so my g/f mom is throwing her a "small" graduation party from college at her house in south jersey. Family and some friends are invited. Since she is a vegetarian, she reqested that it be vegetarian at least even if it wasnt vegan of all sorts. So her mom in protest since she notified people that it was a BBQ, wanted beef for burgers which neither her or I would eat.

She feels, and i agree to most points, that if the party is for her, why not make it FOR her and not catered to all people invited? many dishes can be made without a meat and people would think theyre perfectly fine. She doesnt want to feel "involved" in the purchase of meet for an occasion benefiting herself. Which i understand. They have come to the compromise to only buy humane beef, if you may call it. http://www.laurasleanbeef.com/index.php

That was available from acme in NJ areas. Anything bad about this? I mean i know the poor cow still gets killed for it, but what are your opinions? Her mom feels that my g/f not try to force her beliefs onto everyone else attending which just sounds more like a cultural gimick than anything else. Her mom is hard headed sometimes when it comes to how we eat, heatly/veg vs pork/ham/beef/steaks/chicken and so on almost every day for them.

i guess i'm lucky that if i was having a party that was for me, to celebrate my acheivement, i could have whatever i wanted to eat there. if i only wanted to serve peas, and nothing but peas, for example, that'd be cool with my mum... its my party, if people don't like what i'm serving, they can eat before they come, lol.

it must be very difficult dealing with family members who aren't so open to supporting your gfs own beliefs, at her own party, and who would rather disregard her personal ethics, for the sake of having to do something as (!) horrendous (!) as not eat meat, or even worse- maybe eat fake meat, for one short event.

i guess that i'd probably express my disapointment loudly, but if it wasn't going to get me far, which i think is the case here, i'd just remind myself that one day i'd able to move out, have my own parties, and serve whatever i wanted at them, and try and cope with it.

come to think of it, knowing me, i'd be stubborn and just not turn up, but i have a feeling that that kinda thing would cause a riot there, and probably wouldn't be worth the backlash, lol.

I had the same problem when I had my grad party for high school. I know the feeling. It's that my party should reflect me. Especially a milestone party like that. I became veg during my senior year of high school and desparately wanted my grad party to be veg, but my dad said it was 'inappropriate' to only serve people somehting they aren't used to. I was really close to saying fine, no party then, but i really wanted to see friends and family b/f leaving for college so i had it. The catered food (of which there was a pretty good amount) was all veg (maybe even some vegan). but my dad insisted on grilling hamburgers and franks. Meat ones too. He wouldn't even just make everyone veggie burgers. NEVER AGAIN. When I graduate college my party will be vegetarian. Vegan if I happen to be vegan.
There is nothing pushy about that. A vegetarian's party should be completely veg, without protest from anyone, just like my cousins' Bar Mitzvah parties were completely kosher, and guess what- no one complained. For the one afternoon, the guests will survuve and hopefully be the better for it.
I think a college grad party should even moreso reflect the person. I would suggest that you and your g/f do the party planning to ensure that that happens and respectfully ask her mom not to (how though, I do not know).

I had the same problem when I had my grad party for high school. I know the feeling. It's that my party should reflect me. Especially a milestone party like that. I became veg during my senior year of high school and desparately wanted my grad party to be veg, but my dad said it was 'inappropriate' to only serve people somehting they aren't used to. I was really close to saying fine, no party then, but i really wanted to see friends and family b/f leaving for college so i had it. The catered food (of which there was a pretty good amount) was all veg (maybe even some vegan). but my dad insisted on grilling hamburgers and franks. Meat ones too. He wouldn't even just make everyone veggie burgers. NEVER AGAIN. When I graduate college my party will be vegetarian. Vegan if I happen to be vegan.
There is nothing pushy about that. A vegetarian's party should be completely veg, without protest from anyone, just like my cousins' Bar Mitzvah parties were completely kosher, and guess what- no one complained. For the one afternoon, the guests will survuve and hopefully be the better for it.
I think a college grad party should even moreso reflect the person. I would suggest that you and your g/f do the party planning to ensure that that happens and respectfully ask her mom not to (how though, I do not know).


I understand what your saying, i mean ill have to see how it is, if everyone eats hot dogs and hamburgers and all the good food sits ill be pretty mad, but if they eat a lot of things it wouldnt be so bad. I hate the smell of burning burgers and hot dogs though , ick, and yeah i agree its HER graduation.

