old so she may be pre menopausal but i am not sure.

she sounds pretty much like she has depression to me. it can be a really vicious cycle- you can start off with feeling unwell, so not feel like doing much, and then you get used to just being in the house doing nothing- so your comfort zone gets smaller, and you feel less like doing anything, and less able to cope with change. and the longer you stay in the house alone with your own thoughts and worries, doing nothing, the more bored and miserable you feel- and the more depressed you get because there is nothing to be that perky about when your life consists of just sitting in the house thinking negatively and feeling ill- and the harder it gets to see the positive side of things and imagine anything changing. i had this happen to me a few years ago, and it wasn't much fun.
she really needs to go and see her doctor about it. its also really important to have some structure when you are depressed- things to do every day, and a positive routine, including things like going out for a short walk every morning, to get you up and about and acheiving things and around other happy chirpy un-depressed people, etc. the problem with depression is that often this is the last thing you feel like doing, lol. little steps worked well for me... just trying to do one positive thing every day, starting with just sitting out on the front lawn for a few minutes, then walking to the end of the street and back the next day, then round the block the next week, etc.
if i wanted to raise this with her, i'd try and find a time when she was calm and relatively unstressed, and calmly quietly tell her that you really care about her, and that you aren't trying to nag or give her sh!t, but it's really worrying you that she seems to feel unhappy and upset quite a lot, and that you'd really miss the times when she felt happier (have examples). i'd say you'd really like it if she could consider talking to her doctor about making some changes with the aim of having her feeling better- both with her blood pressure and happiness, and that you understand that she must feel like she has a lot on her plate, and that you're willing to help her any way you can, becuase you love her and want to have her around for a long time yet (small guilt trip inserted there, hehehehe). then i'd leave it at that, don't get drawn into an argument or elaborate too much, just let her think about it. she'll probably get really p!ssy about it, but then she'll go and think about it later. thats all you can do really, apart from remaining positive- with depression people have to want to get better, just like they have to want to take their medication and eat properly to get better if they are ill in other ways- sadly, you can nag and moan and try to persuade them, but you can't make them do it.

She definitely could be premenopausal. That would explain the 3 hour crying jag. And the salt on the pretzels is definitely a no no if she has blood pressure problems.

Information will be key to helping her if that's what it is. Here's some great info so you'll start to understand what she may be going through. http://www.project-aware.org/Experience/perimenopause.shtml

I went straight to menopause due to a hysterectomy. What helped me the most was meditation and quiet time to myself. I also enjoyed being around people in happy settings. It all depended on my mood. But really listening to what I needed at the moment was critical in determining where I'd be happiest.

It may be even more difficult for her too because all her babies are growing up and moving on. Constantly reassure her that you will always love her and be there for her no matter what. She's scared and feeling very vulnerable right now I'm sure.

I wouldn't suggest hormone therapy or anything. The risk of breast cancer with most of those outweigh the benefits in my opinion.

The blood pressure really needs to be controlled somehow. That could eventually cause irreversable damage to the kidneys.

I agree w/hoodedclawjen.

Keep letting her know you love and care about her. And no matter how emotionally straining it may be on you, just always be there for her no matter what she ends up doing about it (if anything)

thanx for the advice i also forgot to mention she is a smoker so that is another problem with her blood pressure.