someone goes out of their way to make a special meal for you seperate from the rest of the guests, and then they put milk in your "vegan" meal????

i ate it. i wasn't happy about it, but i did. my MIL was making zucchini fritters, and she told me she was making a seperate batch for me, without cheese. i was pleased, told her she didn't have to, but she insisted.

so she is cooking and i am working on the computer and i look up just as she pours milk into the bowl.

i didn't say anything. i ate the fritters. (i swear i tasted the milk, btw...LOL) and thanked her politely for going out of her way for me.

she knew that my new diet was "no animal products" but i really didn't want to be rude.

i was sad that i broke my diet, but i am over it. i am back home now and can make everything myself.

so i am just curious...WWYD in this type of situation. had she not been making a special batch for me i would have just politely declined that portion of the meal. but i really did not want to squash her efforts when she was already doing me a favor.

i wouldnt eat it. i mean i would be realy happy they went out of there why to do that, but i still disagree with what they used. i would thank them and apologize for not eating it.

I like the idea of thanking them and still not eating it also, but I've found people often become very upset and defensive when you do this. Turning down a meal made specifically for you that was done incorrectly because of a simple mistake seems to me to be awfully rude - yet I agree, I wouldn't eat it either if I were vegan.

I've sort of come to the conclusion that whenever you're in a situation like that, the best thing to do is to offer to help cook with them. If it's a friend of yours, they'll enjoy the company in the kitchen and appreciate your help, and you can maybe teach them a good recipe for the future. Not everyone is so aware of the vegan diet and can easily make such mistakes (for someone who uses and drinks milk so regularly, your host probably wasn't even thinking about it when he/she added the milk).

you said "new diet" ... so i'm taking it you just went vegan recently. in your case i would have had some but kindly told the person that milk is an animal product. i was in a similar situation when i first went veggie and on my first day my mom made this soup with chicken just for me ( i haven't told her that i already made the desision) so i ate some even though i was absolutely disgusted by it so i think that helped me make the change definate. i think you did the right thing and now you know exactly how sure you are of your veganism.

I like the idea of thanking them and still not eating it also, but I've found people often become very upset and defensive when you do this. Turning down a meal made specifically for you that was done incorrectly because of a simple mistake seems to me to be awfully rude - yet I agree, I wouldn't eat it either if I were vegan.



She is a very stubborn woman and would have no doubt been highly offended if I had turned it down. This is the same woman that kept asking me why I didn't eat fish after I told her I was not eating any animal products anymore. Plus, she is my MIL so it there are politics there and tension from past instances that I am not going to get into.

But regardless, I ate it and I felt horrible after. The next day I had the chance to explain the specifics of my diet when she tried to talk me into ordering eggs benedict without ham for breakfast. LOL

I like the cooking with her idea, and next time I will try that. I have only been eating this way for a month, I went from a complete omni diet to completely vegan, so some adjustment time from my friends and family is to be expected...

I would eat it and then find an opportunity to tell them exactly what I can and can't eat before they have an opportunity to cook for me again.

I also volunteer to bring my own food and help with preparations.

*I also volunteer to bring my own food and help with preparations.*

I was in another state, plus I didn't know she was cooking...we got there and she was already cooking the meal. But this is a great idea for the future!

I have already started taking small containers of my own salad dressings or vegan butter to restaurants for my meals. ;)

You were in a very difficult situation. I might have eaten the fritters, too, given what you've said. It takes a while to get used to this way of eating, not only because it's all new to you, but because you have to train/educate everyone around you just as you are learning the ropes! You did what you thought was best under the circumtances, and I'm sure your little clarification chat the following morning will help things down the road. It gets easier, believe me!

in your situation, i would have eaten the fritters because your diet is new and because it's your mil. but having been vegan for a long time, i don't think i would have. maybe people get offended when i won't eat the food they are searving, but maybe *i* get offended that they don't respect my diet so to hell with them... not that this might be the best attitude to take with in laws of course!

I have already started taking small containers of my own salad dressings or vegan butter to restaurants for my meals. ;)

i ask for oil and vinegar when i go out to eat and order a salad. i don't know whether or not you've thought of that, so i decided to mention it.

I would have said, Oh, you used milk? I dont eat milk, and thanked her for making them, and would have ate them.