Her uncle is "rich" and a serious mountain biker so is his girlfriend of many years, they dont each MUCH meat, and are very health concious, would eat gardenburgers easily at the party. Her grandmom likes veggie burgers kinda and is older and shouldnt have cholesterol or fat. Same with her grandfather and he likes the boca fake chik patties. Hes even given my g/f $20 to buy him some boxes of them at the acme lol. Her sister will eat gardenburgers and her dad likes it too but he will fuss just playfully about it. Im not SURE why her mom is so addement about HAVING to have beef and hot dogs or whatever at this party... i guess she cant accept that her daughter isnt like her or thinks in higher ways than she does.... she keeps her eyes half closed all the time. I think its comical too that her mom is a hospital administrator and is SO protective of her daughters with stuff like, she tells me, Carl dont drive fast, kids that drive fast they come in to the ER all scraped up off the road. She feels people/kids die so easily in all kind of accidents and is over cautious with Everything, yet she eats tons of meat. Dont doctors/nurses KNOW about all the side effects of eating unhealthy? How can they preach making people "well" with this attitude?

Its like me telling kids to race cars then i die in the next race accident lol

I understand what your saying, i mean ill have to see how it is, if everyone eats hot dogs and hamburgers and all the good food sits ill be pretty mad, but if they eat a lot of things it wouldnt be so bad. I hate the smell of burning burgers and hot dogs though , ick, and yeah i agree its HER graduation.


That too. We had a lot of leftovers of the catered stuff. (not that I am complaining, but I had been hoping to be able to share the fact that veg food can be actually delicious (which it totally was!) and the presence and availability of the meat inhibited that. People by nature flock towards what if familiar, especially food. I highly doubt people would actually complain about a purely veg menu, as long as care was taken that it was really good stuff. Wow them off their feet with awesome veg catered stuff, not just here's boca burgers and tofu pups instead. They can see that veg stuff actually looks good as well as tastes good and that it is a lot more varied than they think it is. There are omnis who genuinely have no clue how much there is available to veg-ians.

Sounds like the mum wants the party for herself and not her daughter. A better compromise might be if the g/f wants a veg party she should cater it herself and invite her mother along.

Your GF will have to decide how much the issue is worth to her, but imo it is not rude to throw a veg*n party. Would the guests find it rude to be invited to a graduation party for someone who kept Kosher and only ate Kosher food?

Maybe it would help to share some delicious veg*n grilling ideas with GF's mom? I love to grill, and all the yummy summer side dishes to go with it, and none of them involve any meat.

Yea exactly. Her graduation is her milestone, her achievement. (probably through her parents' money, but her achievement nonetheless). What if it was her wedding? would her mom try to get her to have meat served there? Get her used to the idea now. And everyone else for that matter. Be persistent. She can even use the Kosher example with her mom to explain the importance of it to her.

Definitely Not to Beef. First of all, does this mom know her daughter at all? I've been a vegan for only a scant few months, and no way would she serve meat at any event where I was the main focus. We're actually co-conspiring for my 22nd to trick everybody with all fake meat.

If the mom's paying for it, there's not much that your GF could do I suppose. Her mom should make sure there's a wide variety of veggie stuff available for her (I think somebody posted a little while ago about a party "for her" that only had one thing that she could eat... that's cold). But so long as there's a lot of veggie stuff around, there are worse things.

That said, I have to wonder about their motivations. If it's a party for their daughter, why not respect her wishes? If it's a gift for her, why do they need something for themselves in it? Do they view it as something they're doing for their daughter or as just an excuse to do something fun? I'm sure the party would be a lot better for your GF if there were no meat.

Her mom can't just throw some veggie burgers on the grill for those who are veg*n? How hard could it be, really? Could you and your girlfriend make some awesome veggie dishes and have those for you guys and whoever wants it and then grill some veggie burgers/hotdogs.

The party shouldn't be about the food, anyway. It's the celebrating and friends/family getting together.

If the mom's paying for it, there's not much that your GF could do I suppose.

My dad pays for my groceries, that doesn't mean I have to go to a little store where I'd be lucky to even find a Boca Burger.

I never will understand that attitude that everyone will die if they go for even one little meal without meat. I think it's ridiculous. That said, if your girlfriend's parents paid for her to go through school and are paying for and hosting the party, I guess I can sort of understand their attitude. Maybe they feel like their daughter's success was partially due to them and they "deserve" some sort of recognition as well. At least, I have seen plenty of parents who brag about their children's achievements as if they were their own achievements. I mean no offense by that but that's my take on the situation.

Oh right and I'm going to face this attitude myself in the future. I told my mom that when I get married (whenever that is!) That I want the food to all be veggie. She said something to the effect of that being very rude to the guests. I told her if her tastebuds are more important to her than seeing her daughter get married, that nobody is forcing her to go to it. lol.

In my opinion, it is extremly rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful to hold an event for someone and include something that person it morally opposed to.

