I've never given my mother a reason not to trust me around boys, but as of late (the past week) i've been hanging out with my new boyfriend, who she doesnt know is my boyfriend! and she's been very..erm, un-trusting.

i completely understand this, except for the fact that she KNOWS im smart enough not to just spread my legs for any guy, or at all, really.

how do you even get around parents? i understand she might be worried and im not saying im an adult, but i *think* i am very responsible. i dropped a whole batch of friends and was basically a loner for a year because they got into drugs, why would i do that?

i dont want to sneak around to see my boyfriend. but i also dont want to have to sit in the living room with my bible thumping sister watching us anytime we try to hold hands.

p.s, what do the parents of this site think?

also, sorry if this completly doesnt make sense, as it is very late.

Give your mom some time to get to know your new boyfriend, too. Perhaps she needs time to come to trust him. You might also want to talk to her and let her know what your thoughts and plans are regarding intimacy. You're only 15, according to your profile - there's nothing wrong with taking your time in a relationship.

Hi!

Don't play games and don't sneak around. Tell your mom directly that he's your boyfriend, tell her about your perception that she is untrusting, and let her express whatever concerns she has. And listen to what she says. I'm sure she has your best interests at heart, and she may have reasons for concern that aren't obvious to you.

Sometimes it is hard for parents to give kids more freedom and responsibility as they grow up - we spend so many years being protectors that it can be hard to shift gears and step back a bit.

For my own daughter (who is 11 now), my hope is that as a teenager she will still trust me, still talk with me about big things in her life, and still show some respect for my opinion, even if she chooses to follow her own instead. And my hope for myself is that I will trust her, even though she will inevitably do things I wouldn't want her to.

I'd recommend you view this situation not as a problem, but as an opportunity: an opportunity to share with your mom. Responsible adults talk with family members about things that affect them, and that is what you should do. When your mom sees you are grown up enough to include her, even though the subject might be uncomfortable to bring up the first time, she will be more likely to trust you in general.

Blessings, Tom

maybe try to spend come time with boyfriend, you and mom together...this will let her get to know and trust him...i think many times parents trust their own chidren, but worry about the trustworthiness of other kids...

maybe try to spend come time with boyfriend, you and mom together...this will let her get to know and trust him...i think many times parents trust their own chidren, but worry about the trustworthiness of other kids...
:yes: I'm amom and I can tell you real easy I trust my kid, its those other kids I'm worried about!

I myself am not a parent, but I do agree that you should talk w/your mom.

My parents used to have little trust in me because I didn't let them know everything I was doing, and they'd eventually find out about some things and would lose more trust. Once I started talking to them about things, the good and the bad, our relationships improved and they trusted me 100%. My mom ended up becomming my best friend even (although she was still always my mom first and foremost) and it was great knowing I could talk to her about anything and everything-when I was younger I never thought that would happen.

You just need to open up to her. Let her know your concerns, let her know your intentions. Once she sees that you can have an 'adult' conversation and sees that you're responsible, she's much more likely to trust you.

i went out with my boyfriend agian today, everytime my mom called i told her where we were, i went home when she said. she still kept being all "dont be lying!! roar"

but when i got home i called her to ask if she was mad at me and she said no but that my dad doesnt understand girls, hahaha.

the only problem now is the fact that my sister keeps trying to get us in trouble.

Just be honest, tell her he is your boyfriend. Hang out at your house sometimes also, don't just go out all the time. That way, it will show you have nothing to hide, and it will look even better to her that he is comfortable being there too. Definitely take your time going into the relationship, and it has nothing to do with your age. I am twenty and take my time oing into a relationship, and the guy I was just dating for over a year and a half was about ten years older than me, and he even wanted us to take time too. I don't know how old your b/f is, but either way. Also, if he is your first bf, this makes moms nervous as well. My mom was a little nervous about me spending time at my first boyfriend's house, when i was in 9th grade, he in 10th. And she was nervous again about this last one for obvious reasons, and I suppose rightly so, as it did turn out to be my first emotionally serious one. but I know there is a difference between being nervous and untrusting. The latter is definitely more frustrating. You just have to be honest. Calmly speak to her honestly about how you feel about the entire situation. Honestly conveys maturity. As do other things as well. You seem pretty mature. If you weren't mature you'd be quite content to sneak around and not talk to her, which you clearly are not. In time she might really come to like him though, especially the longer you are together. She needs to see in order to recognize you are not fooling around.
Hope that helps. You will do fine.

but when i got home i called her to ask if she was mad at me and she said no but that my dad doesnt understand girls, hahaha.

the only problem now is the fact that my sister keeps trying to get us in trouble.