I would have eaten them and then after the meal at a point in time when she was relaxed talk to her about what you do and do not eat in a very clear manner.

i ate it. i wasn't happy about it, but i did. my MIL was making zucchini fritters, and she told me she was making a seperate batch for me, without cheese. i was pleased, told her she didn't have to, but she insisted.

so she is cooking and i am working on the computer and i look up just as she pours milk into the bowl.


Seems like that was the point to say something. Just a polite "excuse me but I do not eat milk. It's ok. Don't worry about making me any fritters :smitten: "

It really depends on each person. Me personally, I would rather pay them back the money they spent on the ingredients before I would eat something made with milk. There is always a very polite and kind way to address the issue but I would not eat the fritters.

copied and pasted from another thread. This was my experience visiting cousins (who live in the Bay Area) last year.

Dinner was a huge affair at the cousins' house. Cousin Sophie apparently had cooked all day. She had been informed about two weeks earlier that I am now vegan, so she made plenty of vegan dishes that I could eat; bean dishes, a delicious eggplant dish, etc. I stuffed myself. There was both steak AND halibut. I should mention that these relatives are from Russia, and boy, do they like to eat!

For dessert they surprised me with a chocolate cake and sang "Happy Birthday". (A week early) I know it wasn't vegan, but I felt it would have been rude not to eat a piece of my own birthday cake. There was also apple pie (not vegan) that another cousin had baked, which my mother advised me earlier to try since it was homemade, but by the time dessert was served, I was so stuffed, I managed tactfully to avoid trying the pie.

My moral: Sometimes you have to compromise. (But yeah, for the future, your MIL should know exactly what you will and will not consume.)

I have only been eating this way for a month, I went from a complete omni diet to completely vegan, so some adjustment time from my friends and family is to be expected...


WOW. I'm not sure how I missed this earlier, but that's absolutely amazing! What made you turn so fast, if you don't mind me asking? Good for you! Best of luck!!! :rockon:

Well I'm actually lactose intolerant, so I can't eat something that someone made for me and messed up. I mean I can if I absolutely MUST, it won't kill me, but it will make me extremely uncomfortable the rest of the day and some of the next.

Hmmm, have you read Being Vegetarian For Dummies? I have it and I was going to quote it but I can't find the book. It talks about this very concept. I believe the example used in the book is someone making you a salad with bacon bits mixed in. I can't for the life of me remember how it suggests dealing with it though.

Brothers Wedding.

Everyone else had chicken/beef. I had a vegetarian dish. Which apparently was a cheesy rice dish. Sent it back and had the catering service make me some steamed vegetables (only thing they had that was vegan). Brother ended up paying 30$ extra. Craziness. Felt bad, but the only other option was not eating, which i was fine with but they insisted i get something.


Theres been other times where someone has made me a "special meal" that ended up having something in it that I won't eat. I feel bad for turning down something they spent extra time on, but I refuse to compromise my ideals.

I'd rather hurt someones feelings, then hurt/kill an animal.

so she is cooking and i am working on the computer and i look up just as she pours milk into the bowl.

There's your problem. Ignorance isn't a tasty dish either, but it helps me deal with these situations.

As mentioned by some other people I would try to aviod this situation in the future, if anyone is making you anything different make sure you hover because of when she went to put the milk in, you were like 'oh, I don't have milk', then she wouldn't have been offended at all.

I'm not a vegan - but I remember situations like these from when I went vegetarian. Once, my grandmother, who's very ignorant about veg*an life style in general, invited me over for dinner. She'd made us a traditional style bean soup. I was happy... until I discovered she'd used both bacon and meat broth in it. I finished half my soup and then told her I wasn't very hungry...

It is hard to find a good way to handle these things. I think the best thing would be to educate the one in charge for the cooking before that person started cooking, in a polite and honest way, but if this is not possible, then don't offend that person at the dinner table! Rather just pretend, and eat a little, or eat the bits you can eat, and then discreetly talking to them about it afterwards.

I feel bad for turning down something they spent extra time on, but I refuse to compromise my ideals.



I can agree with you on that. I don't like hurting others feelings but I just can't keep eating what I don't agree with and have not ate in years so others don't get their feelings hurt. :surprised