So, my boyfriend and my roommate are both meat-eaters, I am not. The three of us have dinner together 3 or 4 nights a week. My roommate usually does the cooking, but he always makes a main dish with meat, and a salad on the side. He doesn't seem to grasp that I don't eat meat anymore. My bofriend gives me Hell about it, too. He tells me that it makes no sense, and that it is really unhealthy. Whenever we go out and I order something that's got no meat, he just rolls his eyes at the waiter like I've gone nuts. How can make them realize that my choice is MY CHOICE?:grr:

I will just be blunt and tell you to stand up to him, dump him, or stand up to him and then dump him. He doesn't respect you, so you need to demand that respect.

have you said that to him, like that? that your choice is your choice? belittling or patronising someone for their choices isnt really an admirable trait. what you decide to eat or not eat really is none of his business, but i'd be hopeful for support, or even acceptance of my right to make a choice as an adult, from someone who is in a relationship with me.

when he rolls his eyes, i'd be inclined to ask him if he has something in his eye, or if he's just being very rude, right there, in front of the waiter, lol.

if they don't get that your choice is your choice, i don't really think you can persuade them otherwise. i think its more that they don't think that your choice is the right one for you, or that they don't agree with your choice to be a vegetarian full stop- again, something which is none of their business, but i think you really might struggle to change their mindsets. if its just ignorance, and they don't understand why you've chosen to eat what you eat, you can educate them on why you've made your choice, and on what you DO eat- would make cooking easier- as would your offering to help get involved in the cooking, cook some nice vegetarian food, or just cook part of your own meal- so that they don't have to put themselves out to cater to you.

I think you have to talk about this. Like hcj said, offer to cook. Just explain your reasons calmly and rationally, and if he is a decent human being he will learn to respect you for it. It is difficult for people to deal with at first, and any adverse reaction is often a result of ignorance and concern. Eduvate him, but don't push him. Good luck.

When he orders meat, roll your eyes at the waiter like he's nuts. j/k

I agree w/what everyone said. Talk to him, offer to cook.

OK, I am going to make an assumption that you are youngish, teens to twenties, am I right? if not, sorry. If so, then I can relate.
When I was that age, and had just gone veggie, my boyfriend was the same way. I think guys at that age are doing a lot of changing too, and it is hard for them to accept your change, especially if it is different from theirs.
My advice would be to stick by your choice and be consistent, and when they see you are serious they will probably lay off and accept your choice. Meanwhile, offer to cook, either for all or just a dish for yourself. Maybe they will become more interested in what you are eating, you never know.
Good Luck!

I have offered to cook, but my roommate tells me to get out of his kitchen and that he's got it covered. I've tried talking to them about my choice, I've explained all the health benefits, I've even tried telling them why I made my choice. They act like it's just a phase and that I'll get over it in a couple of weeks. GRRR! Exit51, I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 21, so maybe you're right. Maybe I need to stick it out with him for a little while longer, see if he accepts it. I don't know what I'm going to do with him if he doesn't, though. I guess dumping him is an option, but not one that I'm looking forward to executing. Why can't people just accept that I am what I am and that I won't be what they want me to be?

Tell him to stuff it. If you can't rely on your partner to treat you and your decisions with respect, he's not much of a partner. Same goes for the roommate. Is it really HIS kitchen?

It doesn't sound to me like you've been trying to convert anyone, so I don't see that you owe anyone an explanation.

so i will admit that i'm new to vegetarianism and to this board, that being said, i have read enough posts to be upset when the first resolution is always....DUMP HIM. i don't agree at all.

it just seems like such a naive answer. i will admit, since i am a new vegetarian, we still have a lot of frozen meat at our house. i am the person who cooks in our relationship. that being said, i do cook the meat we have for him, and make a veggie option for me. the meat is already bought, i choose not to eat it, but since i am a newly veg, i want to make my vegetarianism as non-chalant as possible, and at this point, cook his meat (it's already bought), and just make my food (which he normally envies). that way he has no reason to complain about it.

that being said, we have not bought meat. and in the future, i will not buy meat, and chances are, if i'm cooking i'll cook meatless menus, and if he wants meat, we eat our lunches alone so he can get it then. but it's worked for me by just being silent and saying if it's brought up, "it's more for you", or "hey, one day i might be able to eat it, but for now i can't" (um, i'll NEVER be able to eat it, but he doesn't have to know that this is not temporary). "hey, it's not effecting you, you still get your meat, i just choose not to eat it", etc... FOR ME, by not making it a big deal, he has learned to accept it.

[QUOTE=Phoenix1983]I have offered to cook, but my roommate tells me to get out of his kitchen and that he's got it covered. QUOTE]


i would say, "NO you don't have it covered. i don't have enough to eat. i'm not complaining, but i since this is my kitchen too, i will need to stay in it to cook to supplement the meal that you make".

Are you new to being a vegetarian? If so, they probably just think this is a passing phase.

Is there anyway you can go in the kitchen and make something before your roommate gets in there? Or perhaps you can go order a veggie sub (something or other) when you know he's making dinner, bring it back and then eat it with them?

It is not just your roommates kitchen. I live in a dorm where there are four of us and one kitchen, and we've had times three of us were using some aspect of it. He needs to let you.

