Thalia
05-24-06, 03:30 PM
I just hope in any of my advice giving I made sure not to act like any of it would be easy to do.
Ludwig had to take a job for 1-3 years in WA state, and we were going to see how things went. He's been gone a few weeks and last night even he was about to buy plane tickets for me to come out the last week of June and then was going to come to see me in September. He just bought a web cam, we were talking long distance and sharing photos with me online. He said he hoped I wasn't lonely like he was. I was finally feeling ok with it, a little optimistic, even.
But last night our conversation was a big bad manifestation* of a lot of what I hoped were managable weaknesses in our relationship. I guess the moving, the job, and my underestimation of these weakness caused some pretty bad things to happen. I've come to realize there were a lot of things he wasn't telling me about, as in not communicating concerns he had, his feelings, his troubles, and anything else he thought would upset me. That, mixed with other stuff, (and stuff I'm sure I did) was a bad combination. He thinks pretty low of himself, and I'm pretty critical and judgmental. I have a "right way" that I like to preach about (I don't do that, do I? :) ), and I'm sure that was hurtful to him.
He's a very important person to me with a lot of good traits. Rare traits I haven't known in other people. And we are very compatible But the bad has become hurtful to me. I thought things were getting better. I guess I was wrong. I know he wants me to still visit and be friends with him. I can't. I must remove myself from this.
It's so hard, I can barely type. I have to remind myself things I've told other people. Only time will heal. There are other people out there. But still thinking that with him so far away, most likely we'll never see each other again, that things had to end on the phone, is unbearable. I've spent over 2.5 years with him and he's so special to me, I don't know what to do with myself. We plan on speaking again in July, but after that, I don't know. I miss his cat, too. :cry: :cry:
*I won't go into details here.
Ludwig had to take a job for 1-3 years in WA state, and we were going to see how things went. He's been gone a few weeks and last night even he was about to buy plane tickets for me to come out the last week of June and then was going to come to see me in September. He just bought a web cam, we were talking long distance and sharing photos with me online. He said he hoped I wasn't lonely like he was. I was finally feeling ok with it, a little optimistic, even.
But last night our conversation was a big bad manifestation* of a lot of what I hoped were managable weaknesses in our relationship. I guess the moving, the job, and my underestimation of these weakness caused some pretty bad things to happen. I've come to realize there were a lot of things he wasn't telling me about, as in not communicating concerns he had, his feelings, his troubles, and anything else he thought would upset me. That, mixed with other stuff, (and stuff I'm sure I did) was a bad combination. He thinks pretty low of himself, and I'm pretty critical and judgmental. I have a "right way" that I like to preach about (I don't do that, do I? :) ), and I'm sure that was hurtful to him.
He's a very important person to me with a lot of good traits. Rare traits I haven't known in other people. And we are very compatible But the bad has become hurtful to me. I thought things were getting better. I guess I was wrong. I know he wants me to still visit and be friends with him. I can't. I must remove myself from this.
It's so hard, I can barely type. I have to remind myself things I've told other people. Only time will heal. There are other people out there. But still thinking that with him so far away, most likely we'll never see each other again, that things had to end on the phone, is unbearable. I've spent over 2.5 years with him and he's so special to me, I don't know what to do with myself. We plan on speaking again in July, but after that, I don't know. I miss his cat, too. :cry: :cry:
*I won't go into details here.