Maybe the issue isn't your mom's, it reads here like it's your dad's and he is pressuring mom to do something about it. I'd include your dad in any conversations you have with your mom. If they aren't together (i.e. divorced or whatever), have the conversation with both of them, just at different times.

Oh, and talk with sis. She may be trying to get you in trouble because she feels like sis is abandoning her (I guessing she's your only sibling and is probably younger). Maybe include her in things that you do that doesn't include your boyfriend.

nope. my sister is 25, she's 10 years older then me, she's been purposly trying to get us in trouble because i think she thinks im a slut and thats against her religon :/

my sister is actually the root of this, since my sister kept calling my mom every. hour. asking where i was, which she had to tell her, even though my sister knew, and since my mom was somewhere with my dad my dad kind of freaked out about it. my dad hardly knows me at all, and ive never had a serious discussion with him in my entire life.

so today when we went out, i told my sister not to call my mom, but to call ME instead if she wanted me to go home.

and i had a great night and went home at like, midnight. eek.

There are so many variables to this type of situation, it really makes it a tough call. I am a mom and luckily my kids are grown and made it through without any major catastrophes. I know they did all the 'stuff' kids do growing up, some drinking, drugs, a little s-e-x (oh my) but nothing to the extent where it was out of control. My son was even able to tell me when he became active sexually, luckily around 18 and not sooner. The issue of fear for our children's safety can play a huge part in how we react to the things they do. I think everyone here has given the best advice. Communication seems to be the key. Hopefully your parents are reasonable enough that you can do this and that it's not a 'control' issue, which will make things a bit harder to deal with. For the most part I think I was a pretty lenient parent. As long as they were respectful and kept out of trouble, they were allowed to do pretty much what they wanted and I got lucky it all turned out good. It pretty much stems on what your relationship is like already with your family. If there are communication problems than you will have to be the one to try and turn things around. I don't envy you. Best of luck. Be open and honest and hang in there.

Maybe you should have a talk with your sister to dispel her worries. I can understand promiscuity being against her religion, and she is worried about your health and safety, as well. I don't know what denomination she is, but depending on how religious she is, she could be concerned about your very soul, if you are engaging in that. Not to say your actions are her business in the first place, becasue they really are not. And not to say you should fear your soul being in danger if you decide to make-out either. But there are some die-hard religious people out there who believe that. I am not saying she is a fanatic, again, I do not know her or her faith base. You both should gain some insight on each other's values, as they seem to differ. Understanding can lead to more respect and more trust between the two of you. She would ease off when you are with your boyfriend, and you wouldn't have to worry about her making an issue to your parents. I think your parents could also tell her to lay off. I mean, yea, your sister wants to help you through your growing-up, but she is not your third parent. Also, don't forget, hang out with bf at your house, when family members are there to dispel worries. I was surprised how that worked like a charm with my last bf.

lol, my sister is the biggest religious fanatic bible thumper EVER.

luckily she's been being really nice, but i know shes going to throw a fit when my mom comes home.

today jeff has to come over to the house because my mom wants to check him out before we go out agian. she said "if he looks geeky you can go" rofll. luckily my boyfriend is le geek to the MAX.

lol, my sister is the biggest religious fanatic bible thumper EVER.
ok, you said it, not me lol.


today jeff has to come over to the house because my mom wants to check him out before we go out agian. she said "if he looks geeky you can go" rofll. luckily my boyfriend is le geek to the MAX.

lol that is cute. maybe hang around a while before going out. Maybe eat a little something at your house with him and your mom. (saves money on getting a snack while you're out too.)

Yea, I kinda like geeky guys too. and guys who wear pink. i have no idea why that was relevant.

yeah, ive been trying to get out of the house as much as possible though because (since my last thread here) my ex is kind of stalking me.

and if anyone wants to know what happened with that. i filed a police report today and theyre sending it over to the FBI because hes trying to cross a border to hurt me and its concidered terrorism.

i think i might need to just start a "JINAS PROBLEMS!" thread here. rofl.

yeah, ive been trying to get out of the house as much as possible though because (since my last thread here) my ex is kind of stalking me.

and if anyone wants to know what happened with that. i filed a police report today and theyre sending it over to the FBI because hes trying to cross a border to hurt me and its concidered terrorism.

i think i might need to just start a "JINAS PROBLEMS!" thread here. rofl.

this would add to the reasons your family is worried about you and about trusting new bf...
good luck to you and stay safe!

I'm sure once your parents meet him it'll get a lot easier. My parents had to meet all of my boyfriends/friends. just so they know I'm not hanging out with creeps.

jeff got to meet my parents yesterday!

it went well and they let us stay out after midnight :o