The dissapointment of the people coming to the BBQ and finding there was no meat isn't comparable to the dissapointment of a vegetarian knowing that the killing of animals was subsidized in her "honor".

Maybe you should print out these responses and give them to your g/f's mom so she understands the veg*n way of thinking.

I totally agree with starblossom about the future wedding.

And with Hummus on that whole post.^^

In my opinion, it is extremly rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful to hold an event for someone and include something that person it morally opposed to.

The dissapointment of the people coming to the BBQ and finding there was no meat isn't comparable to the dissapointment of a vegetarian knowing that the killing of animals was subsidized in her "honor".

Maybe you should print out these responses and give them to your g/f's mom so she understands the veg*n way of thinking.

Exactly. It's as though people think that just because they don't agree/understand your ethics, they don't have to respect them.

I am going to play devil's advocate a little......
So why is it disrespectful for them not to abide by the vegetarian lifestyle, and not disrespectful of vegetarians to not provide the kind of food people invited will eat? I think its a two way street. If you wish them to respect your lifestyle you have to respect theirs right back. If you are inviting people into your home for a large event such as this I feel it is not hospitable to provide food for everyone, veg and omni.........They are there to have fun, socialize, and enjoy a meal, i feel if there are options for EVERYONE there is nothing wrong with that.

But a gathering like that should reflect the values of the one of whom it is in the honor. It is no different from a family hosting their son's Bar Mitzvah serving a Kosher meal, because that is what they believe, even though there could be non-Kosher people attending, as well as non-Jews. When my family (Catholic) went to my cousin's (she converted) son's Bar Mitzvah party, we were all just fine with the fact the meals were Kosher and no one was bothered by it at all. No one lamented that there should be a roast beef and cheese hero or anything. (Kosher does not serve meat and dairy together, for anyone unfamiliar.) As long as it is a nice party (which it was), and the food is very good, (which it was- there was even a really good veg entree for me and my aunt and uncle who are veg) people won't mind. You just need to make sure the food is really really good, because let's be honest when people hear "vegetarian food" they think flavored cardboard 'au derves' (I do not know the real spelling- please correct that someone) or something.

As long as it is a nice party (which it was), and the food is very good, (which it was- there was even a really good veg entree for me and my aunt and uncle who are veg)

You just made my point again for me! The hosts of that party were NOT veg but they provided you and your aunt uncle with a veg meal, so I say people invited to a vegetarians party should have an omni meal served to them if they are omni.
it seems a lot of veg would like to be accomodated at functions but do not wish to extend the same courtesy to their omni guests. seems hypocritical to me.

Because one "lifestyle" is about compassion for all animals, and the other "lifestyle" is about what one is accustomed to, and involves KILLING. It's not like both "choices" have equal ramifications.

well then you are telling the omni relatives they are wrong and you are morally on the high ground with your lifestyle. not everyone feels as we do about animals, unfortunate as that is. I just dont think a party with relatives and friends is the place to walk the ethical highground coming off as if their lifestyle choices are wrong and bad. just my 2 cents.

Evere hear the saying "He who pays the piper gets to call the tune."

Yup. Pipered.

when i was pregnant with our son, my mil threw me a baby shower and there was NOTHING i could eat...not evena carrot stick--nothing...i found it insulting...the party was supposedly for me, so wouldn't i come to mind when planning the menu?...personally, i do not find it offensive to have an omni dish and a vegetarian dish at such a function (i'm just so used to it beacuse my husband and i both have big families with just a few vegeatarians), but to ignore the beliefs and diet of the guest of honor completley is just wrong...
that's my rant on the subject...

This has been said before in other posts, but I think it really is true: Omni's don't JUST eat meat, they eat plenty of other things as well, so it's not offensive to have potato salad, pasta dishes, vegetable lasagnas or cassaroles, fruit dishes, ect. It's not like they won't have anything to eat, just not any meat. They don't have any ethical or moral beliefs being comprimised by not having meat at the party, where the vegetarian would by having it there.

It's not saying, "I'm better than you because this is what I believe." She's not announcing that she's vegetarian with a huge banner and telling everyone at the party her beliefs, some people may not even notice that there isn't any meat there.

I don't think vegetarians should have to serve meat at a party where omni's are invited because meat isn't the only thing they eat. I don't think it's a two-way street in that respect.

I say buy boca burgers and morning star hot dogs and insist they are meat. if u smother them with ketchup and mustard you cant tell the dif. my cousin told me that was the best hotdog she'd ever tasted not knowing it was veg. if someone comments they taste kinda funny say "well they're generic (not brand name or from aldi) what do u think i'm made of money?"