And your boyfriend, if he really cared about you and respect your feelings and your choice, he wouldn't try to make you feel bad about it, even if he doesn't agree.

Sounds like you need a new boyfriend....and roommate!

I would first talk to him about it. Use "I feel" statements that won't put him on the defensive. For example, "When you tell me to eat meat when I say I don't want to, I feel that you aren't respecting my decision. I feel that I should be able to eat whatever I do or don't want to. I understand that it seems silly to you, but to me, it's very important."

or something to that effect, anyway. if he clues in and realizes what an ass he is being and apologizes, perhaps he is worth keeping. If he still acts immature and disrespectful, dump his ass. And as for the roommate, next time he tells you it's "his" kitchen, ask him where it says that on the lease.

Best of luck!

So I talked to my boyfriend yesterday evening about how crappy he's being. I told him that he needed to respect me and my decision, that I'm not going to change my mind, and if he doesn't like it he can go find a new girlfriend. He tolde me that he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. Apparently, the reason he was being such a jerk is because it seemed to him like it came out of left field, and it threw him for a loop. He said that he'll try his very hardest to be understanding and supportive. Tonight, he even told my roommate to leave me alone about it. My roommate made steak and salmon for them to eat for dinner, and he asked me if I was still on my "vegetarian kick." My boyfriend told him to back off, then he made me a salad loaded with all different kinds of veggies. :smitten: It was so sweet. He was like "I don't if this will fill you up, but it's the best I can do with my limited cooking skills." I told him it was perfect, then I hugged him and kissed him, and we had a super sappy moment. It was great.


:junk: <<I love this, because it's what will happen to my roommate if he doesn't start showing a little respect.

So I talked to my boyfriend yesterday evening about how crappy he's being. I told him that he needed to respect me and my decision, that I'm not going to change my mind, and if he doesn't like it he can go find a new girlfriend. He tolde me that he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. Apparently, the reason he was being such a jerk is because it seemed to him like it came out of left field, and it threw him for a loop. He said that he'll try his very hardest to be understanding and supportive. Tonight, he even told my roommate to leave me alone about it. My roommate made steak and salmon for them to eat for dinner, and he asked me if I was still on my "vegetarian kick." My boyfriend told him to back off, then he made me a salad loaded with all different kinds of veggies. :smitten: It was so sweet. He was like "I don't if this will fill you up, but it's the best I can do with my limited cooking skills." I told him it was perfect, then I hugged him and kissed him, and we had a super sappy moment. It was great.


:junk: <<I love this, because it's what will happen to my roommate if he doesn't start showing a little respect.

:spew:

The roommate I can understand, and I think you'll just need to cook your own meals (before or after he's done in the kitchen). The boyfriend I can't understand, and we'd have to talk. I'm glad to hear he's going to improve his attitude. Hopefully it'll all work out for you all.

So, my boyfriend and my roommate are both meat-eaters, I am not. The three of us have dinner together 3 or 4 nights a week. My roommate usually does the cooking, but he always makes a main dish with meat, and a salad on the side. He doesn't seem to grasp that I don't eat meat anymore. My bofriend gives me Hell about it, too. He tells me that it makes no sense, and that it is really unhealthy. Whenever we go out and I order something that's got no meat, he just rolls his eyes at the waiter like I've gone nuts. How can make them realize that my choice is MY CHOICE?:grr:

Awwwwwwww, I'm sorry to hear that you're being made to feel like such an outcast- especially by your own man, that must really suck. :hug:

I would find that very undermining and disrespectful. IMO to live as a vegan / veggie takes a great deal self control and is something to be admired in a person, not to be ashamed of. :wayne:

Your boyf should be proud of you! Stick to your beliefs and maybe sit both of them down and explain that you are serious and committed to this way of life and that its not simply a fase or fad. You could possibly show them both some info on vegan/veggie nutrition proving how healthy the lifestyle can be. It sounds like they're kind of worried about the health aspect of things. If they had more knowledge on the subject I'm sure they would be much more understanding.

Good luck with it all Phoenix! :D

Phoenix1983, good to hear that you're making some progress here. The next step is to help show your boyfriend how good veg food can be. If you like Indian food, make the drive up Route 175 to Mango Grove in Columbia. Also, make the trip west on Route 32 to Roots Market in Clarksville, and check out the Great Sage restaurant next door.

My boyfriend told him to back off, then he made me a salad loaded with all different kinds of veggies. :smitten:

Good to see that there is some progress, but I would still be worried about getting proper nutrition if your meals are made by someone who doesn't respect your choices. Being a successful veg*n requires more than a plate of vegetables, so I would recommend doing your own shopping and cooking. Good luck.

its hard to find veg guys though especially to live with as roomates or whatever... good luck, they can at least cook things not meat laden all the time

I will just be blunt and tell you to stand up to him, dump him, or stand up to him and then dump him. He doesn't respect you, so you need to demand that respect.

why is "dump him" always the first thing people say ?

i'm glad the story has a happy end, dear :)

:spew:
Oh ducati....Think of it this way, maybe now he will be so lovey dovey that he will start trying to be veg so that he can be even MORE loved by his hunny bunny!

My boyfriend immediately went vegetarian after I went Vegan he KNOWS I would :whack: :junk: