Uh....

My boyfriend's sister is getting married in two weeks. I asked my boyfriend to get the phone number of the place that is proving the food so I can call and tell them my diatary needs. They are having prime rib as the main meal. Three years ago I'd be ok eating just side dishes but I wanted something else. My boyfriend doesn't like this idea, he thinks it is really overly forward.

I said "Places like that get requests from people with allergies and stuff all the time" he replys "This may be a all the same order situation though. The fact that they aren't giving an option at all for what they are serving makes me think that that is how this would be, and they would charge like $100+ for some small deviation like you want. Like I could see if they were giving people options "Chicken, fish, or prime rib?", but they aren't. They are a business out to make money. Getting a new frying pan ready or whatever it takes to make your food costs more resources, and could incur more cost.
I'm not gonna push my parents if they don't want to though...... I'll inquire and say you'd like to, but..... Yeah......."

Am I being unreasonable here? :(

I'm of the "it can't hurt to ask" school.

How long have you been dating him? Do his parents know you well? Do you get along?

I figure if you haven't been dating him long and they don't know you well, it may be overly forward. Asking alone should be no issue, but insisting I think probably would be, especially if it would cost them more money. If it would, you might offer to pay the difference as a compromise.

Otherwise, I'd just eat before you go and pick at side dishes. It might be more important in this case to be gracious in front of his family and fit in as best you can. It'd be nice if the world were more accomodating, but it often isn't.

On the matter with your boyfriend, it doesn't sound like he's being very understanding. It's good that he's agreed to mention it to his parents, but his reluctance doesn't sound too encouraging. Does he have any reason to be so hesitant to just ask?

I think he could ask what the side dishes are that are going to be served. At weddings, I just try to eat before I get there and then make do with what they have. Often before the main course there will be a lot of fruit, crackers (and cheese if you eat it). There is always bread. yum. :rolleyes: but yeah, food for weddings is pretty complicated and often highly restrictive, so I would be hesitant to ask for anything "special". But I don't think it would necessarily rude to find out if it was a remote possibility.

I've been dating him for 2+ years and his parents know me well. They just aren't very understanding of my diet.

I will pay the difference if it costs more. (which I don't think it will)

Now I feel guilty for even thinking about it. :-/

Since going vegan, I've been a guest at quite a few weddings. All of them (except one when I forgot to ask) were accomodating to my meal request. I always end up with (white) nooldes and red sauce and a really fancy salad compared to what the rest of the guests get. I also ask for a fruit plate instead of cake. I'm very nice about it. In some cases, I haven't had to ask....the bride or groom asked me before I had to ask them. Considering this is your boyfriend's sister who is getting married, you should ask. If it was someone you didn't know very well, then I'd be more hesitant.

They are paying a lot of money for the catering. IF I was getting married, I would be outraged it the catering company didn't cater to the specific needs of a guest. That is their job.

Sounds like your boyfriend isn't sensitive to your needs or is embarassed by them. Tell him he is your man and he better stand up for your needs when it comes to his family.

P.S. It helps if you snap your fingers at him when saying this. :P

Tell him he is your man and he better stand up for your needs when it comes to his family.

P.S. It helps if you snap your fingers at him when saying this. :P

:yes: :lol: I agree! :p

if its a preplanned menu and you are a guest, i don't believe that it is proper ediquette (SP) to ask for anything different...it is up to the people planning the party to speak to the caterer about special diets, not the guests...i'm surprised that your boyfriend doesn't just ask his sister--are they not very close?

if its a preplanned menu and you are a guest, i don't believe that it is proper ediquette (SP) to ask for anything different...it is up to the people planning the party to speak to the caterer about special diets, not the guests...i'm surprised that your boyfriend doesn't just ask his sister--are they not very close?
I forgot to clarify in my post that I didn't request a meal from the caters themselves...I talked to the bride or groom about it and they handled it from there.

at the last 3 baby showers I attended (:spew: ) I just called the place directly, and they were really accomodating. most places like that have to work with special diets and such.

at the last 3 baby showers I attended (:spew: ) I just called the place directly, and they were really accomodating. most places like that have to work with special diets and such.
Whatsamatter? You don't like baby showers? :p
Did the people planning & paying for the baby showers say anything to you about your request?

There is never anything wrong with a polite request through proper channels.

if its a preplanned menu and you are a guest, i don't believe that it is proper ediquette (SP) to ask for anything different...it is up to the people planning the party to speak to the caterer about special diets, not the guests...i'm surprised that your boyfriend doesn't just ask his sister--are they not very close?
No he doesn't see his sister that often, I can't even imagine him talking on the phone with her. The only time he sees his sister is if they both go to the parent's house. *shrug*

There is never anything wrong with a polite request through proper channels.
Tame, what is the proper channels? I thought that I would call the place providing food? Is that rude?

Whatsamatter? You don't like baby showers? :p
Did the people planning & paying for the baby showers say anything to you about your request?

I hate baby and bridal showers. blaargh. waste of time imo. plus, I don't plan on getting married or having a child so I am a little bitter about all the money i shell out for this crap. anyway,

2 of the showers I doubt the organisers ever knew I called. the other one was a much closer friend and told her sister when It was time for her shower to remember i was vegan.

I have a wedding in September- i'll just ask the bride If she prefers I call the place to arrange a meal or would she rather do it.

It's really not a huge deal if you are polite and are not bratty about it.

Tame, what is the proper channels? I thought that I would call the place providing food? Is that rude?


that's what I did, so I hope not! :D

This is your boyfriend 's sister. I say he needs to talk to his sister, or whoever is in charge of the reception and have the place make a special veggie meal. This should be no big deal at all. In the beginning, when I turned vegan, I was afraid to ask for anything. I'm getting better at it and I find places to be very accomodating, at least to the best of their ability. There is no reason whatsoever why they can't make a request for a special meal for you. It's not like you are a stranger to them, and even if you were, the proper thing to do is try to accomodate your guests as best you can. It's not like you are going to need something that is unattainable. My daughter is getting married in three weeks and I'm being accomodated down to having a vegan cake made special for me! And this was offered to me, not even a request from me. I say go for it even if you have to call the place yourself. I bet they will be happy to make something up for you. My humble opinion, of course.

Tame, what is the proper channels? I thought that I would call the place providing food? Is that rude?


Rude? I don't think so, but typically you should ask the host about requesting a special meal, and offer to assist by contacting the caterer to ease the burden on the host.

I'm being polite about it, it is just my boyfriend thinks it is overly forward to ask for something special.

What's worse, asking his sister and getting a 'no' or being questioned intensively at the dinner when you're sitting there looking uncomfortable and not eating a thing?

I'd certainly ask - you may be surprised and find they've already organised something!

I'm being polite about it, it is just my boyfriend thinks it is overly forward to ask for something special.

I think he's being a bit silly. can you ask his sister directly if it would be okay for you to call or would she rather?

What's worse, asking his sister and getting a 'no' or being questioned intensively at the dinner when you're sitting there looking uncomfortable and not eating a thing?

I'd certainly ask - you may be surprised and find they've already organised something!

I was just going to say that!! planning ahead will save everyone (including him) the drama of making all kinds of requests at the table.

I'm being polite about it, it is just my boyfriend thinks it is overly forward to ask for something special.


He's wrong. Diabetics, those with allergies, and those with religious restrictions often ask was well.
Tell him to log on and I will straighten him out.

Tell him to log on and I will straighten him out.
:lol: